20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
DAUGHTEROFTWIN's Recent Blog Entries

Hello Friends

Monday, December 01, 2014

I've essentially been gone for a year. Guess what happens when you're gone that long. Yup. I found some of my "lost" weight. A lot of my lost weight. This time I don't want to lose it. I want to get rid of it. Drop it off at the Goodwill and say goodbye forever.

Looking back at pictures (the befores and the afters) is motivational for me. I have to remind myself of what I am capable of achieving. 21 days to form new habits. Today is day one. My calories are in range so far and I plan to make a guest appearance at my gym. I realize now that a gym membership is not enough motivation to get me to workout. How silly I was to believe that for so long. How do I know this? Because not only do I have 1 gym membership... I have 2. One I pay for, one my work pays for. One in the town I work. One in the town where I spend most of my nights. Are you confused? I sure as heck am.

I'm struggling to relearn a couple of basic tenets that I forgot. No one will motivate me but me. Having a gym partner will ultimately be an excuse to not go if you are depending on them to motivate you to get there. There's no shame in eating by myself. Other people can make their choices, but I can't let them bully me into eating on their terms. When I found such great success before, I had to pull away from people I cared deeply about. I had to choose me over pleasing them. I can do that again.

Day One...almost in the history books.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADARKARA 12/2/2014 6:28AM

    Hiya! I missed you!

There is no way paying for a gym would get me out into the cold dark morning to work out with strangers. I work out in my living room in shorts and a sports bra and I love it. I manage to do it 3x a week (kettlebells).

You absolutely need to motivate yourself. In the beginning I treated it like a job: I couldn't skip it even if I wanted to, because I needed the "money". But now I just enjoy it!

You never have to eat to make someone else happy. Do what makes YOU happy.


Report Inappropriate Comment
LBMAMA2015 12/1/2014 3:12PM

    Welcome back!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Starting Over

Monday, June 16, 2014

Hello Friends. I'm sorry I became one of the "disappeared." It happens. Many of you know what I mean.

Confessions first. I've regained 46 pounds since hitting my lowest of 194 in October. 50 pounds. Almost 6 gallons of milk. Criminey. No wonder my body aches and I have trouble moving, much less levitating. 240 pounds feels like a prison sentence. I have to remember how wonderful it felt on my way down the ladder though. 240 feels a hell of a lot better than 305.

I've been gone so long I've forgotten what to do. Not really forgotten, but lost my "muscle memory." Yes, our brains are muscles too. (And by far the most important muscle in this journey!) So I'm recovering from a bad case of lazy brain.

I'm a Gemini. Very Gemini. My guess is most of you don't buy into the hokey, hoodoo voodoo idea of personality based on zodiac. That's your choice. I won't try to force you to believe. So anyway...Gemini. Definitely 2 personalities. Definitely easily distracted and bored by mundane things. But you know what? Losing 110 pounds really helped me tap into other aspects of my personality. I began doing new things (zip lining, OCR, 5Ks, hiking, blueberry picking in 95 degree weather and loving every damn minute of it!!) Life felt fun. I felt fun. My friends told me I was fun. Wow. I wasn't fun when I weighed 305. Or rather, I was as much fun as a bookend can be. This is now a struggle to retain those aspects of myself that I uncovered and cherish.

This past week I paid a visit to my Gyn for my annual. She broke the news to me. 50 pounds since October. "What's going on?" she asked. "What exercise are you doing?' she asked more insistently. None, I admitted. She still gave me the benefit of the doubt and said she wanted to test my thyroid levels. God bless her. I knew though that my thyroid wasn't the problem. Out of control eating and NO exercise whatsoever was the real problem. Like a good doctor, she admonished me sternly to start exercising. No patronizing. No finger wagging. Just a caring reminder that I've got to do something. Oh yeah...the thyroid levels are just fine. Thank goodness.

Gym time. WooHoo! emoticon

Last night I put in 45 min of cardio, and this morning before work I put in another 60. My eating is on track for the day and I don't feel bingey. (Bingey--you know, where you want to eat everything that isn't glued down and even that you are tempted to lick just to see if it might be worth gnawing on.) I haven't gone grocerying because I'm a bit transient at the moment. I don't want to waste food. I've got to work out where I'm going to cook and eat what.

