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Struggling....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I am eating compulsively at least one day a week for about 3 weeks now. Don't know why. I get right back on the healthy eating and haven't gained weight, but I see the mind set in the distance. Scary. I feel bloated and uncomfortable after I do it and don't enjoy the food. Why do I do it? Compulsive overeating is a serious problem. It is insidious and viscous. I have about 4 good Spark friends who have gained back some weight recently. They are all still in the game working to get back on track, but overeating is insidious (as I said). I will keep fighting and will win. But it is discouraging.

I have also faced a return of my IBS symptoms for the last few weeks. Could my overeating have triggered this? duh! My back pain came back after running for a couple of months. I am a little discouraged. But not down. I read a group of motivation articles this morning about staying the course and I will. I will drink more water and go for a walk when the urge to eat strikes. NO MATTER WHAT!

I think I need to lower my exercise intensity a little and add some yoga to my routine. I haven't done yoga for months and from some articles I read this week , yoga seems to help IBS.

I rarely blog on what others should do in their weight loss and maintenance journey because I know I am not an expert, just a fellow journeyer. I have been successful, so I know I am doing some things right, but I don't have this down pat. Do any of us.

Here's to us plodders. We WILL get there!

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NO_SNOW_BODY 4/19/2011 4:14PM

    I understand where you were coming from, the same thing was happening to me, I blamned it on the change in seasons, and the weather. I hope mine is gone now and I hope yours are too. Congrats on your journey, you are doing wonderfully.

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JULIE2719 4/16/2011 7:06PM

    You are mindful of what you are doing - which is a positive. Don't beat yourself up, just work on the next step - which is to not over eat the next time. You are doing great!

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DDOORN 4/15/2011 8:48AM

    Plod away...! Joining you with much of what you are sharing! The carbies have been on the upswing and so have the pounds. The important thing is to never give up the fight and keep putting one foot ahead of the other!

Spark on!

Don

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ROOBEARZ 4/13/2011 11:44PM

    Well...it seems to me that plodding may be part of the key to success : ) otherwise known as - sticking to it. Thank you for sharing the bumps in the road to help equip those of us who hope to follow your path.

Good luck to you with your binges. It does seem that there are constant adjustments required in life emoticon

Here's to plodding : )

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LOULOUBELLE2 4/13/2011 8:14PM

    There's something to this weather change that seems to effect all of us. I hit the oreo's this afternoon, why? I wish I knew, destroyed all the steps forward I took this week. It is a mystery why we do this to ourselves, but we do and we have to deal with it......But plugging away and trying to stay on track keeps us focused even when we mess up. WE CAN DO THIS...we all know that, it's the doing that's tough.
Keep at it Nancy, so will I, so will the rest of us.
Hugs, to my Spark Buddy. emoticon emoticon

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GATOR12 4/13/2011 7:34PM

    Yep, just keep plodding along. Don't know if we ever "git It" but we have to keep working on it. Can't give up, NOPE!

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PATTISWIMMER 4/13/2011 6:36PM

    I overate today... I had some nuts.... and eggs for breakfast... used up all my calories early before getting my calcium fix... lots of stress today... but I won that fight... exercised for more that 2 hours...

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RURAL3 4/13/2011 4:13PM

    Nancy, I have to go back to look how far you have come. We don't do everything perfect. I find that I nibble most when I don't keep myself busy or when I am on the computer trying to be a good sparkie. I think with the weather getting warmer we will be outside more and not have food so accessible. I think we are in that "inbetween" now when you can't really be out all together and you don't want to be in. I just get bored and snack.
Try not to focus so much on the food aspect (I know easy to say) I sometimes have to eat at different times than my DH because I know if I wait I will snack AND eat dinner so who said I couldn't have mine beforehand. He is very patient with me because he wants a beautiful wife. emoticon
Remember this is a life long change and I don't know if it is meant to get any easier. Wish it would but experience has told me that keeping it off is harder than losing it. I think I will just go sit on the beach all day long and read a book in the sun. Ouch I would get red! And I would probably get bored with that too. I think key is keeping busy so you don't think about it because it will consume you.
We will get through this phase.... emoticon

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MNNICE 4/13/2011 4:07PM

    I can relate to the compulsive eating. It is so hard to learn moderation and even though I've been maintaining for 2 1/2 years, I do still have those "binges" at least a couple times a month. I know there are foods I refuse to give up, even though they can be triggers. My goal is not deprivation, but moderation, and so I continue to teach myself how to do it - sometimes winning the battle and sometimes losing. It does seem it has gotten better, though, so that's progress. You can do it, too! Try not to beat yourself up when it happens - once the guilt of it is no longer here it gets a little easier to control.

