CRAZY_CAROLLYNN's Recent Blog Entries


Monday, October 19, 2009

Money, time, etc, those are excuses. When there is a will there is always a way. The world is full of constantly changing variables, the possibilities are endless.

My healthy lifestyle barrier is ME. Finding the willingness to be willing, to exercise that will and do that what I know I should. Seems deep down somewhere I don't want it enough, or believe I don't deserve it.
They say one does ____ despite the odds, obstacles, and barriers, because the end prize is worth it.
All of the tricks- to keep one's goal in mind, stay focused on the prize, progress not perfection with small smarter choice substitutions.... stay positive and count success, without the faith or belief that it can happen that is should happen, belief in SELF or even a higher purpose/power.... JUST DO IT, investigate, the willingness to be willing is the bottom line in all things.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRECECOOKS 10/20/2009 11:38AM

    I'm glad to see you posting. How is OA going? I'm doing the WTS Step Study; oof!! Love ya!

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SECRETLYSAIN 10/19/2009 5:19PM

    You do deserve the best. I know it is hard and right now I am having a hard time. I have been very sick. I missed most of my week that i was suppose to work. Just know I care. I am going to start at the Ymca here they are great better than the gyms in florida. My friend and I are going together once I get over my infection of the lungs. emoticon

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Honesty is Empowering

Friday, July 31, 2009

Its weird and I don't know if I can explain this quite right. Its kind of like the glass being half empty or half full, but its even a step beyond that, as in to stop lying to one's self.
Some of us have been depressed and powerless for so long... that we have become comfortable in our discomfort. We can look at a glass thats actually three-fifths full, and yet without even thinking, SEE it as half empty. We feel defective, as failures, as victims against the world forever destined to feel pain with piles of obstacles before us, obsessively dwelling on the negative working ourselves up into a stressful frenzy and constantly sabotaging our own efforts...

Why would anybody do such a thing, especially to themselves?
To maintain our clinical sanity and to be on the same page as the rest of the world, is to have what we believe, and what really is, as the same single reality. When we see ourselves as winners, we in turn automatically strive to keep that status quo. So when we strongly believe ourselves as failures, we inadvertently make that happen too.

If and when we do have some longer term success, we are not ~automatically~ given to feel pride or a sense of accomplishment... but rather ~mindless~ 'discomfort,' and stress, ending up bingeing for no apparent reason or unconsciously ceasing in our efforts due to being outside of our comfort zone and internal beliefs and fearing the unknown. But is that need for caution and fear the truth? NO, fear is derived from our imaginations, F. false E. evidence A. appearing R. real.

But that is NOT to say that we are eternally DOOMED to self sabotage no matter our efforts and forever frozen by fear. WE HAVE THE CHOICE.
You see, our Conscious mind controls our perceptions, it makes associations, and our evaluations of everything in our focus... mostly with the very words of our self-talk, our internal conversation with our own selves, and THAT is completely within our active control.

Then THOSE perceptions are stored in the subconscious as our truths about our world, our life, and ourselves, and our relationships there in.

So if we see ourselves as failures, that is because we have actively said so to ourselves enough times for the sum of those thoughts to equal our truth, regardless if it IS the truth or not. As human beings we behave and act not in accordance with the truth, but in the truth as we see it.
Most times we tend to discount our successes as no big deal or expected. Maybe we were raised not to brag or be poor winners. Perhaps lacking a proper example of how not to be a poor loser either. We often discount our many accomplishments as not as good as what we expected, and even count improvement and valid achievement on the side of failure because it was just short of the target. Is that the truth? No, we actually accomplished a great deal of progress that went completely overlooked and never made it to weigh in on the subconscious mind.

We need to give ourselves a break and lighten up. Stop the internal self talk from being so negative and unrealistically strict. We need to pile up some praise and count the bitty steps in progress... enough to over turn the sum of our dishonest past perceptions and make an impact on our comfort zone and increase our range for success.

Change what you believe to be true about yourself on the inside and your behaviors have no choice but to change on the outside as well. That works both ways, change your behaviors enough on the outside and your internal beliefs will have no choice but to be changed.

You must ALIGN your habits, attitudes, and expectations to be reasonable, believable, and achievable. We must take credit for the things we do right and use our positive self talk in those areas we want to develop. Rejecting negative talk from our selves and others is VERY important. We find that as our self image grows inside, our performance follows and our comfort in the things we WANT is increased and the comfort in discomfort is left behind in the past. We begin to feel and act deserving again and take an active role in the direction of our lives.

The first step is to correct the negative wording and self depreciation of our self talk into responsible, factual, and more positive and empowering ways. Honesty is Empowering.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIFERK2009 7/31/2009 10:48PM

    Very insightful. Thanks!


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SAMMYSWEETPEA 7/31/2009 10:39PM

    Wow, thank you for writing this. It is exactly what I need to hear at this time in my life. emoticon

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Living in the solution, Food Plans and Abstinence

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I agree to make sure one's food plan meals are composed of a Complex - high fibrous - grain/carb, being of low numbers of carbohydrates in general, a high protein, and 2 portions of quality nutritional veggies or fruit (also low carb). 1 c grain per every 2 v and 1-2 p. This keeps the blood sugar levels even and long lasting so there isn't a CRASH for munchies in the first place.

