Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Man, Monday was a rough one for me. I got a little down in the dumps- my depression and anxiety have been creeping back up slightly. I do think it's the season to blame- to changing of seasons. I get bored, restless, anxious and sad. Just like my life isn't moving foreword at all and I am not growing. I really make it a personal goal to always be growing as a person, and to keep my relationship growing. And when things freeze outside as well as inside the house I get a little wacky and emotional.
I know I need to get outside at least a few times a week, if nothing just a short walk to let myself feel connected to nature and myself. Working out is going to help that too- so getting to the gym is important. I do strength train at home 1-2 times a week.
Working out is usually not an issue for me, its watching what goes in my mouth. I haven't done great this week- particularly when it comes to candy. There's god damm chocolate everywhere at work. I have been getting to the point of chocolate not even being appetizing anymore because i'm getting sick of it. Portions are the most important part. I have been doing well at that actually, just not eating the healthiest meals.
I have been fitting into my clothes better, that's for sure. Nothing is really BIG yet, but hopefully in the next week or two they could be. The next two weeks are also going to be hard to maintain eating right. The holidays and I have 4 family Christmas's, a work Christmas party & New Years in there.
I see it though, I need to make sure that every other day I do not have plans I need to be VERY careful to eat right and workout. I also need to workout on those days possible where I have a Christmas. I KNOW nothing is going to happen as planned, nothing ever does. But I DO know that I don't want to come out of the next 2 weeks several pounds heavier and back to where I started 2 weeks ago.
I hate saying "I'll start on Monday"- NO, there's no START and there is no END. There needs to be the constant of being healthy. Being healthy and eating right without indulging needs to be my norm, until I do hit maintenance. I don't want the words "Screw it" to be in my vocabulary.
Or the words "I don't care" or "I need to try that" or "I want to be bad" etc etc etc......
I used to get almost a super high when I said no to junk. I felt superior and probably stuck my nose in the air in food-snobbery. Then looked in the mirror, winked and looked back to watch myself walk away. Whatever, we do dumb things to make ourselves feel good about things we struggle with.
Work's over now so i'll stop rambling. Kick some butt everyone- it's gonna be a bumpy few weeks! IF you have pointers, tips, tricks, ANYTHING that will help stay on track during this hard time please share! Give me your wisdom.... I lost mine somewhere! hahaha
Monday, December 16, 2013
I'm thinking about changing my username. Ive had the same one forever, use it for everything, and if you do a google search on it just about EVERY image I've posted in a blog comes up. Including my bra and undie progress pics. I have no good ideas yet for one, but I kind of want something like "FreeRunner"... something having to do with running.
Most people either love or hate running I've discovered. I havent met too many people that don't have a strong opinion of it either way. For me- I am a lover. I haven't kept up with running since June after my half marathon and 10K two weeks later. I wanted to break out of the training schedule mentality and it kind of just backfired to where I didn't workout much at all. Leading to about a 20lb gain over the 6 months.
And now that it's (kind of) impossible to run outside for another 3 months I am getting the itch to run again. I believe I might do the 18-week training schedule again for half marathon. Running was serious therapy for me. Last year (or the beginning of this year) was really tough mentally and emotionally. I was learning how to be myself, trust myself enough to commit to my boyfriend and figuring out how that commitment is going to change my life.
I think everyone gets a little down when their plans for life change. Before I met JL I gave very little (practical) thought to my future. I never wanted kids, didn't plan to get married. I honestly envisioned myself living alone in a condo in Chicago, but had no plan on how to get there. Now this incredible man comes along and changes my entire world. And I his. My future started to rearrange itself and I was scared.
I went through therapy, learned a lot about myself, my friendships, and mt relationship. While I was prescribed medication that helped, it wasn't until I was 2 months into training. The running helped turn my racing negative thoughts down- it gave me something positive to work toward and helped ward off a complete seasonal depression in early February.
The way I feel when I get a good run done is like nothing else I can describe. I am completely at peace with my body and mind, the two feel like one. Sweat is dripping everywhere- proof that I did work. I love the wind blowing against me, the feel of a perfect rythm between my pounding feet and heaving breath. I can turn my brain off when I run, all I need to think about, worry about, stress about just melts away while I focus on pushing myself.
I feel that I can be a somewhat selfless person. I always aim to please whomever I am around, and the way I handle myself shows that. I think about myself much less than I should. That's why I can become selfish about my running, because it's MY time. MY time to leave everything at the door, to not worry about how someone else is doing, not think about ways to make my life and myself better, to not fret about how healthy i ate that day.
Even though my ridiculous music is playing in my ears, the world melts away and I am me.
