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Day 50 - Sign me up for Crazy town. WOO WOO - the train is pulling out now!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I have taken to getting angry at fatty carby bad food - not angry at myself for eating it but glaringly angry at that evil, sinister, fat producing, carb laden comfort food that looks at me with its neon EAT ME sigh flashing at me until I get mesmerised by it.

The first and second bite is bliss - its just like a big warm hug.

And then the guilt sets in - of course I am so swoony and aaaarrrghhh (picture Homer SImpson, donuts and a comatose look on his face as the drool drips down his chin - pretty ain't it) it doesn't make a big dent in my enjoyment.

But it's persistent and for a split second willpower starts barking at me.

So - I have a choice - finish it ornot. But if I just put it down and step away it'll still be smirking at me from across the room, winking at me like a $10 dollar hooker, promising a good time.

So - I have been taking a different approach.

I grab onto that lifeline that willpower is throwing me, lurch up off the lounge and walk - I have actually been known to RUN sometimes - to the trash can in the kitchen.

I jam the food down into that bin - not just a light toss on top because I have to admit I have on the odd occasion retrieved something after doing that (yes I admit it – Pizza) - but I push it deep down into the trashy grossness, making sure it is far enough down that it is no longer appealing to eat at all.

I then majestically rise, head help high, point my finger at the offending item, give it a nice-try-but-no-cigar look and say words not allowed to be typed here - lets just insert "Screw YOU!" and I will let you guess.

Because that little “dance” jolts me out of my eating coma I suddenly wake up and whilst yes I have eaten a little of something bad for me I actually feel good because I took control.

The secret is just for a split second steeling yourself and using that under exercised will power to get you to the trash can - from there its easy.

I have no problem with wasting food when its food that's evil and bad for me. None what so ever.

So yes - if you managed a visual of that - especially the part where I am standing tall and smug and pointy at the trash can - please feel free to call the crazy town police to get them over to my place.

No need for an address - just tell them to look for the guy who is yelling at the cupcake!

Spark on


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKINNYPOWELL1 1/26/2011 3:35PM

    Loved your blog, funny, funny. I've stuck it way down inside the ucky trash on occasions. Crazy train stops at my place too. Great sense of humor about it all, good job. emoticon

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HALFFAST 1/26/2011 3:13PM

    Why, oh why, do I keep finding these blogs AFTER I lost the fight with that %$#@& cookie!

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PILLOWFOOL 1/24/2011 3:33AM

    this reminds me of a scene from Sex and the City where Miranda, having eaten almost an entire cake, puts it into the trash and sneaks a bite out, then pours dish soap all over it to make sure she won't eat it.

dude, I've done it too. I'm also known to pour salt or water all over my plate if I've decided that I need to stop eating but can't seem to keep my fingers. off. my. food.


hahahahah - it happens. thank GOODNESS for bursts of will power :)

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JAMARIGOLD 1/23/2011 11:19PM

    Thanks for your post. Brightened up my evening considerably! emoticon

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JAMARIGOLD 1/23/2011 11:17PM

    Thanks for your post. Brightened up my evening considerably! emoticon

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KLS777 1/23/2011 3:13PM

    LMAO! I got a great visual on this, I hear the whole Homer Simpson thing, I tend to do that when I go past the Kebab King in town! DH and I always give in and get a Doner Kebab, no cheese, and get it cut in half and have half each, probably eat about 6 in a year, so I guess that's not too bad, but never can resist the temptation! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/23/2011 3:13:52 PM

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REALLYHOPIN 1/23/2011 8:04AM

    Okay hon... let me take you for a little walk through the grocery store with me...

I walk in... go to the left... we are in veggie and fruit town. It's a happy place. I can pick up all my little friends and put them in my basket so I can bring them home with me... as I continue my way up the side and around the corner we come to garbage town (aka the bakery)... now I am barraged with the sweet smells of yesterdays comforts. The decadent brownies with their chocolate frosting sit on the counter just begging me to pick them up again. I remember the days when I would put them in the basket and they wouldn't even make it home, I'd be gorging myself with them in the parking lot... wow... it wasn't that I was starving to death, it was that I needed them, like a junkie who needs his next fix....

