Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Have you ever been out driving, or doing whatever, and suddenly some thought/realization just hits you like brick to the head? Well, that’s a bit of what happened to me this morning. I was driving into work this morning and kind of had an Ah Ha moment.
Growing up I was abused--- mentally, physically, emotionally and had been molested. I did find love from my grandmother and most siblings, but the abuse is what seemed to shape me as I grew up. I felt unloved, dirty, and dumb all because of what two people in my life said and did to me. I have been out of that household for almost two decades but still those thoughts and feeling are ingrained in my head.
That was my realization this morning… I am still treating myself the way I was treated growing up, maybe not to the same extreme, but still. I abuse myself by eating too much and not taking care of myself, I mentally always think of myself as not good enough—stupid are my exact thoughts, and have a hard time allowing myself to be loved by others. I’ve always subconsciously distanced myself from the ones I know that love me.
But, clearly now I am broken away from my parents, and it is up to me to not dwell on the past and let it consume my life from one that could be full of happiness and health. I am the only one now that can set myself free from the past! Let the new journey begin!