COXBETH   6,868
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Whew - be warned, this is a get-it-off-my-chest post

Thursday, February 14, 2013

So this week has not been one for the record books. Neither was last week. Or the one before that.

Weirdly, my weight is ok, which just goes to show you how little the scale actually reflects behaviors. My behaviors have been wildly out of control though. I'm probably on-plan with food about 50% of the time. And I get about 1/3 of my planned workouts in. I'm also making irresponsible choices about work and skipping out on social events. And I'm sleeping like it's a second job - somedays, it's 14 hours of sleep. Which I don't really need - I just lay in bed and force myself to go back to sleep. I'm being weirdly petulant in my own mind, and I'm watching myself to try not to act like a pouting toddler to people in real life. You know, cuz that would be weird.

So yeah, all of that sounds like depression. It's the same funk I've been in for the past year and a half. I sometimes feel better and sometimes much worse, but generally I feel like I've been living under a damper. I'm definitely not being the best version of myself.

In the past, I've approached this with medication and therapy...but it never feels like those things ever get me out of the doldrums. I mean, medication was a literal lifesaver once and back when I had wicked panic attacks, Xanex was the only reason I could function some days...but they don't SOLVE this problem. They are tools that I've used, but they honestly don't feel like they were super effective last summer when I was on some prozac and meeting with a counselor every week. I quit both and didn't feel any different, but was glad to have more money in my pocket and to not have to find a time each week to meet with someone who I didn't really like anyway.

I know what I need to do in a broad sense - I need to redesign my life. I need to shake things up and stop just doing things the same old way. One of the ways I AM doing that is through workouts and sports. I turned myself into the type of person who likes to workout, not someone who suffers through it in order to burn calories. That was a redesign for sure. And I'm slowly turning myself into someone who actually likes eating healthy foods and who no longer actually wants a plate of chicken alfredo. (Ugh, it sounds so heavy. And carby. I mean, it might taste good for a minute, but it'll make me feel awful. And being the kind of person who says that is a Big Change.) I'm also getting MUCH better at not talking sh!t to myself. I am putting all this out here, but I don't feel the need to say, "I'm disgusting - look at how awful I am." or "I'm going to quit SP because I'm so awful that no one should have to see what I'm doing to myself." This is something I'm doing or something that is happening....it's not WHO I AM. Sometimes that's hard to remember, but I'm getting wayyyyyyyy better at healthy self-talk stuff.

But there are other parts of my life that are stagnating right now. My relationship. My career. My living arrangement (I want out of the suburbs so so so so bad.) My friendships. And school - holy hell, I want to be done with this. I hate it so much right now. My rowing and participation on the team. I want to shake these things up...but I can't right now. I need to finish school. And until I'm done with that, I can't really switch jobs. And I don't have time to work on fixing up the house to sell it and get the hell outta dodge because I need to be focused on working out, my job, and (UGH) school. And when I do have time? I need to spend it with hubs trying to repair our relationship - which, for him, means going out and recreating (snowboarding trips when I'd rather spend the time and money on the house so we can move, date night trips every Fri, Sat & Sun rather than getting my homework done, etc).

I feel like sometimes I'm silently disintegrating internally from all of this frustration and stagnation...and I don't have anyone to tell because anyone who cares would just be worried or would try to cheer me up (for unknown reasons, that makes me feel hellaworse). So I typed it here.

And I feel lighter. I feel better. I feel more focused.

So I need to get back to work. And school. And fixing up the house. Oh, and planning date night.

But I'm doing it with a lighter heart just for having spewed this all here. It's probably not healthy to purge, but it feels really good right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEPTEMBERBLUES 3/12/2013 4:42PM

    hey,

thanks again for the wonderful post and your honesty. its been nearly a month since you posted. i hope that you are doing ok!

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GOOSIEMOON 3/5/2013 11:55AM

    I'm glad to hear that the venting made you feel better and hope that you "funk" ends soon. Also glad to read that you are getting better with the positive self-talk. I initially felt silly/resentful doing this, but have come to realize that it is one of the most important things I can do to slow down and reframe thoughts and situations and my reaction to them.

