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CRUXAETERNUM's Recent Blog Entries

Flu and weight gain.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I have been beyond sick this week and I've gained roughly two pounds, I think, since all I did was lay in bed and eat whatever I could keep down, mostly toast and ice cream.

I have my weigh in with my doctor tomorrow and I'm beyond apprehensive. I'm not sure how well they're going to take it.

Wish I could just...drop 4 pounds in a day, hahaha.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LHLADY517 9/23/2012 2:23PM

    Hang in there. Life happens.

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Progress. :D

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I've come so far and have farther to go, but I'm proud.

240 lbs, my highest weight

And now here I am, at a glorious 208!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMMYD85 9/20/2012 10:31AM

    Great job! Your progress is amazing; dont give up!

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CRUXAETERNUM 9/17/2012 9:28AM

    Thank you, Judy!

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JUDYAMK 9/16/2012 9:44AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Wow look at you, this is wonderful!!!! I am very happy for you

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Mistakes I knew I was making.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Today was exhilarating, even though it was a small victory, it felt huge to me.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself, despite it not being an official weigh in. Up two pounds. I was in a terrible mood all morning. Ate at work on both of my breaks, which as some of you know, is terrible since I work at McDonalds. Grumpy and feeling fat and unhappy, I trekked home, intending to stop at the grocery store to curb my chocolate and cheese cravings (my two biggest cravings). I -needed- Reese's Peanut Butter cups and I -needed- it in ice cream. Armed with a Hawaiian pizza and Red Velvet Ice Cream ( They were sold out of Reeses), I headed for the cash, walking through the vegetable section. I resolutely tried to avoid looking at the resplendent array of greenery, but something in me just made me stop. I thought about how hard I've been working, how sore I was last night and how I worked out anyways, how I dragged myself to dance class with a swollen ankle on Monday and I made a realization. Yes, I made some poor food choices earlier in the day, but I wasn't over my calories yet and as much as it would be satisfying to eat all of that crap, it would just hinder me further and I'd feel so much worse about it.

And so, I went back to the freezer section, relieved myself of my fatty burden and instead picked out some greek yogurt and strawberries and at the cash, since the Reese's craving was still there, I bought a chocolate bar. There was no need at all for me to have an entire tub of the stuff to consume anyways. When I came home, I calculated everything out and even with my chocolate bar and crappy eating earlier, I'll still be within range, which I wouldn't have been if I hadn't made the right decision.

Making that choice, to be reasonable and to stay within my limits was such a rush. I've always been awful at saying no, especially to myself, and it really opened up my eyes. I can do this, I realize now, and the only person stopping me all this time is myself.

Small victory, maybe, but it's the little ones that matter most.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATE_JOY 2/11/2012 12:22AM

  Sometimes it's the only the small victories that matter! Good for you! emoticon

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THE_BATGIRL 2/9/2012 11:29AM

    Whoa, that's really awesome!!! Go you!! :D :D :D

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JOCEPINK 2/9/2012 7:42AM


Very strong of you! I'm impressed!

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FITKIZ 2/8/2012 7:27PM

    Great job recognising that one bad choice doesn't negate all of the good you've been doing. I hope this turns into your Ah-Ha Moment!


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JCDROLSHAGEN 2/8/2012 7:23PM

    Kudos to putting back the goodies into the freezer. And an occasional treat sometimes helps to keep you on track because you do not feel deprived. When I feel like chocolate, something like a Hersheys mini works. I meets the craving without going crazy. emoticon

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    That is so awesome! I've never been able to put food back. Once it's in my hands, it's over. Super impressed!

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NCSUE0514 2/8/2012 4:43PM

    Remember - you can start your day over any time you want to! Great choices!~

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Month One

Sunday, February 05, 2012

So, I know I've been on this site quite a while, since last February I believe. I will be completely honest, I haven't been using the tools here, or even really logging in. Weight loss is always a dream in my head and unfortunately one that I can't say I've been entirely motivated to reach, despite the lowest self esteem I've had in my life and mounting health complications. I don't see my friends anymore because I'm so embarrassed and I rarely leave the house besides to go to work.

But this last month, I've been trying. I started belly dance classes and actually managed to do a handful of 10 Minute Trainer workouts. I started making more conscious food decisions and logged my intake much more regularly than usual. Today, I joined the Beachbody website, in hopes that I can find motivation to keep up with my workouts. I took measurements last month, weighed weekly and today I took "starting" photos and a second set of measurements. I'm going to do this. I have to do this. I'll never be able to live my life if I don't and there's so much I want to do.

