DAVIDPRESCOTT   3,145
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I am the world's oldest, fattest cheerleader !

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

And if you are trying to imagine my svelte 320 pound frame being wrapped in spandex and body glitter.... please don't. Some things are best left alone :)

So, a little update on where I am at. As some of you may now I have been obese since I was 7 and, like most kids, suffered mental and physical abuse because of it all the way through to the end of my school years. Not abuse from parents or anything but just the savage daily onslaught of kids and teenagers who can be as vicious as anyone I know.

Once I was in the workforce it of course stopped but that kid inside relived it every day, in every situation and I was locked in to being wary, always having barriers up and isolating myself from EVERYONE, including friends and family. Over the years I ave become an expert and even managed to end up working half way around the world which was my crowning achievement in a life time of avoiding friend and family so I did not have to "be OK" all the time because I hardly ever saw them anymore.

Countless weight loss attempts have resulted in consistent failure. Each attempt lasted less time, lost less weight and just underlined my subconcious belief that when it came to losing weight I would fail.

I always picked high pressure long hours jobs - these gave me some sort of "pat on the head" for a job well done and meant I could continue to isolate myself from ... myself because my job took all my mental and emotional energy.

After 18 months of now working from home for myself and being in a low pressure environment I wasn't getting the same adrenaline rush and I didn't have a boss to tell me how hard I was working and how great that was. In that time I struggled to not gain weight but in the last 6 months I have gained around 25 kilos, 55 pounds. 55 POUNDS!

My strategies of avoiding myself and not thinking about how crap I felt were not working. Coming back to Australia but choosing to live 2500 miles from any friends or family fulfilled my need to isolate but things were starting to come unstuck.

This explains my ongong every month or so starting again on Spark saying THIS time I will stay without ever really being committed.

So I had to take a different path - keep doing what you're doing, keep getting what you got, right? So I have started therapy and was lucky enough to find someone who I clicked with straight away. Yes its expensive and I can't REALLY afford it but it is making such a difference.

In the last week have I had the first real emotion about myself in, I think, maybe 5 or 6 years, instead of just numbing it with food and avoiding myself by endless hours of TV. When those advertisements come on and theres a chance I may start to think about my situation channel surfing kept it at bay. God forbid I should face how I feel!

But I am now letting myself feel the anger and hurt and hopelessness that I have stuffed down with food and you know what?

It's actually OK to feel it: and start to work through it. I even am starting to feel a glimmer of hope that life is NOT over and there may actually still be some good stuff to enjoy!

Its very early days but ... I have picked a different way to address my weight issues finally and it feels like I am starting to get some hope back instead of just doggedly trying to lose wirght with no real motivation to do it.

I am now at Day 3 (after 4 previously failed attempts ending by mid Day 2) of a Juice Reboot. Its even been given a tick of approval by The Doctors (that medical show) and is gaining momentum around the world. Here's the website if you want to have a look - like Spark its free and theres also the usual supporting social stuff like Facebook

www.jointhereboot.com/index.php?lang
=en


This is NOT a fad and is not meant to replace Sparkpeople at all but is meant to reboot your body and give you a solid platform to start from.

And why am I the worlds oldest cheerleader?

On Day 1 of my 4th or 5th aattempt at the Juice Reboot a mantra kind of fell into my head..."Be aggressive, be be AGGRESSIVE!". The perfect antidote to my usual wimp out of "Its OK, I can start again tomorrow...or the next day...or next week...".

Gritting my teeth and yelling it in my head stops me mid stream when ever I think of junk and just completely rediverts my attention to what I am trying to do and achieve.

Today I started to wonder where the hell it came from and after googling it seems that I have watched some teen age cheerleader movie where it was the core cheer LMAO

The things that get stuck in our heads emoticon

So. For my Sparkfriends who have been watching as I have rollercoasted around trying to get my crap together... I think its finally happening.

I feel motivated but in a different way. Instead of telling myself if I don't lose weight I will die, or until I lose weight I am not worth anything or any of those other negative head thoughts I now am starting to feel differently.

I want to lose weight because I think there maybe a somewhat awesome guy, and kid who got left behind, who are still in there and its about time they got to ENJOY life instead of just suffering through it.

Phew.... if you read that whole thing you deserve a medal emoticon

So I feel excited. And I FEEL that instead of just saying it! And, no more long, emotional explanations. Its time we had fun around here!

But no spandex or body glitter - I promise!