I bring myself back to where I'm standing and move those feet, one foot in front of the other, push myself over to pick up some whole grain bread and keep moving. Hey... there's the deli... and the hot food bar... it really doesn't smell that great... it kind of smells bad actually... but those deep fried delectables sit there... they scream "Hey! Remember us? There's a mushroom under all this fat laden breading! Really, there's 'some' nutritional value here. Really, there is. It's okay! Take me with you! I want you to eat me!"

Feet don't fail me now... they sound reasonable but I know it's a lie!... now we are at the first aisle... all candy... just skip it... don't look... don't listen... just walk...

on to cereal... gasp... there's a LOT of garbage here... just pick up your oatmeal and maybe a box of something with whole grains, but be careful because you know you might sit down and eat 2 or 3 servings of that cereal at one time... the garbage isn't hard to pass anymore...

next aisle... cookies and crackers... lots of garbage here too... triscuits... maybe wheat thins... pretty much the only thing I'll pick up here... for a "treat" grab the cheerio bars and take them home to SHARE with the kids... pass the garbage... wow there's a LOT of pretty garbage on the shelves...

baking aisle next... do I need olive oil or olive oil spray? I haven't started baking healthy stuff yet so I can pretty much pass this aisle...

pasta and salad dressings... there's other stuff in this aisle too... but I don't even see it... do I need my salad dressing today? remember the days of pasta... lasagna, stuffed shells, spaghetti with meatballs... oh well... I still eat my homemade meatballs now and then...

random aisle... pick up a box... read the ingredients... is it healthy or is it garbage? garbage in - garbage out.... garbage stays out... healthy in - healthy out... the healthy stuff can come home with me...

the whole store is classified into two groups: healthy or garbage.

Garbage does a LOT of talking... The healthy stuff seems to know how to keep silent. I guess when you are good, you naturally don't have to scream for attention...

I have to leave the garbage at the store... I cannot trust myself to bring it home...

~ keep on being good to yourself
~ Barbara

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NEDYFAY 1/23/2011 6:20AM

    "But if I just put it down and step away it'll still be smirking at me from across the room, winking at me like a $10 dollar hooker, promising a good time."
Best mental image I have had all week. Thanks for the laugh!

And I might just adopt your crazy approach; it sounds like JUST the kind of thing that would work for me. So see you in crazy town!

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WENDYJM4 1/23/2011 3:48AM

    HI David,
I did get your visual, I promise not to call the police LOL. I know the feeling of evil food and the power it can have on you. It is getting easier for me as I am on a low sodium diet so don't like the taste of most of these foods anymore. emoticon emoticon

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PEGGIET 1/23/2011 3:17AM

    So, why is it that on a weight loss website, we get advertising for these evil foods?? Cupcakes, Arabian sweets (I love those darned things!!) and .... Just can't get away from them all!!

You have reminded me of some quotes that are being shared in another team, one in particular -

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber

Comment edited on: 1/23/2011 3:26:16 AM

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NEVERMIND2010 1/23/2011 2:47AM

    I got your visual. LOL

Trash that bad stuff!!

(I just walked away from a box of donuts some ogre brought in to the office. They were all flourescent-colored, so that helped. Ugh.)

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Day 49 - Blog blah and 5-HTP

Friday, January 21, 2011

Have been sitting here trying out a few blog topics and nothing is inspiring me.

After the last few days massive blogs perhaps I have finally hit my blog wall - anything I write and then reads feels about as interesting as a toasted cardboard sandwich!

In fact my last attempt was so describe how annoying the microwave beeping at me was - you see what I mean - now wouldn't THAT being fascinating reading!

So - short and sweet.

A few people have asked about my progress with the 5-HTP - over the counter product that is gaining a reputation as an excellent alternative to anti depressants.

Its been 12 days and - awesome.

I feel lighter, I wake up with more energy and a more positive outlook.

Because I have been in a better mood and sleeping more soundly food control has been much easier - amazing how your willpower can win over when you are not tired and moody.

