Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Merry Christmas and advance happy new year to all SP.
Its Christmas time and the new year is coming again. Life must go on no matter what happened to us. After the typhoon Bopha or Pablo hit our place, life still must go on no matter what calamities we have had. During the typhoon I was on my vacation to Cebu the next Island from Negros where I were live. I dont have any experiences how strong the wind was in Negros, because at Cebu Island the wind is not very strong. The Bopha typhoon destroyed some of our few trees, and many electric post destroyed this is why we dont have electricity for two weeks, and no water of one week. I was glad that before Christmas we have our electricity back, and our life is gone back to normal again now.
To all my friends and co SP who post my blog, thank you very much. I am glad your responses.
I have a story and this is reality of my life. When I was a child their is a little boy who dont like to be friends with me, he hates me. I dont why he hates me, I done nothing to him but I have so many friends around me and he dont have one. Then one time, I asked him to be my friends, and I apology to him if I done wrong. Then after all, he and I became friends. When I was at college, my classmates dont like me, and one of my classmates jealous of me, I dont know why she jealous of me, because nothing to be jealous of me. I was a working student do all the hard worked at school and at home and etc. To make her happy, I asked apology to her if I done wrong please forgive me together with the flower to offer her a peace. Then I got her forgiveness. Last week, my husband and I have a misunderstanding, is not directly my faults because I am not the only one who live in our area. To ease his angry feelings to me, I knee down and I asked his forgiveness. I said to my husband do what you want to me, as long as you forgive me of what I done to you. Then this week I am happy, because my husband forgive me. To me my Christmas is complete.
This is the reason why, I can handle to forgive and forget to my husband and even to myself some time if I done wrong. Because my motto is to commit a sin is a human and to forgive is the holy.
Love your enemy, if a person threw you a stone in return threw her or him a bread. To show the real love to God. Asked forgiveness even you dont did or do bad against other person, be nice and being friendly. This is the real love to other people, to myself, and to God. This is why, I can be friend with my husband girlfriend. I know very few people in this planet can do what I done. I am still young, I like to look back my life if I get old, and I can say to myself, I done a good thing into my life. If my husband run away to his girlfriend and leave me, I am not scared at all. But I dont want to give a reason for having an affair for separation. To me, woman is not the hindrance of my true love to my husband. If my husband will still do it, my apology to him is often. I know how to forgive even a person dont ask my forgiveness.
Thank you for reading my blog. Merry Christmas to all my friends and co SP.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Last month I heard from my husband that he have a short term girlfriend much younger than myself, more than 13 years younger of me. I was shock in the first time. I and my husband bringing some ripe mangoes, and I dont know where we are going my husband did not tell me where we are going, he just said just wait and see okay, then we went to the little houses and my husband said to me give that mangoes to Mae. I said to Mae, ahhh your Mae. I heard about her from our friends and she is the one who keep texted to my husband cellphone. The reason why I know she texted to my husband it is because one time my husband done some work and he is busy reading his messages and he give his cellphone to me and I read it. I read the name Mae wants you to visit her house. I said to my husband what house, and who's this Mae name? Then I found out that he been cheated me for a year. Then I was surprise that we give her a ripe mangoes when our mango trees full of fruits, I still hold of my emotions and be nice to her. I said to Mae the gf of my husband, ahhhh you are the one who keep texted to my husband. Mae response to me, I am a Virgin Mary not you. I dont like you. Then my mind was blank, I forgot what I feel inside me. Then when we reach home, I fought my husband because my emotion-ed gone back to me again. I was very upset to my husband and I cried and shouted to him. Its painful to me because he been cheated me for a year and I just know it, and he dont want me to do the same to him. Plus I can not do it such thing too, I say it because I was very upset to my husband.
Later on while I was talking and tears all over my face. I realize that I am lucky compare to Mae. Because first of all, I have a house, I have farm, I have money in the bank, I have my husband too. My husband said to me he wont leave me because of her but if I keep giving him a problems he will leave me. I realize to myself, do I survive without my husband? To me its not, I still need some body to love me and care for me. I love my husband no matter what happened woman is not a hindrance to my love and care for him. I can accept my husband of what he is, and all his love and care for me, I treasures them in my mind and heart. I want to love and care my husband tell he died. Little fun for himself I dont mind as long as he wont leave me. I know I can find another one but the years living together to me its a gold. I realize when I took a married vows I promise for bitter and for worst tell death to us part. I mean those words. When I was sick my husband is with me, I do the same to my husband too but that is showing love and care, showing also the married vows for better and for worst. When I was sick in the head my husband care for me, listen to me, and let me drink my medicine and etc. He love and care for me. Then I realize his little side from time to time that I have to accept too, because he is happy. I have to give his happiness to show for better and for worst married vows. I realize too that, what I do I have to be nice with my husband girlfriend. Be friend with her, and knows about her. Because I dont want my husband and I will separate because of the woman only. I said these words to my husband, no matter what happen I dont want you and I will separate. We stuck together forever. My husband said to me too, that we stuck each other Cres. I still trust my husband even though I know he cheated me.
