Thursday, May 23, 2013
My husband and I almost never go on dates anymore. At least not out of the house. Part of it is financial. We can't afford to get a babysitter usually, so we just don't. My inlaws are great about spending time with our daughter, but they are aging, and clearly not really up to most babysitting, and prefer us to be home too (though they don't frequently admit it). My family is less helpful about hanging out, and I don't feel completely safe leaving her with my parents anyway.
The other part is practical. We don't go out for religious reasons from Friday night sundown until Sat night sundown (which in the summer takes out both Fri and sat nights). I work a normal full time job (usually starting at 6am) and Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays I work until after 11 PM. When I have a break between jobs, I want to spend it with my kid. It's just hard to find ideas of what/when to do something kid free.
We do things together (without the kid) at home. We play games, garden, talk, and play fantasy football. We are (I think) fairly happy together, and I feel grateful for that. We come home each day happy to see one another, and I think both try to say nice things to each other regularly (and do little things for each other). I am proud that my daughter has pretty much never heard us raise our voices in anger at either her or each other. So I kinda take the relationship for granted a bit, and assume as long as things seem happy, I don't really need to do anything else.
I did get a bit of a shock recently when a friend started having marital problems. She confessed that she felt that she had nothing in common with her spouse, and she started to have a little relationship on the side because her spouse wasn't giving her what she needed from a relationship (emotionally). As she described her situation, I realized that I need to devote more time and effort to my relationship, before we have problems. Because it just seems like it spirals out of control SO QUICKLY.
But that leaves me kinda stuck. I forgot how to date. Most dating activity involves food (which I'm trying to be more aware of). Other dating activity seems strange to not do with my kid. Like I'd love to go pick strawberries, but that's a really fun toddler activity too, so I don't know how I would do it without her. I guess we could go to a movie, but it doesn't seem like that's a great bonding activity, or noticeably different than just watching tv at home. Anyway, bottom line I have no good date ideas, or practical solutions. Ideas welcome.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
For the second time in my adult life, we planted a garden. Last year (our first attempt) was not super successful. We partnered with some friends and the 4 adults (and one little baby) shared the work and the spoils. Theoretically. But since it was in my backyard, I did almost all the watering and work, and we did not really get many spoils as a bunch of plants were killed in a 5 day 100 degrees stretch.
This year, we are trying again. Same friends, different initial set up. I HATE the actual planting, digging, bug touching. I don't really mind watering (as long as it's understood before hand), and honestly, I think it will be a good thing to do daily with my kiddo. It's nice to have fresh veggies and herbs. I think she will have a better appreciation (for a 2 year old) of where food comes from, and hopefully enjoy more greens.
We planted 2 tomato plants, 3 zucchini, 3 cucumber, 2 eggplant, 1 garlic, 2 peppers, basil, oregeno, and parsly. We'll have our fingers crossed for a good yield.
In strange news, I find that when I lose weight I feel worse about my body. Which just seems silly. But I have been feeling more and more uncomfortable and stressed in my own skin. I'm not losing weight very quickly or unhealthy like, but somehow I guess thinking of losing weight just makes me notice every single imperfection in my physical appearance. I know I should be proud--I've lost 30 lbs this year which is a huge huge deal for me. But my goal weight keeps dropping. I convince myself that it's never enough, and to be healthy I need to hit the bottom of my healthy weight range, which becomes just a little below my healthy weight range. I know the thinking is wrong and dangerous (and slippery slope-y), but it doesn't stop me from having the thoughts.
In summary--Yay garden, Boo negative self talk.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
We spent the last 5 days or so at my in laws. I actually quite like my in laws, and I love how they treat my kid. I feel grateful to have such a close relationship with them, and I like that we get to visit every other month or so.
Health wise though, the visits are a mess. They eat lots of fatty/junky foods, like eggplant parm, pizza, egg salad, pancakes, cupcakes, mayonnaise based foods....you get the point. They are great about making sure there are fresh fruits and veggies in the house for me and my daughter, and I appreciate the lengths they go to make sure they have food that is really clearly only there for us. They also never make me feel awkward about using their kitchen to make a veggie side, or cut up some fruit for dessert for us (and they usually will humor me and try some).
It is a long time without my food and kitchen, and I find it somewhat harder to plan at their house. The results were not good. I usually take such pains to avoid unhealthy choices, that I end up having trouble meeting my calorie goals. I assume a potato pancake is about 300 calories more than it is, and by the time I track things, I'm just super low on calories. Which you would think would be easy enough to remedy with all the junk food, but honestly, my body doesn't even want it any more. Amazing how much things can change.
