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Pep-talking myself.

Monday, August 08, 2011

Well the past 4 days have been- well basically a vacation where I once again disowned my own health for restaurant food (not good stuff), liquer, beer and treats. I just came back to work this morning and had a conversation with myself.

I feel like this weekend was like the middle of my sophomore year of college. Constant partying, eating LATE, eating OUT and just basically not having a care in the world. I loved it. Honestly I had such a blast i'm sad it's done. However. After a 3 day party fest it is SO nice to be back in a groove. I am resolved to the fact that come Thursday weigh-in I will probably have gained 4 lbs. I was up 6.4 yesterday morning (before a giant baked Ziti dinner followed by cheesecake and a shake) So it very well may be worse than a 4lb gain. But I am going to be running hopefully every day this week- maybe a few classes.

I realize now that I keep making exceptions in my life for these events. And slowly they keep getting more frequent. Uncontrolled- they could turn back into old eating habits of "Oh hey it's Friday night, let's get a giant dinner and follow it with dessert, snacks later and another late dessert". So yes this weekend has been planned to be out of control since back in like April. But that's it.

My foot is down and I will be a force to be reckoned with from today until October 14th (one year mark). I NEED to get down to 200lbs by then. Yes it's a seriously short amount of time to lose 20+lbs but no will be to blame if I miss it but myself. And I will be mad. Realistically, if I am 205 or below I will still be excited, but sad and guilty on the inside.

I am excited for cooler weather to start coming around so I can go run outside after work or in the morning. I could end up getting 2 workouts in one day if I do morning run and night classes. Hey whatever (healthy) it takes.

I've come too far and made too many promises to myself to fail now. Here was my pep talk to myself. No more excuses.

Anyone else ever get the feeling that if they don't eat it's going to harm them in some way? like if you don't eat within an hour of your normal meal times you're stressed out? Like sometimes I am not super hungry at dinner, but I think I am, like, afraid to not eat enough or something. So i have slightly larger helpings. IDk it just something I've noticed about myself.

My mom says she will have just a bowl of cereal or a bag of popcorn for dinner. In my head there's a tiny panic attack going on for her haha. How can I get out of that "Dinner is for big meals" mindset? Anyone have ideas? Let it be known too that my lunches at work are @ 12:30, snack prob around 2:30 (if I have one) and I don't get home from the gym until 6:30. So I am usually pretty starved.

This week i am going to be working on running a 10K, or at least an 8K (5mi, right?) It's been a week and half since my 5K and I haven't run at all. I am excited to get back in there today and just GO!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERJULIA 8/9/2011 10:19AM

    I think that you need to listen to your body - going from 2:30 till 6:30 without eating is a long time - can do you have a snack in the car on your way to the gym, an apple, fiber bar, protein shake? Sometime filling and healthy that will fuel you through your work out. I know that what works for me is to graze throughout the day at work - eating something small every 2 hours or so at my desk, chobani yogurt (high protein @ lunch) and fruit surrounding that. I still eat a large dinner because that's the time my daughter, mom and I sit down and eat but we've been replacing it with healthy foods w/ more veggies so that it sits better. You're doing great and I know that you can reach your goals. I usually have to battle the mindset that I need to eat a lot because it will be gone and I won't have any more food - it's absolutely absurd but there is something that makes me feel like I need to eat like it's my last meal and I'd better enjoy it! Keep up your great work!

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NETGYRL 8/8/2011 3:27PM

    You had it planned. You have a great time. Now it's back in the saddle. No guilt trips. And I bet you money that your scale will surprise you - sometimes it's good to toss in the extra calories and keep your body guessing.

Keep of the exercise and the healthy eating and I am sure you can make your goal!

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BONOLICIOUS2 8/8/2011 1:50PM

    Oh my gosh, I turn into a monster if I can't eat around my "normal" time. My BF always jokes that he needs to keep me fed.

The trick I have learned is that you can still eat at those times - just try to make it healthy stuff. I realized I like having something "substantial" in the morning, so I go with oatmeal which is warm & heavy.

