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Living in the Truth

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Today was hard. I owned my current weight and I changed my tracker to reflect the truth. It sounds so silly as I hear the words I am typing in my head. I mean, I know that I had an injury and had limited ability to move my body for a year - what the heck did I think would happen? I had surgery, and there is a recovery process. I know that I needed to heal and love my body enough to allow for recovery, but sheesh. Making that little change on the tracker was a difficult step.

Well - I have done it, and I own it, and now that it is experienced in the light and transparency of truth - only now can I really deal with it. So bam!

Now - I am off to go to the gym, now that I can move this body of mine. I will love it enough to beat it up a bit in the gym - push and pull it, twist and shape it, right on back to where I want it to be. I will sweat and grunt as I run and lift myself right back in the right direction!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 3/19/2013 4:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon you're making positive steps toward your goal emoticon

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KANSASROSE67 3/19/2013 3:32PM

    Good to see you back again! You have the right attitude!

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SUGIRL06 3/19/2013 1:27PM

    Just think of it as starting new! And I agree, I hated changing my tracker but its best to be honest with yourself!
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~Ang

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FROSTIERACES 3/19/2013 12:38PM

    Yes...I totally agree with Angie! You are doing great. At least now you have the facts. And...it's always refreshing to start over in the light rather than the dark! emoticon

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FROSTIERACES 3/19/2013 12:37PM

    Yes...I totally agree with Angie! You are doing great. At least now you have the facts. And...it's always refreshing to start over in the light rather than the dark! emoticon

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AMC120 3/19/2013 11:36AM

    You've got this! I'm in the same boat with you lady! Time to get headed back in the right direction! When I look back at my pictures from a year or so ago it does sadden me that I'm not there now, but life happens! I'm thankful that God is allowing me this opportunity to start again and be the best me I can be!

Have a fabulous day!
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SUPERSAY 3/19/2013 9:38AM

    Better to start fresh. Good Luck.

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Chin up girl - you got this

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Short note - just sick as can be that injuries seem to be plaguing this race prep. I am scheduled to run a half on April 28, but every time I have tried to run the last few weeks, my knee has given me a hard time. I finally went to the doc, she thinks perhaps meniscus tear. The regular X-rays are normal and the MRI is scheduled for Wed. I was doing so well with my training and really seeing some excellent speed results, then bam -

ok so -I am not going to get too down, I will do what I can do and no less. I know this is not a big deal unless I let it be. The important thing to remember (and I write this blog so that I can remind myself) is that 2 years ago I never ran a mile straight and was 40 lbs heavier. 2 yrs later, I can even worry about going faster, making a PR, and I get frustrated when I can "only" run 4 miles...or "only" run 15 miles in a week or less. Well - dang girl, you are doing it. you can run, you can keep off weight, and you can be healthier and stronger. If there is an injury it is a set back, nothing more...so chin up girl. You got this

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANSASROSE67 4/15/2012 3:04PM

    I think you said everything you needed to hear! Hang in there, keep up the great work.

Best wishes that you'll figure things out soon.

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Comment edited on: 4/15/2012 3:06:07 PM

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KOMAILEY1 4/15/2012 2:15PM

    Good for you for keeping such a positive attitude, even in light of the untimely injuries that you're experiencing. That's very inspirational, and don't lose sight of how far you've came! Everything happens for a reason! :)

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A changed mental dialogue

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Thought of something today on a run - the best place for my best thinking by the way....I though that my personal mental dialogue has changed from running and getting healthier. When I was young, I had parents who often criticized me for my weight. In truth, I was not significantly overweight at the time. Maybe an extra ten to fifteen pounds. I was really active though. I swam competitively, I was a varsity cheerleader, I rode my bike as a means of transportation. For fun I would play tennis, or a pick up soccer game in the neighborhood. I climbed trees, and danced, did gymnastics...lots of things. My parents would sometimes make me weigh in weekly and told me I was fat. My dad was significantly overweight and he had always struggled with his weight. I guess they were trying to help. Instead it reinforced an unhealthy view of my body image and a lifetime of unhealthy mental dialogue about my relationship with food and how I looked. Through my young adult years, I yo-yoed. I vacillated from a size 4 to a size 12, and my weight was a factor of my stress and emotion. After children I also yo-yoed...and the 12 became a 14, then a 16 then an 18.

In 2009 I began focusing on getting healthy - not just getting thin. Over two years I have lost 40 pounds and kept it off. I still feel like I have another 15 or so to lose, but I am focused on staying physically fit through exercise now instead of being a slave to the latest and greatest trend in diet crazes. I simply eat clean and healthy 90% of the time, allowing for splurges and off days where I do not feel like working out. I have a maximum number in my head that I will not exceed in weight, but I don't make it an obsession. Currently I am a size 8, sometimes 10 with certain designers. Maybe I will be a 6 again, but if so it will be a healthy six. Instead I focus on exercising for the love of healthy. I eat for the love of flavor and the importance of nutrients. I run for the exhilaration, the joy, the runners high, the fact that I can and I DO!