Also, here's to the end of winter, which has felt like forever here at our house...

emoticon

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SUNSHINE20113 2/21/2013 12:58PM

    Stagnation! Is it just the lack of vitamin D that does this to us? It always seems to be the Winter months that are hardest.
It has taken me this long to read your blogs after you posted on mine and I'm sorry it's taken me so long!! I can relate to so much of what you write.
Hubby and I also feel stuck right now. I keep wondering if this is our life now - is this it? In fact, I just don't seem to have the energy to get myself out of the rut and into something else......I'm not really sure what the something else is. And I wonder if I just need to sort my head out instead of change the way our lives look.
Anyway - keep blogging. It really does help.


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ASTAPP21 2/18/2013 8:54PM

    Oh man, I have been there, in all of those places, sometimes all at once and sometimes one right after the other. And yeah, it's totally healthy to purge. Like you said, you don't feel like you can do it with anyone who cares but you know your Spark community cares, even if we are mostly strangers... so purge away!

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SADWHITEWOLF 2/18/2013 8:45AM

    I believe in the soul freeing benefits of a good written purge. Venting is good the the soul and is only problematic when all you do is whine and take no action.
We have a saying in my house hold, "Bitc!, take a drink, move on!"

It can be very frustrating to feel stagnate and trapped in life. The most important thing I can suggest is to star with the little things first. Take control of those things that you know you can change. Build on that. Positive change in empowering. The weight of the little things adds up and the more of those you get cleared off your plate the more empowered you will be to start chipping away at the bigger ones!
It sounds like you have already made some of the most important changes but improving the way you look at yourself and you life! You strong, and lets face it, pretty darn awesome!
emoticon

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JULESJET 2/17/2013 3:15PM

    http://www.squidoo.com/creative-dat
es-for-a-tight-budget
Has a few ideas for date nights on a budget... or some ideas you could tweak at least!
http://www.scribd.com/doc
/122076548/Date-Night-Jar-Print
able-Dates
Also has some cute ideas for dates...

And just remember to take a few moments to breathe despite your hectic schedule!
You can do it!
And venting is perfectly acceptable!

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AUSTINLADY 2/17/2013 1:59PM

  Wow, you have a lot on your plate. I don't think that I could deal adequately with everything at once. Can you prioritze and get even a partial solution so that a bit of the pressure is taken away?

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JUMPINJULIE 2/16/2013 12:16AM

    Its always good to release negative engery i'm the same way I hold on to things for so long and than i exploed and nobody knows what i'm talking about because it happend years ago or months or weeks or days ago. Work on it as much as possible its just not easy. But venting is good.

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STRONG_SARAH 2/15/2013 5:56AM

    Re-reading that I realize I sound like some old fogey giving advice to you young whipper-snapper.

I'll shut up now...........

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STRONG_SARAH 2/15/2013 5:53AM

    I hate the suburbs too! I moved out and the thought of ever moving back makes me nauseous.

Can you sit down and talk to your hubby about all this? You can't be spending your money on ski trips when you need to fix your house. Maybe you two can come up with a plan/budget together? Life as a married couple is (unfortunately) not all about vacations, drinking and fun. It's also about mundane things like repairing the house.

I went through a similar period with my husband at the beginning. I don't know how long you've been married, but I think most couples go through something similar.


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FLAMENM 2/14/2013 9:33PM

    Sometimes we just neeed to scream and vent at the world.
And then back to living our lives.
Sometimes you feel stuck. And hopefully all the venting helps you get unstuck.

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KONOHA-NIN 2/14/2013 7:44PM

    That is great that you're getting better at healthy self-talk!

I can relate about feeling unsatisfied with the therapy and medication...at certain points I think it helped, but overall there was not a huge difference (except, as you said, more time and money) for me either.

I think this is a good place to vent!

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MAMAJAHMAI 2/14/2013 6:38PM

    Babe...if we don't get that stuff out, it becomes poison...glad you did.

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JAHINTZY 2/14/2013 1:52PM

    Sometimes feeling lighter post verbal purge is very helpful, I know the feeling.