I still haven't gotten over the dinner as a big meal thing. If you figure that out, let me know! I do the same thing with the snack and then going to the gym... by the time dinner rolls around I'm like a food vaccuum.

Also - going out and making good choices sucks. Its hard. Especially when your friends aren't doing the same. Have you talked to them about your goals? Maybe they can help you make better choices? Ugh, resolve and weekends are not friends. They are my big downfall.

Anyways, have faith that you can reach that goal. I believe in you! Look how much you have already accomplished Miss 5k! No coulda/shoulda/woulda - you get stuff done!

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Lost 80lbs!

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Finally FINALLY! I can say I am out of the 220s! Though it may be short-lived after this weekend full of partying and travel. BUT this was the scale this morning and I've been celebrating all day :D (NOT with food mind you ;) )

I'll make this short and sweet! But I have been battling with the 220s for almost 3 months! Granted there has been a lot of grilling, partying, travel, life etc... SO if I lost at all one week it would be a small loss. There were also a few gains.

This week I was VERY good and stuck to my ranges. Plus I had crazy workouts this week too, and a 5K race. All week I was sore as hell which of course made me retain water. So all week I was 222.5-223.8lbs. Then this morning I got on and it said 219.8! WOOHOOO!!!

I am that much closer to losing 100lbs. I'm hoping to get the 19.8lbs off by October 14th. I'm unofficially out of plus size clothes which is very surreal. I've been wearing plus size stuff since I was 15! Pfft please! I went to Goodwill for more "in-between" clothes last night and got 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of workout pants, one NICE pair of navy khaki cargo-esque pants. Also a nice flowy cardigan and a racer-back stripped tank top! I love it!

9 and a half months ago I was 300+lbs and in a size 26 jeans/ 2X shirt. Now I am in size 16/18 jeans and large tops. Crazy sh*t. Sparkpeople has definitely been an invaluable tool for my weight loss. I love everyone one here and how supportive and non-judgmental we all are toward each other.

Love you guys! Love my new life!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSAZLADY82 8/5/2011 5:28PM

    Awesome Awesome AWESOME! You have (literally) worked your butt off...you deserve the whoo hoo!

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PURPLE_ROSE_3 8/5/2011 12:50PM

    You are doing amazing and look great. Congrats and keep up the hard work!

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BETTERJULIA 8/5/2011 9:29AM

    You look soooo great! Congrats! My sparkbuddy azuiga has just hit onederland today so it is full of good healthy lifestyle mojo for me!

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MSBLT82 8/5/2011 9:10AM


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PENNPLAX 8/4/2011 10:17PM

    You look great. I like your Excel spreadsheet. Lots of good motivating information. I am happy for you. emoticon

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WONDEROONA 8/4/2011 8:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NETGYRL 8/4/2011 7:39PM

    You look great! Way to go!!

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ANGELIA4SERAH 8/4/2011 6:44PM

    Congrats. I hope to follow in your footsteps. It gives me hope. emoticon

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SMILESHINE81 8/4/2011 6:40PM

    Awesome and congratulations! You look amazing!! Thanks for the inspiration on a day when I needed it. :)

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JULIENMM 8/4/2011 6:14PM

    Great job! I also thought that the middle picture was of you and a friend -- didn't realize it was your before and after.

Again, great, fantastic, super job! Keep it up!!!!

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ARUNNINGKAT 8/4/2011 6:10PM

    Good job! You are awesome!!

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ME_THE_REMAKE 8/4/2011 5:59PM

  Wooooow!!! I can't believe how different you look!! I am seriously impressed - you must have worked really hard!

emoticon emoticon

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HEATHERSTEW 8/4/2011 4:35PM

    Way to Go!!! You're awesome!

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BONOLICIOUS2 8/4/2011 4:25PM

    BIG SMILES! You are beautiful! You have worked so hard and you have come so far - sending you a giant hand-hurting high five!!!!!!

ps - love the new blog backdrop, so chic!

