Monday, October 25, 2010
My period just started. Guess it just needed a good ol' horseback riding session to shake itself loose. Time to go have a good cry and then get on with life. Thanks, though, for all your comments.
Monday, October 25, 2010
So, Brian and I have been trying to have a baby since February of this year, and it hasn't worked yet. This month everything worked out the way it was supposed to: Brian was actually in town, timing was right, and the ovulation strip said I ovulated.
However, I took one of those "early detection" pregnancy tests 4 days ago (3 days before I was supposed to start) and it was negative. I was disappointed, but honestly, I was used to disappointment at that point. I've taken the pessimistic stance on this issue in order to preserve my own sanity and to not ride a bigger roller coaster every month than I already do.
So, here's the freakout part. I'm a day late. Which, I know, doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but I'm usually very regular. Not that there hasn't been a month here and there over the last several years where I haven't been a day or two late. It's just not normal. I am trying to keep my emotions under control and I keep reminding myself that I was negative, but I'm having a hard time. Do I take another test and risk being a mess when it comes out negative again? Do I torture myself for another day or longer to wait for the elusive period? Which is worse? I can't allow myself to hope. Not yet. And, yet, I desperately want to....I feel like I'm going nuts, and I'm only ONE DAY LATE. Ok, done freaking out for now. I need to go finish the pumpkin roll I baked last night.....
Saturday, September 04, 2010
What did I accomplish this past week? I succeeded in exercising three separate days this week.
What do I intend to accomplish this next week? I will exercise four separate days. I also intend to start training seriously for my 5K in October. I've been jogging this week to get a gauge for where I have relapsed to, but no real "training" this week. My other goal for the week is to keep my calories under 1400 at least 5 days of the week.
I decided to try the novel idea of starting slowly......I know, I know, SP tells us time and again that a slow pace is best to prevent burnout. I finally decided to give it a try. It's also why I have broken up my weight loss goals into 5lb increments. Now I just have to figure out more rewards.....if you look at my page, you'll notice some very obvious holes.
I have a weekly goal, but I also have a monthly one. Each month I am aiming for a 5lb loss. Here's hoping!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
SOOOOO, set my alarm for this morning to get up and run at 5AM.......well, hubby wasn't home last night, so maybe I sorta stayed up a teensie weensie bit late last night? I hit my snooze not once, but several times......and didn't get up till 6:15AM. Oh, and there's this little thing called work that I have to leave my house by 6:45AM for........ Needless to say, I didn't run before work. Instead, I practically ran my bum off to get there on time! (Somehow I got there in 6 mins.........shhh! Don't tell the cops!)
Since I was late, I didn't get a chance to pack my lunch and barely had time to grab breakfast on my way out the door (a hot sausage link.....yeah, I know, odd, but that's me!)
I made it to work on time.
THEN, I felt like I was back working in Pittsburgh with the day/patient I had! Can't go into detail (that whole privacy issue, you know), but my patient was not doing well and ended up being flown to Pittsburgh for emergency surgery. I was still charting 1.5 hours after my patient left!
After that patient left, the unit was empty, so I went to the gift shop (cause the cafeteria was closed by that point) and got the best thing they had........chicken salad on a bagel (which admittedly, was NOT the best thing I could have eaten, but the choices there were limited). I finished charting and then left early. But then, instead of going home and sitting on my butt, I remembered that I had a clean tank top and shorts in the car.........and, yes, feel free to be proud of me ........I changed in my trailblazer and went straight to the track. I ran 2 miles in 28 mins.
It wasn't my best time, but considering I haven't been outside running in awhile, I was pleased. I'm on my way to being ready for my Halloween 5K! Can't wait! My goal is to RUN the whole thing like I used to be able to........it will be my sign to myself that I am getting back in the swing of things.
So, that's my day SO FAR....now I have to find dinner.
TTFN! Oh, and in case I didn't say it before: Whew!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Note to Self: Choices
Friday, April 23, 2010
I heard someone say today that we all make choices every day. I've heard that statement maybe a million times, but today it really hit me.
We ALL make choices, EVERY day.... We CHOOSE to wear white or black. We CHOOSE to go to work or not. We CHOOSE to be happy; we CHOOSE to be sad. We CHOOSE to be fat; we CHOOSE to be thin. Yep, I said it. We choose. There may be medical components, of course (trust me, I have struggled with depression long enough to know), but in the end, we still CHOOSE our fate.
What does this mean to me? It means that when I "screw up" or put off working out or eating right until the next day, next week, etc., I am CHOOSING to gain weight. I am CHOOSING to not value myself enough to be healthy. I am CHOOSING to be complacent.....but even complacency is a choice - a choice to be sick and tired and yes, fat.
Today I am CHOOSING to be healthy, to eat right, and to exercise. Tomorrow I hope I make the same choices. What will you CHOOSE?
