DAVIDPRESCOTT   3,145
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DAVIDPRESCOTT's Recent Blog Entries

I went before the starters pistol fired!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

OK OK a slightly false start - it seems I needed one more week of wallowing before I was ready to get going.

Went to the supermarket yesterday and bought lots of healthy foods and the fridge and pantry are stocked.

I am facing this more with dogged determination rather than enthusiasm but I know that will give way to me getting some enjoyment from the process.

How I will fit in 18 hours a day of TV when I have to cook, exercise and go outside more (I know, I know - strange concept right?) is one of the challenges I need to work out:)

Sleep seems ot be a major thing for me at the moment - I get tired easily which I assume is the extra weight but more importantly not exercising - my sleep tends to be in 2-3 hour blocks as opposed to a sound sleep but I went to bed at 9:00 last night and forced myself NOT to flock on the TV or check my email when I woke up a couple of times and feeling a little better for it this morning.

OK then - on with the runners and out for a walk... so should I call them walkers... right now I feel OLD enough for a walker :D

Catchya

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDQ1203 10/14/2011 10:53AM

    emoticon

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TENNISJIM 10/14/2011 7:11AM

    Stay committed and focus. You know you want to...

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WENDYJM4 10/13/2011 7:36PM

    Good luck David, I know the feeling.


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BRWNNTWN 10/13/2011 5:26PM

    Check you vitamin D my friend! Lack of sunlight can really mess you up. when I finally took the vitamin D's my Dr prescribed I started feeling much better. Is important where I live - we are overcast more often than not this time of year. emoticon

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DISCIPLINE_DOES 10/13/2011 4:59PM

    Keep on! Way to stay away from the tv! I know it's hard. I'm trying to make myself get out for a walk in the mornings, so thanks for the good example!!!

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MAMADWARF 10/13/2011 4:13PM

    go david go! you sound prepared so get stepping!

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Why I am here - again and again and again...?

Tuesday, October 04, 2011



Its been about 5 months since I last really cared about losing weight - not that my efforts had been stellar since joining SP but it was at least kept in the front of my brain while I remained consistent with sparking.

In that time I have gained 15 kilos and am now 12 kilos heavier that my heaviest weight EVER in my life.

This happened while I was busy distracting myself with ANYTHING apart from thinking about why I am overweight and why the weight was piling on.

It makes me really sad to look in the mirror, to try on my fat clothes and not be able to do up the buttons, to become more housebound because I hate how I look and am embarrassed for people to see me, to have to figure out how I can find an excuse get out of having a birthday celebration or Christmas with my family because my weight disgusts me so much.

I am experiencing physical symptoms I have never had before - the backs of my ankles ache, I have skin conditions flaring up, I can not scale a set of stairs without being puffed at the top, my skin around my stomach actually feels uncomfortably tight from the rapid eight gain in the past 3 months especially, my feet are swelling easily, my joints ache for no reason.

I have spent months doing anything I can not to think about whats happening to me - I spend all my time either on-line or in front of the TV.

Reading is out as an activity - it is not mindless enough and may allow y mind to wander and focus on the problems that I do not want to deal with. I spent $1500 on a camera and lenses convincing myself that photography would be a good distraction - I used it for a day and found being out and doing it was not enough of a distraction so its sat in its bag for a month.

Just being alone with myself and my thoughts is too confronting to handle.

Whenever the hard thoughts start to appear I run from them - even ad breaks in TV programmes I am watching threaten to allow my mind to wander to reflecting on my current situation so I have to change channels, find something ANYTHING to distract me.

I have been spending much of my time on the lounge watching downloaded series of TV shows (no ad breaks so much easier to tune out from myself) while I fill myself with junk food so I can get to the point of food coma.

At the moment an average days intake would be:

Breakfast

1 x bowl Sultana Bran
3 pieces of grilled grilled cheese and tomato

Lunch

3 x meat pies (pies here are the small kind not the big kind)
200 gm chocolate bar

Dinner

Pizza
More chocolate

Combine this with no exercise and its understandable why I have managed to gain so rapidly - I suspect my metabolism is bottoming out whih would explain why i can fall asleep so easily during times when I am crashed on the lounge.