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TEALHAWK 2/14/2013 1:40PM

  Sometimes we need to vent

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FOOOOOOOOD!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

This week, I tried a couple of new recipes. Here, for your perusing pleasure, are my peramulations, which hopefully won't provoke pain, on these palatable potlaches!
--------------
emoticon Rachel Ray's Stuffed Steak with Prosciutto and Spinach
www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael
-ray/stuffed-steak-with-prosciutto-and
-spinach-recipe/index.html?oc=linkback


I actually got this out of a cookbook with some of her lower carb recipes in which she didn't have the bread in the stuffing. It. Is. Outstanding. In the interests of not being a blogging jerk, I'm not copying the whole recipe over here, but you should click on the link. The whole bagging thing for inserting the stuffing didn't work for me, but I just used my hands and the wooden spoon and it worked fine. The ends come out looking a little messy, but I don't really care about that stuff. If I were serving to company, I'd be more careful I suppose. Though if you are eating at my house, you should just expect that presentation isn't much of a "thing". I'd recommend sharpening you knife before cutting to preserve the cool "look" and focusing on making sure the hole is large enough in the middle pieces of the roast....but overall, the flavor is OUTSTANDING. Huge huge win here.
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Zucchini Lasagna
recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detai
l.asp?recipe=2381206


I tried to make a version of lasagna without the noodles, using thin cut and roasted zucchini instead. I followed a recommendation for how to make one of these types of lasagna from SP...and it didn't have ricotta and it used premade tomato sauce. I thought it would be worth a try...and now I can say: Don't Bother. It's not that it's not fine, but that's all it is: fine. It's actually hard to make myself eat it all at lunch or dinner. I'll go back to my eggplant and ricotta version next time for sure.
--------------------

emoticon Hearty Sausage Breakfast Casserole (Modified by me)
recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detai
l.asp?recipe=2381282


I will make this over and over and over and over. I've been making lots of these types of casseroles, but this one has hash browns and greek yogurt and somehow this makes it the greatest casserole ever. I love mushrooms and had bunch to use up, so I added quite a few. Pick whatever you lurrrrrve and add it, just don't forget the yogurt and the potatoes. EXCELLENT protein numbers (THIRTY ONE grams!!) and purty good on carbs (only 7.6g!). Love this.
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That's the summary for this week's new recipes. Two big hits, one miss. Let me know if you try any modifications of any of these and find something YOU love too!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYDDIECAT 2/18/2013 8:32PM

    The breakfast casserole sounds SO GOOD. I need to try it.

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ASTAPP21 2/13/2013 9:45PM

    Both the steak and the breakfast casserole look fantastic! Can't wait to try them.

I made this zucchini lasagna last fall for a potluck and it was gobbled up: http://theitaliandishblog.com/impor
ted-20090913150324/2009/2/11/my
-moms-zucchini-lasagna.html It's not terribly low-fat (lots and lots of cheese) but I'm sure you could modify it to lighten it up.

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FLAMENM 2/12/2013 11:56PM

    Looks yummy!!!

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JUMPINJULIE 2/12/2013 9:48PM

    Thanks for sharing.

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SADWHITEWOLF 2/12/2013 8:45AM

    drool....

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STRONG_SARAH 2/11/2013 1:56AM

    Thanks! I'm going to try the stuffed steak.

I made this Rachel Ray recipe the other day:

http://www.rachaelraymag.co
m/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-
recipe-search/budget-recipes/po
rk-skewers-with-pineapple-scall
ion-rice

It was yummy!

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DMEYER4 2/10/2013 8:42PM

  thanks for sharing

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Actually, we ARE silently judging you.

Friday, February 08, 2013

**This was totally fun to write. I do not know why. I think it's a little less PolyannaPositive than I usually am on SP, but it feels more authentic to me. Please don't take anything snarky as a negative or as about you even though you totally know I'm using your example. One awesome blog post sort of was the tipping point on this, but her's was awesome, not sad. There are a lot of sadder message board posts that made me want to write this. Also, be aware that the farting-in-the-weight-room example is all me and totally happened. Twice.**

Ok, I know everyone on SP is all hearts and sunshine and unicorns that shoot rainbows out of their butts...but sometimes we gotta be real. I keep seeing a lot of people post about being embarrassed at the gym because they don't know what they are doing or they feel fat or whatever. And most of us respond with something like, "Oh, it's all in your head, they aren't judging you!"