Spark on! emoticon

P.S> The more I think about it, whilst I SAY aggressive in my head the feeling is more about being assertive and in control, not angry aggression if that makes sense? Yelling "Be assertive!" in my head doesn't quite have the same power to it lol

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRWNNTWN 2/10/2012 3:09PM

    Don't forget to add PLAY to your life - emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROSGETSSERIOUS 2/10/2012 5:08AM

    There definitely is an awesome kid who is now a grown man just waiting to leap out and enjoy life - you sound like a fabulous guy who is so worthy of many hugs and much love. Take baby steps and enjoy every day - you can do this. I am going to make a sign which says "Be Aggressive" and put it on the mirror in my bathroom - thanks for the idea!! Today is the best day to start loving yourself - don't put it off for another day - you deserve it now and so does that little scared kid!!! When you care about the person that you are right now - you will find it easier to make choices that are good for you. I use the juice diet to reboot whenever I need a boost or am stuck on a plateau. best wishes to you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CRAUDI 2/9/2012 7:52PM

    Apparently, I deserve a medal. :) You're awesome. I love reading your blogs...ever since I got sucked in by your toast blog. (Do not be tempted from my mention of toast....BE AGGRESSIVE!) Keep going, David. Yayayayyayay!

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DREMARGRL 2/8/2012 5:35PM

    I am so happy to "feel" that you are learning to nurture that little boy inside...giving him all the love and hugs you surely needed. I am so happy that you are beginning to live in the present, also, and make each day a new adventure. You sound like an awesome human being! I know that you are ready to do what you need to love your entire person inside and out!!!!!!!!!! Stay in touch.....live strong....and I'll be cheering for you, too! xo
MaryAnn
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CANADAUAE 2/8/2012 4:16PM

    Keep going and don;t stop...few more dayss even one or two...when u feel like eating go for a walk...LIVE in your gym clothes...so you can go at the drop of a hat :) I wanna try that...I too put some back on :) But you know you will lose it fast...look how far u came so far that amazing! in 4 days! wowwww! YOU are already at the no turning back part and I am back and I am here for motivation! Soooo I am not leaving again! I started logging food today...I am looow calorie-ing it for a few days to jump start...I would do that juice thing I am gonna look it up! Thanks great for a start! You will lose fast and you already proved that...dont quit or I will come after you with one of those emirati canes lol! I am re=posting this in your feed so in case you miss it lol

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JEAN111766 2/8/2012 9:52AM

    Just keep on sparking my friend... we will be your cheerleaders!!!! and when we are down, you can cheer us on!

We can and we will do this once and for all. Enough is enough- it is time to get healthy and stay that way!

My saga began around 8... I know all to well about how hateful other children are... I vividly remember just about everyday of my 7th grade year and crying all the way home- and yes, food was my comfort.

No one is worth that power. The only one who can or should have that much power is ourselves... we must pull from our own strength and believe in ourselves... but just for the record... I believe in you and your power to make a journey to a healthier you!!!

Hugs,
Jean

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AMYB1985 2/8/2012 7:08AM

    Thanks for making me smile, and sadly I know exactly which movie that is.

I think many of us suffer from a wounded inner child so I'm glad you were able to express something many of us share. Anesthetizing ourselves to avoid the bleak lifestyle we have adopted (though almost no one is truly happy with it) is one of the strongest indicators of our self-destructive culture. It's a symptom that, if not soon addressed on a large scale, is going to lead to the downfall of many. Hmmm, that was depressing. Moving on!

I am always here for you, ups or downs. But I'm proud of you for saying, "Please stop the roller coaster; I'd like to get off now!"

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TENNISJIM 2/8/2012 6:58AM

    Welcome Back and thank you for sharing your journey!

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DUTCHPETE641 2/8/2012 3:13AM

    Hi Dave,
good to see you back!!!!

You know when things are right for you when it happens, not when someone else tells you.

Big hugz and good luck mate,
Pete

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WENDENANNIE 2/8/2012 1:41AM

    Spandex and body glitter, huh? Now that I'd like to see! LOL!! This is a wonderful blog and yes, therapy is SO worth it!!! Glad to hear you are getting your "crap" together! Seems like sometimes I do have mine together and at other times I don't.....baby steps, baby steps....we will all get there!

Thats why emoticon. We all have each others back! I am going to add you as friend to my page so that I can keep cheering you on! emoticon

emoticon Wendenannie

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WENDYJM4 2/8/2012 1:14AM

    Hi David, great to see you back. What a wonderful blog. I completely understand where you are coming from. So glad you found a good therapist and if they are helping, the costs really doesn't matter. Just think of the wonderful life you are going to have after you get your past sorted out. I wish you well.
I have missed you my friend.
hugs
Wendy

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EUPHRATES 2/8/2012 1:06AM

    Oooo, I like your cheer! I may just have to borrow that!
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LINEY223 2/7/2012 5:31PM

    Aww shame not to see you in body glitter and spandex shaking some pom poms!!

