CYNTHIAS50   63,652
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Tired of the pain.......

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I am going to do this eating-emotionally! I am so sick and tired of being FAT! I woke up several times in the night thinking about how I'm slowly killing myself with food. I went through some major crap last year and if I don't stop I'm afraid I'll be going through more...
I know I need to get rid of the weight because of my spinal disorder. I find myself walking a little hunched over these days, never even thought about it til I talked to a dear spark sister the other day and I was telling her about an aquaintance with the same spinal disorder and how the poor woman couldn't even stand straight any more, completely bent over at the waist and she has to walk like that, and I am doing the same thing to myself by not getting into shape. Not to mention the constant pain I'm in, having to take up to 4 percocet a day for the pain, and why? Because I have this fat stomach and it needs to go!
I lost a total of 61 pounds last year after having the bowel resection done....I gained 34 of that back...I know I'm still down 27 pounds but 34 back on! What is wrong with me!
I made a good start today by tracking my breakfast, and I don't care how cold it is, I will go outside and take some kind of walk...even if it's up and down the driveway!
I've got to change my ways or I won't be around to see my Grand-Daughter grow-up
I need to get a handle on the emotional eating.
I need to do this for ME.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIGALENA 1/14/2010 6:58PM

    Cindy you are in my prayers. I hope this is the first step of many to come. You are still down. Don't be so hard on yourself. And you are right, you are worth it

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TONNIJ 1/14/2010 11:37AM

    You are so worth this! Do it for yourself and do it for your family, and do it with the strength that only comes from the Lord! emoticon

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HOCKIMAMA 1/14/2010 10:41AM

    My dear sister Cindy...I teared up reading this, as I see how hard on yourself you are! BUT, when I was finished I actually cheered YEAH! I know you've got the mindset to get this done!!! We're all here together, striving toward a common be fit and healthy! And we're gonna do it, darn it!!! 2010 is OUR year!
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ARIAL61 1/14/2010 10:21AM

    Atta girl Cindy! One step at a time. It all adds up.

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1SUNSHINEGIRL 1/14/2010 10:03AM

    Cinders, You CAN DO THIS...2010 is THE YEAR TO THINK ABOUT CINDY! I'm here to encourage you and support you in any way that I can. I want us to grow 'mature' together. Let me know how I can help you...because in helping you, I'll be helping myself also. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Dreaming of things to come......

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

These past few months have been pretty rough on me. Two surgeries, 5 hospitalizations, 54 pounds of weightloss and the undying support of a group of ladies here that I am proud to call "sisters"!
Now that I know that weightloss can be acheived, I am in the process of planning my next dream...........
In one year I will be living in the country somewhere in Eastern Kentucky. On Wednesdays and Thursdays I will be busy baking cookies, cakes and pies to take to the flea market where I will have my own space to sell what I've baked along side of all of the jams, and preserves that I've put up through the summer and fall. Winter will come and steal the long days away.....I'll read by the fire and make hot chocolate for the family to warm them. Spring will come and there will be earth to be broken, tomatoes, zuchinni, spring onions, peppers and corn will be planted.....days long with work are ahead. A roadside farmstand, how quaint....I'll sell the fruits of my labor, until the last tomato has withered on the vine.......I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITAT49 10/19/2009 10:11AM

    Cindy.... it all sounds wonderful !
Simple pleasures are the best aren't they ?
What a wonderful, peaceful, happy life ahead.

YOu deserve it after all you have gone through recently !!!
sincerely, Terry

Comment edited on: 10/19/2009 10:12:31 AM

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1SUNSHINEGIRL 10/7/2009 10:31AM

    Cindy, what a very lovely dream, which I know you'll make a reality. Keep taking the steps necessary for this to wonderful dream to happen. If there's anything I can do to help you along the way, you know where I am.

Love You!

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GOGETUMX2 10/4/2009 10:35AM

    Cindy it's great to have the courage to dream. I need to daydream a bit more.....

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ARIAL61 10/1/2009 8:11AM

    Sounds awesome Cindy. I can almost smell your baked goods, taste the hot chocolate and see those juicy tomatos clinging to the vines. I'm so, so, very happy for you. emoticon

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MRSMELVIN1 9/30/2009 8:21PM

    It will be a road trip but I'll be there!! After I'm always up for a good road trip..LOL

I am so proud of you. Keep it going because I love seeing your progress.

