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Quick & Dirty

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I only have a few minutes but need to write/connect/remember...

I've gone to work every single day since last Monday (yes, that includes the weekend) and I am tired. I haven't tracked a thing since last week and to be quite honest, haven't had the desire to sit down and track a thing since last week. And although the work has been extremely physical (think packing, moving, lugging) my diet has been extremely horrible (At least that's my impression of it. But since I haven't been tracking--who knows what the "damage" has been?)

What I cannot change:
I have been working like a dog.
I am very tired.
I have limited access to a computer.

What I will do:
I will write what I eat in the notes of my phone.
I will enter those notes into my tracker, at the very least, on Friday.
I will forgive myself and move the *@$# ON!

In Light,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PURPLE180 6/12/2012 9:06PM

    Great idea! Change what you can and don't sweat the rest.

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ACCT1908 6/12/2012 8:04PM

    Sounds like a good plan to me!

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Frustration and Transparency Pt. 2

Friday, June 01, 2012

I went over my calorie range two days this week (by more than a 1,000 calories) in SECRET.

If you asked anyone in my household, they'd know nothing about it. They didn't see it. And when no one else sees it--at least so I've convinced myself in the past--it didn't happen.

More than that, eating in secret means I don't have to face the shame, the horrible nakedness of my shortcomings. Sometimes I can think of nothing worse than to be seen. For the person beside me to know that I am not only flawed, but weak. How much easier it is to sneak around, lurking behind 130 lbs of extra flesh.

But I am tired of hiding. I am tired of the exhausting fear of being found out. Tired of not seeing my inherent perfection as a being in a perfect universe.

What action has this fatigue inspired?

Something small, but significant: I am making my food tracker public.


Because I wish to accept where I am. I choose to look at my flaws without judgement. I want to prove to myself that fear does not have to paralyze.

Let the unveiling continue.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FARRAH511 6/5/2012 9:42AM

    I haven't hear from you in a couple of day... How are you doing?

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1PEACEBUNNY 6/2/2012 11:48AM

    Secret eating is the worst so kudos to you for being able to put it out there for someone to see. Changing your eating habits for me has been the hardest, most days I can stay in calorie range but I have been basically eating what I want and losing. I want to lose more so I know I have to start working on what goes into this body so I can burn faster. I have planned and bought 2 new low calorie but great tasting food cookbooks. I am incorporating more healthy teas and fruit into my day to fill space that I would normally fill with bad snacks. What is your plan to overcome the cravings, if you don't have one then you will continue. Let a person that you see daily know about your secret eating and it has to be a person who won't judge you but offer you support and assistance with the problem.

You are being honest but you have to add planning and action to this as well determination and will to stop this harmful activity and yes thats what it is. You are not the only one wearing a fat suit on here, SP is full of them but as you learn to become healthier and choose better forms of activity for a healthier you in body and spirit then the zipper loosens a bit until you can fully unzip the suit for a healthier you. I am working on this daily by working out when I want to lay down and now with the food. I said it before and I will say it again, with Prayer, God, action and determination and will, you can do it! Don't give up and never give in! 1 day at a time! emoticon emoticon

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LBLYKOWSKI 6/2/2012 2:25AM

    I recently read this and think it speaks perfectly to your recent lack of will power..."I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are." To me, this says let's not worry about fixing it, just move forward. So here we go! emoticon

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Frustration and Transparency Pt. 1

Friday, June 01, 2012

This is the second day of going well over my calorie range (think 1,000+).

Yeah, I know.

It's the same old story. I really want something I think I shouldn't have. I eat said something, and thinking it better not to waste the guilt, eat like it's 1999. I see it happening. I know it's madness. But somehow, I surrender to the feeling. Every time.

Usually after an episode like this, I don't see the point of continuing. I don't see the point of my previous efforts. Don't see my progress as being significant enough to make up for these shortcomings. Don't see any reason not to give up.

But I have decided that this is it.

I will track my calories no matter what. I will start over after every meal. No matter what. I will do my 10 minutes a day, every day, no matter what. And I will learn how to eat in a way that nourishes and energizes no matter how damn long it takes.