How about instead of shouting in your head " Be aggressive" opt for a really positive phrase sometimes as an alternative: eg
" Be HEALTHY" or " LIVE LIFE" or one I need to shout out a bit more often " I AM WORTHWHILE".



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SAMI199 2/7/2012 4:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHARLIEBROWN57 2/7/2012 3:58PM

    emoticon
see you around!

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TRISH579 2/7/2012 3:39PM

    David, what a great blog!!! There is a wonderful person in you. It's not hidden - I see it. It's high time you did. Keep up the good work. I only wished I lived closer to you to give you the big hug you need and deserve.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 2/7/2012 2:15PM

    I kinda liked the body glitter/spandex visual, lol. I am so glad you are finding a way to finally free yourself. I know you have it in you and I believe in you. I am so happy that you are being honest with yourself and for sharing with others. I am sure there are other SPARKERS amongst us that struggle with these same issues.

I'm always cheering for you and will be here to witness your success. Just keep it real and keep it here at SPARK. emoticon emoticon

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GRACENFAITH 2/7/2012 1:50PM

    It just one small step to get it started and I think you are ready and willing to take it. You should be proud of yourself because it's not easy admitting all you did. May God bless you on your new journey in ways you didn't expect.
emoticonWalking with Christ

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In Heaven Carbs Make You Thin!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Yesterday morning my bad food side had been poking at me to have McDonalds for breakfast while I was waiting too get some blood tests done and my stomach was starting to wake up and growl at me.

It took no time to have a quick WWE wrestling bout in my head with that thought and declare SMACKDOWN! in seconds, feeling smug as I walked away from the ring to cheering of the voices in my head (that sounds schizophrenic but you know what I mean...right...well thats OK because George, Jennifer and Joe in my head do and thats all that counts, right guys?).

But all through the day I could sort of feel this niggling almost subconcious desire for bad food or bad food behaviour.

(EDIT Reading this and thinking about it now I was probably feeling entitled to a little reward for fighting off the food demon and should have found another way to do it like buying a C or something...lesson learned)

One of the key bad things I do is to wait until quite late for lunch and then be so hungry I just go for burgers and chips or similar bad food choices.

As the clock ticked to 1:30 I realised what I was doing and forced myself to have a ham salad sandwich and a couple of nectarines before the I-want-to-eat-anything-twice-fried-with-a-
fried-potato-side munchies completely kicked in.

Around 5:00 that afternoon the niggle became a poke and progressed to full on jabbing by dinner time as my brain started to rationalise eating junk. It had been there ever since the Maccas smack down and would not leave me alone so I eventually caved in.

A large bag of crisps and a large chocolate bar later it finally stopped - damn it!

But I didn't have dinner on top of that and I didn't beat myself up. The only thought I had was that I probably would have been satisfied with a SMALL bag of crisps and a SMALL chocolate bar instead which kind of surprised me to be so logical about it.

A small victory for my head which would usually be beating me up all night.

BUT thats the FIRST bad thing in over a week and I do not feel crappy about it, just determined to watc for the signals and try to learn when I am on the road to carb heaven!

Spark on emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REALLYHOPIN 1/14/2012 7:29PM

    So glad you are back again... it just isn't the same without you and those voices...

((( hugs )))

~ Be good to yourself
~ Barbara

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WENDYJM4 1/13/2012 5:51AM

    It is so hard David, but tomorrow is another day.
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DUTCHPETE641 1/13/2012 3:39AM

    Giving in sometimes is not that bad.
I think, having a "cheat" day keeps you focused!!

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SEASONS_CHANGE 1/12/2012 5:16PM

    An Aha moment with a little set-back is still progress. Know your triggers and have that plan B

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TRISH579 1/12/2012 3:58PM

    Wow, what a great post. I think we all ned to break out every once in a while. I get myself stuck sometimes by being SOOOO very good (in my own head) that I DESERVE a treat. And then proceed to go off the rails entirely. I have to keep a little bad all the time. emoticon

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KKLIONESS013 1/12/2012 3:49PM

    Thank you for being so honest about the battle that so many of us have in our heads! And congrats on recognizing the issue and having a game plan in place for next time.

Hang in there You can do it!