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CALIKAYE 9/30/2009 7:55PM

    Doesn't sound like you're waiting, dear one. You've got it all laid out neatly for the universe. Use your LOA, feel the dirt in your hands, the shade of your farm stand, the sweetness of your james and preserves, visualize the beauty of of your home-baked goods. You've already started the chapter... I can't wait to read the next page. Love you.
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~*LINDA*~ 9/30/2009 6:36PM

    I can`t wait to come and buy your produce,,, pull up at the side of the road and for you to hear an English accent asking for some of your lovely jam,,,,, i`ll give you a big hug then we can go and get coffee with Roxanne,,, tell him i`ll bring the muffins!!!

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HOCKIMAMA 9/30/2009 6:26PM

I wish you all these things and more! You deserve it!!!!
Luv ya!

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The Quilt of Holes.....

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


As I faced my Maker at the Last Judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles. An angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestries that represented our lives.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was - they were filled with giant holes! Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I had been faced with in every day life. I saw all the hardships that I had endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares! Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color, and the bright hues of worldly fortune.

I gazed upon my own life, and was disheartened!

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of my cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally, the time came when each life was to be displayed and held up to the light - the "Scrutiny of Truth!

The others rose; each in turn holding up
their tapestries. So filled their lives had been!

My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes as the others had shown.. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times! I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the Truth! My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. Awesome gasps filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

I then looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes,creating an image, the face of Chris t. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes, and he said to me, "Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

"Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you"

May all your quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Chris t to shine through! God determines who walks into your life ... so it's up to YOU to decide WHO you let walk away; who you let stay; and who you refuse to let go.

I know my quilt of life is full of holes, but I wouldn't trade one hardship that I've endured for any amount of money because I am far richer than many people I know, and it's those holes that have made me rich :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    When I first read this blog, my eyebrows came close together and a worried/deep thinking line ran down the middle of my forehead.

As I read further, the frown line disappeared and my eyes opened wider because I began to feel the pattern.

When the pattern was revealed, I again had wrinkles on my face, but this time they were smile wrinkles.

Thank you for the story.

Agape hugs,


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JILLWILSON2102 9/15/2009 12:45PM

    Such a wonderful blessing to pass on - thank you.

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MRSMELVIN1 9/15/2009 10:42AM

    Beautiful just beautiful..

I have learned so much from your spirit and faith. My prayers and support will be with you tomorrow.


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Losing 46 pounds of myself!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

On July 1st, I went in the hospital for a bowel resection, there were some complications and I ended up with a temporary ileostomy, yeah a "poop" bag, and unwanted appendage hanging from my side. I wasn't home but 3 days when I was rushed back to the hospital due to an abdominal infection, where my incision had to be opened in two places and the wound packed, daily for 2 weeks by my sweet hubby :) On August 9th I was taken back to the hospital for a suspected blockage in my small intestine....thank God it wasn't, just a UTI, or a virus, but after a GI tube, and a round of antibiotics in the IV for 3 days I came back home.
Through all of this I have lost 46 pounds, I've heard many people say, what a horrible way to lose it, but was it? I never hear people say that to a woman who has had gastric bypass, which I might add is an elective surgery, and I've watched several of my cousins suffer after gastric bypass surgery alot more that I have suffered...well anyway I have lost 46 pounds so far and I WILL NOT gain it back! My 46 pound loss was in fact the silver lining of my journey. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I think this surgery was a huge wake-up call for me....If I hadn't been so obese, I probably wouldn't have had so many complications from the surgery, and I would have been well on my way to recovery by now, but because of my obesity, I have to endure yet another surgery soon to remove the ileostomy.
I am going to be so active on Spark People again after my next surgery that y'all are going to get sick of seeing me around here :)
Here's to the next 46 pounds that I am going to lose........ emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOCKIMAMA 8/27/2009 5:08PM

    Here Here! Awesome blog, sister! For as much as you've been through, you have such an upbeat attitude and that, my friend, is what is going to get you there and more! Applauding you and no, we will not be getting sick of seeing you here! Silly! :) XOXO

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1SUNSHINEGIRL 8/27/2009 3:44PM

    emoticonI'm so proud for you Cindy. Wish we were near each other so we could lift our glasses together! Hugs & Love!