Tomorrow I am 45. That's about as middle age as it gets. I feel old. I don't want more kids, but I can't have them if I did. I definitely don't want grandkids yet. 45 is dangerously close to 50. When I was 18 I thought 50 was elderly...that nothing good comes after 50. Isn't youth arrogant?

I think this year will be devoted to getting my ducks in a row. Financially, spacially, physically.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CUPKAKE137 8/13/2014 7:00PM

    Welcome back I am just returning myself after a bit of a set back. Good luck to you in your journey

Report Inappropriate Comment
PICKYNICKI 8/10/2014 8:37PM

    I'm just returning myself, and I'm glad to see you here! I'm sorry to hear that you had a backslide, I know how disappointing those can be. The important part is that you stopped it before it got worse and I know that you are strong enough to get back where you were and even farther. Reading your blog gives me hope after I'm starting over again from not even making much progress. Happy Belated Birthday! :) emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
67YKCEB 8/7/2014 2:30PM

    Hehe!! you sounds so much like me!!! It's hard to get back in the swing of things when we stop swinging. ... my feet are still dragging the ground.
Hubby is a Gemini .... so understand!
I'm ... how old am I?? oh yeah, I'm 47 and I remember that age when I thought 50 was just "OLD" and almost dead. It's funny how our young brains think.

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 7/3/2014 11:15PM

    Glad your back! Remember one step and one day at a time! You can do this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MRSTABER 6/17/2014 1:18PM

    Great to see you back! You did it once and you can do it again! Keep your chin up! Oh, and Happy Birthday!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRADMILL2922 6/17/2014 2:30AM

    Good to see you back in these parts! Coming back and being honest is one of the hardest things to do and you have done that. No, I don't even mean coming back to SP, I mean being honest with yourself and coming back to your old new way of doing things. I know I am not breaking any news with that but just reminding you that you have just conquered one of the hardest parts of the journey!

So now you keep pushing and you tap into what worked for you the last time...but you change it a bit because you are different now than you were then. You have evolved. You have gained the knowledge along the way to be successful and you know what it takes. You have been there! You got this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELAN5 6/17/2014 1:58AM

    Happy early birthday, TIffany! I am so glad you are back. You will get to your goal! You are not alone-- we are all in this together! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/16/2014 9:44PM

    I'm really glad you're back Tiffany! I've regained about 30, and I've been back on the wagon for a couple of weeks. It feels REALLY good! I know it sucks, but you've done it once, you can do it again... at least that's what I've been telling myself. We've got this, and I'm here for you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMONEKP 6/16/2014 6:31PM

    Welcome baccckkkk! There is something to be said for Zodiac personalities. I'm happy to see you here again. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you regain your muscle memory.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 6/16/2014 5:30PM

    Welcome back! I am a Taurini, so I have some aspects of Gemini. I hear ya! Missed you, and I'm here for you if you need anything! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WHITNEYLD 6/16/2014 3:15PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBERLICIOUS88 6/16/2014 3:11PM

    Welcome back! I totally understand the Gemini thing...I'm one too. You can do it! We just have to keep things spicy and exciting. :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEVEN_D 6/16/2014 2:05PM

    You look good for middle-aged! Just don't get so distracted this time. I'm a distracted Leo.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KARRIMARIE 6/16/2014 1:29PM

    Happy early birthday!!! You'll get back to where you need to be in no time! I think we can all relate to the disappearing/starting over process that I think all of us go through at some point. But you sound like you know what you have to do and I know you'll get there! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

2 years

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Today is my 2 year SparkVersary. It was one of those things I remembered as an aside. I haven't been sparking. Haven't been in touch with you, my precious friends. Haven't been exercising. Have been eating whatever is convenient. I can't remember when I cooked my last meal. I think my refrigerator has multiple science experiments growing in it. I'm afraid to look though. I'm not sure how much I weigh; however, I have no doubt that I weigh more than I have in a year. My smallest dress pants no longer fit. (Which is a problem, because I can't seem to find my next size up. So I'm still wearing the too small dress pants in hopes no one will notice my A$$ is about to burst a seam.) My smallest jeans still do fit.

This has been a tough year for me. Yeah. I know. It's been a tough year for all of us right?