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AELARLEE1 4/13/2011 3:13PM

    Plodder here! Thanks for the great blog post, because I got home from a 6 mile run and totally ate the calories i burned in chips! I even recorded it for all the world to see. Why would I do that after being good for days and knowing I was close to losing? So like you, the mystery continues.

Eating for me is all about reward, avoidance, comfort, and satisfaction. I am looking at those 4 things and asking how I can address those when eating is stiumualted by those motivations.

You are right, we WILL/ARE making progress.

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KOFFEENUT 4/13/2011 2:36PM

    Sorry your journey has been bumpier than usual - especially with the recurrence of your IBS symptoms and back pain. Hopefully you've identified a strategy that will work for relieving both!

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ETAGGEL 4/13/2011 12:53PM

    You are doing so well, this is just a little setback. Your mind playing tricks with you. You know that you are suffering the consequences so keep reading those articles instead of splurging on the wrong foods.
Take care. Best wishes

Phyllis

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JOYINKY 4/13/2011 10:30AM

    I'm certainly a work in progress! While it seems like these compulsive days come out of nowhere; over the years I've found, for me, they have triggers. Today, post-menopause, I'm not on the hormone roller coaster anymore that I was slave to the rest of my adult life so I am happy to leave that one behind.
My triggers:
CHANGE, even good change; lately the change in seasons and the total change in my activities and routines that that brings.
UNPLEASANT TASKS: Taxes done yet?? When there are things looming and taking up space in my head; nothing like something to eat to take my mind off it.
TIRED: If I've been overdoing; as during change of seasons, or a change of exercise routine, somehow food is comforting, relaxing.
ANGRY: I don't do anger well; again, food is a pacifier.
HABIT: Night time eating when watching TV falls into this catagorey; but I really enjoy it so I plan for it as part of my total day now. No mindless eating.
BACKLASH FROM BEING REALLY GOOD: Have company over, go out to eat, pass up some of the high calorie goodies? Then, come home and eat again?! Company leaves and you have all this food in the house talking to you and go ahead and eat the things you've passed up all during the visit! Stale brownies that wouldn't have been bad to have ONE fresh? Pitch them!! My downfall is cheese; one of my trigger foods. In for a piece; in for a pound! I send home with my family what I can; pass what's passable to neighbors; really need to get things out of my house which is really hard for me as I hate to waste food. But, better to pitch it than eat it.
TRIGGER FOODS: This is a tough one if you don't live alone; which much of my life I didn't. Today I have the luxury of not having them in the house except for special occasions and then they go when the guests go. If your triggers all fall in the same catagorey; you might look at allergies. I've cut way back on grains and I think that's helped. I also have become more vigilant about getting enough protein, counting grams, and that has made an amazing difference.
ICE CREAM-major trigger, I enjoy it out.
trigger here could be the sugar; but I don't have many sugar foods in my diet. Ice cream is the one I would miss.
PIZZA-I never eat it alone; almost always somewhere else where I can control the portions. If at home having a pizza night with family; stay busy to help with portion control.
CHIPS-Potato-no control; I just don't eat them
Corn Chips--Only out or when I have company. Opened bags go home with the company or in the trash.
You would think salt might be the culprit here; but I've never overeaten on pretzels. Maybe it's the fat/salt combo.
CHEESE--No control at all here; except for fat free cottage cheese and shredded parmesan; don't keep it in the house except for company. Again, they go it goes.
If I have access to my triggers; and I take the first bite, I've lost that round. Telling myself I can handle it is stinkin'thinkin'.
Now, I'm not perfect in follow through; but I KNOW I will eat it! Not to get rid of it is a plan to fail!
I guess I'm saying we have to know our weak spots and not ignore them. Vigilance will be a lifetime exercise for me. Danger comes if my mind allows me to not care.
Whew! Didn't mean to write an essay. Guess I needed to vent. Thanks for the blog; a good reminder. Be well and be strong!

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ILUVTOTAT 4/13/2011 10:01AM

    I'm struggling with the same thing lately, too. It's not just one day a week though. Still, I'm working the best I can. It's just not in me to quit now.

Hang in there! We'll get past this!

emoticon

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CARLANNIE 4/13/2011 9:50AM

    Keep on ploddin'! The other option isn't pretty.