In the last month I have lost 5 lbs and 6 and a half inches. I'm going to post my "beginning" photos here and I apologize for the flub and squish, but I need to start somewhere.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WRWW13 2/5/2012 8:22PM

    Sweetie -U R so brave!!!!!! We are all routing 4 U !!! I to find it much easier to do thing in my head and never get around to actually doing them. U R not alone. We R here 4 U - we believe in you!!!!! Huggsss!!!

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COMMUNITY10 2/5/2012 7:57PM

    Blog and track your food like crazy and you'll be losing weight like no one's business!!

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    Before pictures are always tough--but notice they are called BEFORE photos-so there will be after photos and thats the whole point.
Check in every day, and track track track! emoticon

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SLIMTONES 2/5/2012 5:03PM

    Don't apologize for the "flub and squish", as you so amusingly put it. Celebrate for the new beginning you've promised yourself. You've put yourself out there and taken a big gulp and a big step and you should be really proud of your start!


Use the tools. The one that floored me the most was the nutrition tracker. I always thought I ate "healthy". Mwahahahahaha. A couple of days on the nutrition tracker gave me food for thought (excuse the pun) and caused a radical shift in my eating habits.

Good luck to you. You go, girl!

P.S. Looking at your photos again, you've got great legs, arms, and neck. Your face is pretty, your hair is lovely, and you've got a good posture. Work on your weight and keep that superb posture, and you'll be getting wolf whistles in the street!

P.P.S. Aren't belly dance classes fun?

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MARISERV 2/5/2012 5:02PM

    emoticon You are so off to a good start!!! 5 pounds and 6 inches is fabulous emoticon

Keep up the good work and you will reach your goals for certain emoticon

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SEAJESS 2/5/2012 4:59PM

    Oh, you are going to be so glad you took those "before" photos! Before you even lose an ounce, doing that is commitment and self-acceptance needed for change. And belly dancing? I'm so excited for you! I would love to do belly dancing; I got some videos from the library but I found the particular ones I had too challenging. I hope you blog more about your dance experience because maybe you'll come up with some resources for me.

Okay, pretty young lady, on with the dance!


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LOSINIT36 2/5/2012 4:57PM

    Congrats on your loss! Good luck with your journey :) emoticon

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

So, here it is.

I'm going to be completely honest.

I want to lose weight.

I've been too lazy, using a million excuses, to do so.

I blame my terrible fast-food job.

I blame my boyfriend for taking up my weekends.

This week, I blamed an ear infection and a lack of hot shower water due to our rental company being ridiculous.

Actually, that last one's fairly legit.

I need to just...stop. Stop passing the blame, stop making up reasons why I should eat that double cheeseburger or shouldn't get up to work out.

So, some things I need to start doing:

Stop eating McDonalds. Except for that new oatmeal. And their buffalo snack wrap. They're both pretty healthy/filling and honestly it really is hard not to eat there.

Getting up early to work out. It's been easier since I got my shift changed at work, but I'm getting lazier and lazier and it needs to stop.

Take the stairs. Walk to the convenience store instead of making Mike drive. Go for a walk in the evenings. I enjoy walking at night, the serenity of the cool air against your cheeks while some soul wrenching music plays in the background. It moves me, and it'll help me shake off this bum that threatens to consume my computer chair. After my ear infection goes away, though. Ow.

And non-weightloss related, I really need to dedicate time to writing. I should have so much more done than I do, and I'd kinda like to have something to show for myself.

I just really want to stick to this and I don't know how.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMZY68 9/2/2011 3:36AM

    I work in a takeaway too so I know how hard it is to avoid food. I usually bring my own snacks and sandwiches though and only allow myself to eat their food once in a while.

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CEKER9 9/1/2011 10:16PM

    If you don't know how... this is the right place to be! There is mine of information and suggestions here that are extremely useful! You will do fine... mine away!

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RUNNINGSUSHI 9/1/2011 3:06AM

    Great blog! You have identified your problem areas and set up a plan. Way to go! I know you can do it!

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ERINMARIE424 8/31/2011 9:42PM

    I think their oatmeal is pretty good too!

Good luck on your journey!


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BOWERMJA 8/31/2011 9:26PM

    McDonalds does have some pretty good oatmeal! I was pretty impressed when I tried one!
I commend you on your stated goals. I've been walking to work for the past 2-3 weeks, and it has been a nice change of pace. Next up in my personal goals...taking the stairs...

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