Sunday, November 03, 2013
You know you see those commercials, infomercials news reports, magazine articles etc etc etc where the woman says I yo- yo dieted for years and finally one day she figured it all out?
Yeah, well... that's not me. I almost hate spark for being able to document my failures over and over and over again. How many times have I had to change my starting weight #? How many times have I altered my goal because there was no way I was going to make it? How many times have I lost 10 pounds and gained back 15?
It's exhausting and sad. What's worse is when you know what you need to do and just can't/wont do it.
So here's attempt number 1,793,129 ... yeah... or something like that. I am going on a beach vacation for Christmas. I've been steadily gaining weight since summer. I was about 135 in July and am currently around 145-150 depending on what I eat. I have about 7 weeks before the trip and I have a few goals here.
1. I've had a surgery, multiple infections, and severe allergies that make my life unpleasant. I seem to constantly be sick. I've had a surgery and am off antibiotics. Eating healthy, drinking my water and overall getting my health back on track so my body stops trying to kill me
2. Allergy shots start tomorrow and to help me feel my best it's probably a good idea to stop eating all the things that I'm allergic to... and boy are there some tasty ones.
3. Depression - I've been struggling. I feel better when I'm active or have hobbies or classes or something. I prefer activities instead of the gym. Like MMA, aerial arts, rowing, etc. They're expensive. And when you're fat it's hard to want to start. I want to get on a schedule again... I want to find something I can do.
4. Traveling - I travel a lot. Trying to keep a schedule, get my sleep, not eat like crap, etc is really hard. My next trip is in two weeks and my goal is to not gain weight while I'm on it. I want to be able to enjoy a nice dinner but overall eat healthy and still exercise.
5. Pain. I've been in a lot of it. Back pain that gives me chest pain. No more please. I think it has to do with the extra weight I've been lugging around
6. Stress and lack of motivation at work and home. I don't get as much done as I'd like to and I don't feel like a productive human being. I go from not wanting to do my work at the office to not wanting to do anything other than watching TV at home and I always have excuses... I was traveling last week and I'm "recovering". I don't feel well (allergies, new infection, pain etc)
Anywho, today is day zero. I've stopped at my friendly trader joes... I bought some chicken breast (I never eat chicken breast it feels like diet food to me but I'm going to give it a whirl), more veggies than I usually see in a month to last me maybe a week, a new book (Jumpstart to Skinny) and a plan. I have kindle edition of the book and I haven't had a chance to make a shopping list for the recipes that look like I'm willing to eat them but I have planned out the next two days. They follow all the rules and nutritional profiles but aren't exact replicas of his recipes. I have always liked food lifestyles like paleo, eating clean, etc because I like the idea of it and I like that jumpstart has a low carb load from mostly good carbs (oatmeal, quinoa, potatoes fruit and veggies). I know my body does better without things like sugar and I have a horrible horrible addiction. I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm happy and I have no portion control. I buy a box of cookies and I eat until it's gone. Ultimately my life goal is to get that under control. To either not want them at all or to be satisfied with a single serving and be able to have treats in the house without the need (literally a gravity pull into the kitchen) to eat them until they're gone.
So day zero almost over... tomorrow, an official weigh in and hope that I eat all my prepared and planned foods.... So far I've only planned two days... I can do two days right? No need to even worry about day 3,4,5,6, and 364... just focus on one at a time. Right?
Monday, October 10, 2011
Except this year I started out at my heaviest weight yet of 153 pounds when I got weighted in.
The good news is, I have since managed to get all the way back down to 135 this year which isn't a bad weight, but it's not the goal weight. It was the slowest moving 18 pounds in my life. I remember gaining and loosing weight multiple times a year. When I would creep up 10 pounds I would instantly go to work and drop them with a few months of hard core cardio/diet commitment. This time, that was NOT the case.
Jan-July - Boot camp, 5x a week (1 hour sessions) plus the occassional 5+ mile hike, additional cardio or other activities. While I did occassionally take a day off I stayed with the overall schedule of 5:30 am boot camp for 7 months missing a day here and there and a week here and there for sickness/vacation.