So I guess, when you look at it like that, it ISN'T the same old story. It's a brand new one. One in which the big picture isn't overshadowed by close-ups of imperfections. A story that ends gloriously.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1PEACEBUNNY 6/2/2012 11:40AM

    Retraining yourself to be a new you in better ways is hard and there is going to be plenty of dark days in the beginning but the key is to stick with it! I have days when I didn't do my workouts and then days where I ate more than necessary or days when I ate the right amount of calories but I then I ate too many wrong things to get them calories. I start over every morning hoping this day is better than the one before and I pray when it all gets to much and when its going well. I log in and I post and I try to figure out how I can keep winning at this. You can do it, but its going to have to be done without you beating yourself up and believing that you CAN do it each and every day even if that means starting over. Hang in there, it will get will see! emoticon emoticon

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FINALLY in Range!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I have been diligently--patiently--recording my calories, desperately trying to find a groove. And although I've been active enough to offset the deviations (at least enough to lose a few pounds), I haven't gotten to the point where I reaping the full rewards of my 2.5 lbs a week calories-in-calories-out formula.

That is, of course, before today.

I am celebrating the hell out of not only meeting my calorie goals, but doing it while enjoying some of my favorite foods (in moderation ;).

Gotta love the *SPARK*!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FARRAH511 5/31/2012 3:51PM


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    SWEET!! emoticon

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1PEACEBUNNY 5/24/2012 10:44AM

    Thats right pat yourself on the back, it takes hard work to get these pounds off and you are doing that. I enjoy whatever I want to eat on any day but the key as you said is moderation, counting calories and portion control. They may be tedious to others but I have lost and been enjoying myself with food for the first time. So your reward will be extra sweet due to all the sweat and work you put in! emoticon emoticon

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JAMBABY0 5/23/2012 7:24PM

    That is wonderful!!! Just like my favorite saying that fits all food - no one said you couldn't eat the candy bar what they said was don't eat the whole thing in one day!!!!

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It's Not Me, It's My Body

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I'm reading this awesome book called "The First 20 Minutes"

by Gretchen Reynolds and had a BIG ah-ha moment:

Our bodies are designed to survive.

If, like me, you are not chasing antelope and running from predators on a regular basis, it might take a while for that to sink in.

Our bodies are designed to SURVIVE.

Not to mold to our idea of beauty. Not to release pounds for the upcoming beach season. Not to wow classmates at our high school reunion. But to survive; to do what it thinks is best at any given moment for the purpose of self preservation.

What does that have to do with weight loss? Apparently, quite a lot. But I'll summarize the big two. Firstly, it means that your body is very resistant to the notion of you losing weight. That's right, your body doesn't want you to loose weight. The second you begin expending more energy (or restricting calories), your brain sends out all kinds of panic buttons that urge you to replenish the calories lost and maintain your current body weight. (Plateaus, anyone?)

The second survival strategy is even more exciting than the first. Your body holds on to fat like its life depends on it. But then again, I guess it does. Our bodies didn't evolve in an environment of plenty; it didn't know there would one day be fast food restaurants on every corner. It evolved to cope in times of want, to have reserves. Just in case.

This is the best news I've heard in the 2 weeks since I started this fitness journey. Why? Because it means it's not me. Eating less and exercising more isn't hard because I'm undisciplined. It's hard because my body is not designed for weight loss, but SURVIVAL.

Today I will be a little gentler, and a whole lot more compassionate with myself. I will accept that my body is adjusting and has my best interests at heart. I will not panic when my stomach growls in protest. I will not blame it for moving slowly into my workout. I will remind myself that it's not me, it's just my body.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSVITALITY43 5/27/2012 9:23AM

    Thanks for an insightful blog and some real food for thought! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    "Our bodies are designed to SURVIVE.

Not to mold to our idea of beauty. Not to release pounds for the upcoming beach season. Not to wow classmates at our high school reunion. But to survive; to do what it thinks is best at any given moment for the purpose of self preservation."

OMG! Hit the nail right on the head, girl!! After years of fighting and struggling and feeling guilty all the time, I feel I'm just about here. And it ain't easy! It's hard as hell. But for the sake of my sanity --and for my little girl's own body image -- this is an awesome place to be.

Thanks for this!!

Comment edited on: 5/25/2012 6:23:24 AM

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1PEACEBUNNY 5/23/2012 9:53AM

    Hmmmm...this could be true. Could be the reason why I am struggling to get through it but happy when I am done. Body is back in safety zone so endorphins go up....kind of makes sense when you look at this way. So exercise and eating right is shocking the system in a scary way. I guess I will look at as I need to hold my body's hand when it gets scared and let it know that the workout will be over soon and we will be back in the safety! Thanks for this was awesome as is the ideas I just got from it! FYI- You can do it, it just may take longer with the body fighting back! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FARRAH511 5/23/2012 9:44AM


thanks for sharing...

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KIMPY225 5/23/2012 9:43AM

    Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a great book!

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DOLLFACEDX 5/23/2012 9:40AM

    ...hhmmmm.....will remember this when I'm resisting the gym tonight. .

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