But that's totally not true.

I can't judge people on most things, but I'm a rower. Which means I'm a snob about the rowing machine (called an "ergometer" or "erg" or "Satan Incarnate" by rowers). So I totally judge people who use them improperly at the gym. It's actually become a Thing before - when I sit down next to someone who DOES know what they are doing and demonstrate that I also know how to use it, we usually end up talking. I've also found rowers at the gym by noting who silently rolls their eyes at the guy who puts the setting on 10 and then just uses his arms. I'll grab a treadmill next to them later and ask if they get on the water. Judging others totally brings us together.

So I'm extrapolating here - if I get silently judgey about people on the erg, I'm betting that others are silently judging me on whatever their equipment is. I am tired of pretending it doesn't happen. It's TOTALLY happening. You are NOT paranoid.

The question is - what are you going to do about it? I can think of a ton of better responses than sitting on the couch and eating cupcakes. Though that has it's appeal during certain times of the month.

*LAUGH. A snowboarder once told me the way to get better at snowboarding is to make sure that no matter what insane thing you just did - laugh. If there is a bone sticking out of your leg at the end of an epic fall, YOU MUST LAUGH FIRST. Then you may cry. Also, scream. Also, narcotic pain killers. So when you can't figure out how to turn on the equipment or when your balance ball shoots out from under your a$$...laugh. And share your story. Everyone does something dumb at the gym and it helps both you and them for other people to hear about it.

*If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. Maybe your wiggly bits are being judged by the superfitguy over there, but I bet at least once in a while someone else with jiggly bits looks at you and thinks, "Well hell. I always wondered how they turn on the ellipticals. I'm glad she showed me that so I didn't embarrass myself." There, you can feel good because if nothing else, you saved someone from looking like a fool too.

*Let go of it. You can't control other people. Ever. E-V-E-R. All you can control is your response to them. If you change the way you respond to someone, they HAVE to change in response to you. So make eye contact with Judgey McJudgerson and smile. Or ask them what you should be doing. I especially like doing this to guys who have headphones in because it forces them to stop what they are doing and take the headphones out. It's a bit of petty revenge. Also, sometimes I actually learn something. BONUS! You can only control what YOU do, not what THEY think.

*Learn something. Go hire a trainer. If you go to a gym, they are probably all over the place. They're like roaches in red teeshirts except they don't scatter when you turn on the light and they are actually helpful and they won't survive a nuclear apocalypse. So maybe they aren't like roaches at all. Get one. Even if s/he's not a great trainer, you'll learn SOMETHING and you'll get some confidence. And someday, you will discover that something they told you is "wrong." And then you can judge THEM silently.

*Buy some cute clothes and wear earrings. Yep, I said it. Vanity, thy name is ME. I don't mind looking like a doofus as long as I do it in a pretty blue tanktop and I have on my small silver hoop earrings. I do not know why this works for me, but it totally does. My husband actually takes a shower BEFORE he goes to the gym. And he must wear something yellow when he goes because that color makes him so happy. If I'm going to drop things and fart while doing deadlifts and pass out in the middle of the floor, I'm going to look decent doing it.

*Remember how much worse it could be. If you don't go to the gym and gain another 10 lbs...it'll be worse. You'll be even more jiggly and you won't be any more coordinated. If you DO go to the gym, you'll learn something. Remember the old saw from Edison: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." So you did something not-right today - that's one less mistake you'll make next time. I have explained to a few people that it's not that I fell on my face and scraped it all up when learning to ski - it's that I discovered that while you CAN stop yourself from falling down a mountain by using your face, it's better to use skis. At least I learned something from it.

