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DANIELLESAUTUMN's Recent Blog Entries
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Thursday, December 22, 2011
It's not as though I will not get back on track. It's not like I can't control my eating. It's just that I am not right now.
My mindset of being healthy is obviously being crushed by my Holiday Festivus mentality. My self-control is pretty pathetic lately. Nay, non-existent. I haven't been eating until I am ready to barf, BUT I have been eating until I am FULL. That's how I used to eat when I was 300 lbs.
There are many factors that I need to keep in place for me to live healthy.
A. Grocery shop- then plan the damn meals out. Have leftovers, measure, don't stuff myself. Grocery shopping makes me have the mindset that I have the ability to eat healthy without other people telling me what to eat. I have my own food and create my own meals which are in my opinion, healthy.
B. Workout- snap the bullsh*t excuses that I just took a shower, I don't have time, I have to run 4 WHOLE miles, I need to burn 600 calories or it's not worth it. I mean REALLY Danielle???? I know that's a load of crap but I just keep feeding on it. Who cares if I have to take extra showers?! My shower finally drains like a PRO after 4 months of shower/baths and I finally have a lotion I adore and don't hate yet. Bring it on. PLUS all I need is a quick 3 minute blow dry and my hair doesn't look horrible because it's so short!
C. Make the people in my life be healthy again. My best friend, when she is on, she is ON- and her drive spills over into my life. Boyfriend... we need to be healthy together and push each other eat right and workout. 3 days a week is minimum amount of workouts. Plus me and NETGYRL have to get back into it and motivate each other!
D. Exercise in my head needs to be something necessary, and something quick. Can get a full workout in less than an hour? Uh CHYA. I don't think it's necessary for me to burn 600 calories in a workout if I burn 500 calories 4 days a week or 400 calories 5 days a week! I mean HELLO!
E. Have fun! Really I enjoy running and feeling how flexible my body can be. I just need to get back into it. I love how sweaty I am after a run, how weak I feel after strength training. And how amazing my attitude is when I feel skinny and my pants aren't tight.
F. PLAN that my clothes will soon be big. I will be getting gift cards for christmas, so I should be good. Ive been letting my lack of smaller clothing dictate my healthy living. I hate wearing baggy clothes that look too big. But I mean sh*T, deal with it!! Make it work! Spend the $7 I would on a meal and take it to goodwill! Or Old Navy Clearance. Clothes is literally the most retarded excuse I can give myself. So it needs to become a non-issue.
G. Keep my no fast food streak going!! It will be one month the day after christmas!! I may evolve that streak into a no deep fried streak. My best Spark buddy BONOLICIOUS did it! And she's inspiring me to give it a shot as well. Really, it's not that hard haha. Salads or soups instead of fries. Pot stickers instead of eggrolls, Tortilla chips I think I might have to give myself a break on- the bagged ones- NOT the Moes ones.
I feel like it's going to be a good couple of months coming up! I am excited- I might even try running outside in the snow!! I would LOVE to get out and run in the winter. I just hope that my asthma doesn't kill me. :P
Bring it on!!
Oh- and i'm getting an oil change tonight- hence the title lol. And these are my first pair of boots ever- they fit over my calves! Aren't they cute???
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Well seeing as I am a bit slow at work and in a great mood I shall blog!!
I've been de-railed a lot lately and I'm still off the track, but keeping one wheel on. My eating has not been good, however I have been very active. I had another busy weekend of eating and drinking- and I had a blast. All of my shopping was started and finished on Saturday (whilst hungover ECK!) So I had just a few bites of bourbon chicken at the mall for lunck and then Moes for dinner- but not the good Moe's- the queso and chips moe's with a Coldstone kicker to finish it off.
I enjoyed the SH*T out of those foods and refuse to let myself feel guilty because I didn't make a valiant effort to eat clean. I will most likely come out of the holidays a few lbs heavier, but SH*T it will NOT stay with me for long. I feel like I am one big grocery shopping trip away from eating amazingly healthy and clean again. I love chocolate and I want to be sick of it come December 28th.
I STILL have not had fast food since November 26th. And NO I do not count the Fruit and Yogurt parfait as fast food. Yes I feel like I let myself off the hook sometimes with the cafeteria grill downstairs at work here. But no one is going to change me, no one can tell me what to do, no one can lose the weight for me, no one can run the 12 miles a week for me.
It's all about me, by me, from me and for me. I am so happy today- and I am not "celebrating" being happy with crappy food, I will have normal meals until dinner. I am working out because I have a half day therefore I have ample time to do it before I begin wrapping presents, doing dishes, cleaning bathroom and vacuuming.
Hopefully I have the energy to show BF a good time tonight! I am getting my first pair of boots you guys!!! I tried on a clearance pair at Famous Footwear. I THINK I found them online and told BF to get me them. They are knee height and fit over my calves which just made me squeel with excitement.
I ordered 2 pairs of size 16 work pants- they're a bit snug which will make me even more motivated to get into a size 14! And then..... a size 12. My mother is a size 12- and I used to wear her clothes when I was.... well 12 years old. That will be a very odd day for me I think lol.
Since I got my iphone I have gotten SO MANY apps! Of course the Sparkpeople app :) And also have gotten tons of recommendations from people. One awesome one I found is Runners World SmartCoach- it sets up a running program for you to meet your goal! It's great! Also- sorry to dis spark for their food logs, but I downloaded MyFitnessPal. This thing has a barcode scanner to log your food- plus I haven't had anything it couldn't find or record for me. I have to say it trumps Sparks log hardcore... SORRY SPARK I LOVE YOU!! One other app I have had no use for is "Fast Food Calories" it has nutrition info for pretty much any chain restaurant- all in one app.