How the heck I became a runner at heart I have no idea. But finding something that I enjoy like running really helped with my initial 90-lb weight loss. The other 50lbs I want to lose will be much harder mentally to achieve than the initial 90lbs. For now- not weighing myself has really been helping me stay on track, aside from this weekends festivities. I don't think I am going to weigh myself until I'm confident I am below 210. Hopefully my Christmas.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Health-wise my weekend was a bust. I didn't get a gym workout in, I overindulged in food on Friday and Sunday. Saturday I overindulged in beer.
Friday night I had ~10 beers from 6-2a.m. I split a toppers pizza with a friend and had a cake pop. Late at night I decided to whip up some cheesy hashed browns for JL and I. He was gaming all night and a bit drunk himself. THe hashed browns were amazing lol. Not bad for improvising.
Saturday was cleaning day! I spent my morning cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. scrubbing floors and walls, so that has to have burn a few calories. For dinner I had 1/3 italian nachos, half of my sandwich at Old Chicago and a couple fries with ranch. Food wise I don't think I was over too much. But I had so many beers Saturday night, ugh its sad how much beer I can put away. I got drunk and stupid. You know, now that im older it kind of just gets sad when im drunk. Sometimes I just want to get stupid, be reckless and uninhibited like I used to be when I was 22. But the fact is that I am an adult now, ill be 29 next year. Getting sloppy just isn't ... cool anymore? haha I cant think of the right words for it.
Sunday I was paying for my "good time" with a nice little hangover . Boyfriend took care of me, and he brought home a hawiian pizza for us to share, a piece of cake and ice cream for me. It was amazing. I felt like such crap- cake just made me feel fuzzy inside. I ate a great many calories and fat yesterday- so its time to work it off! Other than those few days of just I think i've been doing OKAY.
I am sore still from my core workout on Thursday- it was awesome! This week the gym is gonna be tough to stick with. I have things going on Wed, Thurs and Sat-Sun that are going to make it tough. Plus I need to save gas a little since I'm broke already after Saturday. Dinner and drinks all night are expensive!
Wednesday my sister said she would workout with me so I will probably do a leg workout then. Tonight is grocery shopping so im thinking after it I will hit up arms. I have been crappy at tracking my points so I def need to get back on that. I resisted my urge to get a giant breakfast sammich with sausage on it this morn. Yay otameal.
OMG im so tired. And my boss is off today, and im wearing my jacket bc its cold. I just want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep for another 12 hours!
Alright, everyone get out there and make yourselves proud this week!
here are some pictures from Saturday night.
2.5 pitcher tower of beer
JL and I!
Me with Katie the birthday girl and our friend Abe bombing us in the back. We've all been friends for 7 years! Crazy!
My little sister stopped out after she was done with work- she's a chef :)
THe group of people that were out- they're a good time!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
HuMP DAYEE! It's Wednesday, woot woot! So far so good for this week. My plans have been holding and im pretty proud of myself.
Yesterday was the department Xmas luncheon. I got super slacker and ended up just picking up some M&Ms and Reeses pb bells for my "dessert". I drank lots of water all day. I kept my goal of only getting 1 plate of food and 4 desserts. I was full too! For the desserts, there were surprisingly only 4 there so I was okay. I took smaller portions of the tortes there too.
The one thing that got me was that stupid candy I brought. ugh. I ended up having 2 handfulls of peanut M&Ms and like 6 reeses peanut butter bells. Sh*t, I just realized I said to myself last night that it was gonna be "NO CHOCOLATE WEDNESDAY" and I already had a handful of M&Ms. No one ate them at the luncheon so I brought them up and set out in the treat room for everyone. And this morning BAM.
Even though that happened- today is Wednesday treat day. And today one girl brought in monster trail mix, pastries and crandberry bread. I started stomping over there to get me some, but literally stopped MID-stride and went back to my desk and sipped my coffee. Whew. It's a CONSTANT monitoring on myself.
Friday and Saturday are going to be a struggle to monitor myself and still have fun. Friday it's pizza and beer with a friend hanging out for her birthday and watching Rob & Big, maybe going out. She wants toppers pizza. Ive decided im gonna get a 6pk of some light beer- maybe MGD64 if I want basically water for 1 point a bottle- and I will buy her a big cupcake at the bakery. I might workout before I head over there. And either way Im gonna do the best to eat as light as possible all day.
Saturday- my good friend is having a big Birthday schindig (different friend) out to eat at Old Chicago and then to a sports bar after. Im planning to go over on calories Saturday. Im going to get my favorite sandwich at Old Chicago and eat HALF. possibly get veggies instead of fries... Ill drink light beer again this night.
AHHH it sucks. So far this week I ran a 5K Monday (41:00 ahhh so bad!), Arc Trainer for 30 mins yesterday and did arms as well. So its been good! OH and I did 30 burpees yesterday as well to start prepping for my snowboarding trip Jan 10. Tonight I think im gonna take off- unless I do legs later tonight, but im pretty sore all over right now!
So far so good, like I said. I still need to work on controlling myself and those little steals of food I pretend don't count against me. Any tops on self-control guys?