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SKINNYPOWELL1 1/12/2012 2:23PM

    Good job on seeing the warning signs. It's not an easy thing to deal with when your tastebuds want fries and your head says a very loud "NO", but you're doing great. The trick is to move on and make the next food choice a good one. Eating good 90% of the time is something to be proud of. emoticon

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NEVERMIND2010 1/12/2012 1:29PM

    Carbs are the devil!! I ate 1.5 bags of microwave popcorn today. And then went to Hardee's. (We have little food in the house, and we're moving in a week or so, so I don't want to buy stuff. On the other hand, we have to eat. Hmmm....)

Keep fighting the good fight. One day at a time, etc...

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In your FACE, Maccas!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Have been having very good days and haven't had anything that I would consider bad in the last 7 days since I started again which is incredible for me considering in the past 12 months getting past day 2 was a feat!

Had to go for routine blood tests this morning. Woke up around 5:30 and had to await till 7:30 and not eat anything. More importantly NOT HAVE MY MORNING COFFEE.

Funnily enough my coffee is so important to me each morning I kept forgetting and would have coffee and THEN remember I was supposed to get blood tests which would mean I would have to till the next day. To out smart myself I sticky taped a note to the top of the cofeee can and this morning when I was blearily struggling to open the coffee and wondering who the crap sticky taped this STUPID note thing to the can I had a moment of enlightenment and realised it was...ummm... me of course :)

Was starving and while I was waiting for the needle I could almost hear McDonalds at the next block calling out to me "Daaaaavid, Haaasssh Browns".

Hash browns are my downfall. I would sometimes order up to 4 with a Macca's breakfast. All that fried, crispy outside and the soft fluffy potato on the inside. So good - who can refuse that? I would sometimes consider JUST ordering Hash Browns - like 7 or 8 of them - and skipping a McMuffin but then I would feel embarrassed at the ddrive through so never did it.

Weird isn't it the way our heads work, that battle between wanting to binge and not wanting to be thought badly of by some stranger in a McDonalds uniform?

But saying no to myself ended up being strangely easy. Even before I go t through the usual justification of having been good for a week, you deserve a treat garbage I just pushed the thought away and came home for my usual cereal and fruit. Its sogging up nicely in the bowl right now.

And i know once my stomach is full Macca's will be a distant EVIL memory.

Maybe there IS something to this hypnotherapy I had. Making the right decisions about food HAS seemed easier since last Friday...

I'm curious - how many hash browns have YOU ever ordered at once? :)

Spark on emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DUBAIGIRL 1/15/2012 6:33AM

    I've ordered two and ate 1.5 of them!

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NEVERMIND2010 1/12/2012 1:26PM

    I love Micky-Ds' hashbrowns, but I can't recall ever ordering or eating more than one. ;)

Good job resisting! Hope the bloodwork comes back good.

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RUFFESS47 1/11/2012 7:04PM

    Hi David
you made me laugh
My 9 yr old Grandson when he is driven past Maccas makes a vomiting sound
We all think that is very appropriate.

The note on the coffee can tickled my fancy, my man does the same when he has a blood test and also on his PC. He has to have coffee first thing too.

Really great that you by passed all "the delights of the devil"

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TENNISJIM 1/11/2012 6:45PM

    I love McDonald's hash browns! Delicious. I think 4 when I wasn't doing the SP stuff.

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WENDYJM4 1/11/2012 4:54PM

    Hi David, well done for not having Macca's, you should be so proud of yourself. Breakfast cereals tastes so much better anyway. Was never a fan of hash browns.
good luck emoticon emoticon

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Hynotherapy and all that mumbo jumbo

Monday, January 09, 2012

After 5 straight days of eating fairly well and not binging on anything I decided i would tempt fate and blog :)

Went to a hypnotherapist last Friday after having tried one for smoking which was kind of effective (quit for 2 months and then stupidly started again) to restart my non smoking.

I decided to also ask her to assist with weight control and we had a session that lasted nearly 2 hours.

Not sure if it was the hypno or the new year or just me finally hitting the wall and deciding I had had a gutful of..well..my gut but so far so good.

Tracked my food for the first time in forever, have an exercise physiologist appt on Wednesday (4 sessions free thanks to Medicare) and a therapist appt on Friday.

So for so good - and for once this doesn't feel like its so hard its TOO hard to do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DUBAIGIRL 1/10/2012 12:44AM

    Great news David, I've missed you. I like your energy and miss it when you're not here :(

I tried hypnotherapy twice with two different people. The first one wascompletely useless and bizarely I ate MORE after I saw her. The other I didn't see about weight control inititally but went back for another session. I didn't think she helped and I sort of lost faith (previously I'd wanted to train to be one) but I know that the right ones help loads of people, so go for it!

and keep blogging!

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SEASONS_CHANGE 1/9/2012 6:40PM

    Sounds like 2012 is going to be the year that you WILL reach your health and fitness goals!