I don't quite know how to explain it - perhaps being present in the moment is the right way. Simply a consistently more positive feeling about things.

And I have had a few very stressful days with work but even so I haven't felt the need to turn to food and I am able to pull myself out of the stress pretty quickly and move on - unusual for me to say the least.

So yes - seems like we may have found a winner:)

Have a great spark day all:)


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REALLYHOPIN 1/23/2011 8:07AM

    thanks for the update... this is a drug that I've been watching and considering for a couple of family members (not that I could get them to actually take it)...

glad you are having success with it...

~ keep on being good to yourself
~ Barbara

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NEVERMIND2010 1/22/2011 11:33AM

    Super fantastic!

(You did mention toast, in a way. Not a very appetising way. :P )

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FLUFFYSUE1 1/22/2011 6:24AM

    I'm glad your finding a way to help your depression just take one day at a time and great things will happen to you.

Good luck.

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PILLOWFOOL 1/22/2011 1:55AM

    so, so glad it's helping you to feel better and more alive! :)

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PEGGIET 1/22/2011 1:51AM

    I'm glad it is doing the trick for you!!

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WENDYJM4 1/22/2011 1:02AM


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JANTWO 1/22/2011 1:01AM

    Thank you for sharing this. I have not heard of 5-HTP.

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Day 48 - Why so Serious?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A good Sparkfriend of mine mentioned something recently about how much we tend to beat ourselves up if we don't meet a goal or hit a target...

Mmm – so what? That doesn't mean you won't does it? It doesn't mean you have given up does it? – you're just waiting a day or 2 or a week or month until the time is right is all.

Missing a goal does NOT mean you have failed – it simply means you were not ready QUITE yet to get there.

Remember this journey SHOULD be a committed, focused push towards our goal of a healthier lifestyle.

BUT it should also be enjoyable – it should put a big fat smile on your face to know that no matter what you are building the new home that you will live in.

Whether its the physical foundations of your body, the mental roof of your house that will protect you no matter what or the spiritual nails and screws and glue that will hold this all together – it has to be fun or you will never make it.

Plaster a big happy grin on your face because what you are doing IS life changing - and if you don't have a big happy grin handy – take one if mine.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PILLOWFOOL 1/22/2011 1:54AM

    thank you my dear, I needed this blog. (and now I am smiling) :)

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DUTCHPETE641 1/21/2011 8:38AM

    Why did that make me grin??


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ISLANDBETH 1/21/2011 1:11AM

    David, excellent point. I try (*TRY*) to keep positive self talk and encouragement, but it can sometimes be hard to hang on to it if I have missed a goal, especially if I haven't hit one in a few times. But I keep going because no matter what else happens, I *KNOW* I am getting more physically fit, with more stamina and strength than ever before in my life.

Thanks for a great post!

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NEVERMIND2010 1/21/2011 1:01AM

    I needed a smile, thank you!!

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PEGGIET 1/20/2011 11:40PM

    Ya got ME grinning now!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Thanks!!! Have a great day yourself!!

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JEAN111766 1/20/2011 10:32PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JHADZHIA 1/20/2011 9:27PM

    emoticon I wouldn't be exercising if I didn't think it was fun :)) Just got to find what gets your mojo going!!

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WENDYJM4 1/20/2011 6:02PM

    emoticon You are so right. I used to do that but now if I have a small week I know that next week should be better and that makes it so much easier. I am still smiling from earlier in the week. emoticon

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RAVENSTORM27 1/20/2011 3:20PM

    emoticon We can be SO hard on ourselves and to what end? To make ourselves feel bad? Pffft...stand up, dust-off, adjust your plans/goals accordingly and move on!

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Day 47 - QUIT day approaches

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Whilst I have mentioned this to a couple of people on the quiet its time to announce it to more people.

From February 1st, I will be a non smoker.

Big deal some of you say? Hmmm - yes it sort of is.

I started smoking when I was the ripe old age of 14 - that’s mmfnmfd years of smoking. Sorry? - oh - mmfnmfd years ago.

No I am not mumbling - you are not hearing. MMFNMFD years ago.

OK OK - 35 years AGO!

