Monday, December 05, 2011
New daily routine: wake up late after hitting the snooze way too many times, rush to get my hair washed and find some clothes for work, try to remember which part time job is after work, go through work all day, rush to part-time job, scarf down fast food from somewhere on the way, work part time job, drive home, see what laundry or dishes or home maintenance needs to be done before I go to bed, finally go to bed, repeat ad infinitum.
Note that at no point in that schedule does it show ďgymĒ, ďrunĒ, ďexerciseĒ, etc. Thatís because itís not there. It hasnít been there since October. And, it shows! This morning I got on the scale and it went up to 199.0 (hovered at 199.5 for a while, but thankfully settled below that). If it wasnít for the fact that I was already running late for the day, I would probably have stopped to cry. I see the whole vicious cycle starting all over again. (Lose weight, wife loses job, money/time shrinks, gain weight back with new ones coming along for the ride.) Add on top of all that the fact that Iím putting in more hours between the 3 jobs and I never get to see my kids, even though we live in the same house. I am so sleepy and out of it when I leave the house in the mornings that I very rarely remember to bring my lunch, let alone anything to eat between jobs.
So, what do I do now? How do I fit proper nutrition and exercise into a 90+ hour work week? I donít really know the answers and donít expect you to provide them to me. This is more of a vent for my frustration than anything else. I really want to be healthy, really want to have more ďmeĒ time, but right now itís not about what I want. Itís about what my family needs. Right now itís about doing my best to make ends meet. My only hope is that ALL of the work I did to get where I was is not lost in this battle.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Here's some back story to get from where I was to where I am:
From the end of April to the end of August I had managed to do a very good job maintaining the weight that I have lost. Then the minor tragedy struck, and my wife lost her job. We had been struggling with bills before she lost her job, so now we're drowning. Then, on top of that, her boss was able to fight the unemployment and win, so we have nothing coming in from her side. So, September saw us leaking money like the busted pipe in our basement (another fun bill that we couldn't live without). My wife is applying for jobs everywhere and I start applying for part time jobs. We were doing anything to make money come in. I must be the lucky one, because I was hired for 2 part time jobs before she had 2 interviews.
That brings us to the beginning of this week. I'm now working 3 jobs. I haven't been to the gym in almost a week. One of the part time jobs is a pizza place, and they let me eat anything I want while I'm there, and I can even take some home. Although it has been extremely helpful because of the hit we took on the food budget, it's been terrible for my waistline. I may not have a gluten intolerance, but my weight always goes up when my carb amounts do. So, I made a very difficult decision. I refuse to let my hard work go out the window because of the state of my personal economy.
Although it's not a great decision, I was able to open a new credit card. Just thinking about saying that turns my stomach because I despise the idea of going further into debt. But, there's a method to my madness. I am working over 90 hours a week between my 3 jobs, and will be able to pay off the card quickly. This card is going to be my food and gas money card. This morning I was able to stop at the grocery store and pick up my healthy breakfast and snack foods, and then during my lunch break today I will go to the other store for my typical work lunch foods.
So, I went from 173 back up to 191 as of this morning. I refuse to go higher. I will not go back to where I was. The break is over. I'm back to work. Who's with me????
Monday, May 02, 2011
I needed to do something, anything, really. I walked into the gym out of shape, miserable, lost, probably even hopeless. I didnít know what I was going to do, only that I had to start doing something before it was too late. That day was June 5, 2010. At 286 pounds of gelatinous mess, that was the day I committed to taking my life back. Amazingly enough, it seems like it was so long ago and so recent at the same time. I knew that there would be sacrifices. I gave up some time with my kids, eventually finding a schedule that was able to get me to the gym and still have time at home when the kids were awake. I had to give up on some of my favorite TV shows. But, sacrifice is part of the deal. I committed.
