Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Okay, so my title for this entry has multiple meanings behind it.
1) Why not...make a blog entry?
It's been about a week and a half since I last wrote here. I've found if I enter only when the mood strikes me, I'm able to share more and feel comfortable doing so. I just haven't felt like writing. Why not? I've been lazy. Period. I haven't been keeping up with my papers to grade or cleaning my house or logging my food or exercising like I should be. I've kind of been in a bit of a funk for no apparent reason. Can I blame my hormones, please?
2) Why not...eat and drink my way through the weekend?
I've been hanging out with some friends who are "skinny fat". You know the type, they eat and eat and drink and drink and stay skinny. I know I could kick their skinny, unhealthy butts in running or cycling event, but I also wish I could eat and drink and be skinny, too. Alas, that is not how my genes are. I've been doing lots of reading about people who have to be a slave to counting calories and exercise to maintain their bodies. I think I will be that person, too. I hate this about myself, but I'm coming to terms with it. Maybe this past weekend was my last, desperate attempt at denying how my life needs to become in order to achieve my fitness dreams.
3) Why not...make excuses to eat poorly and not exercise?
This answer ties in with my previous answer. I think I've written somewhere on my page about how I am continually gaining and losing the same 20 pounds each year and have never reached my ultimate goal weight/body fat. (If I haven't, well there's my confession.) I always seem to make excuses for my poor choices...it's the holidays, it's too cold, my husband wants _________ for dinner and I need to eat it, too. One day I was listening to a co-worker complain about her weight, as she ate a Twix bar, ("Ewww" was all I could think...seriously, google "Twix" and look at the photos.) and hit me full force that I do this. Why do I sabotage myself? Do I not think I'm worth it? I will say, since I have stopped watching TV and reading beauty magazines, my self-image has risen considerably. It is a slow awareness dawning, but I am worth the effort! I can and do say no!
I CAN DO THIS!
Do you all understand? Has anyone else had their self-image lowered because you compare yourself with celebrities? Have you ever googled your favorite candy bar only to discover it looks gross?
Friday, January 06, 2012
I have done extremely well the past two days on logging my food and sticking to my allotted calories. I began my day with the best intentions today, but I then ate Oreos this afternoon. I don't know if I've mentioned, but I'm a teacher. There are so many positives to my job; seeing a student "get it", the hugs, influencing the future, oh, and lots of food. There are also so many negatives to my job, like red tape, angry parents, oh, and lots of food.
Now, if it had been one cookie, I'd log it and say, "Hey, that's okay," but it was more like 7 or 8. I have to learn to say no to all confections and processed foods like that because I can't just eat one. I say to myself, "It's okay, you can have one," but I never stop at one. I don't understand what happens to my brain, why I lose myself in the sugar high.
I'm sitting here, staring at the screen, knowing that strangers will read this. I am tempted to go back and change the number of Oreos I ate because I know I will be judged. I only hope the jury is understanding. I only hope those of you reading have had these mind-numbing experiences with a trigger food.
Have you experienced this phenomenon? Am I the only one that can't just eat one of something? Have you ever lied in your blog or in real life about the amount of food you ate?
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
I am so proud of myself today! I completely fell off the wagon yesterday...four days in to my commitment to changing myself. I felt really down and bad about myself yesterday evening. So, as I ate my Cheeze-Its, I began really exploring the SparkPeople website. During my processed food fueled exploration, I found out about the January Challenge.
After I withdrew my greasy, "cheezy" fingers from the box of temptation, I joined the group. It was an a-ha moment! I realized the January Challenge is exactly what I need: a group that offers incentives for staying active daily and a huge support group. I actually started a thread and posted about how I'm an active individual but not fit. I had two people respond to my post with words of encouragement. I don't know these people; I don't even know what they look like...I just know they provided me with the exact gift I needed at that moment--encouragement.
I even got out of bed at 4:40 this morning to begin playing catch up with the videos Coach Nicole has for the January Challenge. I completed the 8-minute cardio interval one and the 9-minute lower body sculpting one. I'll admit, I didn't think the videos would challenge me...I mean I do workout some and am active, but I was surprised, shocked! I had no idea how challenging the workout were, and because they were short, I never was bored! I know my inner thighs and butt can feel the lower body sculpting routine.
So far, I can sum up my experience with the SparkPeople website with a huge, "THANK YOU!" It has helped me more than I thought it would and I'm just beginning my journey.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
I am very disappointed in myself. I was offered Andes mints today, 14 of them, I took them and ate them! This insane over-indulgence has completely destroyed my calories for the day. I don't understand why I ate so many of the mints, or why I then ate two mini-sized Snickers and a fun sized Twix bar.
I wanted to post pictures of these confections, but copyrighted material is not allowed, and when I looked up the images on Google, the actual candy bars looked like dog poop. Not a pleasant thing to look at.
Well, I'm supposed to run this evening, but it is very cold outside. I will either bundle up and run or I will ride my bike again. I would rather run truth be told. I can get back on the wagon right now. I don't think I will log my food further today.
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