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COURTMAGOO 8/4/2011 4:14PM

    You look so great congrats on such an amazing accomplishment!

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CATREB 8/4/2011 4:12PM


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    Congrats:) you look fabulous!

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MDEVILE 8/4/2011 4:11PM


I'm so happy for you! You look fantastic and I can tell you're feeling it too! The joy is just leaping off the screen here.

ROCK ON, BB! \m/ ^.^ \m/ (-- this is supposed to be me headbanging!)

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ALLISON145 8/4/2011 4:04PM

    I scrolled through the pictures and my first thought was "Wow, your friend doesn't look very happy to have her picture taken with you..." and then I realized it WAS you - LOL! You look so different! Good on you!


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CAROLYN_ROSE 8/4/2011 4:01PM

    Congrats!! That's amazing!

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BLACKROSE_222 8/4/2011 3:53PM

    So awesome! Congrats! emoticon

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    Looking good! What an amazing accomplishment.. I wanted to point out that even though you spent a long time in the 220's, it was always a downward trend, and that is the important thing. One step at a time, but always forward, or in your case....downward!

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I'm a little nuts, minus the protein.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Oh yeah, that's right. I am going to put a little negativity out into the world today. I am not sure what my problem is, but I am majorly moody today and and actively trying to make myself happy by being ADD and trolling Urban Dictionary.

Ever heard the saying: "If you're bored then you're boring?". Well I feel like that's me lately! I have been a lump on a log. It's like my brain takes a friggin coffee break sometimes. I just have no thoughts. or when I do they're about making dinner, or something I have to do but don't want to (dishes).

Also- like I realize that I have very few friends that I hang out with. I have my best friend, but when you're 26 years old a Best friend is like... a consolation prize. I also want to go out and Party. Because when I party I kind of let out all of my crazy at once. Haha which is probably why I wake up with a hangover and a feeling of major dread/guilt at things I may or may have not said.

When I was younger I was hyper to the point of being banned form certain friends' houses. I would ride my bike all over town. I would jump up and down rambling for no reason. Have an instant wig-out and run around. I rarely get those bursts of energy. I feel like I'm not so much fun anymore!

And I think that being social, funny and easy-going is like trying to remember a dream- the harder you try the more you lose it. So I think I just need to STOP trying and just do. Just go where I want when I want. Be spontaneous.

Plus- my 8-4:30 job is SOOOO mundane at this season that on Wednesdays (oh hey, that's today... hoorah.) I literally could do an hour of work and go home. Maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but still- the monotony of this makes me want to scream and run around the halls. Plus I spend a good like 4 hours a day on Sparkpeople and I feel that if they blocked it I would go mad. I wouldn't know what to do!

So also- about 1-2 days a month I have a really mentally effed up day. I think that's today. My mind thinks about everything that I've been feeling and thinknig about lately and I go nuts trying to fix it or talk about things that might make waves. I test people to see how far I can push them, or just to see what they will say back to me. Literally I'm kind of out of my mind. I am ADD as sh*t and just can't focus because i'm thinking about EVERYTHING!

On top of all that crazy- It's treat day here at work. However, the girl brought in powdered doughnuts. I ate one which was 2 weight watcher points. But I'm working my butt off this week to lose and get my lazy, slacker a$$ below 220lbs!

I'm retaining water because it's almost my TOM. PLUS I am still sore a HELL from that stupid Nazi (Body) Combat class on Monday. UGH it's such a killer I swear, I can barely move my arms. I also did Zumba last night which made my legs even sorer and my butt... oh my poor poor butt. She's hurting this week, but she will be rocking once the DOMS is gone and my muscles have healed.

I wonde rif my crazy is because I got up right when my alarm went off. I didn't hit the snooze. I heard that it's better if you don't snooze- you'll be more awake. Holy BALLS am I awake. I could pull a SEMI I am so awake right now.

Okay- well after expelling a bit of what was welling up inside I feel better. I just need to write to get things out. Please no negative comment on my crazy, i get defensive... I will look at your Sparkpage and call you names in my head.

