Sunday, February 23, 2014
Well hello! This Sunday marks the end of week one for me for the Biggest Loser #21 challenge I am doing. I hate that I waited until the last minute to complete this weeks challenge, but better late then never I guess!
That actually ties in well to the point of this entry; my goals for BLC #21. I will be super happy if I can lose between 5 and 10 lbs while doing this. I also want to focus on exercising every week at least 3 times a week. I have found every excuse not to exercise (new job, new schedule, moving, etc) and its time for the excuses to end! I also want to use this to help me focus more. A lot of my issues come from not being able to focus on one thing and see it all the way through. I'm great at starting things, but not so great at following through and finishing them. The older I get, the more of an issue its becoming. Now it really affects the things and people around me when I don't see something through. If I can see this challenge through to the end, I think it will really help me in my every day life.
So those are my goals, and I'm looking forward to this journey! :)
Friday, January 03, 2014
So its a new year. I'm glad for many reasons. This holiday season was rough on my weight and I gained 10 pounds since Thanksgiving. I can't really blame the season, since it didn't hold me down and force the larger than normal servings, delicious cookies, and large amounts of alcohol down my throat :-P. I did it to myself. In the past, I would rarely take responsibility for eating too much and gaining weight. It was always my Moms fault for making so much food, or my coworkers fault for always bringing donuts and cupcakes and cookies and fattening food into the office, or it was my friends faults because they wanted to go out and they order unhealthy food and drinks so I don't want to be made fun of for eating healthy or drinking less (not that my friends are mean!!! They would never ACTUALLY make fun of me, but I didn't want to stick out), or my boyfriends fault for living so close to delicious New York pizza and Chinese food. But in reality, its my fault. And I'm not beating myself up over it; I don't regret every food decision I made, just how often I did it. Its ok to let loose once in a while, but not for the whole month of December.
I know I could have avoided the weight gain, but its here and now I just have to deal with it. Moving forward! I started training for a 5-k. I haven't signed up for a race yet, but I want to be able to run a 5-k. Last time I did one, I mostly walked it. I want to run more of it this time. After my race, I stopped running for no good reason. I enjoyed running, it was freeing. So today is my third day of my training schedule, and I have to simply walk a mile. I can do that, easy as pie! I hope to do at least 2 races this year.
Over Thanksgiving I visited my boyfriends family. He and I, his sister and her boyfriend, and his brother and his wife all went over to his Dads one day and took a nice group picture together. Over Christmas, his Dads gift to all of us was the picture nicely framed. I looked and it and started hating on myself immediately. "I'm so large, I'm the largest girl in the picture, God I look terrible, what does he see in me? How do I let myself walk out looking like that?" All these self-hating thoughts invaded my head as I pasted on a fake smile, thanked his Dad and put the picture back in the gift bag, vowing to get rid of mine as soon as possible. While driving home that night my boyfriend was saying how nice the picture was and now I had something to put on my desk at work (I get flack all the time for not having any personal photos on my desk haha). I quickly said "I HATE that picture I look disgusting. Its not going on my desk!" He was baffled that I hated it. He thought I looked beautiful and it was a nice picture of everyone together. He has never once told me I'm fat or ugly or needed to lose weight; he tells me every day I am beautiful and that he loves me and finds me attractive. How can two people have such different views of the same thing? I know he's not saying it to say it, but I have struggled with self hate-talk even at my skinniest. sometimes I worry that even if I hit my goals, it still wont be enough. That I will never be happy with myself. So when we got home and my boyfriend was taking a shower, I pulled out the picture and studied it further. Everyone was smiling and happy. My boyfriend had his arm on my shoulder and I looked like I was happy. I looked photo me in the eye and said to myself "You may not be where you want to be, but this is you. Your family loves you. Your boyfriend loves you. Your friends love you. Being heavy has never made any of them think any less of me." I decided to put the photo on my desk. I started this journey because I wanted to get healthy physically. But if I'm not healthy mentally, where can I really go? Even if I don't like how I look right now, hating myself is not going to help me get healthy. Losing the weight isn't going to make me love myself. I need to learn to love myself now. Unfortunately, that is way easier said than done. But I gotta do it. My self-consciousness keeps me from experiencing my life fully. I need to start seeing myself as my boyfriend does; as a pretty girl who has a fire deep within her. I can do anything I put my mind to, and that includes loving me.
Sunday, December 08, 2013
I feel disappointed with myself that I let the 10 lbs that I worked so hard to lose creep back on, but I am determined to crush this and get back on track. :)
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Hello! So yeah, I missed last weeks BLC update, but this week I feel stronger and here I am! I gained a lil weight last week and it pissed me off, but I lost the weight I gained and im in a better place. I got a promotion at work which is so exciting and stressful at the same time. Im training for it right now, but the person whose job im taking is leaving for a new opportunity at the end of the month and Im afraid im going to just get thrown in to the mix. But I am trying to stay confident; they wouldn't have promoted me if they didn't think I could do it! One of the benefits of this new job is I go down to five-8 hour shifts instead of my four-10 hour shifts. at first, I thought it would be great to only work four days a week, but its so EXHAUSTING working such long days, I would get nothing done after work and one of the three days off was always devoted to just vegging out and doing the things I didn't get done during the week. So now having a "normal" schedule will hopefully help with my stress and hopefully with working out during the week. Im pumped!
So as part of this weeks challenge we have to write a letter of forgiveness to ourselves, so here it goes:
Get over it. Yes, you overate. Yes, you gained a lil weight. You aren't perfect, and let me tell you a secret.....Its ok. You cant keep beating yourself up over your mistakes, because you are gonna keep making them. And that's not because you aren't trying, its because you are HUMAN. You wont learn unless you make mistakes, so cut yourself some slack and let it go. You know nothing positive comes from you beating yourself up; it makes it worse. You end up spiraling until you say "screw it" and give up. Youre so much better than that, and you are capable of bouncing back from anything. Give yourself some credit, you've lost 30 lbs since you started and yes, its not going as fast as you want it to. BUT YOURE GETTING IT DONE. You have to do it your own way, don't listen to anyone else. Be kind to yourself. Youre worth it :).
Sunday, May 05, 2013
So this week was rough schedule-wise, but good weight loss wise. I dropped three pounds however I didn't complete all of the challenges this week which bummed me out. I worked a lot of overtime this week so my meals were all screwy and I kept forgetting to blog about them. Now in in dc visiting my best friend, and I am trying to be good and not go too crazy with food, but I also want to enjoy myself. We are doing a TON of walking, so ill be happy if it all balances out.
So for this week one of our challenges was to try something new and I did that down here in DC. I usually like to plan everything out and know exactly what we are doing and where we are going. However, yesterday I decided to just walk anywhere. It was so much fun, we found the coolest little shops and even though we walked for basically the whole day and got a little list once, I felt great. :)
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