In the past eventually motivation would appear just from my head being sick to death of being bored and lazy and finally deciding SOMETHING was better than the nothing I find so comfortable to settle into.

I am nearly 50 and I am filled with sadness. My childhood was filled with taunts and bullying and working in my Mum's shop.

My teens were filled with taunts and bullying and trying to grapple with all of that and being gay and being a teenager and being fat and unattractive.

My 20's, 30's and 40's were filled with taunts and bullying from my own head - the cruel kids and teenagers that defined my youth had taught me well - my self loathing kicked in just as they disappeared.

Work was a great distraction and defined me as a person - a nod or praise from peers or my managers propelled me into a work obsession that allowed me to ignore myself, find endless excuses to not be with family or friends and feel worthless.

Heck it even got me to Dubai for 4 years - the ultimate hiding place from others and a job that demanded 24/7 of me so I could hide from myself.

And then I gave up traditional work and decided to trade currencies by mmyself. This meant I could be up 24/7 watching markets go up and down and distract myself from me.

Thing is - I have not done very well from it because it requires study and quiet time to analyse and learn - and that is scary to me because it means I can slip into THOSE thoughts which I am hiding from and confront me when I am reading or being quiet with myself.

And there was NO one else to punch me on the shoulder or high 5 me for a job well done....

Right - so that would explain my rapid weight gain of late... one puzzle solved!

I have been waiting for months - even back as far as late last year - for something in my head to snap and get me going. It always has before.

But this time it looks like I have to make it happen myself.

So - that was hard to write and admit to and THINK about. During those paragraphs I counted at least 3 times when I almost stopped and went off to do something mindless on the net to get away from what I was thinking....

If you hung in there - thanks for joining me while I took the first step in the painful process of trying to understand what is happening to me. Not my usual happy blog but I have to start somewhere I guess.

I have to find a way to let go of the bullies who have been with me on the outside AND inside and start to at least not hate myself for who I am .

If I cm going to do this I need to be honest with myself and my pain.

And once I have popped around to the wonderful people who have sent me words of encouragement and love I will be in the shower (before midday - amazing!) and WALKING (not driving) down to the coffee place for my coffee - its about 20 minutes of exercise.

From there - I don't know - but its a start right?

D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYJM4 10/13/2011 7:45PM

    Hi David, I think a lot of us feel the same as you do. It is so easy to give into temptation and tell yourself it is only once but this once can happen quite a few days in the week. So I do know where you are coming from. We all know what we should be doing but we all weaken but it is only an excuse.
Good luck David.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 10/10/2011 11:49AM

    Glad you've found your way to SPARK, you know you have a great support network here. We all face daily demons of some sorts, however we are all united on a common ground.... we want to see each other succeed. emoticon

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KLS777 10/6/2011 9:32PM

    Um well, this kind of hit home with me, I have been much the same way over the winter here in Australia, and I need a firm kick in the backside, I have put on a few kgs too, went to put a pair of shorts on the other day and what do you know? Couldn't get the damned button done up! I know what your saying with the psychology thing, I think we beat ourselves up way too much, maybe we should become online workout buddies? Just a thought....

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AMYB1985 10/6/2011 10:28AM

    You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
-Mary Pickford

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CRAUDI 10/5/2011 9:11AM

    Welcome back, friend! Like I told you before, I have been slow going lately too. I haven't weighed myself for a while, one because I know I've gained and two because it doesn't matter how much...I just know change will help. But I think I threw myself into things full-force and should have eased my way in better. I think easing yourself into things again will be good for you too! Like the walks you take to get coffee...little things like that will add up for sure! You can do it. And even when we both stumble again and again, we'll be here for each other!! I'm here for you! :)

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CCINAUS 10/5/2011 7:48AM

    Congratulations on being brave enough to write all that down, especially somewhere public - you're certainly doing the opposite of running from your thoughts whilst writing this blog!
Good luck getting back on track. Remember that when your mind starts telling you that old "I'm not good enough" story, that's all it is - a story (a damn powerful one but still just a story). Try letting it play in the background like an old radio buzzing in the corner (this takes practice!) because fighting the thoughts just gives them power. And arguing with yourself about whether the thoughts are true or not is useless - if the thoughts aren't helpful there's no point paying attention to them. All easier said than done, but worth trying.
Good luck!
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DUTCHPETE641 10/5/2011 3:16AM

    Hey buddy,
lots of good advice given by people who are or have been in the same boat as you my friend.
It takes guts to put your most intimate thoughts on screen for all to read. You can do this. You are a wonderful person, with lots of people who care.