Yesterday, I have a foreigner friend looking for a girl friend. My husband gf Mae is really pitiful when I heard about her family back ground. No money to buy nice clothes and sandals, so I let my clothes and sandals and make ups to be borrow for her date and I gave my make ups to her and lips sticks too. I put make up of her face, and arrange her hair to look her pretty. I do my best to help Mae, because I want Mae to have a better life. Not being a mistress all her life but to be a wife and have a husband called to be her own.
My husband said to me, if Mae no money he will bombom her again and give her some money, but my husband is scared a little bit now because Mae been around with others specially to our foreigner friend too. But I said to my husband please I dont give me the bacteria to transfer of me. Make sure that no bacteria before you touch me or I kiss you. Because its not fair to me if you give me bacteria. Not being fair in my part if I have bacteria from the woman because of my husband cheated on me. I wish I can do the same way but I can not do it. To me, as long as my husband is happy I am happy too. This is why, we have peace and quite living now. My husband open a dollar bank account to me too. Then the other day, I had a car accident, luckily no people hurts. I paid 1100 Can dollar of the damage. I am glad that my husband did not said any bad words. I am so stupid I did not watch on the road and I fix my cat sit, I put cat under the shield and did not watch the road. I learned my lesson now, this is twice happened to me. One is my motor bike, and the 7 days ago is the car. The truth is I am scared a little bit to drive. But I still keep going. Lucky me that my husband very understanding, and he is not upset of me at all. Then he did not asked me for pay him back the money. I am sad too, to loose the money and being on the accident its so hard for me.
Today, my husband and his gf and I met again. Because I took back my dress and sandals that Mae borrowed from me. Then I said to Mae, that I have another foreigner friend looking for a girlfriend too. I wish Mae well and to find her own husband one day. I know she have a hard life, but life is always hard its up to us how to play it.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Monday, November 26, 2012
I know no body believes in me at all. Plus I am not religious person. I dont go often to the church and I dont have any thing to do with the church. To me, ourselves is the real church of God and their is nothing to do with the building church. But recently, I went to the church because I like to offer some flowers, and prayers. Then one time, I attended the holy mass. When the priest say a good words to the lord below my neck its not really painful but it just some things annoyance feelings but when the priest finish his words my annoyance feelings is gone too. This is why I know why I have this feelings yesterday and today because its a Fiesta in town. How I wish you feel what I feel so that you can believe me. I know its hard to prove it, because their is no science of this feelings. I have had so many experiences in my life when I was sick. I know the feelings of not being believers. I dont mind if no body believes me then. I will try to go to the doctor here too, I will see how it goes. I mentioned to my husband to change my doctor but my husband dont allow me because my doctor knows my history. Plus my husband is my personal Psychiatrist here.
I mentioned to this feelings of annoyance below my neck to my husband one time when the first time I felt it. He brought me to a German families and we had dinner there and they done some things that it helps me a little bit. I dont know what they do but its helps me to decrease my annoyance and I can talk a little bit too. Because when I first feel this I dont want to talk at all.
My husband is well. We are happy together, our third greenhouses are done we grow tomatoes. We live peace here and quite. Right this moment my husband is in town with his friends drinking tea, he will be back home later.
The tablets I am using right now is rispiridone, I am taking 1 mg of it every night. If I feel bad and I act like a child I drink 2 mg. Some times here, I play and I feel inside me very happy, and I like to play with flowers and one time I went to the movie holding with flowers I bought because I like it.
Yesterday what I felt was gone last night and this morning too, but when I open this site again it come back to me this annoyance feelings of me. I have had many experiences before like this, to facebook, yahoo and etc. I think I done some things in this site. I will figure this out again what this mean and why this site is annoyance to my feelings.