You know, you've had some fairly serious challenges come up the last few weeks, so maybe your one day of pigging out is for emotional release? Our subconscious minds are not always our best friends. You might want to look at the things you've been eating, the different items, and see if there may be a correlation with those and the IBS returning. I could not get rid of my IBS until I found I was allergic to casein, the protein in dairy products. It helped me immensely to strip my diet of dairy, and when it sneaks back in sometimes, I pay for it!

Your question as to whether any of us have this down pat is an empathic - NOPE. We are all works in progress.

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Challenges...They are part of the game

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I'm feeling a little down. I have 2 challenges to deal with. First, my friend had to have 3 pancreas biopsies before they could get enough tissue to get results. The outcome on Tuesday was that she does have pancreatic cancer. I spent the night with her because she lives alone and I wanted to keep her company. She is remaining optimistic and positive but we spent the evening discussing all her options and the things she needs to do. How do you prepare for the end of your life coming in the foreseeable future when you are only 47. Well, according to my friend .. you just do. She is not thinking about death, she is just getting prepared. She is also thinking about a career change from the physically demanding job she has now to something that will give back her skills and experiences in a giving way. She has also arranged for a holistic healer to come and work with her as an adjunct to the surgery, chemo and radiation. She is going to fight with everything she has. I love her.

Second, some of you may know I have had back problems for years and have had several back surgeries including a spinal fusion. Getting in shape and losing weight have decreased my back pain immeasurably, but the running I have started seems to be causing a problem with my back. I am having pain at and above the fusion site. I took a week off the running which helped. Then I tried running for a short 20 min yesterday and the pain is back. I will cut back (or cut out) the running until I talk with my MD at my yearly physical in May and see what she says. This makes me very unhappy, because I love the running and it has make an amazing difference in my weight and my size. However, I don't want back problems to recur. I need to accept what is and work with it.

I am sad right now, but not down. These are challenges I am dealing with. Life happens. I am healthy and strong and the best weight I have been in 20 years. So I am not complaining. Just sharing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AELARLEE1 4/6/2011 2:52PM

    Aww, sorry my friend about your friend and the issues with your back. As we age we cannot always do what we want to do, but seeing the MD is good! You might be good. Walking is good too, takes a bit longer, but still can help.

Blessings and prayers to you!

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CARLANNIE 4/4/2011 9:26AM

    I love your spirit, especially the part where you say you are sad but not down. It's okay to admit your sadness and share it with the universe. Or at least your SP friends! And what a friend you are to be there for your friend as she faces her greatest challenge. I hope you listen to your body and ease up on the running, even though it is your joy. It's so hard getting older, dang it all anyway!

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DOLLIE6 4/2/2011 7:27PM

    I'm sorry about your friend. I know you are a comfort to her.
You have done so well with your weight. I know you are proud.
I looked at your pictures and you are such an inspiration.
Please be strong. I'll remember you and your friend in my prayers.

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ROOBEARZ 3/31/2011 11:56PM

    Your friend is dealing with a lot and you are a good friend to be there for her.

Laying off the running for a bit sounds like a good idea given your history of back issues. I hope you can find another exercise that is less stressful on your back. Perhaps the elliptical? It might result in less pounding on the back?

I'll be thinking of you as you face this challenging time with your friend. emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 3/31/2011 9:59PM

    You are a good friend. Lots of folks don't know what to do or say, so they just stay away. I know your friend is getting a lot of comfort from having someone at her side as she deals with the difficult days ahead.

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JOYINKY 3/31/2011 3:01PM

    Nancy, You've really hit on some familiar and yes saddening challenges. Your friend is right, we all should have things in order and "prepared". Today is the only day we have for sure. That said, I did lose my best friend to cancer in her early 50's. Toward the end the challenge was to keep her life as normal as possible and help her "live it". Things that seemed morbid to others were actually very good activities for us, fun. She made all her "arrangements" but then there were the "details". We worked on picture collages to be used at her memorial service, whether weeks or years away-- still worked. Going through, commenting on and sorting pictures from the various stages of her life and making a collage for her OH family, KY family and work "family" gave her a lot of peace. It was a celebration of her life and she was here for it. You do what you have to do.
Running? I can't advise you; but I'd chuck it in a heartbeat! Walking is good for your back, muscles and joints. I know too many people with injuries from running and many of them are not Srs. I do not consider it a healthy activity; but I know many do. When you already have a compromised back, I would do all you can to protect it. There are too many healthy alternatives. Nursing homes exist because people lose their minds or their mobility. I'm trying to hang on to both!!
Yes, we never outgrow the challenges; maybe we need them to keep us going. I've found that each stage of life presents challenges and the hardest part of this stage is losing friends. I hope your friend wins this fight and you have her a lot longer than anyone is guessing! Be well, Joy