Hang in there mate, you can do this.

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LOOSEIT57 10/5/2011 1:38AM

    It is so hard when you have no confidence in yourself, been there myself, but you can do this and walking is the best thing so good on you for that but no cake with the coffee please.

You have taken a major step by blogging and you get that pat on the sholder for a job well done

The biggest bullie is yourself so start loving the person you are and the rest will come so easy.

We are here for you so do not feel alone and go to that birthday celebration and Christmas as you can do it.

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DUBAIGIRL 10/5/2011 12:10AM

    All so true for many of us. Who hasn't joyfully skipped off the wagon because eventually that impulse to stop will kick in. In fact just this morning I was thinking about indulging myself today because the scale showed me a number I didn't like and perversely it made me want to jack it all in and throw myself into junk food with gay abandon.

After reading your blog, I won't be doing that. You've reminded me how hard it is to get back on 'the wagon' and how easy it is to pretend that wagon isn't even there in the first place!

Chin up my friend, your family and friends will love you no matter what size you are or become, whether fat or thin. They see who we are, not what we look like. We are our own worst critics when most people are too involved with themselves to notice the flaws we think so obvious. So gear up, coz you're back, we love you and your life changes today! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINK-PEONY 10/4/2011 10:43PM

    I have a beast just like that! It sounds like yours is off the chain, and instead of and demanding that it back in its place, you are wearing yourself out trying to bribe it back with food. Trust me, that beast needs you more than you need it. If you can forget it's out, get back on the path you want to be on, and glance over your shoulder in a few weeks. You'll see that it got back on the chain and is sitting there waiting for you to throw it a bone.

I'm so glad you came back. I can't wait to read your blogs and cheer you along the way.

Melissa

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NEVERMIND2010 10/4/2011 10:27PM

    Thanks for writing something that resonates with so many of us.

You know what you need to do. Now do it!



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JEAN111766 10/4/2011 9:54PM

    Helloooo my friend... I'm so glad you are back and so glad you wrote this blog. Baby step #1 done- Addressing the issue
Now you need to write up several more baby steps that you will commit to and introduce one per day... end of the week you will have 7 positive changes that you can praise yourself for. Stick with those for a few days and then add in 3-5 more. One commitment per day and then one more....
I would also recommend finding a diet that you will be willing to commit to... Weight Watchers has an online program that you might want to consider.
Also, I agree that you may need to get your depression evaluated...
WE can do this David... today is the present... everything before today is the past and cannot be changed... the only thing we can address is the future.
Your blog spoke to so many of us, please know that we are pulling for you and we are all in this fight together. Check out some of the motivational stories on this site also... there have been some seriously unhealthy and overweight people who have changed their lives... I know that if they can do it that I definitely can.... and I know you can also ;)
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DIFROMWYOMING 10/4/2011 6:11PM

    Too many of us have these experiences, and I spent my entire childhood and teen years fat, so I know that those stings can stay with you forever. But the bullies are gone, the lost opportunites behind you, and the trail of broken dreams are waiting for you to turn around and pick them up again. I'm not a Dr. but if you are not being treated for depression I'd certainly encourage you to talk to someone about it. It CAN make a huge difference in your outlook when you are not so burdened down by depression. And if nothing else, you ARE here, and you do keep trying at least enough to get back here, and that means you have NOT given up on yourself, which is wonderful! You are among friends here, friends who will not judge you and know how you feel, so start there. Yes, it is a start, and we're here with you!

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TRISH579 10/4/2011 5:52PM

    David, you have just described so many of us. This was like a mirror. We avoid, distract ourselves from confronting our REAL problem. That is of getting up the energy, overcoming the inertia to hoist ourselves off the couch, away from the keyboard.
It's a vicious cycle: I'm fat, too embarrassed to be in public, I sit and eat, now I'm fatter, too embarrassed.........and so on.
Let's break the pattern. Get one step out the door, commit to 10 minutes, if we're not crippled by that, add 10 more minutes.
Sure it's slow, but it beats the alternative!

