Saturday, August 23, 2014
So today is my mom's birthday and well we don't get along. So we took my dad and my mom to the movies. Saw a movie that my mom wanted to see but didn't end up being a very good movie at all. But every single time I am around my mother she cannot stop herself from saying that I need to lose weight or patting my belly and saying you need to take care of that. Gee thanks! The last time she patted my belly was when I was dressed up nice and felt like I looked pretty good. Yeah that put my mood right in the dumps. And of course she does this at her house before we go to the place we needed to dress up for. So the rest of the time I spent with her I was pissed off. I hate that she does this to me still to this day. She knows that it bothers me and still cannot help herself. It will be a decent day until she pulls that crap. I am trying to lose weight don't make me feel bad. And even when I lost weight the last time which was like 40 pounds I didn't even get a you look good or anything. More you need to lose weight crap. AHHHHH!!!! I think if I end up where I want to be she will still make some comment about me being too fat. UGH!!! So today that's what I had to deal with. That and the disapproving looks from her about my weight. I have always had a weight problem! I was always one of the heavier kids. Yeah it was kept in check for periods of time but its not a new thing. So this is what it has been like for years. I don't remember a time when she didn't make some comment about my weight. She even made comments when I was going through chemo!!!! And she wonders why we don't have a relationship? Its not like I haven't tried over the years to have a relationship with her but every time we spend time together she makes me feel bad about myself. And seriously what kind of mom makes their kid feel bad about themselves all of the time? Its sad that the only way I will have a great mother daughter relationship is when I have a daughter if I am lucky enough.
I really just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.