I lost my dad suddenly in a tragic car accident in April. He was on life support for a week before the decision had to be made to cease that support. Daddy couldn't have made that decision about me. I'm not sure how I so easily made it about him. Listening to his last gasping breaths was heart wrenching and I zoned out. I've been gone ever since.

I fell in love. Also suddenly...and recklessly. Then had my heart broken. Just something else to stuff into the bottle and cork tight.

I had surgery in October. Not major surgery, but enough I had general anesthesia and couldn't lift more than 10 lbs for 6 weeks. Still waiting...

On the flip side, it has been a monumental year for me. I participated in 5 5Ks, two of which were obstacle course races. One of those 5Ks I ran all but 5 minutes--a 2 min stretch and a 3 min stretch. Flipping Awesome folks!!

I am struggling to redirect my energy and attention to my weight loss journey.

Day 1
Today I will focus on being more mindful. Only water, no caffeine (although I really haven't been drinking much caffeine anyway). No more fried food. Menu planning and grocery shopping would be nice...after tackling the science experiments in my refrigerator. Later today I plan to go back and read my initial blogs. Surely there has to be some inspiration there, right?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INALBERTA 1/11/2014 1:28PM

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.

I lost my dad in a tragic car accident in April of 2012. He died on the operating table.

It's something we'll never get over but we do have amazing guardian angels watching over us.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHOES17 12/31/2013 10:34AM

    As you can see I am way to late in my reply. I have been carefully avoiding Sparks, because my once fall off me pants are fitting way to tight. I was up 24 pounds at one time from my low of 200. I want you to know you are not alone. I am so sorry your heart has been broken so many times this year, especially since you have made my heart stronger. Many positive and spiritual thoughts are being directed your way.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MLDRLD 12/28/2013 10:05PM

    You've had quite a year, including some very traumatic events. Be gentle with yourself; life has handed you some really hard knocks.

As you "restart" your Spark journey, remember to celebrate every small, positive step you take. Over time, they add up. emoticon , one step, one day at a time.

Wishing you all the best.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 12/25/2013 10:28PM

    I'm glad to see you back. What a year you have had! Let's make this next year a great year! You can do this. Hugs!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CLEARNIGHTSKY 12/22/2013 10:40PM

    I am so glad you are back. I am visiting your page for the first time. I agree, this year has had some incredibly stressful times in it. I am so sorry for the loss of your father.

You can do this, and you deserve it. You know you are not alone in this journey. We will get to goal and maintain!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 12/18/2013 12:33PM

    It sounds like you've had one hell of a year. I'm glad you're back!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMONEKP 12/17/2013 1:55PM

    Hi Tif,

Welcome back. You have had a rough year but just try to remember why you started and what kept you going all those months after.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 12/17/2013 12:57PM

    Sweetie, there's no reason to feel guilty about making the decision about your dad. I am 100% sure he is watching over you and completely understands. Daddies are like that (good ones at least). I'm sure he would want you to take care of yourself and to be happy, and not regret anything. Take care of YOU, because you're important to a lot of people! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNSJOURNEY 12/17/2013 10:14AM

    My dearest Tiffany..

your initial blogs .. will help you remember why...

look in the mirror really look.. see how beautiful you are.. how far you have come and wrap your arms around yourself tight.. and LOVE YOU !!

If I was there .. Trust I would do it.. I would hold you tight , let you cry it out and then.. wipe off , get up and go FORWARD !!

Remember .. You are what matters.. You have to matter to YOU !!! but you know that .. LOVE YOU !!!

I will be checking in.. and bugging the heck out of you :P

hugs and lots of love,

Comment edited on: 12/17/2013 10:15:00 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
BIGREDANGEL 12/17/2013 9:31AM

    Im there too...DROWNING really...asked for help w people running away instead and cant seem to pull myself out on my own...dont know what to do!?!?