Tomorrow is my Friday and I cannot wait to be done. Plus it's weigh-in day. OH MY!!

Once I took a Midol to try to help my crazy PMS stuff- I felt like I was high for like 3 hours....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERJULIA 8/4/2011 10:06AM

    I totally do this too sometime during my PMS (maybe not every month but often enough to see a pattern) - like a HUGE manic phase where everything that has ever been wrong needs to be fixed now and only I must do it and did I remember to do this or this...and then I want a divorce from my hubby (seriously it's sad how predictable I am) and then I'm the worst mom in the world with no real friends I can talk to because none of them want to hear me whine.
You'll make it through and rock below 220 this week - you're doing great!

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    This is so funny! I feel ya on the TOM bit:) sometimes we all get wound up and need to let it out! You certainly made me laugh and I hope now that you're over humpday you can make it through tomorrow and get to that fantastic weekend you have planned:) can't wait to hear about your Thursday night adventures!

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THELILEA 8/3/2011 1:14PM

    HAHAHA, you are hilarious. I think we allll feel the same way sometimes. I have a slight panic attack at the thought they will find out and/or block me from using the internet the way I do at work... I couldn't go on without it! And that's not an exaggeration, lol!
I feel the same exact way as you about my friend situation, and the wanting to go out, and the hangover + dread about things said/not said the night before... isn't it fun? haha
Lucky you on tomorrow being your Friday! Best of luck on weigh in! I hope you beat 220s soon!

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BNELEPHANT 8/3/2011 11:56AM

  Funny blog! I didn't read that about hitting the snooze button. I think I hit mine like 4 times this morning so I'll have to try that tomorrow and see how it goes! Keep smiling!

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MSAZLADY82 8/3/2011 11:55AM

    No negative, 100% awesome for getting that off your chest, sweetie! And just know, I have like...five days a month like that minimum! I know what you mean about, four years ago I would be on that like white on rice and now it's...bleh! Maybe we're both in need of a shake up? And BRAVO on the workouts...I half-assed mine yesterday...gotta make up for that today!

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Awesome week/Awesome Food/ Awesome Attitude

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

It's gonna be LEGEN- wait for it-

It's been a good week so far! I feel like I have been doing very well. I have been working out and eating right- while still living my life and having fun! I am really excited about weigh-in on Thursday.

In the past 2 weeks I have gained 1.6lbs- which by the way is NOT bad considering the stuff I ate when at home with the family (pizza and ribs. Beer and nuts) So I should consider myself lucky that that's all I have gained. BUT since I ran my 5K I feel like I deserve to eat right and give my body the things it wants.

For example- take spaghetti. Now the OLD Danielle would have gotten plain old while spaghetti noodles, a jar of meaty Prego and like 4 italian sausages. Then topped it all with a crap ton of parm. cheese.

Improved Danielle last night made this: whole wheat spaghetti noodles. Pureed 1/4 yellow pepper, 1/4 red pepper, half an onion, 1/4 c sundried (not in oil) tomatoes, 1 clove fresh garlic, and half a Zucchini. TASTIEST HEALTHY PUREE EVAR! So I did all that then added a jar of Fresh mushroom Prego and half of a chopped up Zucchini for more texture. Holy crap was it SO SO good! It was more like a salsa on my pasta than a sauce, but you guys- with a little garlic salt it was FAN-TASTIC! I had 2 c of pasta and just about 1 c of the sauce mixture. It was so friggin good- and SO much healthier for me. I am proud of myself.

Tonight- General Tso's chicken. Homemade with grilled chicken (not fried) fresh and frozen veggies and brown rice. Let's hope that is just as tasty!

SO while right now my female hormones are not making me want to pound Cheese curds and burgers- I am really enjoying it. When I went grocery shopping this week you guys, I only went down about 3 aisles. Otherwise everything was from the Produce, Deli or Frozen section. I was quite surprised with myself! It's kind of empowering to be able to just have a crap-ton of veggies, some meat and spices and throw a recipe together on that! And a HEALTHY one also.