Other than foodwise, the trip was absolutely lovely. They have a big back yard to run around in, bubbles, a slide, and lots of other fun outdoorsy things. The in-laws are still pretty young, and enjoy going outside and being active-ish with us. The TV was off the entire time, and we just spent time enjoying each other, playing games, dancing and playing. People think I'm nuts because my husband and I (and kid) haven't been anywhere other than to visit our parents since our daughter was born. But I can't imagine a traditional vacation can compare to the happy family time, visiting with cousins, and developing a close relationship to grandparents.
It is always nice to get back to your own house. I love my bed :)
Sunday, May 12, 2013
My kid has pinkeye. Which is fairly miserable for her. My husband and I are doing everything possible to avoid her reinfecting herself, and avoid getting it ourselves. She's on medication and is theoretically not contagious as of tomorrow at 12.
We had planned a trip this week to see my family and my in-laws. We had planned on going up Tuesday night to the in-laws, and switching to my family on Friday. We obviously called both families to warn them. My in-laws said we should still come. My family said no. I offered to swing by their house for a short visit on Sunday on our drive back, after her full course of antibiotics was over. Still no.
I often feel hurt that my family does not want to see my kid more. I know they are busy. They live about an hour and a half away, and we offer to come up about every other month. I'd say they actually see us about 4 times a year, despite the fact that they visit my siblings (who live 2 miles away from me) several other times a year. They complain all the time that my in-laws are so close to my kid, but the in-laws live further away and come see us about 2x a month (on top of the typical visits to them every other month).
My family just will not see her if she is even a little bit sick. She's a daycare baby (at least part time) so she's just always sick and sniffly. Plus she has allergies, so her nose is running pretty constantly. My parents are young (in their 50s) and have no real health issues to make them fear her sickness so much. It's hard to listen to them complain about how little they see her while they also choose not to see her so much.
My whole side of the family seems fairly uninterested in her. The extended family does not invite her to weddings or other family gatherings (even the more low key breakfasts after or lunch before). They also complain about how they've never met my kid, but I don't really want to travel with her just to get a babysitter in a strange city (which I would feel totally uncomfortable with anyway.....). His family invites her to everything, and she's met all of them several times.
I guess ultimately I am lucky and grateful to have people who love her, and I need to accept my family where they are. I just worry as she gets older she'll ask why my parents always cancel on her, and why she's never met my aunts and uncles and cousins. I don't have a good answer.
Friday, May 10, 2013
I had my birthday this week. Generally I have never been one to really make much of a big deal out of birthdays. I find it stressful to have to deal with large groups of people, so I never wanted parties as a kid, and mostly just wanted laid back time with family. In fact, all through my 20s, we typically went home to visit my parents for my birthday (which happens to be right around Mother's day every year). It worked out well, and I always enjoyed it.
This year, the family visit got pushed back a week, so I spent my birthday with my husband and kid. Overall, I had an awesome day. I had to work 10 hours, but my friends/boss decorated my desk/office, so I came into a bunch of balloons, hats, and streamers. It was really nice. I asked my husband if he would bring my daughter to the office for lunch, and he brought her, lunch, and flowers. Major points :)
I'm not sure why it was so exciting to see her in the middle of the day, but it was awesome. She got to see where I worked, and meet my boss and friends (the boss insisted I bring her by). Her and I split a pesto pasta primavera dish with tofu (about 400 calories total) which I think is a fairly healthy lunch choice, especially since it was very veggie heavy. I am thinking of trying to make it at home---seemed simple enough with a lot of spinach, peppers, a bit of feta, pecans, pasta and a little pesto. Yum.
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. My husband had a work thing at night. He felt so bad for leaving me, but honestly, I just wanted a bit of a quiet night in anyway. My daughter gave me plenty of cuddles and giggles, and I couldn't have been happier.
The next day we had a celebratory lunch at work, and I had a pita with fallafel, hummus, and lots of cucumber, lettuce and tomato. I got the small pita, no fries, and water. Overall, I've been pretty happy with my food choices around my birthday. I'm not really one for cakes (the texture freaks me out), so I think that helps me to keep my choices good.
I hope the rest of this year is filled with as much love and happiness as my birthday was. That's really all I can ask for :)
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