I am setting myself up for success. I am ballparking an estimate of 30bs lost by my birthday- May 26th. That's just under 6lbs/ month. I can DO IT!
Okay- well I am going to make the last 1.5hrs of work productive before I have a great afternoon and evening!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Well I am chugging along here. It's been a long week so far- and I just wish it was FRIDAY!!! I have been pretty healthy all week! Since I decided to give away all of my Christmas cookies to my co-workers I am less tempted to eat them.
It really is so hard to keep those kinds of things in the house and not eat them. But my willpower has actually fared better than I had thought this week. I only had two cookies yesterday and maybe 3 on Monday. Each one is probably around 90-120 calories because they're all chocolate/peanuts/pb/sugar. I am not so much as actively trying to lose weight as I am trying to control my willpower, stay strong and keep working out.
I made a goal for myself this week to run/walk 12 miles. So far I am at 4.75 mi. And that's through Saturday. I ran a 5K last night- it was actually rough because I had stupid ipod ear buds in and they just kept sliding out of my eat because of the copious amounts of sweat on me.
I was running really hot yesterday- ovulating??- and I sweat SO SO bad while and after running! Plus my shirt was entirely too large so I had it tucked up in my sports bra straps. It was a hot mess. But I kept plodding along at 4.9 mph, then 5 mph, then 5.1mph (!!) and finally ran the last half mile at 5.2mph before pounding out the last .1 mi at 5.4mph! It sucked to not have any music to keep me pumping- plus I got an unlucky spot right in front of the mirrors.
But I still finished it. It helps that I look at the wall clock instead of the treadmill info. I say to myself this quote- really, I do! "I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when I'm done!" It really helps me zone out and just THINK, or JAM, or read the captions on TV. I can generally tell about how far I have run by my fatigue. I was running faster than normal so it was a bit tricky.
So I say: "No looking until after this song, or check distance at the next commercial, or just zone out and don't look at ALL" Anything that will keep my mind off of "just another .25 mi, then another mile, 6 more minutes, UGH" because then I panic, lose my stride and just try to keep up. When if I actually just zone out, find a good rhythm I can do further more easily.
I love how sweaty I get after running- literally drips off me. I love to see the sweat on my shoulders and forearms. I love stretching after, getting all the kinds out and just cooling down. Stretching IS necessary for me before and after a run. If I don't do it before, I am stiff. Don't do it after and I feel uncompleted and am very sore the next day.
I liken my body to a furnace (no I'm not the first/only one). But when I run I imagine my body being at its healthiest. Burning fat so well that my sweat proves how awesome I just did. I am doing something so innately human it makes me feel more alive than anything else- besides the mind-bending awesome sex I have with BF.
I want to lose weight and be healthy so that BF never forgets what he has. So that he wants me, craves me, can't control himself around me (he already can't, but besides the point) haha. I always felt sexy, but kind of realized that it was mostly mental. NOW I know that I AM sexy on the outside.
And with how great I feel after just 3 days of being active and eating NOT JUNK- I know that if I continue to eat fatty, sugary, cheesy etc foods I WILL get depressed. I WILL not be committed or driven or motivated. I didn't even mean to do this experiment, but now I see that when i am sedentary and OM NOMMing on everything I am not happy. Plain and simple, no getting around it.
Something HAS to click for everyone. There has to be a tipping point to where you suddenly pick your azz up and get going. really strive for it. It can be as simple as someone's motivating words or as complex as an ultimatum from the people you love. But some how- it will happen and when it does you just have to (maybe literally!) run with it and do your best.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Dear Christmas Candy and Cookies,
Hello! It was nice to see you this weekend, I really enjoyed our visit. I hope you know how much I care about you and enjoy your company, but- I think I have to let you go.
I know I helped make you all day on Saturday- and we had such a great time together, but this really isn't going to work out.
See I am trying to better myself. I am trying to eat healthy and workout. Well- lately I have only been trying to workout. However YOU are a giant bucket of 230856608 calories sitting on my counter.
(real picture of what our counter top looked like! We decorated 10 dozen sugar cookies!)
I won't say it isn't you, because it IS you.
I know we have spent this time of year together for... probably close to 25 years. But I think this is the year I say goodbye to you. I don't want to become this:
Peanut clusters- You were always my favorite... the way chocolate encases your tiny salty nuts- I'll never forget you. Good-Bye.
Haystacks- With or without peanuts you were amazing, I like you better WITH peanuts. But I just need to let you go. Good-Bye
Peanut Butter balls- You are perfect. Never Change. Just GTFO of my bucket. No goodbye for you.
Sugar Cookies w Frosting- Well let's be honest- your frosting is kind of gross- not a fan of powdered sugar. So you were just never necessary. Good-Bye
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So here is what's going to happen guys- I will take 2 of each of you- my Christmas Noah's Ark experiment of sorts. and keep you in my freezer for small snacks until Xmas.
The rest of you- well you will find new homes in the happy bellies of my co-workers. They will be SO excited to have you! We have a Christmas Luncheon on Thursday, so get ready. You will be picked over, munched, crunched, savored and tossed by many hands of the Advertising Department.
I really do love each and every one of you. But I just can't be around you right now. My willpower is just not strong enough to resist you. And we both know how toxic this relationship is. I love looking foreword to eating you, but I hate the guilt you give me after.
We will have one last fling on Christmas Eve/Day. But after that- chocolate goes back to being my nemesis. Chocolate goes on my GET THE F AWAY list along with fast food.
I have a ways to go until I get back into a healthy lifestyle mode- but setting you free is one step closer to me continuing to lose weight. You are no good for me. I love you, but you have to go.
Love,
DanieB
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