Thursday, March 31, 2011
I'm feeling a little down. I have 2 challenges to deal with. First, my friend had to have 3 pancreas biopsies before they could get enough tissue to get results. The outcome on Tuesday was that she does have pancreatic cancer. I spent the night with her because she lives alone and I wanted to keep her company. She is remaining optimistic and positive but we spent the evening discussing all her options and the things she needs to do. How do you prepare for the end of your life coming in the foreseeable future when you are only 47. Well, according to my friend .. you just do. She is not thinking about death, she is just getting prepared. She is also thinking about a career change from the physically demanding job she has now to something that will give back her skills and experiences in a giving way. She has also arranged for a holistic healer to come and work with her as an adjunct to the surgery, chemo and radiation. She is going to fight with everything she has. I love her.
Second, some of you may know I have had back problems for years and have had several back surgeries including a spinal fusion. Getting in shape and losing weight have decreased my back pain immeasurably, but the running I have started seems to be causing a problem with my back. I am having pain at and above the fusion site. I took a week off the running which helped. Then I tried running for a short 20 min yesterday and the pain is back. I will cut back (or cut out) the running until I talk with my MD at my yearly physical in May and see what she says. This makes me very unhappy, because I love the running and it has make an amazing difference in my weight and my size. However, I don't want back problems to recur. I need to accept what is and work with it.
I am sad right now, but not down. These are challenges I am dealing with. Life happens. I am healthy and strong and the best weight I have been in 20 years. So I am not complaining. Just sharing.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Its been a hard week for me emotionally and physically. But its been a harder week for one of my best friends. A young vibrant 40 something woman, she was diagnosed with colon cancer last Saturday. She had surgery Sunday and has been recovering in the hospital all week. They also found a spot on her pancreas but haven't been able to get a good sample of it to diagnose it. I have spent most of the week at the hospital with her and am amazed at her courage, strength, spirit and love of life. She says that right now she is focused on recovering from this surgery ( which she is doing in spades), next she will focus on the chemo for the colon cancer and when she finds out what she is facing, she will deal with the pancreas results. One step at a time, one stress at a time. What a life lesson.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I weighed 179 this morning. That means I am 9 pounds from the goal I set a year and a half ago. I feel truly blessed. I have worked hard and consistently to achieve this goal. I earned it and I rejoice in it. Good health and fitness are most definitely a goal that is worth hard, diligent work. I remember thinking (when I weighed 270 pounds) "This is how it is. I am just fat" I was lying to myself. Weighing 179 pounds and eating healthfully and exercising every day is how it is. I am not fat. I am still overweight but all my lab values are in normal range, I can jog on a mountain trail for 50 minutes (at least), I have energy, enthusiasm and vitality. I am blessed. The work is worth it. My lifestyle is much more automatic and comfortable now, but it isn't easy. I get up early and no matter what, I exercise. I drink water and wait before snacking instead of eating right away, I think about my food choices instead of eating what looks good, and I am beginning to accept my new body shape. I still have some doubts that I can maintain this, after all I have been overweight for over 50 years, but I am beginning to feel like I CAN do it.
I feel so very full of gratitude this morning.
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