For workouts this week I am doing the following:

Monday (last night and SO SORE): Body Combat.
Tuesday (today!): Zumba OR Running - not sure yet which one
Wednesday: possible break OR Turbo Kick (crazy hardcore class)
Thursday (weigh-in day after workout!): Running or ARC machine (we haven't seen each other in over a week :( poor machine....)

Then Thursday night/Friday will probably undo all my hard work this week a little. Thursday night I will be going out with 2 gay guys (each on the opposite side of the gay spectrum) and my bestie. I feel like things will be..... insane. Friday (after nursing a horrific hangover by my guess) we will head up to Door County to troll around looking at the quaint tourist towns and beautiful nature up there.

Saturday I may be able to work out since I have no plans. Sunday there is breakfast at Denny's planned so Grand Slam, watch out. Or maybe Biscuits and Gravy because I would possibly punch someone in the face for a plate of B&G.

Hokay- SO goal for this week- be splendiferous from now until Saturday with a 36 hour exit from any kind of normal from Thursday Night-Saturday 2 a.m.

Sometime's I'm just too poor to do much else but workout and cook my own meals. WOOT WOOT! Oh man my a$$ is sore from the more than 250 lunges we did in Nazi Combat last night.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIKI0531 8/3/2011 12:49PM

    I am so on a zucchini kick right now ... I had whole grain pasta with zucchini and sweet onions the other day sauteed in garlic and EVOO. OMG, it was delightful. Its funny that you were saying about the Grand Slam/breakfast at Dennys. I do the same thing. IF I know we will be going out somewhere and I know I want to splurge on something I normally do not have - I will be extra good the days before ... lol.

Meanwhile, every where you read its like - DO NOT use food as the prize .... But I figure it like this. 5 mths ago ... I would have had the Grand Slam for breakfast, moved onto Burger King for lunch and then probably some carb crazy, fat-laden dinner. lol

Anyway .... kudos to you for such great choices. Keep it up !!

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MSAZLADY82 8/2/2011 4:57PM

    OK, emoticon and your pasta sounded perfect! Double yum ;)

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BETTERJULIA 8/2/2011 11:32AM

    This is great! You are doing amazing - you deserve that healthy fuel for your amazing body keep ROCKING it!

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FRUITYCHERRY 8/2/2011 11:23AM

    Awesome blog and awesome new look of your page! Did you just update it?

Your spaghetti dinner sounds super yummy!!!! I love to throw a handful of spinach on top of the pasta/under the sauce. It wilts a little and is so yummy! Easy way to sneak in some greens, too! Your General Tso's chicken sounds good!!! Enjoy your new healthy lifestyle!!! Keep having fun with it!!! You are inspiring.


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My first 5K **w/** pics! **Updated w/results**

Monday, August 01, 2011

Well I did it!! I am still excited about it too. I walked to Lambeau Field with my friend who graciously suffered the heat along with me for this (not running, but waiting at the finish for me!)

When we arrived there were people EVERYWHERE! I don't know exactly how many people did the race/walk, but it was packed! I made a quick jog to the potty and relieved some of the copious amounts of water I drank earlier that morning. I had myself an egg sandwich for breakfast. I ate about 2 hours before the race, so i was nice and digested by "GO" time.

We walked around, I stretched a little. I admired all the different shapes, ages and sizes that were prepping to run. We walked through the atrium (air conditioned btw SO NICE) and back out into the 85 degree heat. I was already sweating a little!

I LOVE this pic!

I looked for my wave pen and found myself a spot. At this point I WAS getting a little nervous. I was also glad that I was by myself so I could focus and get into a really good headspace. The local DJs were MCing so that was pretty cool. Also they had the Packers President give a little speech. Apparently there were 2000 more people signed up this time (2nd annual).

They had some girl sing the National Anthem- and I'm embarrassed to say that I almost started crying. I had a few tears in my eyes. I got all emotional on myself. But really- me doing this is kind of huge when back in February I couldn't even run a mile. And back in October I could barely even WALK one mile. Big things, big moments for me.

