Friday, May 30, 2014
SOOOOO...It's My BIRTHDAY.. I should be HAPPY??? HMMMM..
Today should be a day filled with HAPPINESS & EXCITEMENT!!! However, I am not.. Don't get me wrong.. I am BEYOND BLESSED but realize that I am NOT MY BEST!! I mean when I look at my life everything is great I have 2 AMAZING SONS, Loving Husband, Wonderful Career, Beautiful Home, & a Great Family but there's 1 thing missing ~ MYSELF!!!
Yes, I'm missing being the BEST CASSANDRA. I am unhappy with the way I look. I weighed in today said "245.2." This is what my life is over 240 pounds of FAT, SADNESS, & UNHEALTHINESS. I NEED to conquer this weight problem. I want to be Happy & fill Great when I look at pictures of myself.
I am going to make the most of the day because I know my husband has plans for us tonight & want to show him that I appreciate him making my day special.
Next year for my birthday, I'm going to Jamaica & will not be this weight!!
Just needed to vent.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Well I wish I had good news for yesterday.. I had a HORRIBLE EATING DAY!!! I ate 2 large oatmeal crème pies (YEP, I said 2!!) Then I had 2 of the small (.25 cents) bags of doritos. Honestly, I can't even say why I ate them but I did..LOL.. Plus, no workout either yesterday & won't be able to get one in today since have plans after work.
Honestly, I could've & should've made better decisions yesterday but I didn't.. However, TODAY IS A NEW DAY!! I don't have to REPEAT what I did yesterday. So, I'll be honest with myself & I need to put it out here and be HONEST.. You can ONLY LEARN by being HONEST. So, yes.. I had a BAD day but guess what that doesn't mean TODAY HAS TO BE BAD.. So.. I am going to make better choices today.
I just finished eating my oatmeal for Breakfast. Snack will be an apple. Lunch, orange chicken with brown rice & green beans. Next snack- maybe some dry cereal.
Have a WONDERFUL DAY Sparkers!!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Let me start by saying that yesterday I had a real heartfelt blog & then I went back over and read thru the NUMEROUS blogs I have posted over the past few years here on Spark & realized that I MADE IT BEFORE & I WILL MAKE IT AGAIN..
One of my best supporters here on Spark "LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 " has always pushed me & kept it 100 with me!!! I appreciate all the words of advice & the words of support she gave me.
I realized that I have enough support with my family & thru my past blogs to see how I made it thru before!! Spark is a great tool & I need to write my feelings here & then look back & see how I pushed thru when I had moments of weakness.
I can do this & YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
I AM ALL THE MOTIVATION I NEED!!! I am not doing this for a vacation or event but instead I am doing this for ME!
I am doing this to be a HEALTHIER MOTHER, WIFE, & WOMAN!!! My family DESERVES TO HAVE THE BEST ME!!!
I AM ALL THE MOTIVATION I NEED!!!
Have a GREAT DAY & MAKE THE BEST CHOICES POSSIBLE TODAY!!
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Well I was watching a show this morning about a woman who was over 600 pounds & it made me cry.. I realized that I had the SAME STRUGGLE & ISSUES as a person over 600 pounds, I'm just at 240 pounds but what will stop me from getting to 300 pounds, 400 pounds, 500 pounds... I realized that at some point that person at 300 pounds or 600 pounds believed that it wasn't too late or that they could get their weight under control eventually or that their health wasn't that bad.
I realized that I will become that person sooner than later if I don't STOP making Excuses!!!
I have been UNABLE TO LIVE BUT UNWILLING TO DIE!! I don't want to leave my 2 sons behind at an early age.. I don't want to leave my Husband without a Wife. I realize that even though I SAY, THINK & BELIEVE I want to loose weight ~ I haven't PUT IN THE WORK TO DO SO!! This is why I have been stuck toggling between 239 to 245 pounds for the past year!!! I realize that I am truly Miserable but yet I don't do anything to CHANGE BEING MISERABLE!!
MY MIND HAS BEEN MY PRISON!! I have LOCKED MYSELF into my Body & Emotions! I no longer want to be the cute big girl...
I MUST ~
RELEASE THE BONDAGE OF WEIGHT,
RELEASE THE BONDAGE OF EXCUSES!!
I Must put all of my Heart & Faith into losing this weight. It will not be easy. I want to be HEALTHY.. I want to be Healthy when My Sons Graduate from High School.. I want them to see me STAND ON MY OWN & GET THIS WEIGHT OFF. I made thru this journey on my own in 2005. I can do it again.
Granted I wish I had a "TRUE" ACCOUNTABLITY partner who I could Text Daily for support but I don't... So, I must TRULY LEAN ON MYSELF & THE LOVE OF MY HUSBAND & KIDS...
If there is anyone on here who is open to texting daily for support please feel free to leave me a message on here or send me a spark mail & I'll send you my cell #. I feel that SUPPORT IS CRUCIAL..
I CHOOSE TO LIVE!! I will get this weight off... Before I would say "Oh I'm going on a trip let me lose weight" but Now it's really about My HEALTH & feeling GOOD is why I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!! I am too young to be having the Aches & Pains that I am dealing with, too Young to be out of Breath going up the stairs every night to my bedroom, too young to be uncomfortable wearing certain clothes because of how FAT MY STOMACH IS. I am too young to be unhealthy!! I AM TOO YOUNG TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF!!!
I am TAKING BACK CONTROL! I Must PUT CASSANDRA FIRST!!! I PUT everyone Else First in my life but Myself. I have neglected myself to the tune of 240 pounds!!
This was my 1 Year Wedding Anniversary Trip at 240 pounds.. My next Wedding Anniversary I will NOT BE THIS SAME CASSANDRA!! I must say that I have a Wonderful Husband who would do anything for me & supports me at any weight. I know that I need to Let him PUSH ME even when I don't want to be PUSHED. He has LOVED ME AT MY WORST & BEST!!
The Man who LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY!!
My Sons who LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY & Who NEED A Healthy Mother!!
Thanks for reading..
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