It was the 70's, John Travolta was sexy as, guys wore platforms because they were fashionable not because they were short, hair was shoulder length, smoking was cool and a pack of cigarettes was around 25 cents

My sister - 26 - was living the life in Sydney. She and her so so hip friends would sometimes come home to visit and plumes of smoke would follow them around as they visited wineries and appeared to be oh so Sydney chic.

So at the ripe old age of 14 I decided I HAD to be as cool as my sister (yes I blame her and let her know this frequently) so I hid in the toilets of the shop my mother owned and lit my first cigarette. I don't remember it being foul at all - just difficult to master.

But I persisted – the summer of 75/76 I started to go to the swimming pool every day - Mum and Dad were perplexed but happy that I had decided to do some exercise which would help lose some of my ever increasing weight. Pfffft – as if I was going there to SWIM! I would sit on the grass and practise smoking – slowly but surely practising the art of the drawback until I wasn't coughing up my guts every second inhale – I could even blow a few smoke rings – now THAT was cool!

My persistence paid off and within a couple of years I could smoke most of my school friends under table - cool right - yep - I know - TOTALLY cool!

Smoking became part of who I was and I was soon up to 25-30 a day quite comfortably. As prices went up and warnings started to emerge it had no affect apart from me cursing the government for taking even more money off me.

In my 20's the studies started to get headlines and it seemed that smoking - whilst still VERY cool – maybe..well...was...sort of bad for you.

Not long after this restaurants started to having non smoking sections (at first these were a couple of tables hidden at the back) and our workplace became somewhat smoke free. Prior to that you could smoke away at your desk quite happily - ahh yes those were the days!

Smoking rooms became popular - at our offices the smoking room consisted of a table the size of a large desk, a clunking extractor fan and a permanent haze of smoke. Once more than 4 people got in the room the 5th and 6th could enter for free and not even have to light up - they just had to breathe in the clouds of smoke - bargain!

Then came the time that smokers started to be banished to the outdoors - workplaces became smoke free and restaurants also. Huddles of smokers would gather outside - quite often the restaurant had more people outside than inside. Back then the huddles of smokers were the fountain of knowledge – this hourly retreat would always surface up some new gossip or fact that was privy only to that elite band of smokers. If you wanted know whether the boss was having an affair with the receptionist – just ask a smoker.

Around this time things started to shift - initially I would get up from the table at the restaurant to go for a ciggie and at least half of the table would exit. Then it became a quarter, and then perhaps one other person occasionally. Eventually a smoking buddy was like finding a nugget of gold in a long since dead goldmine.

Disdain soon became the order of the day. I would find any excuse to leave a social setting - hmm just have to make a call, go to the bathroom, adjust my junk, pull up my socks, ooohhh look outside - its a rare white warbler - I must check it out! - eyebrows would arch and eyes would roll as I exited the room and fled outside to my one true friend - the cigarette.

Bars and pubs resisted for many years and only at the start of this decade did they also push the smokers outside. Graphic pictures of lungs and arteries and parentless children appeared on cigarette packs and newspapers shouted the dangers from every page.

As you can imagine by this stage my head was buried so deep in the sand all you could see were the soles of my shoes.

Side note - if its so bad for you why not just ban it – ahhh yes – the revenue. Revenue from smoking taxes still props up the school system and several other key public needs. For those people who curse smokers putting a strain on the health system please be assured that I have paid for any required medical treatment 10 fold or more.

A packet of cigarettes which used to be small change in your packet and now hits around $15 per packet – a carton of cigarettes in Australia is becoming a major dent on your pay cheque.

Ha! I'll show the government – I'll move to the Middle East where a pack of ciggies is 20% of the price and you can still smoke indoors – well - in a few places anyways. So there!

Right then – time for some statistics – ahh yes I just LOVE this part!

Money spent on cigarettes over 35 years – just over $180,000 based on inflation

Number of cigarettes consumed – approximately 320,000

Time spent smoking (at 5 minutes per ciggie) – just over 3 years– continuously

If laid end to end how far would the number of cigarettes I have smoked stretch? I'll put it this way – jogging at 10 k's an hour it would take you over 4 hours to run the distance.