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MCKNIGHTKAITLIN 10/4/2011 5:36PM

    I know how you feel. I was in that boat a few days ago. My suggestion is to get a Wii and Wii Fit. It is a lot of fun and doesnt seem like work, yet it makes you sweat. Good luck! I know you can do it!

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What the heck is the deal???

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Let me preface this by saying it's not a whinge - just having a fond remembrance of older days:)

For those of you who have blessed with some extra padding for most of your life I would like to reminisce a little with you.

EXERCISE TO LOSE WEIGHT? PFFFT!

Remember when you were on of your many attempts to lose weight pre-30 or even pre-40?

I remember that if I was generally good with food i.e. only had a big burger blow out once a week - I could lose 3 or 4 kilos in 7 days - easy.

Who needs to exercise - when you are at 100 kilos plus and you're younger just eating somewhat properly would guarantee a big weight loss for a few weeks running.

How is it that years later just taking a sideways glance at an Oreo makes your pants tighter???

THIN CLOTHES

I remember when I used to even hang up the pair of trousers I wanted to fit into as a goal. When "thinner" clothes were right next to my chubby clothes in anticipation of packing away the plus size stuff shortly.

Remember running to the closet each week after a weigh in and trying on the next size down clothes you had - and sometimes even being able to squeeze into them!

These days I can hardly remember where they are - apart from the ones that were popped into the goodwill bin.

Maybe in that suitcase under all the crap in the garage... I think?

A HILL - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

When a few flights of stairs or a steep hill would take a little effort but you could still keep up with most people - and if you gasped quietly no one knew you were winded.

These days I get to the bottom of the hill and have to mentally prepare through positive visualisation and meditation for the onslaught. 2/3 of the way up I start to gasp as my heart pounds and asks me exactly WHAT I expect it to do?

CARDIO - WELL I GUESS I CAN

Cardio - our sweaty panting friend.

I remember in my 20's I could keep pushing and end up in sweaty mess but still have worked out hard... and felt it the next day.

These days spinning around in a circle gets my heart rate up to 160 before the second revolution is even half way through and I ache for a week!

STARVING

Remember when you would go without breakfast and lunch (except maybe for those couple of chocolate slices Julie in accounting whipped up) to have a major dinner out accompanied by much wine and dessert and then onto dance your bum off at some club or pub... and the scales would look up the next morning and shrug and give you the same number you had 2 days ago.

These days preparing for a meal out must be planned with military precision, counting every gram and calorie leading up to having a garden salad with dressing and fruit for dessert accompanied by 1 (yes that's ONE) glass of wine.

A tentative step on to the scales reveals you have gained 200 gms the next morning and all you had was rabbit food and some grape juice - what gives?


:)

Ah yes - those were the days.

No fair - now I have WORK to get it off.

Hmmmppphh!

What do YOU remember for those os so easy weight loss years?

Spark on emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKINNYPOWELL1 10/3/2011 7:57AM

    I remember those days, lived off of microwave popcorn for several months and the weight just dropped right off, no exercise involved. Now in my 40's, I have had to work for every single ounce lost with tracking my food and lots, and lots of exercise. Loved the metabolism in my early 20's, not so much in my 40's.

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THENAMESLISA 10/1/2011 9:51AM

    I've struggled all my life. I was my thinnest in high school (although I thought I was fat at 120 pounds). I remember eating nothing but oranges for a while. That and the help of little white pills. And dancing for hours in my bedroom.

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JEAN111766 8/23/2011 12:59PM

    I remember always being overweight... since at least 8 years old... baby of the family... 3 growing boys just older than me and an older sister who moved out when I was 10 and a lifetime of being heavier than everyone else in my class or neighborhood friends. It sucked... and still does.... and I am still struggling to find the key to unlock the master code within my brain that keeps me overly cushioned and sluggish feeling.

I need to get back to tracking my food, I need to start planning my meals and moving past the "I don't want to do this" mindset into the "I HAVE to do this" mindset...


