Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I just read my last blog entry. Some things have changed...
My dad passed away in March - 4 months after my mom. He had a heart attack from flipping out because nobody would come to his party... My mom was the brake for him, he was obviously getting out of control pretty quick.
The following is a short recap of events - they will be completely unbelievable and if they hadn't happened to me, I'd have a hard time believing them too... My dad was stripped of his money and jewelry, placed in his car and driven back to his house. His dead body was propped in a chair until they could get a coffin - which was a large fish box (he lived in a fishing village). They have no funeral home, no embalming and therefore the funeral had to be ASAP. One brother had a passport and was able to make it there by hiring a private plane just before they buried him. He had to hire professional mourners to weep in the house, they paraded the body through town three times and he was finally put to rest in a plot deep in a wooded area (which my brother has since cleared and placed a headstone). Some of his jewelry was returned, no, I did not get his wedding ring which was all I wanted - to match with my mom's. We have 1 year (6 months now) to sell the house otherwise it goes to the government. They have squaters rights so my brother had to hire people to live there and change the locks.
Yeah, i stopped....everything. LOL
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I gaines 20lbs when my mom got hospitalized and have done absolutely nothing to get rid of it. At that time (November 2010) I was up to 6 miles training for a half-marathon (would've been my first). I basically quit...everything. This week I have gone to the track twice and run my first solid mile each day. Taken a Zumba class and taught a Yoga class. Made arrangements for a twice a week full-body weight lifting partner and my nutrition is trying to make a comeback. Yeah, I'm proud of me!
Friday, November 19, 2010
THANK YOU! For all your kind comments, encouragement and prayers. You've all really been here for me and I sincerely appreciate it. I wish I could sit down and spend all day personally thanking each of you, sending you goodies and encouragement, but we all know it's ok if I don't - thank you!
It's been a tough month, but hopefully it's winding down. I'm not nearly as stressed. Just have a lot to catch up on (mostly laundry - yuk). We cleaned out my dad's apartment yesterday, got his furniture (which is better than our old furniture), selling the car and finishing up paperwork, gravestone stuff, loose ends.
I'm sleeping, which is always a good thing. Thinking positive thoughts, planning a run tomorrow and a salad and baked turkey for our Sunday School potluck. Dean's been very encouraging and just this morning reminded me I'd have loose jeans in no time. He's such an amazing person. I'm so grateful for him.
My dad called this morning. He's home (in Mexico) and said he's doing ok, plugging along. I can't live with unforgiveness and bitterness - it only hurts me and he's completely oblivious and going senile so what's the point in harboring bad feelings.
Getting passports next week. Lots of church people seem interested in taking a trip over there - this whole situation has affected a lot of people around me.
Soon, I'll be back Sparking like crazy, I hope! My computer's getting a new harddrive, so I'm on Dixie's, so I won't be here much for a bit yet.
Love to all my awesome Spark Girlfriends!!! Couldn't have made it through this without you - and yeah, I'm serious!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
We took my mom off life-support - that was hard, very hard - watching her die. That sucked. Having to buy 2x size clothes for her, alone, sucked almost more. All the fluids from the iv's had just swelled her to 3-4 times her normal size. The funeral was beautiful. My pastor, who I owe a debt I will never be able to repay, did the entire service in spanish - our native tongue. He doesn't speak a word of it and did an amazing job - everyone was elated, it changed the entire atmosphere. He even sang in spanish! He rocks! The funeral home was outstanding! If you get a chance read my blog around this time last year about funeral homes (Dean's mother passed last year).
Now, I'm left with paying off my dad's car, trying to sell it. Making sure he's ok - from here in FL when he's in Mexico - which is damn near impossible. He left from the cemetery. He doesn't cope. I'll most likely never see him again. It is what it is.
I can't seem to get back in the groove - I know I should give myself time. My pants are tight and that nasty green bean casserole is still in the fridge - damn white people food! I ate an entire cherry pie yesterday, I won't buy another one. If I could get someone to go grocery shopping for me, cut up all the fruit and fix me a salad, I'd eat it, but I'm just so exhausted. Housework out the yazoo, trying to get homeschooling back on track. It's just a lot right now.
I want to run, but I don't want to run. I'd rather just lay in bed all day sippin' a margarita and watching movies!
I'm going to give myself another week then no more excuses, hit it hard, shape up and fit back into everything before the Thanksgiving Feast!
Thanks to all my Spark Girls for your encouragement, love and prayers - I felt everyone of them!