**WARNING** This is a VERY long post
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I had all these grandiose ideas for myself back in January. Some things happened; most didn't. My patterns from last year have followed me into this one instead of "magically" falling away. My clothes have continued to get tighter. Things are not ALL bleak, however. My new job is amazing, as are my coworkers. My sleep schedule is regular for once in my life. My house is clean. I have more energy. I have even been able to start the weaning processto get off my lexapro. Now I just have to concentrate on my physical health in addition to my mental health. I have been thinking and planning, testing and trying, and I have found some things that work and others that don't. I have come up with another (hopefully more workable) plan to replace my huge ideas from the beginning of the year. Here is my progression of ideas:
1) I need to make appointments to work out. I need times and dealines and a sense of "necessity." In short, it needs to be a priority for me. I have discovered by tracking my work schedule and my exercise on a monthly calendar that - surprise! - I am more consistent on days I actually work, not on my days off. Which means, I do better when I get up at 4:30 AM. Sounds odd, right? Apparently, though, it means that my alarm does more than wake me up. It signals to me that I have something that MUST be done. So I decided to test my theory. What I have found is that it is quite effective to set an alarm on my days off. Even if I set it later so that I am still "sleeping in," the alarm tells me there are things to do, that I will miss my "appointment" to exercise.
2) I need a clean and clear gym space. My husband in his "infinite" wisdom decided that my basement (what he calls Jenn's Jungle Gym) was a better work area than his garage. Hence, he has boards and a chair and stain in the middle of the floor where I do DVDs. No big deal, right? Right.....IF he ever cleaned it up. It's been there since mid-December. As a result, my gym space feels cramped and cluttered and extremely uninviting.
This area has been BY FAR the hardest obstacle to overcome. I don't know why, either. It was always the "easy" part for me. However, suddenly I have no willpower. I am ALWAYS hungry, and things that used to be so easy to resist are now extremely tempting. Then there's my husband who loves high-fat, quick and easy meals. I am not sure WHEN this change occured for me, but 1200-1400 cals just doesn't seem like much anymore. My only idea for tackling this is to go back to the beginning and be unyielding. More planning = more success. I will beat the hunger!
CLEANING (part of the mental health side of my plan)
It took awhile, but my house is now clean. Now I just have to keep it that way.
1) I will set my alarm EVERY day. On work days when I start at 7, I will set it for 4:30. On days off when I am home alone, I will set my alarm for 7. On days off when Brian is home, I will set my alarm for either 6 or 7 - depending on how much he wants to kill me for having an alarm. ;)
2) Gym space: I will have a clean space by the end of the week. Brian and I have brainstormed and have some ideas on what to do with his staining supplies.
3) I will be extremely regimented with my nutrition. I will plan EVERY meal at least a day in advance. I do have a "menu" made up for a week in advance, but I'm not sure how well I will be able to keep up with it. I will try, but I am going to start by only requiring one day's plan. I will go back to aiming for 1200-1400 calories without exception. My only "wiggle" room will be snacks. I will allow a certain number of calories for snacks but will not plan what they will be specifically. This will allow me to "splurge" on quantity or quality, whichever I am in the mood for.
4) On that menu I have placed boxes for cleaning tasks. Each day that I am off, I will do something small and manageable to maintain the house.
5) I will continue to track my work days and exercise days on my monthly calendar. It really served as a great visual reinforcement for me.
6) I will update this blog at least every other week so that I can get some feedback. I have truly lacked in this area, and I would really like to take advantage of the support that SP so generously offers.
This plan is doable, I think, but I will readjust as necessary. I will implement this plan starting tomorrow. Tomorrow I am going skiing, so it will be a nice "jump start" on my efforts. Also, tomorrow is Sunday and *basically* the beginning of a month so my visual reminders will have more impact. What do you think?
Thanks so much if you are still reading! I appreciate the support!
I just got the most amazing compliment.....
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Well, here I am, just a day shy of my trip to Florida, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I've managed to lose over 5 lbs and have gotten back "on the horse" again with my exercise and diet habits. I'm quite pleased with my progress. My abs? Back again. My arms? I once again have noticeable biceps. My face? Looks thinner again, and it has quite the glow. Most importantly, my confidence? Through the roof. I feel like I can tackle anything once again. I feel liberated and strong and beautiful. And I am EXCITED to take pics of me this weekend in the "happiest place on earth"!
Then there's the compliment I just received. To set the stage: a resident and I were talking about a patient's blood pressure. My orientee had gone in to the patient's room to recheck, and the resident says to me: "did you ever see a man's blood pressure improve (from being low) when a pretty nurse goes in the room?" I said that I had on the rare occasion. He says to me: "oh, come on, I bet you see it quite often whenever you go in the room." I think I must have blushed or something because the next thing he says is: "I can't be held responsible for anything I say when I'm on call overnight." LOL. It was quite the boost to my ego, I must say.
Wow, you get out of blogging for one week, and then....
Saturday, June 14, 2008
(pic on front page of profile)
Check out the abs in this pic. Those are MINE, all MINE. *giddy squeal*
All right, now on to the actual blogging. I am currently sitting in yet another hotel room in Florida - this one is all mine until Wednesday! It's my long-awaited vacation! The downside? I didn't get to 145; I have stalled for a couple weeks at 147. But I figure that's close enough. The upside? The last 3 weeks have been phenomenal as far as my motivation goes. I've exercised almost every day; I've consistently been right around 1300 calories for the day; AND I have upped my "typical" 30 minute treadmill speed to 5.5mph! Strength training really does help, apparently. ;p I feel incredible!