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RAVENSTORM27 8/7/2011 10:10AM

    Oh, I love your posts! I remember when I was 23 and a German woman I worked with made it her personal mission to feed me rich German food and pushed me to drink lots of beer because I was "so thin". I also remember my doctor in my mid-30s looking at my weight when I was in my 20s and remarking, "well, you'll never see that again". Now my current doctor is a bit perplexed sometimes what to recommend for me because I'm his tallest patient (2.2 meters) and he really has no clue what an "ideal weight" would be for me. But as long as my blood pressure and labs look good, he's happy.

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 8/4/2011 8:00PM

    You are not alone my friend, and it was fun (sort of) to read your recount of memories. It is nice for me now to not think of food as the enemy, but as my source of strength and health. Not caring as much about the scale is liberating! Also, I love the freedom from emotional binges and the satiation/guilt cycle. It is sooo nice to have you back. Glad you found a doc you like.

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I.M.MAGIC 8/4/2011 11:09AM

    I remember... I was like Wendy, very active and I ate anything I wanted, and ate a LOT... and was too thin. That "college 15" was actually exactly what I needed: it put me at my perfect weight. But, when a dance instructor told me I needed to lose... I was naive, and gullible, and I made the mistake of listening to her and believing her, and went on my first "diet". It was devastating, landed me in the hospital with physcial and stress-related issues that necessitated quitting school--and basically ruined my metabolism. I've been fighting my weight ever since... until I realized with SP that food isn't the enemy. It's the fuel I need to survive--AND, it's one of the tools I can use to lose! LOL

...thanks for the reminder of where I need to "reset" my mindset!...LOL
Kathy emoticon emoticon

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CRAUDI 8/4/2011 7:52AM

    I never ever had that kind of ease with weight loss. I am younger, but even so, having been heavy my whole life (except for a year or two post-Atkins), I've never just been able to lose weight like that! I was even swimming for around 4 hours a day, 6 days a week in high school, and my weight was still a struggle. I was DEFINITELY in better shape then than I am now! But losing weight was always always hard and almost never successful.

Now it's different. I feel full/satisfied everyday. I move and I like it. And I'm losing weight slowly, without a final goal deadline or any pressure to lose massive amounts instantly. :)

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TENNISJIM 8/4/2011 7:42AM

    Thank you for the introspection. Well thought out and stated.

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JBETTERID 8/4/2011 5:12AM

    Yes I remember all those things but I also remember not feeling so good about myself and it really didn't matter if I lost weight or put on weight... i still didn't like who I was. I also remember it being so much more important for me to dress like the other young women and not being able to buy clothes that made me feel like a young woman (because big womens clothes always looked like old ladies clothes). Now I am the older lady I can buy young ladies clothes in big sizes and little sizes but now I don't really care how old they make me look because I know who I am now and the weight loss, the fashionable clothes just add to the package. I understand the struggle of being older and not finding the weight so easy to get rid of but I sure don't want to go back there.. Hope tomorrows a bit easier for you.. emoticon

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FLOWER1967 8/4/2011 4:37AM

    Yes.....I remember THOSE days.... *sigh* Oh well.....
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EMMAALLI 8/4/2011 2:16AM

  I remember jogging our local nature park (8 km) every day for a week after work, and dropping 12 lbs in one week. Now I can't make it around the1 km beginner trail without wheezing and gasping! And even though I've done it 3x this week, I haven't lost an ounce. SO not fair!

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WENDYJM4 8/4/2011 2:02AM

    sad but I can remember those days. I used to walk for miles, eat what I wanted to, drink what I wanted, then I had children and age started to crept up, and guess what else crept up. Sad but true.

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Help please:)

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

FINALLy back on the bike so to speak.

Tried Weight Watchers but the meetings haven't changed in 25 years - propoints thing is kinda cool but open to "fraudulent" bad eaating behaviour so have decided to come back to Spark to get going again.

Started tracking my food today for the first time in months - went to enter a new food not listed and it is asking for calories not kilojoules.

I figure there must be somewhere to flick a switch to change this - does anyone know?

Thanks all!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DUTCHPETE641 8/3/2011 8:09AM

    Welcome back Dave, we missed you here.