Report Inappropriate Comment
SISSY_24 12/17/2013 9:09AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Sunday, October 27, 2013

Hello. My name is Tiffany and I am an addict. No, not a drug addict. Not an alcoholic. I am a food addict. And I've been on a bender. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been drinking my water. I haven't been Sparking. Today that comes to an end.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABEAUTIFULMESS1 11/4/2013 4:05PM

    I've been in the exact same place lately!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMONEKP 10/31/2013 9:59AM

    welcome back, I've been looking for you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOOZINITNOW 10/29/2013 3:45PM

    One step at a time. You can do it! We've got your back! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THELILEA 10/29/2013 1:54PM

    I think we all relate!!! Definitely not a journey killer. I know how hard it feels to pick up again, though, but it also always feels so much better for me when I have. Hug!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PARASELENIC 10/29/2013 12:51PM

    We have all been there. I hope that you enjoyed your bender, and that you are able to take elements of that bender and apply them to your life. I know that I have been on benders before where I learned that when I eat a whole bag of cheesy poofs I feel like crap for the whole day. When I don't exercise for 3 weeks, I'm not starting over from the beginning, but my body has fallen backwards in its strength.

What lessons have you learned from your last sparkvaykay?

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARCHIMEDESII 10/29/2013 12:25PM

    Welcome back !!

Nelson Mandela once said,"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall."


Report Inappropriate Comment
TIGER_LILY_613 10/29/2013 12:05PM

    You can do this, Tiffany !

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEEP6311 10/29/2013 11:59AM

    I am right there with you, i took a six week "detour" and have felt so tired and down and no energy, then it hit me, goofy get off your butt and get back to where you belong. Started yesterday and all ready feel a difference! We can do this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BOBCATGIRL76 10/29/2013 11:10AM

    Welcome back. You can do this Tiffany! You've done it before! You've already made the best first step in coming back to Spark.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHOES17 10/29/2013 1:32AM

    May I join you. I think I might need to confess also...
I am addict addicted to failure. I always seem to turn and face the wrong direction. Together we can face our addictions

Comment edited on: 10/29/2013 1:34:12 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
BIGREDANGEL 10/28/2013 7:58AM

    Same here girl!! Back to feeling like sh**!! emoticon We HAVE to!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 10/27/2013 10:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELAN5 10/27/2013 1:27PM

    Go, Tiffany, go! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AWOOD1973 10/27/2013 9:49AM

    Wow! I totally am going thru the same thing. Not sure if it's the weather or my lack of total motivation, but I'm going thru a DONE moment myself! Time to get back to work!!! Let's DO THIS!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/27/2013 9:49:41 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
NYARAMULA 10/27/2013 9:43AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
PITA_1988 10/27/2013 9:32AM

    I'm right there with you, girl! Stay in touch.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 10/27/2013 9:05AM

    I'm with Lulu! What can we do to help?! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/27/2013 8:49AM

    Hello Tiffany! My name is Holly and I'm a binge eater... getting back to basics is honestly the BEST way to get yourself turned around. If you can't go full force exercise AND food, pick one. Do exercise and water to start, or whatever it is that won't overwhelm you. You can do this, and I've got your back sister!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LULUBELLE65 10/27/2013 8:08AM

    I'm glad you're back. What can we do to help?

Report Inappropriate Comment

    emoticon Back to the basics. Just one day. Just one more day after that. But for now- just one day.
I know what you are going through, and for me the first couple days after are the hardest. Sometimes for me just deciding to eat healthy for the first day and not count calories is enough to shake things up and get away from the junk foods and desserts.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EOWYN2424 10/27/2013 2:23AM

    hang in there! You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEARINGTHIN 10/27/2013 2:16AM

    Might be time to review your old motivations and techniques that you have used. You've probably picked up a few along the way. Good luck to you, Glenn

Report Inappropriate Comment

Slow Progress--Staying True To Myself

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Okay. I have been a little irritated about the scale not moving down. This morning it sits at 200.0. Which is down .2 from yesterday. But still 1.7 pounds above my lowest weigh in. Yuck. I'm doing EVERYTHING right. Yesterday I decided to bump my calories up. Why? Because I haven't been hungry at meals. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but the one way I can tell I'm in the right calorie range? I'm hungry before meal time. When I'm not physically hungry at meal time, my cravings go through the roof. That's me lately. So I'm going to fiddle with my calorie range a bit and see if I can jumpstart my metabolism again. Hopefully it will get the scale moving.

