Wednesday, December 08, 2010
I came to a revelation this morning as I listed to my get up and go song(s) - a friend I have had for more than 40 years was actually someone who had been selfishly stopping me from pursuing my goals in life.
Whilst I didn't realise it they had been constantly telling me I should only be with them, stop socialising, find comfort in the easy way out and not talk to anyone else about my fears.
He would always be at my place - hanging out on the couch, waatching TV with me and (without me noticing) over time was eroding my confidence - this was not malicious but just because he was insecure and he and I had always had much in common and shared similar points of view.
He'd encourage me to lose weight and exercise to feel better about myself but underneath the surface always seemed to be there when I was at my most vulnerable, telling me that one more chip wouldn't make a difference and that bag of cookies was bad for me BUT would me make me feel better now and tomorrow would be a new day to fix it all.
I believed him - I WANTED to believe him - get comfort now and fix it tomorrow - problem is there has been more than 14,000 tomorrows and not many todays - if you know what I mean!
To protect the "innocent" (not!) lets call him Bert. Bert weighs just over 100 lbs and is the friend I have slept, eaten, worked, walked, danced, cried, sung, breathed and found consolation with all my life - and by now you have probably guessed Bert is the monkey on my back that has slowly eroded my confidence to the point where I avoid even catching up with friends in public places - Bert is my 51 kilo fat blanket - and now is the time that he starts to consider leaving home and letting me get oin with the things in life I want to do.
By the way - no offence to any of the Berts out there!
Bert seems to be feeling a little nervous today but I get the feeling he is not ready to give up yet. He's been around a long time and it will take some time before he realises that Dave is not willing to continue this friendship - Bert must die!
Its a marathon not a sprint.