Saturday, October 01, 2011
This is not going to be an inspirational or uplifting post. I have been having a hard time over the last couple of weeks, despite being insanely busy. Two weeks ago was my "ovulation date," and things happened as they should. Hope is there as it always is, but I have stopped hanging all my hopes on one nail. That nail is getting rusty and bent and can't take the weight. If that nail falls, I would be devastated again, and there is just too much going on right now to take a moment of devastation, you know? So I have taken to hanging only one hope on that nail per month.
Anyways, I digress. This week has been tough. Of course, it's my PMS week, so everything is worse than normal. Add a little absent husband (working in Canada, bachelor party in Atlantic City with his college buddies) and a dash of night-turn for me. Simmer with a dash of food poisoning, no word on a job opportunity, and another pregnant friend; and just watch the kettle boil.
Yesterday I was scheduled for a 7PM-7AM shift at the hospital. I woke up extremely nauseous but still planning on going into work. Three hours later I was violently ill, and unable to go to work. For the next three hours, I was sick and alone and lonely. I called Brian, and he told me his friend - who just got married Memorial Day weekend - is already pregnant and due ~March. Meaning, they got pregnant right away. He told me because he thought I already knew, but I didn't. It just made me feel worse... To top it all off, I posted about being sick on facebook, and of course the first comment I get is a question about whether or not I'm pregnant. So last night I threw myself a little pity party.
I am feeling better this morning - both physically and emotionally - but I am still a bit down. My period is due today. I think once it comes I will be able to "readjust" and get past the emotional and hormonal turmoil. Then I can stop being jealous and go back to being the happy supportive friend. That's the Jenn that I like, not this sulky one.
On a positive note, next weekend is Women of Faith. Here's hoping for renewal and refreshment. I know I could sure use some.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Today was the Great Race in Pittsburgh. The day dawned bright and clear and 62 degrees. The sky was a beautiful robin's egg blue, and the breeze was gentle and cool. My sister-in-law, her boyfriend, and I started the walk down the hill from their apartment. At the bottom of the hill, who are the first two people we encounter? SMILEITSALLGOOD and BAM0827! We continued on to the starting area where a throng of people had already gathered:
After a beautiful rendition of the national anthem, it was time to move. The gun fired, and we were off on the streets of Oakland. Down the hill and around the ramp we ran. And, oh, the sight! This never-ending sea of people twisting and writhing in a beautiful dance. I have never seen anything like it. It took my breath away (which, thankfully was very temporary.....needed that breath to run!).
On we went, into downtown towards the Point - our destination. As I headed down the last stretch, there stood an image that literally brought tears to my eyes. My husband was there, camera in hand, to watch me come in. It was the first time he'd ever seen me run. It meant the world to me.
Armed with the cheers from my friends (LOVE my Nike+ app!) and the support of my husband, I was determined to finish strongly. When I first decided to do the Great Race, I had hoped to finish in 33 minutes, but my training runs were solidly in the 35-38 minute range. I gave up that ideal and just wanted to have a better time than JASR this year. Well.....according to my app, I finished in 32:58! Now, the official time was 33:30, but either way, I was ecstatic. It really is nice to see hard work pay off.
Speaking of which, my hard work took a bit of a beating in the last week and a half. PMS hit with a vengeance. I've been so tired that I've basically been living on coffee and caffeine just to make it through the day. And to keep myself going I have eaten a ton. Then, to make matters worse, Brian has started traveling again. I had a day and a half with him this weekend, and I only get an evening with him this weekend. *sigh* It will be nice when I get back on an even keel emotionally. Thankfully, I just have a few little tweaks to get back on track. AND, I have this amazing race to really keep me going!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Isn't that a nice piece of sunshine? And it means that, yes, I have lost a pound. I woke up this morning, got on the scale, and was welcomed with the number 175.8. Woot!
Another accomplishment? Worked out four times last week. And.....
So, now I have to schedule another heavenly bubble bath and a manicure. I really like these particular rewards. They are things that make me take time for myself, AND they are truly feasible on a weekly basis. Anyways, last week was a success! I feel like I am really on a roll here. We'll see in a few weeks, right?
Anyways, on to tackle goals 3 and 4.
3) I want to run a half marathon.
I am not sure when this will happen. I had started a training program with the goal of running one this September, but then I couldn't get the day off from work. So I abandoned the plan and have been working on my 5K endurance and times for my next race - Pittsburgh's Great Race - on September 25. The next race on my immediate horizon is Just a Short Run in March. This was the first race in which I had ever participated. This past spring I did the 5K. They also have an 8.1 mile run as well as a half marathon. I have toyed with the idea of trying for the half, but I don't think I will be able to dedicate the time to training for a half over the winter. I HATE the cold and snow. It's the main reason I have been trying (unsuccessfully) for the last 9 years to convince the hubby to move south. Anyways, I think I am going to shoot for the 8 miler and maybe try for the half in May for the Pittsburgh marathon. But I WILL run one, and May seems like the perfect time - before the heat of summer really kicks in. I am leaving this open-ended, but that's my plan so far.
