Monday, June 16, 2014
Hello Friends. I'm sorry I became one of the "disappeared." It happens. Many of you know what I mean.
Confessions first. I've regained 46 pounds since hitting my lowest of 194 in October. 50 pounds. Almost 6 gallons of milk. Criminey. No wonder my body aches and I have trouble moving, much less levitating. 240 pounds feels like a prison sentence. I have to remember how wonderful it felt on my way down the ladder though. 240 feels a hell of a lot better than 305.
I've been gone so long I've forgotten what to do. Not really forgotten, but lost my "muscle memory." Yes, our brains are muscles too. (And by far the most important muscle in this journey!) So I'm recovering from a bad case of lazy brain.
I'm a Gemini. Very Gemini. My guess is most of you don't buy into the hokey, hoodoo voodoo idea of personality based on zodiac. That's your choice. I won't try to force you to believe. So anyway...Gemini. Definitely 2 personalities. Definitely easily distracted and bored by mundane things. But you know what? Losing 110 pounds really helped me tap into other aspects of my personality. I began doing new things (zip lining, OCR, 5Ks, hiking, blueberry picking in 95 degree weather and loving every damn minute of it!!) Life felt fun. I felt fun. My friends told me I was fun. Wow. I wasn't fun when I weighed 305. Or rather, I was as much fun as a bookend can be. This is now a struggle to retain those aspects of myself that I uncovered and cherish.
This past week I paid a visit to my Gyn for my annual. She broke the news to me. 50 pounds since October. "What's going on?" she asked. "What exercise are you doing?' she asked more insistently. None, I admitted. She still gave me the benefit of the doubt and said she wanted to test my thyroid levels. God bless her. I knew though that my thyroid wasn't the problem. Out of control eating and NO exercise whatsoever was the real problem. Like a good doctor, she admonished me sternly to start exercising. No patronizing. No finger wagging. Just a caring reminder that I've got to do something. Oh yeah...the thyroid levels are just fine. Thank goodness.
Gym time. WooHoo!
Last night I put in 45 min of cardio, and this morning before work I put in another 60. My eating is on track for the day and I don't feel bingey. (Bingey--you know, where you want to eat everything that isn't glued down and even that you are tempted to lick just to see if it might be worth gnawing on.) I haven't gone grocerying because I'm a bit transient at the moment. I don't want to waste food. I've got to work out where I'm going to cook and eat what.
Tomorrow I am 45. That's about as middle age as it gets. I feel old. I don't want more kids, but I can't have them if I did. I definitely don't want grandkids yet. 45 is dangerously close to 50. When I was 18 I thought 50 was elderly...that nothing good comes after 50. Isn't youth arrogant?
I think this year will be devoted to getting my ducks in a row. Financially, spacially, physically.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Today is my 2 year SparkVersary. It was one of those things I remembered as an aside. I haven't been sparking. Haven't been in touch with you, my precious friends. Haven't been exercising. Have been eating whatever is convenient. I can't remember when I cooked my last meal. I think my refrigerator has multiple science experiments growing in it. I'm afraid to look though. I'm not sure how much I weigh; however, I have no doubt that I weigh more than I have in a year. My smallest dress pants no longer fit. (Which is a problem, because I can't seem to find my next size up. So I'm still wearing the too small dress pants in hopes no one will notice my A$$ is about to burst a seam.) My smallest jeans still do fit.
This has been a tough year for me. Yeah. I know. It's been a tough year for all of us right?
I lost my dad suddenly in a tragic car accident in April. He was on life support for a week before the decision had to be made to cease that support. Daddy couldn't have made that decision about me. I'm not sure how I so easily made it about him. Listening to his last gasping breaths was heart wrenching and I zoned out. I've been gone ever since.
I fell in love. Also suddenly...and recklessly. Then had my heart broken. Just something else to stuff into the bottle and cork tight.
I had surgery in October. Not major surgery, but enough I had general anesthesia and couldn't lift more than 10 lbs for 6 weeks. Still waiting...
On the flip side, it has been a monumental year for me. I participated in 5 5Ks, two of which were obstacle course races. One of those 5Ks I ran all but 5 minutes--a 2 min stretch and a 3 min stretch. Flipping Awesome folks!!
I am struggling to redirect my energy and attention to my weight loss journey.
Today I will focus on being more mindful. Only water, no caffeine (although I really haven't been drinking much caffeine anyway). No more fried food. Menu planning and grocery shopping would be nice...after tackling the science experiments in my refrigerator. Later today I plan to go back and read my initial blogs. Surely there has to be some inspiration there, right?
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Hello. My name is Tiffany and I am an addict. No, not a drug addict. Not an alcoholic. I am a food addict. And I've been on a bender. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been drinking my water. I haven't been Sparking. Today that comes to an end.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Okay. I have been a little irritated about the scale not moving down. This morning it sits at 200.0. Which is down .2 from yesterday. But still 1.7 pounds above my lowest weigh in. Yuck. I'm doing EVERYTHING right. Yesterday I decided to bump my calories up. Why? Because I haven't been hungry at meals. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but the one way I can tell I'm in the right calorie range? I'm hungry before meal time. When I'm not physically hungry at meal time, my cravings go through the roof. That's me lately. So I'm going to fiddle with my calorie range a bit and see if I can jumpstart my metabolism again. Hopefully it will get the scale moving.
For almost two months now I've been training hard in a Crossfit-esque class that meets 3 nights a week for about 1.5-2 hours each night. I also do cardio training Sat and Sun. My cardio conditioning has seriously done wonderful things. I can see the effects of the class on my running endurance and speed. (20 min straight last weekend!) I used to loathe the class because it really truly kicks my butt. Now it's growing on me. Not to mention this is the first time ever that a "fitness coach" has ever been able to motivate me. Just the thought of any of my school gym teachers makes me bow my back in rebellion. Not this guy. I want to work hard and sweat for him. But more importantly, when I'm thinking of cutting corners or reps, I keep going for ME...and he's found the right technique to make me see it that way.
With all this Strength/cardio training, I know I'm building muscle. I can start to see it in my arms...even through all the flab. However, it gets frustrating to not see the scale move or a difference in how my clothes fit.
Today, just in time I might add, two different people approached me and said they see recent changes--that it looks like I'm really trimming up. One of the HF classmates said he could see a change in my body composition--particulrly my face, back, waist and legs. I'll take it. Even though I don't see a change in how my clothes fit or anything else other than my performance. I like the idea of my back fat going away too. And since I can't see back there, it must be true. Right?
I'm keeping my focus and priorities straight. Reminder to self: the scale is only one measure of fitness, and not always the best one either. I think it's time to get out the tape measure again.
Get An Email Alert Each Time DAUGHTEROFTWIN Posts