Thursday, June 24, 2010
When I was 270 the thought of weighing one hundred and "something" pounds seemed unreal to me. It was a goal, but I didn't know if it would be obtainable. Now, a year later, I weigh one hundred and something pounds and I still am having trouble believing it. Right now I am struggling more with the program and food and how I feel and I think a lot of the struggle has to do with wanting to stay "under 200 pounds". I don't know why that 200 pound mark seems so important...but it does. I am more anxious about my weight loss than I have been in months. I feel some of the "diet" mentality coming back. I am losing some of the healthy lifestyle feelings and am focused on the number. I am blogging about this to try and get some of my feelings out in the open rather than buried.
I have been thinking of the point 12 years ago when we moved to Colorado and I had lost about 75 pounds with WW. When I got my new driver's license I weighed a little over 200 but I put "199" on the form. It was a lie but I justified it by saying "I will be there soon." I never did get there...until now. I actually weigh less than my driver's license says. And I desperately want to stay below 200. But more importantly, I want to keep up the healthy way I've been eating and living and stay below 200 comfortably, not by dieting.
I resolve today to focus on healthy meals, healthy snacking, and moderate exercise. 200 isn't magic. No one knows that my weight is below that number. What they see is a leaner, happier Nancy. And that will continue with the help of Spark People.