Tuesday, June 10, 2014
There are few times in my life where I would say I was truly depressed. Many times I would tell you I was just being a baby about a lot of things. But today, I can't breath. I cannot smile. I cannot concentrate. I went to work this morning, hoping it would take my mind off of my real world problems. It did not. Instead I spent two hours trying to not cry at my desk (pretty miserable failure). So many things are bad with me right now, and I honestly do not think I can change a lot of them. The worst part is they have completely extenguished my spark. All the new energy I was getting, all the fire I felt building inside to make me a stronger, healthier person is completely gone. I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. Just want to lay there until this thing called life moves on and forgets me. I can't do that of course. I have to work, I have to be a father to my boys. Those are the two things I am good at. I suck at being a husband, suck at being a friend, suck at being a healthy and atheletic person.
The weight of this world I have built around me is crushing.
Friday, June 06, 2014
Inspiration comes from a lot of places. For me personally, I am inspired by cheesy speeches, results, and competition. These things drove me to love nearly 150 pounds last time I lost weight. Those things made me a better person and more driven as a whole.
This time around though, I have learned a new trick. I find myself being motivated by my friends. Dear friends who know what I am going through in my personal life and are willing to take the time out of their busy days to look at me with my story and put their two cents in. Its not always positive. Sometimes it is destructive. But I use all of it. It is all fuel for my tank. I need and love it. Spark is obviously great for the positive. But friends, family, and sometimes perfect strangers also fuel the fire, making a spark in my life.
What inspires you?
Monday, June 02, 2014
Another day done. Walked with my furry team mate tonight. Walked 32 minutes, 1.85 miles. It was not hard heart rate wise. But my feet and calves are not happy about it. I figure I will switch between runs and walks until I my legs get used to the impact.
But as I walk, I feel my lungs getting stronger, my legs remembering how to push. But most importantly I feel the stress of the day washing away. I started the walk burdened, I finished free. A weight lifted. Even if it was for a small amount of time. Exercising gives me mental strength and discipline. Something I desperately need.
Sunday, June 01, 2014
Well… what an amazing long amount of time since I last came on here.
Everything has changed in my life. When I Iast came on here I was 218lbs, healthy, strong, and felt amazing. Family was good, career was good. Amazing how things can change.
I sit here my friend’s house. I am divorced, fat, weak, have a good, but troubling career. But here I am. Not sure what to do or where to start. But one thing dawned to me as I took my boys back to their mother. I was once part of something amazing. This website, this community, this lifestyle that is SparkPeople. This amazing place is my salvation. It is something that I desperately need and there is nothing like this site anywhere else on the internet.
So I am back. I have been eating well. I am running 3 to 6 miles a week, walking my crazy Pomeranian a mile a day. I have not had a coke in over a week. I eat well, not great, but much better during my lapse.
So as I post this, I am smiling. I know this community will give me what I need. The people of this amazing site will support me when I think I have no chance of being happy and healthy again.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I woke up this morning at 4:00 AM like I normally do… hit the snooze a time or two, until my wife yelled at me to stop it. HAHA I rolled out of bed, stretched, went downstairs made some steel cut oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins and did some pushups to wake up. Thus far it is pretty routine morning for me. But I got onto spark, doing my e-mails and sparkpoints when I read through a few of the MOD’s included on the e-mails. I love those things. Generally highly motivated individuals kicking butt and taking names.
Well I don’t remember her name, but the one I read this morning really motivated me. I loaded up the bike with my garment bag, which included my running shoes because Tuesdays are a run day for me), checked the tire pressure and headed up with a zip to my ride. This morning was very muggy and around 85 degrees at 5:00AM (welcome to Florida). But the sky was clear and there was a decent breeze.
At about mile 5 (which is past a few hills and the start of a nice level area of my ride) I noticed my average speed was 19 mph… hmmm that is two mph faster than my normal. Let’s kick it up a bit. I pushed my speed to 23 mph and felt great. I said to myself at this point “Let’s take advantage of this straight and kick it up some more. I was able to push to 26mph for about 5 miles. Keep in mind I do not have a race bike. I have a commuter designed to hold my 20lb bag on the rear rack while living through the rigors of biking to and from work on rough roads. An ultralight bike would not make it through the route I generally take. So after my sprint, I had a really good sweat going.
You know the sweat where you turn your head and a gallon of sweat slides off your face. Yeah!!! I had that going. I felt awesome and was coming to my gradual up-hill climb to work. I generally average between 15 and 17 mph through this area depending on wind and energy level.
Well my energy levels were an 11 on a scale to 1 to 10. I was not going to slow down. I was breathing so hard I felt like I was sprinting, but I was not going to stop. My legs were getting tired though, so I dropped a gear and upped my cadence to allow my legs to rest a little and let my heart and lungs take up the slack.
I finished my bike ride with a new record time. That is a double awesome accomplishment.
I beat my time!!! WHOO HOO!!! My previous time was 58 minutes 26 seconds to bike the 21 miles to work. I destroyed that time with 52 minutes 59 seconds
I beat the time with my garment bag full loaded. I carry with me a bike kit that includes two tire irons, a spare, a tube of bike chain lube, a multi tool, and an air pump, a shower toiletry bag, a shirt, pants, boxers, undershirt, belt, dress shoes, sunglasses, towel, iPad, wallet, cell, and as previously mentioned my running shoes. All that weight adds up. I have not weighed it, but I would guess the bag weighs 20 pounds, if not more. My previous record was without my commuter gear because I took two days of clothes the day before. So I was without bag!! This time I was fully loaded and still destroyed the record!!!! WHOO HOO!!!
I got to work and was still amped about the ride. I decided to run on the treadmill in the AM and will run again tonight. I did two miles and felt so great I averaged 8:45 per mile!!!
Point of the story, Sparkpeople can motivate you at times when you do not expect it. We all have the ability inside us. It is out minds that hinder us the most. Push past those mental fears and find your true limits. I leaned that this morning. Hopefully my mind will not fog my true limits again.
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