In March I added in Paleo/Primal eating. While I still even today don't eat 100% paleo/primal 100% of the time I'm pretty surprised I'm managed to keep this lifestyle this long. No grains, legumes, sugar, limited dairy. It's a pretty scary list for some, especially me who loves breads/desserts.
So why Jan- July? Well in August I stopped boot camp at 142 pounds. I was tired, I felt helpless. If 7 months of boot camp wasn't enough to shave off more than 10 pounds I really did feel doomed. I continued to eat paleo and I focused on more fun things (hiking longer/more often) and thinking of activities that were less "exercise base" and more "fun base". That got me to today. I have kind of capped out at 135, again.
It's time to start fine tuning. So yes, overall I'd say I eat within the "rules" but I'm not always eating within the intention if that makes sense. So I can eat no grains, no dairy, no legumes, no refined sugar and still not eat well if that makes sense. Ever heard of a lara bar? Eating 5 of those a day isn't what one calls paleo. Depending on "paelo cake", "paleo waffles", and other paleofied goodies does not make my lifestyle healthy. Using them once a week or even a little more wouldn't be bad but right now I'm not really owning the concept of paleo which is to become more centered around proteins and veggies. So by fine tuning I am going to start tracking again and trying to focus on eating more fruits/veggies, cooking myself, and making healthy paleo meals without "paleofying" too much. Giving myself 1 day/meal ish a week (80/20 rule) if I want/need it to eat out with friends and try new restaurants.
Exercise.... well okay so weight loss doesn't happen without exercise, I bought a bike trainer. I will use that and still hope to find "fun things" but will suppliment with the bike trainer a few hours a week since it's winter and I'm not sure how many outdoor activities I'll want to do in the rain.
October will be bike trainer, jogging, and maybe a hike or two and possibly back to MMA
November will be the above + areial classes (if the schedule works for me, if not I'll find something else pilates, yoga etc)
As we get into December- March I want to consider indoor rock climbing, snowboarding and snow shoeing.
I'm proud of myself for getting here this year and not letting it continue into another year. I want to get a little closer to my goal before the holiday, maintain during the holiday, and get to my final goal on/before my birthday March 17th. I think 10 pounds and the physique I'm looking for in 6 months should be completely doable especially if I stick with the activities and stuff I've outlined above.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
I am officially as heavy today as I was in 2006 at my heaviest of 150 pounds. That's pretty scary because I remember I got to 150 because I was living in Prague, in a bad relationship, away from family and friends, and totally miserable. I didn't have a job and I would literally wear my jammies for days straight without ever even trying to get dressed or do my hair. I remember the main reason was because I absolutely didn't want to get dressed because non of my clothes fit but I didn't want to go out and buy new clothes because I didn't want to be seen in public. It was horrible, and now my weight is back there... and while I haven't become a complete hobbit yet I do fear the worst. That was a bad place to be.
I think the only thing keeping me from being that bas is that I have a job so every morning I am forced to get dressed... although I still have the problem of all my clothes not fitting and not feeling like I look presentable and wanting to go straight home and hide. I'm also currently experiecing the joy of feeling too fat to exercise. I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm exhausted AND I have no gym clothes that fit. You ask me how it's possible that I don't have a pair of sweatpants that fit but sadly I don't. Even my pair of gym sweats are too small.
I've gained almost 30 pounds in two years and I can only dread how much work it is going to be getting back there, and how fearful I am that even if I make it back that once again a few years later I'll be right back here. I have never maintained weight loss for long.
Happy holidays, right? I'm so afraid of food that everything stresses me out. I feel guilty anytime I eat anything. Makes for a super happy holiday surrounded by food, guilt, binging, more guilt, etc.
I paid for a food delivery service. The food is aprox 1200 calories although they mix it up so it can be as much as 1500 or so. The food is fresh and delivered to my door daily. It's expensive. Very expensive, I pulled it out of savings. I prepaid for 60 days at 5 days a week so hopefully about 3 months worth. I'm hoping this takes some of the stress out of my holidays and maybe can help me drop enough pounds that I feel like I can go to the gym again.
Get An Email Alert Each Time DANIELLEPYLE Posts