Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I spent the day with my friend who has inoperable pancreatic cancer in ICU today and my heart was broken. She is in shock and does not seem like herself. She is lost and doesn't know what to do. I have no answers. I just listened and supported her as best I could. I supported her belief in God and her thankfulness for her friends but I felt helpless. She is a strong and optomistic woman and she is broken. I trust in the power of time and healing and know she will come out of this and be able to face what she has to, but I was just torn up and didn't know how to help. I was upbeat and supportive throughout the day, but fell apart at home. It is hard to see someone you care for with a terminal diagnoses and little hope. I did what I shouldn't do. I ate .... chocolate, ice cream and Peanut Butter...my 3 big trigger foods. I certainly can't be of any help to her when I am out of control. So I spent most of the night talking with DH, crying, letting out all my fears and pain. I feel better. From this moment on I will let my emotions out and not stuff them with food. That is my old life, not my new life. Health includes emotional health, not just the physical. I talked to DH, I wrote this blog, I will get some sleep and start right back into my healthy life ... for my friend AND for me.