Weight of tobacco smoked – 687 lbs/312 kilos

Impressive huh – and who says I can't apply myself when I want to!

But – in a few short days – these statistics will stop mounting up and I will be free of yet another demon.

For those of you who are concerned that I am giving up too much too quickly please be reassured – I have been planning this for about a month and am lining up my ducks in a row to give me the best possible chance of success.

And if Feb 1st comes and I do not feel ready I will wait a couple of weeks and start then. Not because I am scared to stop but, because I am committed to succeed.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYJM4 1/21/2011 10:27PM

    wow good on you David. emoticon. I am so glad I stop a long time ago. I think I was around 19. when I did this. Good luck with the next stage in your life. emoticon

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ISLANDBETH 1/21/2011 11:22AM

    Hi David, this coming Thursday is my two year anniversary of quitting a 22 year, 2 pack a day habit. I KNOW how hard it is... anyone who tells you it isn't hard is either lying or was never really addicted. Just know that it will get better. I think the third and fourth days are actually the worst and after that, you will get a little better every single day until one day, you will realize that you don't feel like a miserable piece of you know what and you think you might live! I know you can do this, and if you need any support, please ask....

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    Good for you!!! You can do it, it sounds like you want to quit. Yes, I too was once a smoker, for the better part of 20 years. And yep, it was to be cool in the 70's when I started as well.

You have the right approach, I too had a plan to quit which started with buying packs not cartons and buying all the patches ( I am far too cheap to spend money on something I won't use). I too announced to the world I was quitting, not that I was TRYING to quit.

Best of luck to you. I won't lie, it was hard to quit, but of all the things I have done in my life, that is truly the one I am the happiest about!

Terri =)

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JEAN111766 1/21/2011 9:06AM

    Hello my SparkFriend!!! I am SOOO Happy for you that you are making this most difficult decision to better yourself!
This truly is the year of change... and we are doing it! Both with our weight... you with your smoking and me with getting my finances to a healthy state.
This will be our year to celebrate!!!
Just remember... one day/ one hour/ one minute at a time!
For each cigarette... come up with a "just do it" motto... instead of smoking just one cigarette... eat one piece of fruit, or do 5 jumping jacks... next time you get a craving... do one more round of jumping jacks or go up and down a flight of stairs... make yourself think about how to improve your lung health instead of adding more tar to them.
YOU CAN and I KNOW YOU WILL be successful!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DUTCHPETE641 1/20/2011 10:30AM

    Don't give up when other people want you to. You know best when you are ready to stop.
I hope you can do it mate!

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DOING_IT_4ME 1/20/2011 8:34AM

    Recently I threw away the nasty little things myself. I have been smoke free for 3 months. Not a long time but long enough that I no longer have every day cravings. I smoked for 34 years. Started when I was 12. When I do have the urge to light up I have coffee. Its the only thing that takes the urge away. Sure the first week I was fine, the second week I had cravings every single day, ended up with way too much caffiene. But by the third week it was definitely worth it.

After just 3 months of being smoke free I can play longer with my grandchildren, spend more time outside in the cold, exercise longer most importantly I can actually BREATHE better.

You can do this!

Comment edited on: 1/20/2011 8:35:17 AM

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JHADZHIA 1/20/2011 7:52AM

    I wish you all the best with this David. Its the single most important thing you can do for your health. Beware the carb cravings. They increase with the absence of cigarettes. This is why smokers gain weight. To get that feel good feeling again, they eat more carbs instead of smoking a cigarette. This is because carbs and cigs increase serotonin uptake...
Will be hear cheering you on..

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GENFINCH 1/20/2011 6:36AM

    I must have quit and re-started six or seven times and am sort of half-smoking again, through the bad influences of a sort of half-smoking friend and of course my own lack of willpower when it comes to saying no.
I started when I was 16 and I'm nearing twice that age now. I don't know about Dubai, but here, the fags are about the equivalent of 1€ a pack, compared to I think about 6€ back home these days. Very tempting, despite the dire warnings on the packs.
But I think after reading your blog (and finding that I REALLY don't want to calculate my own statisics, even though they are likely to be lower) I'll give it another try.
I wish you the strength to quit without the fits and (re-)starts that I had. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Very best of luck.