Because in my Experience strength and hope, my problem being succumbing to temptation in the late night, really didn't have that much to do with actually being hungry. What I have learned to call Fo-Hunger, is when the blood sugar comes down off the relative high from DINNER (usually the biggest meal of the day) and one gets the munchies for a Sweet / Salty / Starchy, type mindless munch snack food; popcorn, cake-n-ice cream, pretzels, chips, cookies, chocolates, etc. If/when one goes to high in carbs/sugar/starches one automatically goes too low, so to live in the solution is to do what it takes to keep it steady and prevent the SPIKE in the first place. Abstinence from our trigger foods.

Munchies do not happen IF: One's mind or body (if not both) is fully engaged.

So the real winning "trick" is to do something ELSE besides watching TV or other mere alpha wave activity. (What people call disciple isn't a magic ability to ignore, but a wise choice to replace.)
Take a walk or jog, log into spark people, write in your journal, go to a OA meeting, go to an IRC or Java chat channel "Recovery" online meeting, visit the gym, teach a loved one how to dance or crochet or something, ask a loved one to teach you something, take up a detail cleaning spree, anything.
WHATEVER IT TAKES TO LIVE IN THE SOLUTION rather than trying to deny, ignore, or remove the problem on our own. When we live in the solution our Higher Power is the one to remove our defects for us, let go of the defect and let God take it away.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIFERK2009 7/30/2009 8:34PM

    I have that late night eating problem.. I know I am not hungry but out of habit, I need to eat usually around 10pm. In my head I know this is the wrong thing to do but at times I really can't control it. I have started to get on the computer at 9ish to try and break the cycle of tv and eating.

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Inspiration will come, directly or indirectly

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Success is not to be measured by the height of our position, our rate of pay, or the total of our possessions, but should be measured by the obstacles we have overcome, the relationships and journeys we have made, and our willingness to keep on doing it more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGA99 7/22/2009 6:12PM

so so tru

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OAHARRIS 7/19/2009 4:55PM

    Thank you for sharing. I am willing to keep working the program.

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No need to be all stressed out, something will present itself.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

As far back as I can remember, my mother would take me by the hand and say, "Come on." And I would always ask, "Where?" before getting to my feet. All my life I had to understand first, to know why or when or how, before I would or could comply. Especially if I wanted or expected to be able to APPLY the action on my own when I needed it in the future.
Many have labeled me with terms that I resented, but never felt any resemblance to. Until somebody said I was overly WILLFUL. Will full. Full of will, want, desire, passion, the need to always retain control. Hmmm OK this isn't so bad, in many ways these are good traits. It wasn't till much later than I began to recognize my trust and control issues raised up by fears of rejection, betrayal, and pain.
This may or may not be an eye opener or a breakthrough, seeing beyond the veil or breaking up the clog and clutter. Spark Coach Dean Anderson says that knowing the past or the reasons behind things doesn't really change the future or what still needs to be done. Maybe I didn't express that in the best way... but just hearing it opened me up, just considering what it meant gave way from obsessing on BLAME and focusing on choice.

Maybe it is possible to use a computer without knowing how to build one?

The FOR TODAY reading hit a chord in me.

Between two stools one sits on the ground. ~ french proverb~

No, I don't always know which course to take, where to go, what to do. But OA says, in effect, "Don't sweat it. Ask your HP for an answer and then relax. Inspiration will come, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly."
I once thought I had to have answers for everything, and they had to be quick, sure, positive, and make sense for me to TRY them. Today I am OK with not knowing, and I freely, even proudly admit to not. I am giving up having to KNOW everything first, to merely look before I leap is enough. I don't have to make a major study of the supports before trying it with a toe and a little weight.
I don't fully understand how it all works, or why it even should. It's my nature to be the skeptic and to wonder. I know a little about scotomas, the creative subconscious, and the Reticular Activating System, but even with that knowledge, it didn't solve my problems.
So, today I work on giving up having to know, giving up my over WILLFULNESS and being in control, Today I will work on doing it anyway and allowing whatever to happen, trusting in my Higher Power for inspiration, motivation, and presenting me with solutions and guidance... as I go, instead of waiting around frozen in my tracks in planning. I do not have to freak out, sweat and stress, the answers will come if I ask for them and be open enough to look around. Cant see much from sitting still, cant do much from just thinking about it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWNSEWBLUE 10/13/2009 11:09AM

    I liked your french proverb. Goes with the "can't do much thinking about something" while sitting still.

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TRECECOOKS 7/19/2009 4:57PM

    I think that part of our problem is that we think if we can figure it out, we'll do the right thing automatically.
I am sorry to say that I think the 2 of us OVER-think stuff.
Y'know how the big Book says that we were seeking an easier, softer way? Well, I think that is part of it.
Also, part of the thing is do "do it the way it is written". In other words, just pick SOMETHING - it doesn't really matter what.
Make that your abstinence. Don't break it. Discuss with your sponsor if she thinks that it is nutritionally sound. If yes, don't change it.

The issue is the obedience, NOT what you are obedient to.
Love, me

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