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MISSANGELINA21 8/2/2011 9:29PM

    http://www.unitconversion.org/energ
y/kilojoules-to-calories-nutrit
ional-conversion.html

I found this site great in helping me David...Good luck...Patricia

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APED7969 8/2/2011 8:32PM

    I haven't found a way to change it but I have a conversion app on my smart phone. I'm soon to send my phone in the get the touch screen replaced and while it's gone I just go to this website to convert things: http://www.convertunits.com/from/ki
lojoules/to/calorie+[nutritional]

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EMMABE1 8/2/2011 8:18PM

    You can change the site -but it won't change the tracker!!
To change kj to cal divide by 4.2
to change Cal to kj - multiply by 4.2

To change the site to metric
Go to - your preferences -top left of Start page (small writing)
open that - it gives that choice -look for the box to tick - and you can set local time too -
Hope that helps

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NEWS JUST IN – Tomorrow Makes You Fat

Sunday, July 24, 2011

by David Prescott – Weight Loss Expert
(being an expert doesn't make you GOOD at it you know!)
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
After extensive research and years of practical experimentation I can now confirm that tomorrow makes you fat.

Time travel you ask? No – that has now, sadly, been disproven:

www.google.com/hostednews/afp/articl
e/ALeqM5j_2HfkWNhjFd1C9xoUGBPXKI4UPg?d
ocId=CNG.64b4244314a883aef78ccc40add15420.291


However, TALKING about tomorrow – whether in your head or to your friends or family - is proven to add pounds or kilos to your frame through a little know fat cell expansion theory known as procastimetabolitis.

As the words “later”, “tomorrow” or “I promise” trip lightly off the tongue a newly discovered hormone – NT+1 (nextimeastolic) – is immediately triggered which slows the metabolism and makes the fat cells open like beautiful flowers ready to take on more load.

Continued use of these words in every day conversation increases the hormone's effects rapidly, rendering the host tired, devoid of energy and eventually with little hope.

Millions upon millions of people around the world are succumbing to this hormone's effect, triggering an epidemic of Couchpotatoitis (CP) which – so far – Pfizer have not been able to find a pill for (just wait).

After much research and consultation with peers from Sparkpeople it appears that there IS a an effective weapon against this incurable malady. CP can be never be completely cured, but it's ability to render its host numb and useless can be counter acted with a revolutionary tool called w-i-l-l-p-o-w-e-r.

Newly discovered, this tool allows survivors (we are NOT victims!) of CP to counteract the effects and strive towards living a healthier life.

The primary method employed by w-i-l-l-p-o-w-e-r is “movement”.

The first and most import action is standing upright – TAKE CARE – those who have suffered from chronic CP may find this initial step daunting so take it slow and hold onto something for balance.

The next step is – well – a step... followed by another step... followed by several steps... and so on.

Look around and you will see CP survivors EVERYWHERE trying out these actions – many steps together is called “walking”.

Having attempted “walking” twice in the last 2 days (thanks to my Spark Friends support!) it seems that it is easier than it looks and I plan to continue further experimentation with this radical new activity.

Stay tuned for regular updates.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEARNING2LUVME 7/27/2011 4:44PM

    You are awesome. emoticon

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SKINNYPOWELL1 7/26/2011 1:38PM

    Super fantastic blog, I enjoyed reading it. And I'm proud to say that I no longer suffer from CP, and I too started out walking several years ago and it has led to many great personal fitness accomplishments. emoticon

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CRAUDI 7/25/2011 1:46PM

    Hilarious! So creative! :) Keep up the great walking!!!

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EUPHRATES 7/25/2011 6:02AM

    Brilliant.
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RUFFESS47 7/25/2011 2:57AM

    Good blog about CP
we all laughed

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WENDYJM4 7/25/2011 2:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LOOSEIT57 7/24/2011 9:24PM

    You can do it. Great blog made me smile. emoticon

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ANNECEK 7/24/2011 8:20PM

    emoticon an enjoyable blog. Thanks! emoticon

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ANABEAVERHAUSEN 7/24/2011 7:42PM

    I am pleased to report that my chronic cp is in remission. emoticon

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