Today - I realized I have a healthy dialogue with myself. I still occasionally hear those words in my head from parents who thought they were helping, but now I reframe those negative comments and remind myself it is about living life fully - which means a commitment to good health - physically and mentally!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IRISHGIRL74 4/9/2012 5:58PM

    Congrats on recognizing this and make yourself change the internal dialog. It's something I struggle with all of the time. thanks for reminding me to keep the positive thoughts going :)

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KANSASROSE67 4/2/2012 12:21PM

    Way to go! (I do my best thinking while running, too!)

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BLUE42DOWN 3/31/2012 10:56PM

    emoticon

What a wonderful change for you!

(And I love the little tag in your background.)

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ONLYTEMPORARY 3/31/2012 3:42PM

    Way to go. The words and actions of our parents can cause a lot of harm or show deep love. It's good when you can turn them around.

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I am here for the party!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Sometimes I remember that girl that I used be. Who would sit and feel ugly, fat, teased, feeling in the way. I remember hearing some insentive teen laughing at me in my bathing suit, or a coworker with a nasty comment. People seem to think if you are fat you are either deaf or immune to the cruelty of others. Not true.

I think the thing that hurt the most were the things I said to myself. Me when I would look at a picture of myself and quickly crop or delete so that I did not have to see. How I cringed when a picture appeared that I did not know about.


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I decided to change and move, and even that was hard. People were sometimes mean or dismissive to me when i was working out with A60 lbs to lose in the early part of my journey. I was embarrassed to run in frontof people at first, so picked dangerous deserted trails and low populated areas.

When I first began to branch out on more popular trails, some people were great, some were jerks. I was running, some Barbie doll thought her workout was more important than mine and rudely snagged the parking spot i was waiting for and rolled her eyes at me. It also happened when people lapped me. It happened when I bought sneakers.and it happened when I lined up for races. You know what, I still practice and wait for parking spots, I still get lapped (all be it by faster people), I still get it when I buy sneakers or go o a runners shop (though not as often) and I dont give a hoot who thinks what when I line up for a race.


I am here now, not for some Barbie with a six pack. Kudos to her! seriously, i really admire her. No i am not here for the dude at the running store, though he has come around. I am here for the party!

I am here for the getting healthy party. The I have energy party ! The I reach another milestone party. Thei fell and picked myself up party. I am here for that look in the eye I get from hubby party! The I feel sexier party. The I am a woman and I love my powerful muscles and girlie curves party!

Come on, here is your invite, come join me!

So I still have 18 drive me crazy sometimes pounds to go...I am still here for the party!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISAINMS 3/20/2012 10:10PM

    I'll join you for that party!

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ONLYTEMPORARY 3/20/2012 8:18PM

    emoticon emoticon I love your blog and your attitude!

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GETFIT2LIVE 3/20/2012 3:40PM

    Great blog!! I'm here for the party as well. No more wasting time worrying about what others think; I'm running (slowly compared to many) and working out and having the time of my life. The wonderful thing is we don't have to wait until we have lost all the weight we think we need to in order to start enjoying the party; WOO HOO, party on!

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KANSASROSE67 3/20/2012 2:09PM

    Love your blog!!! Comparing ourselves to others and putting ourselves down is so counter-productive...I did it all my life and I'm still working on getting over it.

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FROSTIERACES 3/20/2012 10:49AM

    This is a great blog! I love so many things you've said here as I can relate. I'm here at the party too!! I'm desperately wanting to KEEP my goals in front of me, not buried in sadness or feeling bad for myself. It's amazing how many years, literally years - I would compare myself to others of which kept me from even going for a run, joining a yoga class.... It's an ongoing challenge...to look forward PAST perfect Barbie's and smile for me!

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Renaissance Faire - lots of calories

Monday, October 10, 2011

We knew it was coming. We planned and got our group together. We could not wait for our first annual trip to the Faire. Some wore costumes, some found pieces from the merchants. We knew we would eat and drink and be merry. So - first, we ran. That's right, we got up at 6 am and hit the trail. I did an hour of fartleks and pushed myself hard running a total of 5 miles alternating sprints and 2 min per mile faster than my normal pace (ouch) with jogging. I ran hard and mighty with a goal of burning calories before we even got to the festival. I knew the turkey leg was a boat load of calories, but I wanted one. I stripped off the skin and dove in. The beer at the festival was part of our plan. I paced myself over the 8 hour day and had 4 beers and a ton of water. Still a boatload of calories -yes - but well planned for calories.

I had 4 french fries off my sons plate - because, well I just wanted to. Then I walked away. Oh - and did we walk. We tredged up and down hills, all day long. Sitting briefly for a show here or there, but mosty we walked. One of the crew clocked our steps to 6 miles. Wow!

Ok - so on plan - not really - but on my plan for that day. Absolutely! No cheesecake on a stick. No funnel cake or any of that. I consumed as planned and enjoyed every second!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IRISHGIRL74 10/18/2011 8:00AM

    Sounds like you did a lot of exercise! What a good time.

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ROSET491 10/12/2011 7:06PM

    Good for you!! Sounds like such a great time!!

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CRISSYCURRY 10/10/2011 3:24PM

    You did much better than I would have! Sure, I would've ran beforehand but then I would've splurged on every single thing with sugar that was out there! You did good!!

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KANSASROSE67 10/10/2011 11:49AM

    I've been to several and they are so much fun, aren't they? I think you did GREAT! You've got to live a little, after all!

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NUTRON3 10/10/2011 8:54AM

    I have always wanted to go to one.

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