Thursday, February 06, 2014
I'm here, I'm spinning the wheel, I'm logging my food and fitness minutes...I'm checking off my goals! Last night I was looking at my goals and saw I still hadn't completed some....there was the push! I took the time to complete them just so I could check them off! It's working, the incentives of spinning, growing points, seeing the goal checklist completed, the goodies, the comments on my blog....they have me engaged!
I'm looking at making it through my day, one block at a time, I'm looking at time blocking. I'm experimenting with which size block is the most effective. I think 3 hour blocks are best, but I'm not sure yet. In my blocks I'm including exercise, even if it's just 10 minutes of stretching. It adds up. With 3 hour blocks, 6-9am, 9-12 am, 12-3 pm, 3-6 pm, 6-9 pm, that gives me 5 blocks....at 10 minutes a block that's 50 fitness minutes a day!
Within those time blocks I have my task list. I'm also trying to build in self care and personal growth items as well, like meditation, journalling & playing a game. Those seem to fall to the bottom of the list....got to figure out how to make myself more iimportant. If I can't add in fun and items of personal value...I tend to burn out and get overwhelmed by the work load....hopelessness erodes my committment....I resort to stress eating, don't even commit time to prepare good food...bad food equals low energy that is poor quality (foggy brained), I get less done, feel worse about myself, eat more junk food...viscious circle...I need a different shape, perhaps a 5 pointed star, continually leading back to the center of health, no matter how many times I go the wrong direction...
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
Been here, done this, it's been very good for me. Good people, good ideas, good inspiration, good things to learn about, good incentives, just plain good for me! Then life happened in fast mode...got very ill the end of 2012 with diverticulitis....then surgery - bowel resection in early 2013....that took a long time to heal from....then my 10 year old child became seriously, seriously ill with lung disease and a serious heart condition...many hospitalizations, two heart surgeries....in between I had 2 more surgeries.....left knee and right hand.....my daughter, Lexi, got out of hospital 10 days ago after her open heart valve replacement, she is doing amazingly well, may be going back to school before long....me on the other hand... that knee is taking forever to recover! My surgery was no where near as major and it was 7 weeks ago! I slipped on a puddle in Ronald McDonald house during my daughters other heart surgery....ACL, MCL and complex miniscus tear....my surgery was between her 2. I'm still hobbling, going to PT, being good about my exercises. If i would lose weight I'd heal faster. Just the thought of focusing on losing weight (instead of indulging my every whim....and this medical rollercoaster has resulted in many whims)....just thinking of losing weight has plunged me into opposional eating...Dairy Queen mocha moo latte, large, 2 days in a row at 820 calories....that's sabotaging. Now that I've got that over with and I'm telling on myself...perhaps I can reclaim consciously feeding myself healthy foods that will sustain and heal me. A few weeks back as I was blubbering in pain and eating potato chips my 10 year old said, "you can't eat your sadness"... she's got it....and that girl knows pain...
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Or really, scared healthy. Scared skinny somehow sounded better for a title... I talked to a surgeon today, he's expecting I'll need a bowel resection due to recurrent diverticulitis...The fat on my abdomen is my biggest health risk. More for the surgeons to cut through, more stress on every body system, contributed to the diverticulitis to start with. Fat is my biggest health risk all the way around, literally. I'm wearing an intertube of fat, fat crowds my organs, infiltrates my liver, clogs my veins, makes my heart work harder, my lungs work harder, my ankles struggle, my knees hurt, fat grows skin tags between the rolls, fat stinks, literally. I have a hundred reasons how I got here, I have one to let it go, I want to live and fat may kill me. I passed up the cookie and potatoe chips at dinner. I'm scared.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I got an e-mail from Spark, a sharing of how weight buried the real person, insulated her from living. I knew that was true for me as well. I read peoples comments. Some of the comments touched my soul. One was a quote about being in the journey versus being a critic of the journeying person. I'm not savy enough to get that quote here right now, it was a Roosevelt quote from 1910, from another member. I friended him. His sharing of the inspirational quote resonated in a part of my life I've been struggling with, the critic of my journey. The critic is always somewhere, in some form. It may be past or present. It may be a goverment official (as in my case) or in your own head (which is also my case often, although over the years I've been transforming my inner critic into an optimist....I digress).
Another comment was about building a path with bricks.....a supportive beautifully written comment that reminded me I was in the process of placing the next brick in my journey. I could look back at the path I've come from, stand where I am and take in now, and I could look forward to the future as I decide where to place that next brick. And as I decide where that path will lead....
Anyway, it all brought me back here. The inspirational pieces shared by various members reminded me what an amazing constellation we are. A constellation of sensitive, wise, creative souls journeying and trying to be conscious of the journey. An inspiring constellation of multifaceted beauty.
I'm ready to let my star shine, a good healthy shimmer, delighting in now and in putting down the brick on my path carefully, aiming toward a future full of choices, I want to journey amongst this constellation of amazing folks. As for the critic....it was just a piece of rock that looked like a falling star....flying past....
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I had a sleep study, I quit breathing 81 times an hour and my oxygen level went down to 73%! That's serious health risk stuff. I now have a CPAP. It's been a struggle to adjust. Parts of my functioning are better (brain and energy), but something has shifted in my personal comfort. The fat is killing me. If I hadn't had the sleep study, my memory would have continued to deteriorate, my inflammation would have continued to soar and my chance of a heart attack was phenomenal. The CPAP makes me breathe. The fat has crowded throat/neck/tongue anatomy, first there was the snoring that got sorta loud, I had foggy brain when I woke up - had to get coffee flowing to think straight, then there was that persistant inflammation (like arthritis, asthma and slow injury recovery). Putting this strange mask contraption on is odd, but I'm motivated by the deadly risk I'm dealing with. Losing weight may totally solve the problem, it usually does. Another way fat is messing up my life! Messing with my life! Could even take my life. I don't think those potatoe chips and ice cream were worth it.
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