Comment edited on: 8/27/2009 3:45:20 PM

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~ANGIE~ 8/22/2009 11:33PM

    Wow! You've been through a glad God gave you a reward for being such a trouper! We will all be here, cheering you on!

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MRSMELVIN1 8/22/2009 5:38PM

    I will never be sick of having you around.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

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CALIKAYE 8/22/2009 11:45AM

    I'm with ya, Chica! However you get it off, the important thing is it's off! While I haven't lost 46 pounds--I'm at 22 lbs as of the first of August--something happens inside of you; a switch if you will. Once that switch is on, it seems almost easy to continue until you hit your next obstacle. Revel in it... WALLOW in... enjoy your accomplishment and your baggie clothes. You are such a beauty inside and out, dear one. Proud of you.

emoticon Here is to the next 46. Look out world, here comes Cinders!

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TXSPLA 8/22/2009 10:54AM

    You go girl. Prayers for your speedy recovery.

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HHUSTON 8/22/2009 10:09AM

    You rock sister! I'll be lifting my glass to you today :)

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Why don't they leave her children alone?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I'm absolutely sick of it....David "the sicko" Letterman was the last straw! How can any grown man with a conscience say such vile, perverted things about a 14 year old girl? I know how, just like the liberal media, it's easier to make pretend! If he had read about her visit to New York and what she was doing there, he would have known the jokes were about a 14 year old......but then again, maybe he did know and he's a pervert! I never heard anyone call his son a bastard?
I am sick to death of my so-called Christians crying over the abortion doctor being murdered but never shedding one tear for all of the babies he murdered.......I believe murder is murder, and Tillman shouldn't have been murdered, but I do believe he should have been in prison for murder! Oh and the poor security guard who was murdered at the Holocaust memorial that was tragic, sad and worthy news am still hearing about it on every news cast.....but what is really confusing me is the poor Army Soldier who was murdered by a home grown muslim, his death made news for about 5 minutes......why? Can anyone explain the fairness in this?
America is a place that I am becoming ashamed of calling my home....what happened to the morals and values of my youth......they went down the toilet when the "foster-home, time-out Society" took over!
The crime rate is horrible, people are losing their jobs at an alarming rate, everyday I hear about stores and banks being robbed, and it seems that no one cares.....this is a sad time in America, and I am still putting my faith in God, my Lord and Saviour to wake America up before we self destruct!
Thanks for letting me's a wonderful privilege.......Freedom of speech. that is!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNY712 6/14/2009 6:30PM

    The Progressive left does not like Palin because she stands for everything they hate! We must be bigger than them! We must stand up for Palin! Speak the truth! Be kind in our words! When we have children and they do wrong we must be the adults. I do not feel that most progressive can do that! You see the fact is on our side and all they have is hipe and emotion! They use that in the war against us! They have ABC, CBS, and NBC so we must do our part and support the facts!
Fact: Sarah Palin is a wonderful leader! A Hero for our daughters to follow!
Sarah Palin is a Great American! That makes the people who hate America shake
with anger and fear!
Sarah Palin is honest! That puts fear in the Progressives heart!
Fact: Sarah Palin is a great Citizen, Christian, Mother and wife!
Take heart Cindy if the Progressives loved her; she would be one of them!
She is not! She is one of us!
We need to thank God and shout the victory! Sarah Palin passes the test!
They hate her! We love her! Pray for her and them! They need all the prayer they can get!
We need to pray the truth will come out! We win!

You see in the end Sara Palin is going to be the winners! SMILE!

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TWLITE 6/13/2009 9:47AM

    Cindy, I didn't hear his comment because I stopped watching most tv a long while ago, most of it's just heartbreaking to me. Hubby commented about how he couldn't believe letterman could say something like that but didn't elaborate much more then that when I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. But, is Palin really running in 2012 or are some of us just hoping? I really thought Palin was wonderful.

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MRSPRINCESS07 6/11/2009 11:54PM

  I was speechless when I heard that comment fall out of his face! It's because people like him are Dips...any other more appropriate word and I'd be "censored".

It really is ridiculous! People would never stand for this if it was a Dem! Look at how the News is fawning over Tiller? Absolutely insane and completely lacking proper value and moral compass!

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    I ABSOLUTELY couldn't agree.

In fact, I can remember when Bill Clinton was elected, somebody made mention that Chelsea was ugly. They were skewered.

They did NOT talk about how funny it would be if she were raped.

It is unacceptable.


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