Monday, November 01, 2010
I haven't been around in a while. First it was just me in a slump, then life started a downhill spiral that's lasted going on 3 weeks and seems not to be slowing down much.
I'll try to condense it for lengths sake, but trust me, there's A LOT to it.
Oct. 17 - Sunday night my parents arrived for a visit (they retired and live in Mexico) so they'd flown into Miami and 2 days later driven 8 hours (normally a 6 hour trip) to my house. We (the family) always contact each other when they're coming so we can 'prepare ourselves'. My dad's an ass - a huge ass. Anyway, so they get to my house and Dean tries to help my mom out of the car, she collapses (I noticed something dark in the seat, and a familiar smell). My dad starts yelling "You see, it's all in her head, she's been slumped over in the front seat the entire trip!" In my infinite wisdom and calm nature (insert sarcasm anywhere you see fit) I yell back "Does THIS look like it's in her "F'ing" head?" His response, well, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her wanting to come, put her back in the car and we'll turn around and go back to Miami right now!" Dixie called 911. The paramedics asked my mom if she would go to the hospital with them, my dad yelling at her that it was unnecessary and if I would just let her lay down for a bit she'd be fine. I told him to shut up, her to look at me and begged her, she nodded yes (she's unable to speak at this point and can barely open her eyes). When they got her up there was a puddle of blood on my couch. Dad said that's the first he'd seen of that which turned out to be a lie, she'd been bleeding for about 4 hours and was soaked in it, he helped her change and put her back in the car for the rest of the ride - yes, be appalled! He lied to the ER docs at 2 hospitals - I stepped in and straightened that out! Anyway, she was taken to a local hospital, given one pint of blood, stabilized and life-flighted by helicopter to Shands at UF in Gainesville (where she is to date). She had a silver dollar sized ulcer that ate through a major artery, took 20 units of blood and 3 procedures to stop the bleeding. She's too swollen for her incision to close, still on a respirator, but off sedation and only on pain management. She seems dissoriented and confused, but much better than 2 weeks ago! She's 80, it's a miracle she's survived. There is SO much more drama and BS about my dad, I could type all day and not even skim the surface. It's just beyond nuts - all the lies, the yelling, ridiculousness - it's like dealing with a 78 year old child pitching a fit because he's not getting attention. Yesterday, his sister and cousins came to see my mom and he said that was all great, but what he really needed was somebody to keep him company... I'm ashamed to be genetically linked!
Boston, Georgia Half Marathon & 5k (walk?)
I wasn't able to get up enough mileage with my slump, then this with my mom, but I still wanted Dean to do the Half - and he did and rocked it! 1:57:33 for a first time, not bad! Go Dean-o!!! (Oh, and I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I don't think you'll blab - he got a promotion at work - Supervisor!) I couldn't be more proud!
When we get there I talk to the race director and she said she understood, not to wear my half number and not worry about it since the 5k people didn't get anything (that wasn't true, I don't know what the hell she was thinking). So I take off with Dean - he's very fit, almost 6 feet tall and his slow mile is 9 min. I ran the first mile or so with him, until my lungs just couldn't keep up (my fast mile is 11 at best! LOL) So I slowed, but kept running, got to the turnaround (which I missed last year and was too late coming in for the 5k I got listed as DNF) got some water and kept going. I felt great, so good to be outside, alone, finally doing something for me after the last few weeks of such intense stress. I cross the finish line at 30:01 after sprinting the last 2 blocks and I mean FAST! I hear the announcer say "don't give her a card" hmmmm, the guy that came in before me got one and so did the woman behind me (she won overall), but they wouldn't give me one, the girl had no reason why and the woman behind me said it was because it's a 5k Walk, not run and I had to start out walking, not running????? WTH? So I asked her why then was she running? No answer. At this point, I just don't have anymore fight in me, so I went back to the car, texted and called some spark friends, the kids, changed clothes, got my camera and waited for Dean to come in. Once again I'll be listed as DNF.
I'll never sign up for that race again. I'll just run it and buy a t-shirt after the fact, when they're on sale!
I'm so ready to get my life back.
EDIT: Thanks everyone for your kind words. I do think my dad is not well, but there's no much I can do other than keep my distance and do my best to help my mom. Once she's released from the hospital I will have no control and it will be her decision what she wants for the few years she has left.
The person I've become is completely due to the love of my Heavenly Father. He is who made me this person. The person my dad and mom made was a drug addict, runaway, whore - no exaggeration. But Jesus, He is faithful and His love endures forever!
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