Here are a few pics of me getting in the zone:

And off we go!

I was warmed up enough- in all ways ugh! So once I was through the gate I just put my mind elsewhere and watched the people in front of my while jamming to my custom made 5K playlist.

The neighborhood was familiar- I dive this was all the time to get my groceries! I kept a good pace and told myself NOT to stop until I made it up the big hill. Well I did that so I said no stopping until after mile 2! I stopped for about 30 seconds and was like, hell no, walking is for pu$$ies right now!

I was beating this little shrimp 8 year old boy and I didn't want to lose my lead. I was gonna show him what's up. PLUS all those people I already passed (each one a tiny energy boost too haha) would catch up. NO WAY! So I kept going, and walked for another minute after I dumped a glass of water over my head at the station and drank a few sips of Gatorade.

Then it was INTO Lambeau. Here are a few pics- we came into the stadium via the players tunnel on the left of this pic, ran around the track and came back out the players tunnel, up a wide loading dock around the corner and to the end.

And here I am giving it my all at the end! Haha and looking ready to die.

Not sure if you can see my time, but it's on the top left (38:27!!):

And after downing 2 bottles of waer, string cheese, 2 small cookies and half a banana they provided. I also splashed my face in the standing pool they had at the end. AHH heaven!

The actual times are not posted yet, BUT I am thinking that my time is about 38:29ish. My personal best is 38:06, however, with the heat and it being my first race I am proud of myself. I want to do it again!!!

After the race I weighed myself and I was down to 221.6- 78.4lbs down :)

Okay- so they posted the official results:

My ACTUAL time was 39:05. A full minute behind what my best time was. BUT – eh it was hot and I got stopped a lot when we were going INTO Lambeau. I could have gone harder and next time I WILL. I was in 2316th place out of 4249. hah. 1138th woman and 388th out of 627 in my Division (not sure if that’s age or what).

I can't wait to do another one and smash that time to pieces!!!!!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSAZLADY82 8/2/2011 4:54PM

    That is wonderful! You go girl!

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BETTERJULIA 8/2/2011 11:31AM

    You are awesome and looking amazing!!!!

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    congrats on your first 5k!! you did fantastic given all this terrible heat every one has been having. Im actually doing "a year in 5k's" myself, and the progress that you will make each race will continue to inspire you (im still being amazed at myself). keep it up and let us know when you sign up for the next one!! youll blow your time out of the water!

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    I love reading first 5K blogs, and I think you did GREAT! Thank you for sharing your story, and emoticon on an emoticon run!

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KKINNEA 8/1/2011 3:42PM

    1 minute time loss in the heat is nothing - you would have been right near your best time in better conditions. Great job!

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MADZOE 8/1/2011 3:07PM


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DEGENNAN 8/1/2011 2:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved reading this blog emoticon

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WONDEROONA 8/1/2011 2:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Awesome!!! I haven't run my first 5K yet (working on the C25K again), but hope to later this year. Although I have my doubts about my ability to do it. You're inspiring! Keep it up!

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KIBAISREADY 8/1/2011 11:54AM

    WELL DONE LADY! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BONOLICIOUS2 8/1/2011 11:19AM

    OMG! YAY! I love that pic too - you can see the determination!

You are AWESOME!!!!!! Congrats on finishing and doing so well!!!!!!

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FRUITYCHERRY 8/1/2011 10:57AM

    Sounds like an AWESOME experience! Glad you had fun!!!

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ROCKINMOM77 8/1/2011 10:19AM

    I would love to do that 5k next year! I am doing my first 5k on the 19th, I live a couple hours away from GB. Going to add you as a friend and maybe we can hook up next time :) you did a great job!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DUNEODRADE 8/1/2011 9:55AM

    Congratulations! You did great! I love the part about not wanting to lose your lead to an 8 year old...lol. My first is Sat so I love reading your story and seeing how well you did!

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