4) I want to keep up with my running buddy and not feel like I am holding her back.
I have several running buddies. There are those I have met and run with on rare occasions, and then there are my two most frequent:
That's my dog, Cinder. She LOVES to go running with "Mommy."
That's Krissy, a friend from AGH (my old hospital) who is ex-Army and one heck of a runner. In fact, she is the inspiration behind goal #4. She runs a mile in ~5 mins and has the endurance of a marathoner. While I do not envision myself running as fast as her - ever - I would like to increase my endurance so we don't always have to walk half the time. I feel like I truly hold her back. The only treatment for that, of course, is to keep running and training for longer distances. That's why I have grouped goals 3 & 4 together. If one happens, the other will by default.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
I am tackling the next "easy" goal on my list with this blog.
5) I want to wear cute clothes.
What makes this goal an "easy" one to tackle is not actually reaching it, but the plan to get there. All I need to wear the cute skirts and tops and pants that I want to is to lose weight and become smaller. Now before everyone starts in on the whole "you can dress well at any size" bit, let me say that I know that. In fact, I know how to dress well. People can never believe how big I am simply because I learned a long time ago how to dress for my shape. The classics go a long way. However, there ARE certain styles and items that do NOT look good on people over a certain size. And some of those styles I love and miss. So, clothing is my big inspiration for measurable weight loss. I have already tackled the exercise portion in my last blog, so I am going to concentrate on diet.
When I first embarked on this journey years ago, diet was easy. Exercise was hard for me to stick to. I established the habit and was very successful. Something strange happened, though, when I fell off the wagon. Tracking and food choices became extremely difficult. Exercise was like therapy for me, but so was food. And not in a healthy way. When I restarted this journey, tracking became tedious and difficult. I would succeed for a day or maybe even a meal or two before tossing the idea. So I need to create an amazing experiential reward for tracking. For every 7 days in a row that I track my food, I will treat myself to a glass of my favorite wine (Menage a Trois, for anyone looking for an amazing new wine....), a bubble bath, and a good book.
One last reward for myself. For every one pound that I lose (starting from 177.6), I will treat myself to fresh flowers for my desk. They won't have to be expensive, just something colorful and beautiful to remind myself of how beautiful I am, how beautiful I will be, and how beautiful the journey is. Also, it's just going to be a little bit of freshness where I spend most of my time.
Now to evaluate the last week. As far as exercise goes, I started out strong. I ran Monday and Wednesday, and then TOM showed up with a vengeance. The cramps were so bad that all I did for the rest of the week was go to work Saturday and Sunday and then lounge on the couch/in bed the rest of the time. I made it halfway last week, which means no manicure yet.
As for tracking, I am on day 10. :) Time to plan a bubble bath! I haven't tracked this much/long in years! Woot!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Over the next few entries, I am going to take each of my previously stated eight goals and outline my plan to meet each and every one by next August 26. Just as a warning, I am taking them out of order because thatís how my brain works, and thatís the order in which I have developed plans.
8) I want a busy schedule but a peaceful mind.
I am a Type A, independent woman that thrives on a certain amount of stress. I have to be busy to be effective at anything I do. Without any stress I tend to become listless, unmotivated. Things just do not get done. I need challenge; I need something to achieve. However, I walk a fine line. With too much stress the opposite effect happens. Thatís when the darkness threatens to swallow me after too long with too much stress. And that is why my goal is to have a busy schedule to stimulate me but to have a quiet and peaceful mind.
I have no problems keeping a busy schedule. In fact, if it werenít Outlook and my phone, I would double and triple book myself more often than not. It used to happen. As it is, between school and work, I donít get to see some people as often as I would like. The peaceful mind is a little more difficult. My mind is most peaceful when I am exercising regularly, when I take time to spend with my Father on a regular basis (hence goal #6), and when I am getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep a night.
It seems that the ideal number of days for me exercising per week is 4. Any less and I donít get the same benefits. Any more and I sometimes feel burned out due to the time constraints. My fitness goal, then, is to work out 4 days per week. For each week I meet that goal, my reward will be a self-manicure. In addition to the 4 days of aerobic/strength training exercise, if I complete at least one session of yoga per week, I will treat myself to an entire "spa afternoon or evening."
Secondly, I will address my daily devotional time in a future blog when I address goal #6.
As for the sleep, that usually follows regular exercise. My only problems arise when I am working nights. I just canít get enough sleep on those days, period. On my other days, I will go to bed at 9-9:30 on nights when I donít work until 11. On the nights I work till 11:30, I will give myself one half hour to decompress after work, but then itís straight to bed. There will be no ďexternalĒ reward for my sleep. The rest will be reward enough.
So thatís the plan, StanÖÖfor a great number 8!
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