If you need that extra boost of motivation, you know where we are.

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TAMIPCHICAGO 1/9/2012 5:16PM

    I've been kind of thinking about that. Keep us posted about how well it works and how long.

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WENDYJM4 1/9/2012 4:37PM

    awesome David, and welcome back. So go to hear that you are doing ok. take care of yourself
Wendy

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SKINNYPOWELL1 1/9/2012 3:45PM

    emoticon, sounds like you are off on the right foot. Keep up the good work.

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NEVERMIND2010 1/9/2012 11:33AM

    That all sounds good - keep it going!

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BACKATITAMY 1/9/2012 10:56AM

  So happy that your feeling positive about things again. I hope everything continues on an up slope for your David. Take care.

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JEAN111766 1/9/2012 10:05AM

    Awesome!!! Thanks for the goodie and the updates!
I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing.

I started a phase 1 South Beach diet clean out today. Two weeks of no carbs. I am excited and my family is doing it also, so it will be more tolerable. I haven't done a full two week phase 1 since Sep 2004... and when I did, it jump started me to my 70 lb weight loss. Of course, I did gain most of that back, but now that I am older and things are getting harder to do, I will keep up the healthy lifestyle... I have no other choice ;)
Sending many hugs!!!
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MARABOU 1/9/2012 10:02AM

  That's good news!! one day at a time sounds great advice, keep it up emoticon

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TRISH579 1/9/2012 8:48AM

    So good to hear from you! Let us know how things are working.

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CRAUDI 1/9/2012 8:48AM

    Keep it up! I'm glad you're finding it to be easier and not so daunting. One day at a time! I have to tell myself that all the time too. :)

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LEARNING2LUVME 1/9/2012 6:56AM

    Welcome back!! I've always wondered about hypnotherapy...here's hoping this works!!!

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Dirty rotten lying yoghurt!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I could have sworn I picked up the low fat yoghurt when I was food shopping the other day.

Yesterday was my first day of my new commitment to losing weight and considering how crap I have eaten over the last 5 or 6 months on a daily basis, telling myself TOMORROW would be the start of a new focus on weight loss it was nice to actually GET to to tomorrow!

Got peckish around 11:00 a.m. and congratulated myself on picking a nice healthy yoghurt for a snack.

It was REALLY creamy and delicious and I looked at the packaging to make sure I remembered the brand and noticed this:

One serving equals 10% OF YOUR DAILY RECOMMENDED CALORIE INTAKE!

Seems my hand strayed to the high fat option at the market :)

Even so I was better behaved with my eating than I have been in ages.

But be warned - yoghurt is sneaky and evil!

Spark on

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSSIBLEPEN 12/19/2011 12:14PM

    Amazing...the same thing happened to me on Friday night. I will definitely be more observant next time!

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MARABOU 12/18/2011 10:33PM

  Some sugar-free cookies are sneaky and evil too!A few I'v wanted to reach out for but stopped because of the print NOT A REDUCED CALORIE FOOD so yes the supermarket can be a dangerous place. emoticon good luck for your new commitment David, you can do it emoticon

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BACKATITAMY 12/16/2011 2:50PM

  You still made a better choice all in all. So glad you are getting back on track David.
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AMYB1985 12/16/2011 7:46AM

    As mentioned by others, it was still a better choice than eating junk! Also be cautious of low-fat and nonfat products; your body needs some of that "good" fat. The fat in the yogurt helps break down other parts of the product and aids in digestion. I'll have to hunt down the article I read about this.

And think about how satisfying that snack was. That is much better than a snack that is wonderfully healthy for you and leaves you still longing to reach for a cookie.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 12/16/2011 7:44AM

    Yogurt can definitely fool ya, I was really surprised at how high in calories some of them actually are. Divert your hand to the non-fat ones and jazz it up a bit with some granola.

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IMREITE 12/15/2011 8:50PM

    i try to buy plain yogurt and add my own fruit to cut down on the sugar and artificial colors/sweeteners. even full fat yogurts can be lower in sugar and have a good amount of protein.

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ME_FIRST 12/15/2011 7:17PM

    Probably regular yogurt is better than the other crap you were choosing before, so don't beat yourself up for having it. It was still a better choice than a lot of other stuff. Yvonne

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CRAUDI 12/15/2011 4:49PM

    Considering it was a snack, I don't think 10% of your calories is a bad thing... Probably a lot more filling than anything less! Better choice than past choices anyway though! :)

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SINNIBLONDE 12/15/2011 4:04PM

    Ahh give the yogurt away? :)

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