Have a great Hump Day!
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Okay! So its been a good weekend! I did not work out at all, bummer. BUT I walked a lot on Saturday shopping my face off and getting most of my Christmas presents done. Im feeling OCD so let's go with a list blog-
Friday: Made an amazing chicken vodka farfalle pasta for JL and I- I blended 3/4c frozen spinach and 2c frozen broccoli and added it to the sauce. It was SO good! I had exactly the portion I had planned. This weekend I have to say that the only extra calories I consumed were from wine and 8 christmas cookies. Friday JL and I split a bottle of mulled spiced wine while we decorated the apartment for christmas- it turned out so cute!!! Aaand apparently my pictures cant be edited on this computer for some reason.. so im not going to attach them because they would be sideways. wtf...
Saturday: I slept in a bit, snuggled w/ JL and then got ready to go shopping with my friend Katie! We went all over- I got almost everyone taken care of, spent too much $, and got myself a bunch of shirts from Old Navy. So many good deals- god I love shopping! I said no to taco bell when Katie got it for dinner- I came home and had leftover pasta for dinner, so good! I finished 3/4 bottle of wine I had leftover from Thanksgiving. And ate a bunch of xmas cookies/candy Katie gave me at her house. 2 peanut butter balls, 2 haystacks, 2 chocolate covered peanut clusters and 2 cookies. Ouch. But.. like... no regrets because they were so effin good.
Today: JL went to the Packer game with some friends, so i was all alone! Somehow the cats didnt wake me up at 9a.m. so I ended up not getting up till 11:45- WOAH! I made myself some french toast, ham and eggs along with a big ol pot of coffee. Then I read and lounged around watching the Packer game (what a close one!!). When JL got home I made our breakfast./lunch for the week- my amazing egg bake and had a piece for dinner. So this is what sucks about WW points- each piece is only 450 calories, BUT it's 11 WW points! thats crazy. So I will be having only halves for breakfasts since I like mine to be 7-8pts. Its the italian sausage in it I know. But so good!
I had some more wine tonight since Katie left half her bottle here, and a few pieces of chocolate candy leftover from some gift bags I made my co-workers for xmas.
So for health wise on this weekend I would give it a 6 out of 10. Which, compared to the last 4 weekends, is great. Still not the best, but its a start. I definitely need to get my workout face on and do at least kettlebells or a video workout since I can't (or won't) go outside in the blizzard/10degree weather. This week I hope to get into the gym and to at least 3 days of cardio, 1 day of great core, and maybe a leg day. Im proud of myself that I still haven't weighed- I did dream that I did and I was really sad in my dream.. So ill take that as a sign to give it some more time. My jeans fit a little better this weekend. If I had to guess going by clothes alone I would say I am at around 218 or so. Im hoping to see 207 sometime this year yet. It would be good to get down to that by christmas so my family can see me a tad thinner than at thanksgiving. I was heavy at thanksgiving. And all the drinking and stupidity didn't help my case that weekend.
I had kind of set a goal for myself that by Jan 10 I would be able to run 5mi non-stop again. That's like 32 days away so I have quite a bit of work to do. I would actually settle for running a 5K at my old pace of 11:30/mi. But we'll see.
This week I will have several obsticals that can trip me up:
Work Christmas party on Tuesday
-plan of action:
Make sure I bring my gym clothes to workout after work.
Don't eat more than 1 serving of things, also eat only 1 plate of food- NO going up again
choose 4 (small) desserts to eat, and ONLY 4 kinds. There will be 12 or so desserts, only 4 will I eat.
dips are deadly- try to stay away from dips
DONT eat any of the lefover food people bring back around the cubes, chew gum, drink water, do anything to keep myself occupied to not snack.
plan for a lighter dinner as well, lots of veggies to fill without the calories.
Another hurdle will be Friday hanging out with a friend and having a few beers at her place. She wants to get toppers pizza. I will need to make sure I limit myself to 2 slices and like a 6 pack of beer. I think I will tell her I want to workout before I head over around 6:30. Ill just do cardio.
Saturday: Going out for dinner and drinks for one of my best friend's birthday. I will make sure to have a killer workout Saturday morning, eat small but filling lunch. Go into the evening negative in calories. I might try sipping a heavier beer or having a few light beers. I don't want to get drunk, as much fun as that could be. But I want to enjoy myself and the company of my friends :)
So I have a plan. That's good right? Now I need to stick with it! Honestly blogging has really helped me stay focused. Its like talking to myself, or typing out racing thoughts so I can organize them and see what im thinking.
I am also contemplating training for a half marathon again in may. This time I would maybe try a schedule shorter than 18 weeks. I really did love training in the spring- it was like the biggest freedom I felt after a long, rough winter. Plus I was in the best shape of my life! I do miss running. I need to get a playlist together on my phone so I can hammer it out!
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