For almost two months now I've been training hard in a Crossfit-esque class that meets 3 nights a week for about 1.5-2 hours each night. I also do cardio training Sat and Sun. My cardio conditioning has seriously done wonderful things. I can see the effects of the class on my running endurance and speed. (20 min straight last weekend!) I used to loathe the class because it really truly kicks my butt. Now it's growing on me. Not to mention this is the first time ever that a "fitness coach" has ever been able to motivate me. Just the thought of any of my school gym teachers makes me bow my back in rebellion. Not this guy. I want to work hard and sweat for him. But more importantly, when I'm thinking of cutting corners or reps, I keep going for ME...and he's found the right technique to make me see it that way.

With all this Strength/cardio training, I know I'm building muscle. I can start to see it in my arms...even through all the flab. However, it gets frustrating to not see the scale move or a difference in how my clothes fit.

Today, just in time I might add, two different people approached me and said they see recent changes--that it looks like I'm really trimming up. One of the HF classmates said he could see a change in my body composition--particulrly my face, back, waist and legs. I'll take it. Even though I don't see a change in how my clothes fit or anything else other than my performance. I like the idea of my back fat going away too. And since I can't see back there, it must be true. Right?

I'm keeping my focus and priorities straight. Reminder to self: the scale is only one measure of fitness, and not always the best one either. I think it's time to get out the tape measure again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELAN5 10/24/2013 9:41PM

    You are so right about the non-scale victories! Congrats on your workout success! Remember that muscle weighs more than fat. You're doing great! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHOES17 10/10/2013 5:40AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 9/16/2013 8:59PM

    The scale is only one measure of fitness... so hard to remember that! But it's SO true! I've really only lost about 10 pounds in the last year and a half. The thing is, I'm so much more fit than I ever was, and that's HUGE! Believe me, I know how bad it sucks to see that scale bouncing around or not doing anything... just keep pushing and things WILL happen!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMONEKP 9/16/2013 11:23AM

    I hear you Tiff, you've heard me mourn and groan about it all summer long

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISS-OVEREATER 9/16/2013 1:08AM

    Have you tried calorie cycling?

Report Inappropriate Comment
PITA_1988 9/15/2013 8:47AM

    I am super impressed by your determination and stamina. I've been avoiding a similar class at my gym, and it only meets for 30 minutes! Just keep doing what you're doing.

"Those who succeed are the ones who look in the mirror and see no change, but continue anyway, knowing they'll get there in time."


Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 9/14/2013 8:57PM

    This is awesome. You are doing it! It may not feel like it at times but stay true to yourself and you will so be able to see the difference! Rock it! Stand and be proud. Keep pushing cause you will see the reward!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNSJOURNEY 9/13/2013 1:18PM

    YOUR DOING AWESOME !! it will move when it is ready .. that Scale has it's own mind.. Know your doing wonderful things for your health and one day .. magic will happen for you .. I have no doubt..

love you T ,

Report Inappropriate Comment
RECREATING_ME 9/13/2013 12:08PM

    When people randomly tell you that you are looking trimmer, it's definitely true! I know you know that progress is not just measured on the scale, but really -- could you have ever imagined yourself doing something like this class six months ago? That you are doing it and feeling motivated in it is huge!

Keep being the rockstar that you are, Tiffany!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    You know all the usual things, so I won't repeat them. But this new revelation about hunger at meal times meaning you are in the right range is a new and amazing testament to self-knowledge. It DOES make sense when you think about how a person that has been fasting then becomes less hungry. Why? For sanity's sake? I really don't know. What I do know is that I will now be looking out for this myself. You are always 'sparking' me to be more self-aware!

Sounds like some new photos will be in order for you soon! Can't wait to see your smiling face!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LULUBELLE65 9/13/2013 5:44AM

    Just keep doing what you're doing. Muscle weighs more than fat, so a change may come in your clothing before you see it on the scale. Also, you could try drinking more water. Sometimes when you build muscle your body holds on to more water and drinking more can flush it out.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ONELITTLEPILL 9/13/2013 1:24AM

    Keep it up and you WILL get there. It's so frustrating when the scale isn't moving (even though it SHOULD be!!!), but stay the course and you'll come out ahead! You're doing awesome!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITFRIT 9/12/2013 11:51PM

    Sounds like you should expect a big drop soon! Good luck!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEEPINGANGEL74 9/12/2013 11:17PM

    No matter what the numbers say, you are doing AWESOME!! The changes in your body that you describe are fantastic, keep up the great work and tinker until it feels right for you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Last Page