Monday, June 13, 2011
The past couple of days have been great, stress wise. I was meditating and felt content, no real big stressers that got to me, and than there was today. My 4 year old son has just been whining and weepy for days and it is finally wearing on my nerves. We went to the doctor for his 4 year check up today, so I know he is not sick. It's these miserable times in parenthood that no one ever talks about. The times when you just want to walk out the front door and not come back until he is at least 32. Or just dive into a big batch of chocolate and put myself into a food coma.
Friday, June 10, 2011
I live my life highly stressed, sometimes stress is the actual fuel that gives me the drive to go with my days. The past year or so though I've really been contemplating what life would be like if I lived it in the opposite manner. You know the whole stopping to smell the flowers and being in the present, instead of getting caught up in the rat race (grades, weight, calories, household duties, 5K's, money, investment portfolios) blah. It seems like a lot of noise.
So even though I have been yearning for something different, I have yet to do anything. Maybe the catalyst was my last term of school. Accounting classes up the whazoo, its my last year, and I am mentally falling apart. Everyday busting at the seems, my poor family, but in reflection this has been my life for many years now. That could have been the straw, or my starting of a being very engrossed in the Eat Pray Love novel that promises of a life full of tranquility and pasta. I do know this, I will not be happy if I continue living my life in this manner, and I worry about the longevity of living with such stress.
I'm ready to change, and here are what I think my initial changes are going to be: Im no longer going to weigh myself. Im a binge eater and I binge when I stress, and than I gain weight. The scale stresses me out, counter productive I think. Also on the same lines, no longer measuring the calories, eat when Im hungry, indulge when the food is just that fabulous that you have to, and no longer exercise because "I have to". If I don't feel like running that day I don't have to, i live a very active life, far from sedentary so what does it matter? Plus if I skip a day of exercise its probably to hang out with my son, do you know what kind of workout playing with a 4 year old gives you?
Im also going to blog about my stressors and see what comes of that. Today I was stressed about not sleeping well and having to take a final on very little sleep. I was stressed about not getting the grade I needed on the final even though if I didn't there is an assignment I can do to make up for lost points. Im stressed about my son being sick with a fever, and what to do for "fun" and to "relax" this weekend. Yea Im so bad with the stress, I get stressed about planning fun and relaxation. What a ride this is going to be...
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Life has just been really great lately. I finally did weigh myself and I hadn't lost or gain but was actually just still 128. Which is great I can live with that, my weight was fluctuating almost 3-4lbs a week there for awhile. I did very well on my vacation, ate sensibly, probably could have drank more water, but really believe I did the best considering the circumstances. My hubby is home until the 27th in which he goes to Korea with him being home and all the family outings and visitors we are going to be having I have made a personal decision to not track my meals this month and just rely on portion control and good choices. Tracking my food really helps me lose weight, but it is very time consuming and at times inconveniences my family and my visit with my husband is too short to be focusing on those sort of things. One of the benefits of him being home is I get to work out on the mornings, which everything I have heard says that is the best time to work out. It has given me tons of energy in the morning, but wow sometimes it is hard to get out of that bed at 5 am. Im sure I am going to gain a couple of pounds while my husband is here, but I just figured I have a whole year to lose it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Alright here is a little bloggy blogy, before I head out to Missouri to see my husband (who is coming home for a month) yey! It's been a great week, I haven't weighed myself in awhile, but I am almost certain that I am under 130 and wouldn't be too surprised if I was at 125. It's been kind of nice not being a slave to the scale. I really haven't had much of an appetite lately, which is crazy, because a few weeks ago, when I was binge eating I felt starving both emotionally and physically. My son has been sick, and on top of it I have screwed up my back so I haven't gone to the gym, I have only danced a little here and there trying to stay a little active at least. Maybe the lack of cardio is why I feel so full? Who knows...lets just say Im not complaining. So off to get the hubby, and I hope on this trip I just eat sensibly, and Im sure his presence back home would deter any binges even if I felt inclined again.
Monday, May 18, 2009
So life is good, and it might surprise others that I think this way considering my current circumstances. Well my hubby got his orders 1 year in Korea, the day I got this news I was a wreck, like I cried so hard my eyes were puffy. But than I started to look at the positives, when he is over there he is not deployable, which lets be honest, in our current state of affairs sooner or later he was going to be deployed. So its 12 months in a non-hostile environment versus 15 months in hostile environment, I guess Korea isn't so bad. Than both he and I found through research that it is very possible that my son and I can get sponsered to go with him, but I've learned to keep my mouth shut with my friends until I know something for certain. Things are always up in the air in the army life. This is an army wife tool that no one taught but I learned very quickly, because just in my anticipation of my husbands orders, not only did my emotions go up and done but so did the ones closest to me. So I registered for classes next Fall and Im continuing my life as if I am going to be here for another year, but ssshhh Im realy keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to get sponsered for Korea. Also I have lost at least 5 lbs, maybe more, 3 more lbs. until I will be sporting those spiffy new pair of running shoes. So its Finals week, Im almost done, and I really haven't binged eat in at least a week. Im feeling good, you always have to count your blessings.
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