Want to hear something funny? The guy at the security checkpoint at the airport checked my id, and in a non-creepy, non-sleazy way - kinda just like it was something in passing (which makes it all that much better) - said that I was a very beautiful woman! Now there's an ego boost. I can't even begin to tell you how big of a grin I wore for the rest of the afternoon.
Ok, so I'm planning to update throughout my vacation. I want you to all keep me on track. So here's day 1 (yesterday):
Calories: 1600 (My flights were BOTH delayed, and I was famished, and you gotta "love" airport food)
No exercise - again, both flights were delayed for a total of 2 extra hours........I had planned to exercise when I got to the hotel.
And here's today so far:
Breakfast - 288 calories
Treadmill intervals - 20 mins; weight training (basic) - 15 mins
I woke up really late (noon) since I was so tired from yesterday, so breakfast is all I've eaten so far. I'll keep ya'll updated!
I know, it's been awhile.....
Friday, February 01, 2008
Ok, first off, I'm sure you're all "dying" to know what I think of Turbo Jam.........(hey, I can pretend you're hanging on my every word.....) I enjoy it. It is pretty cool. The only downside is that I think in a short time span, I'll have surpassed their fitness levels......it's not easy, per se, but it seems......ok, easy. I think I'll be able to amp up the challenge with ankle weights, but that's the first time I've ever said that about the DVD workouts I have.
Secondly, I am 149lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't been under 150 since I was in the 5th or 6th grade! And a couple of my size 10s are beginning to feel a bit loose. Maybe, possibly, I might be looking at 8s? Wouldn't that be unreal.
Thirdly, back to the Bally's topic. I had my personal training session, and - *drumroll, please* - I found out that according to his calipers, I'm only 24% body fat! Now, according to every source I've come across, I am officially healthy! *giddy laugh* The second thing I learned from my training session is that I was doing just about every exercise right - except for the plank. I found out that while I definitely do have a strong core, it wasn't nearly as strong as I had thought. Turns out, my form was a little too elevated to really get the good stuff out of the plank. Since then, I've definitely made my body tremble with the correct form. One last thing about the training session......my trainer had me do as many push-ups as I could and then hold one halfway down and then push up when I felt like I was going to die. He had me do this multiple times.......and once, he did them with me, and I outlasted him on the hold! Hehe......that only happened once, though, and it must have been a fluke. Cause every other time he outlasted me. But still, it was a nice feeling.
Well, gotta go get ready for work........night-turn for the next 4 nights........
*sigh* Today was a nice day....
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Today was just so nice. That is, AFTER I woke up. Or after I woke up for good. On a side note, anyone have any guaranteed cures for insomnia? Or dreams, specifically nightmares? I've always, on and off, had issues sleeping.....and the last week has been no exception. And just for your info, I've tried no caffeine after 4PM, no caffeine at all, benadryl at bedtime, soft music, etc...........and none of it has worked..... But again, that's beside the point of my "nice" day. ;p
I got up this morning and made my typical egg beater and cream cheese omelet and waffles for breakfast. I did a bit of cleaning and then headed into Pittsburgh for my appointment at Bally Total Fitness for my free 1 hour personal training session. This was my first time at Bally for my free trial membership (courtesy of the National Body Challenge) and I learned a few things:
1) Never book an appointment online. Apparently the online server doesn't actually communicate with the physical clubs.......according to THEM, I didn't actually have an appointment. Not a big deal, though; I've spent enough time in gyms to be able to occupy myself.
2) This gym - the largest in our city - is incredible! I was more giddy than a kid in a free candy store! There were so many ellipticals and treadmills and cross-trainers that the manager said that even at PEAK times, there are always 3-4 machines of EACH TYPE open. And the weight machines? There were a handful that I've never even heard of, let alone used. And the free weights, and the stretch area.........wow! I had so much fun.....and am currently pleasantly sore to prove it. :)
3) I never knew how ENCOURAGING exercising in front of a mirror could be! Bally's has mirrors around the entire gym floor.....and I have to say, they excited me. I was doing dips and pull-ups and was shocked at the definition that was apparent in my arms. I could see my biceps, my triceps, my deltoids...........with serious definition! And my legs.....wow! I felt like a lesson in my anatomy class. I'm not a vain person, but I LOVED looking at my body today. And I think that's the first time I think I've ever said that - EVER.
I think I'm going to be making more of an effort to go out of my way to hit this gym. :) And I can't wait to go in for my one hour training session. This trial is not going to become permanent, especially with the pompous full-of-himself manager, but I am truly going to enjoy my free trial as much as I can. It's quite the rejuvenation.
So I get home and *finally* found my turbo jam on my doorstep. That's tomorrow's new experience.....I'll let ya'll know how it is. :) All together, it was a great day. It was just what I needed.
Get An Email Alert Each Time DARK_CINDERELLA Posts