I have peace of mind, I can sleep well every day, I did or do exercises every morning. I laugh with friends, and talk to my families daily some times every hours. I am a happy person with families and friends and I worked hard here too. I watch movies from time to time and do some shopping. I do the house hold routine here too, plus the greenhouses. I can say to myself I am a holy person every time I feel this way. One of this day, I will figure this out to myself whats really happened to me. On facebook I figure it out why, and now I am happy on facebook without annoyance feelings. I did figure it out why foreigners in our country called me cockroach. I did figure it out the itches on my body too.
I have a goal for next year for my birthday. I will going to have a party and I have to raise pig for my birthday. This is why started yesterday and today I did not go to town with my husband because I need to save some money. I have to save money because I want to have a party my my own money. Raising pig now a days is expensive but I still do it because I like to have pig for my birthday. I want to loose some more weight too. I want to be sexy like my blue bikini picture because right now my waist line is 27, I did not step the weighing scale here because when I step on my weighing scale my weight goes up. I have a work out every day but my weight goes up. This is why, I dont want to weight myself for a while.
Even though my feelings is not nice on this site but I still do my best to write some blog and tract my work outs here. My feelings now is bearable unlike yesterday, luckily by night time was gone.
Thank you very much for your reading on my blog.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
First of all, I know no body believes me here, but this is true of my feelings. I work hard here daily to loose weight, but I did not tract here all my activities it is because of my feelings. Every time I read messages here and even right now I am writing this to you my chest is painful. Some times the pain is unbearable. This is one of the reason I seldom to tract my activities and I seldom to come here now.
I dont want you to believe me at all. I want you to say a words against me, if you can not say it to me say it in your mind. My families and people in our city called me photocopy and some other religions called me a good Christians. Some people called me plastic, pig, and etc. If people dont like me, I like them, if people hates me, I love them. My feelings is always opposite sides.
One of my big secret is Mary of Good Success and Cresenciana Tanutan Reinders who is myself is one. Mary of Good success have 3 Angels, St. Gabriel Arkanghels, San Miguel Arkanghels, And San Rafael Arkanghels. I myself, I dreams two Angels spoken to me, the clouds was open and the Angels come to me his name is San Micheal Arkangel or San Miguel Arkanghel in our dialec, the reason fI know his name because he introduce himself to me his name. San Micheal Arkanghel told me he is my protectors against the devil. Then later on I look up the sky and another Angel comes to me, he introduce his name to me and his name is San Rafael Arkanghel. His job in heaven is serving the God the Father Almighty. San Rafael Arkanghels told me he is my messengers, if I need him I just called his name and he will come and help me, this is the Angels told me in my dreams. Then San Rafael Arkangels flew back to heaven and continue serving the God the Father Almighty, but San Miguel Arkanghels is with me to protect me against the devil. San Micheal Arkanghel or San Miguel Arkanghel flew me to the area very few people called Doldol, and this Doldol is my place right now our town is Bacong, our province is Negros Oriental. San Miguel Arkanghel staying with me forever until I woke up. But all my dreams come true now.
I was dreams that when I was 24 years old. When I turn 35 last August of this year, I dream again that I swum the nice big river. That is the time also that people are fought me, and I dont understand about myself. Then the big floods in Manila two times, those big floods in Manila is the gift on my birthday when I turn 35. I read some news too that in the US have floods.
The whole city including my families fought me, and I dont understand myself. They said boy, even its girl and etc. They called me pig, plastic, good christian, photocopy because I can photocopy the attitudes of a person. Even though people hates me in real life, but in my dreams people loves me and we are happy eating the big events.
The earth quake I called San Rafael Arkanghels because I was in need of him. But before the earth quake happen I feel cold not called because of the weather but cold from the bottom of my body and my bones it look like shaking. The the following day, we have big earth quake all over the Philippines.
I know I am not your friends here, I am your enemy. In fact I want you to say a bad words to me, or dont believe of what I said so that I can continue log in this site.
This is my secret in life. Its up to you how you can help me.
Friday, July 27, 2012
I just back here. Last month I bought a stationary bike, and I use my bike daily. I loose a bit. But its not enough. I want to loose 4 kilos again. I want this sexy bikini photos here again. Because right now I am similar to the photos on the shower the brown swim suit one. I am 51.6 kilos right now. I am glad I am on low dosage of my medicine this time and the food I take its not too much not like a few months back that I love eating this is why I gain weight right away. I am still on my vegetables and some fish food but I still gain of weight.
I will do my best to be active again because this site is been helping me before. I want this site to help me again one more time. I need my courage back and my dedication to my work outs again. I want to be me again. Doing hard to be slim and healthy.
Thank you for reading my blog.
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