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SUNSHINEGAL5 1/20/2011 4:06AM

    Well done David, this is a fabulous goal and I applaud you for doing this. Like everything its not easy but I am sure that with your determination you will succeed. You go for it.

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PEGGIET 1/19/2011 11:52PM

    Good luck with it!! Although it won't save that much money here in Dubai (because they are so cheap) and there are smokers everywhere here to tempt you, you will be running faster than all of them and feeling much healthier!! And no, I won't let you have one of mine!!

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REALLYHOPIN 1/19/2011 11:42PM


~ be good to yourself
~ Barbara

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Day 46 - its time to break 120

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

After yesterdays blog – which was a hard one to both write and then shake off – today feels like a fresh start.

It only occurred to me this morning that I have spent so long looking back and being tied to the past that I forgot to look forward – which is where you get to make new memories, achieve new goals and make the life that you deserve.

OK – enough introspection for 24 hours I think.

Time for new goals.

Arrgghhh – I guess we all have that particular weight plateauy thing that bugs the hell out of us – that number that we keep approaching, and sometimes dip under for a second and then we climb back up.

For me it's 120 kilos – around 260 pounds for those of us who are metrically challenged.

Each day I hop on the scale and watch the numbers bounce down and up – to be honest I find it a little fascinating to see how what I have done the day before affects the number today. My own little personal science experiment.

And no disrespect to our lovely female Sparkers but the that whole hormonal, monthly fluctuation must drive you a bit nuts if you are a daily weigher like me!

I had some shirts made – not uncommon in Dubai and it just has to be done - months ago when I was starting to lose a little weight and got them made so that they would be ready for my new under 120 weight not my current over 120 weight.

Suffice to say I have a 4 unwearable shirts in my closet right now which have not as yet seen the light of day!

So my end of January goal is to be at or under 120 kilos – its around 2.5 kilos to lose in 12 days – not difficult at all.

My reward will be to be able to wear those damn shirts I bought months ago that have been hanging in the closet, quietly gathering dust and smirking at me:)

And no wonder I wasn't making consistent progress while I was looking backwards and tied to the past – I kept tripping over because I wasn't watching what was in front of me!

Thanks to everyone for your inspiring words from yesterday – suffice to say James is watching his back as it seems there are quite a few Sparkers ready to kick his butt!


Spark on:)


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GENFINCH 1/20/2011 6:44AM

    LOL metrically challenged! I like it...
And that hormonal monthly fluctuation is actually a blessing. When you gain a bit, you just have a look in the calendar and there's that little red circle around tomorrow ready to take the blame. It's not MY fault, it's just water retention! :D

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KLS777 1/19/2011 11:26PM

    Get to it man! You can do it! Always looking forward is the only way to be, I read yesterdays blog and got a little lump in the throat, I am, and probably always will be my harshest critic, but with that said, I have also improved so much since starting sparkpeople and have learnt not to kick myself so hard or anywhere near as often! emoticon emoticon for sharing!

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SHIPMAN01 1/19/2011 10:06AM

    Hey!!! Thanks for helping out us "metrically challenged" folk :)
Ahem...now on to your post. I too have some clothes in my closet that were purchased for the "smaller" me. Apparently that chick has a spending habit, and doesn't wear any of it! lol
In all seriousness I did like what you said about not making any progress because you were looking in the past. Truer words never spoken my friend. Make ya a deal...I'll start letting go of my past if you start letting go of yours.
Here's to new beginnings

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RAVENSTORM27 1/19/2011 9:46AM

    David, try some basic waist, chest, upper arm, hip and thigh measurements as well that you can track on a monthly basis. The scale can just get too quirky sometimes and why limit yourself to a single measure of progress (says the researcher...lol).

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PEGGIET 1/19/2011 7:03AM

    Onward and downward!! You'll be in those new shirts in no time!!

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WENDYJM4 1/19/2011 2:23AM

    well done for shaking of yesterday. As you said start looking towards the future. You know you have one. emoticon

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