Tuesday, May 05, 2009
I'm taking a break from writing one of my seminar papers to post an update. (Hence the "rhetorical" - I'm writing a paper for my rhetoric class. 10 out of 20 pages so far!) I realized after finals last semester that I really do deserve occasional breaks to clear my head and think about what I'm arguing. It means the puppy has gotten lots of frisbee time.
This semester has been very hard on both Steve and I. Money's reeeaallly tight, and both of our cars broke down in the last four weeks. (We were just going to let mine sit until we had more money, but then Steve's clutch went out and it was cheaper to replace the starter on my Jetta. Oof!)
On top of that, the puppy ate my ipod yesterday. By "ate" I mean that she just had a lot of fun chewing it up, so the casing is bent like crazy (so the buttons won't depress) and the lcd is cracked. I think she knew I'd been researching how much longer we had to wait before she got to go on the C25K program. There's no way for me to time our runs without the ipod!
But a lot of great stuff is going on. In a weird inversion today, Steve sent me a text message that just said: "Tell me it's going to be okay." And suddenly, I knew it was and I believed everything that I said to him - even though yesterday I was asking myself how it was ever going to all be okay, how I was going to finish three seminar papers, find a summer job, pay all of my bills for the month. I just feel very zen about it today. Everything will happen in it's own time. We're a great team and we'll figure everything out.
Other things that make me happy: my little sister just graduated from college and she's starting med school later this summer! (And she's active on SparkPeople again. And she's focusing on eating more meatless/low-meat meals. Hurray for a cooking buddy!) My best friend has rebooted her running program, which is absolutely inspiring. I keep getting SparkGoodies from my mom (which reminds me to log in).
All right, back to Cicero. Keep moving!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I need to get back to being active here. That's about the only thought that I have. The puppy has gotten huge, although she's still not big enough to start training as a running buddy. Which is a shame, because I think running off some of that puppy energy would help immensely.
That's all for now. More later. I need to keep checking in with myself, because I keep getting lost in finals land...
Sunday, March 15, 2009
This morning, at about 9:30 am, I was sitting here, at my computer, in my fuzzy purple bathrobe, drinking my coffee. I heard the puppy, who was outside running in our fenced yard, barking, so I went to the backdoor and called her in. She looked at me, tongue lolling happily out of her mouth and raced over, bouncing when she got to me. I laughed and picked up all 30 pounds of her, asking her if she was barking at the neighbors. My fiancé was sound asleep in the bedroom. Both cats scattered from the kitchen as soon as the puppy was back in the house.
At that moment, I was struck with how happy I was. My Sunday morning, my peaceful Sunday morning, seemed so complete. And for some I thought about just how far my life had come in the last five years.
Five years ago this April, my (ex-)husband and I separated. We were about two months out from our third wedding anniversary and the relationship had been rough since just a few months after our wedding. The decision and process of actually separating were rough, tumultuous, chaotic. I remember, of the many fears I had at that time, the biggest was realizing how much I would have to rebuild. I was moving back to St. Louis with no job, no furniture, just under a thousand dollars, debts - some in poor shape, and years of emotional baggage. Some days, after I moved, I would realize that I was essentially living in a closet in a basement. Half of the nights that I spent crying to myself it was because I realized how much of a hole I was in.
I was lucky though. I had a very strong support system, between my friends and family. I had a lot of people to listen to me and give me advice. And I had two friends who gave me a place to stay for next nothing and who made a windowless basement bedroom feel like home. Through all that love and support I was able to find a job I loved, start saving, get my debts in order, get counseling, be able to afford a place with real rent, and stay somewhat sane through a really painful separation and divorce. I learned so much about goal setting, and the counseling helped me build up the confidence and skills to actually apply it. Joining SparkPeople helped supplement that.
Now, my life has done a complete 180 from where I was at 25. I'm moving along in a career I love. I've been in a strong relationship for over three years now. We're renting a house, with a yard and a fence. We were able to adopt a puppy this January, with all the emotional, time, monetary, and space commitments that implies. I have furniture and finances that are in order. When I was a teenager, I never really dreamed a domestic bliss. I dreamed of getting out and seeing the world and having a challenging and stimulating career. And I do still dream of those things. But that solid domestic foundation that I have now, the house that feels full and safe, is definitely a happiness that took me by surprise. This morning, I'm very proud of myself.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I wouldn't exactly say that I started off today on the right foot. While a friend of ours ran in the St. Pats Parade run this morning, I stayed up late, slept in till 9:30 and then we went to the pub to meet up with him and some others for a St. Pats lunch. So, I treated myself to a reuben. And some chips. And some Bailey's and coffee. Yeesh. My foodtracker didn't t like that at all. But... I have a light dinner planned, that's very veggie heavy. So I shouldn't go over my calories goal. (My sodium, however, is shot for the day. I'm not worried though, I'm usually very good.)
This evening's run was lovely. The temperature was perfect for breaking out a tank top! I'm off my game because I've really slacked off lately, so the numbers aren't impressive. But they're still numbers: distance 2.43 miles in 32:08 - that includes 10 minutes for warm up and cool down.
Oh, well, back to Cicero.
Friday, March 13, 2009
The sun came out and it's beautiful. We've run around the yard like crazy people (or dogs).
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