Fast forward 329 days. April 30, 2011. I walk into the same gym. I had one last thing to do. I had to weigh in for the weight loss challenge. I made a goal of losing a total of 106 pounds because that was the weight of all 3 of my kids combined. I get on the scale as I think about what Iíve accomplished up to that point. My pants size dropped from a 46 to a 30. My ďXXXLĒ shirts are now replaced with ďMĒ shirts. My doctor was floored when she saw the changes on my latest blood work. Iím as healthy as can be expected. Iím fairly certain that Iím in the best shape of my life. Back to the scale, Iím shooting for 180. Iím so nervous, but I know Iím going to be ok. The numbers flicker. 173 is the final number. I beat my goal. I crushed it. And, I was able to do it in less than a year.
Was there a secret? Itís not really a secret. I did what I was told. I had a food log of everything I ate, including the good, bad & ugly. I had a calorie burn I needed to reach every week. Some weeks were better than others. I avoided the temptations most of the time. When I fell, I got back up. I didnít sit on the ground and pout. I didnít give up. I had the support of all of my friends on SparkPeople, who would daily strengthen my resolve. I have 3 beautiful children at home counting on me. I have an amazing wife that deserves more than a couch potato that would likely follow down the family path of heart problems and short lives. It started out all about me, but the picture grew. Itís about them as well as me. In the end, I think itís also about you. I hope that you look at me and realize Iím not on a TV star, biggest loser or anything like that. Iím a normal guy that follows the instructions of the professionals. Thatís the secret. You can do it too.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Just looking at the title makes it really sink in just how far along the journey I have come. This is truly the home stretch. I have 27 days to drop at least another 9.5 lbs, and preferably more if I can do it. 4/30 is the hard deadline because of the challenge going on at my gym. I want to cap off all the hard work with the title of most improved, biggest loser, whatever you want to call it.
So, with the end of the month as the finish line, I can see the light and am putting all my effort to finishing the race strong. Time for better logging of all my food, time to ramp up the workouts, and time to get a tan for the end of challenge picture.
To all of you that read this (I hope there's more than just me), I hope I can be an example to you. Through hard work and dedication, and most of all, TIME, you have the power to reach your goal and feel so much better inside and out. Happy wishes on your journey.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
7 months, 67 pounds . . . great accomplishment, right? Iím not so sure. The heart is willing but the flesh is weak.
I started out on this journey because I wanted to make a lifestyle change. I wanted to make sure that I am healthy, not only so I donít end up in an early grave, but also because I want to do the right things for my family, you know, show the kids that being fat is not the option they want to strive for.
Yesterday I realized that Iím not sure it really has been a lifestyle change, but more likely just a diet. There have been some significant changes to my life that I have made, but the earth shattering part for me is that I have done a great disservice to myself when it comes to what goes into my mouth. What Iíve been doing over the last 7 months is deprivation, eating food that is healthy but not food I want to eat, not food I like. The case in point is the one pizza place that my family loves to go. Itís an all you can eat pizza buffet where my whole family can eat for less than $25. Thatís HUGE for me because budget is everything and we can hardly make a meal at home for less than that. Last night we went there to celebrate my youngest daughterís 2nd birthday (mostly because we canít have people over to our house, but thatís a different story). We get there; I get everyone settled and grab a couple slices of pizza. Then I go back for the salad. Then I go back for a couple more slices, then a couple more, then a couple more . . . Followed by several slices of the dessert pizza.
What the hell is wrong with me??? My brain says I should have stopped with the first couple pieces of pizza and the salad. But, thatís not what I wanted. I wanted more! I wanted to try this one and that one and the one over there, and then go back for more because they just brought out a fresh one. Even as I go back for my second plate of dessert, I tell my wife that I have no will power. Is it because the food isnít part of the ďdietĒ or just me being defiant, or the need for something that tastes good? I donít know. What I do know is that it means Iím strong enough to make good decisions when temptation is there. Iím scared. Iím a food addict and it scares the daylight out of me because itís not a drug you can live without. At least thereís still 360 days left in the new year. Thereís still time to make this a happy one.
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