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RURAL3 3/31/2011 10:16AM

    Nancy, I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. It is very hard to have a friend go through this also at so young an age. She sounds like she is very strong. All you can do is be there for her. You can't fix it. Just laugh with her when she laughs and cry with her when she cries. It is a hard journey to make.
You have done so well on your weightloss adventure. You certainly don't want to have your back injuries reoccur. If you can't run anymore then you can walk fast, or climb up those trails or swim or so many of the other things you have learned to do again. You have many options. Don't focus on what you can't do....focus on what you CAN!
Thanks for sharing Nancy. It helps. A burden shared is only 1/2 a burden. And remember: God doesn't give us any more than we can handle. I know sometimes we want to scream ENOUGH! But you will get through this all, not without sadness but you will also have joy in your journey and lasting memories.
YOU ARE LOVED!! emoticon emoticon

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Life

Friday, March 25, 2011

Its been a hard week for me emotionally and physically. But its been a harder week for one of my best friends. A young vibrant 40 something woman, she was diagnosed with colon cancer last Saturday. She had surgery Sunday and has been recovering in the hospital all week. They also found a spot on her pancreas but haven't been able to get a good sample of it to diagnose it. I have spent most of the week at the hospital with her and am amazed at her courage, strength, spirit and love of life. She says that right now she is focused on recovering from this surgery ( which she is doing in spades), next she will focus on the chemo for the colon cancer and when she finds out what she is facing, she will deal with the pancreas results. One step at a time, one stress at a time. What a life lesson.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLANNIE 3/26/2011 11:32AM

    Hugs going your way. Stay strong.

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ENUFF81020 3/26/2011 10:24AM

    I am so sorry to hear of this--there are three people in the building I teach in all going through similar issues and it is hard to know the right thing to say and not just be sad--It is amazing how the person who is ill is the one who keeps the others going around them.

I am glad that your friend has you and I will keep her in my prayers.
Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

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KOFFEENUT 3/25/2011 9:32PM

    Wow - this really puts my petty problems in perspective. Bless you for being a good friend to this young woman and standing beside her, giving her strength.

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ROOBEARZ 3/25/2011 5:34PM

    You are a good friend. I am sorry to hear about what she is going through and wish both of you the best. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RURAL3 3/25/2011 3:34PM

    My heart goes out to you Nancy as we have been through so much of this lately. Just be yourself and the great friend that you are to her. That is what she needs and wants, no more, no less. Make sure to take care of yourself too. I found that it was in these times that I didn't have enough time for myself to prepare what I needed to do that I gained some weight back. It's a matter of balance. Hugs to you my friend. emoticon

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JOYINKY 3/25/2011 1:57PM

    It is hard! Being there for your friend is important. When my best friend was in this fight it was important to her that we keep things we could control as normal as possible. And we did; for as long as we could. The best thing you can do for your friend is be there and also take care of yourself. Yes, life is hard. Prayers for you and your friend. emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 3/25/2011 11:34AM

    Your friend is lucky to have you, as you are obviously not a fair-weather friend. She has a great attitude. We could all learn something from her. emoticon

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Early Morning Musings

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I weighed 179 this morning. That means I am 9 pounds from the goal I set a year and a half ago. I feel truly blessed. I have worked hard and consistently to achieve this goal. I earned it and I rejoice in it. Good health and fitness are most definitely a goal that is worth hard, diligent work. I remember thinking (when I weighed 270 pounds) "This is how it is. I am just fat" I was lying to myself. Weighing 179 pounds and eating healthfully and exercising every day is how it is. I am not fat. I am still overweight but all my lab values are in normal range, I can jog on a mountain trail for 50 minutes (at least), I have energy, enthusiasm and vitality. I am blessed. The work is worth it. My lifestyle is much more automatic and comfortable now, but it isn't easy. I get up early and no matter what, I exercise. I drink water and wait before snacking instead of eating right away, I think about my food choices instead of eating what looks good, and I am beginning to accept my new body shape. I still have some doubts that I can maintain this, after all I have been overweight for over 50 years, but I am beginning to feel like I CAN do it.

I feel so very full of gratitude this morning.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROOBEARZ 3/25/2011 2:17AM

    What a fantastic feeling!!! Your dedication has paid off! You're such an inspiration!! emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 3/22/2011 9:50PM

    You have worked so hard and completely EARNED this. "Fat" and "thin" don't define who you are. "Determined" and "strong" do. Congratulations!

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CARLANNIE 3/22/2011 3:44PM

    Can you sense that we are all jumping for joy out here, celebrating your victories with you? Only 9 pounds to go - that is truly AWESOME. I need to shadow you one day, especially during your early morning exercise sessions, to see what you're doing and then how I can change my daily routine.

A big High Five for you!

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JOYINKY 3/22/2011 2:00PM

    You are doing it and you will continue to do it! I have no doubt you will maintain this time. You're doing it all for the right reasons and the rewards are great. Congratualtions Nancy!

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RURAL3 3/22/2011 11:40AM

    There is no doubt in my mind that you can maintain this. You have worked hard and learned a new way of eating and life in general. You don't want to lose it and that is why you will continue. It won't be easy though. Maintaining is way harder than losing.....imagine that. But once we have gotten there we just need to make sure we pick a point that we will not go past and keep ourselves on track. Not stress over it but keep up with the joy it brings to our new lives.
You have had so many changes in your life this past year. You are a new woman literally. And to think, one time you were worried about retirement. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OURELEE1 3/22/2011 8:43AM

  Congratulations on a job well done. You should be so proud of youself. We all know what it takes to lost that much weight. Enjoy your day.

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KAZ814 3/22/2011 8:27AM

    WOO HOO! Congratulations, Daisybell. YOU are truly an inspiration!

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It's Working!

Monday, March 07, 2011

For the last week I have been eating at the low end of my calorie range (about 1250 cal) and getting in a minimum of 10,000 steps a day by doing several "pocket walks" daily as well as continuing my walk/jog program. Sounds simple, right? Well, why haven't I done it before? I don't know. But I lost 2 pounds last week. Go figure!

I just didn't think I could "survive" on 1200 calories a day. I thought I would be hungry. I thought I wouldn't be able to figure out how to eat 3 meals and snacks on that few calories. Well, I did it and it is working.

I need to keep doing what it takes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENUFF81020 3/21/2011 11:05AM

    Congratulations on your success with t his--I am trying to take off my last 20 pounds and am finding it to be challenging. I thinkI need to maybe ramp mine up a bit, it is all a bit of shuffling, I guess.
Anyway, I am not sure why I haven't been to your page or made you a spark buddy before, I always do that with members of OALB. I am sure glad I found your page, you are a real motivator.
Congrats on all of your success, keep up the great work in taking care of yourself!!
Sylvia

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ROOBEARZ 3/7/2011 11:46PM

    emoticon emoticon It sounds like you're doing a good job of doing what it takes!! emoticon

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INDIANABETTY 3/7/2011 10:16PM

    Go figure....sometimes the simplest change can make the maximum results. I need to follow in your footsteps! Keep up the good work.... emoticon

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OURELEE1 3/7/2011 7:58PM

  Keep up the good work.

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NORAHNICK 3/7/2011 4:13PM

    emoticon

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AELARLEE1 3/7/2011 2:49PM

    Well, there you have it. Okay, then...I must get my calorie count in gear.

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KOFFEENUT 3/7/2011 1:57PM

    Way to hang in there until you found what works for YOU!

emoticon

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REYVE01 3/7/2011 9:38AM

    emoticon

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ILUVTOTAT 3/7/2011 9:35AM

    Fantastic! emoticon

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JERZRN 3/7/2011 9:31AM

    emoticon

Good for you!

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JOYINKY 3/7/2011 9:24AM

    Great! I'm a big fan of pocket walks! But, it does take both; calorie control and exercise. WTG!

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SUECHRIS50 3/7/2011 9:07AM

    Way to go!!

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CARLANNIE 3/7/2011 8:52AM

    That's an exciting development to wake up to on a Monday morning - congrats!!!

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RURAL3 3/7/2011 8:31AM

    I knew you could do it. It just takes the right choices in foods and to keep up the exercise. You go Girl! emoticon

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BECKYI39 3/7/2011 8:14AM

    emoticon

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MOMNGUITARMAN 3/7/2011 7:53AM

    emoticon

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