*STOP DOING STUFF YOU HATE! This is the most important thing I can think of. If you really can't stand the judgement-in-the-gym and you can't get past it, then stop going to the gym! Exercise is not punishment - it's a reward. It makes you stronger, faster, better, and happier. If the gym workouts aren't doing that for you, go take classes, do exercise videos at home, join Curves or PlanetFitness or a different gym, find an outdoor sport....ANYTHING ELSE. If anyone has read "The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl", you'll know about "Vampire Running" (running in the dark when no one can see and judge). Do something like that if that's what floats your boat - just do SOMETHING.

What about you? Do you have something to add? Good advice? Bad advice? Horror stories that you need to share and laugh about?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLATURTLE 3/5/2013 4:50PM

    Okay, I do not know how I missed this post when you first added it, but I cannot stop laughing. AMAZING.

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FITPROLCA 2/26/2013 5:41PM

    Well, hm...I'm one of the "roaches in a red tee shirt" (except mine is pink), and I do love what you wrote. Gyms are not for the faint-of-heart. You need to be absolutely secure that you are there for only one purpose: to be healthy. Everyone, and everything else be damned. I especially love the people who walk in looking like what the cat dragged in, i-pods on, heading directly to their favorite cardio machine. They don't look left, right, up or down. Completely focused on the task at hand. Also, a couple of people made a very good point: Do what's fun. If you're exercising and it's drag then it's not going to be anywhere near as effective. Your head has to be in the game, or it becomes a chore that deserves to be put off until tomorrow....

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ASTAPP21 2/12/2013 7:06PM

    Thank you for your honesty! I go to a "judgement free zone" gym but my boyfriend and our workout buddy were just talking about all the judgement flying around that place.

Judgement at the gym is inevitable. Generally I try to check myself when I find myself judging someone - where is it coming from? Am I envious of their less jiggly bits or excellent form? Am I thinking "at least I look better than her"? And then I try to turn it around. Clearly I'm striving to be less jiggly myself so what can I learn from that awesomely fit person? Can I help the newbie learn something? When I'm judged, I just remind myself that at least I'm here and I'm doing the best I can, by god!

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KIMBERLY_Y 2/11/2013 11:32PM

    You are so right on this one!!!! I watch others in my class to make sure that I keep up with them and exceed others. It works as a motivation for me and keep me going when I feel like dropping the dumbells. I know that I am competitive so by taking the classes with others, it keeps me motivated. I am not a runner, so when I recently started running on the treadmill at a low speed, I saw the woman next to me look at my machine, put her machine at the same speed, and she kept power walking, while I was jogging. Really? I know that I am slow, but must you rub it in my face? emoticon

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EVEMG12 2/11/2013 1:44PM

    I loved this blog! I am not ashamed that I judge everyone who happens to be at the gym while I am there, because I know they judge me back. I may judge the perfectly made up girl who walks on the treadmill while chatting away on her phone, but she is judging me, the out of shape girl with butt sweat gasping for breath on the treadmill next to her. You just have to take it. If you don't want people looking at you, stay home!

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MAMAJAHMAI 2/11/2013 9:48AM

    I once had this woman who was on the elliptical on my left side stare at me with the most snarky, spiteful look on her face.... She kept looking at me and was literally seething.... Her feelings were so raw and visible- I saw her expressions through the window I was facing, so she thought because I was facing ahead, I could not see her facial expressions... Guess what?? Erm.... Lady, what did I ever do to YOU?? I've been coming to this gym solid for 2 years, lost 60 pounds and packed on sexy muscle.... So I sweat and give it my all while I'm here.... I cranked that ELI machine harder...... If you are gonna judge me and not mind your freakin' business, let me really give you something to talk about emoticon

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KK1973 2/11/2013 7:25AM

    Totally true, informative, and entertaining blog! Loved it!!

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FITFOODIE806 2/11/2013 7:22AM

    Yes! Best blog ever. I admit to judging at the gym. I also admit to spying on people in the weight room and copying their form. We do all watch each other. It's reality. I love your view: we can't change what they think, we can control what we do. Truth!

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SWEDE_SU 2/11/2013 5:55AM

    i don't do gyms (i have a personal trainer - my border collie - who insists we spend all free time making sure he gets enough miles under his paws, and he usually doesn't judge, unless i throw the frisbee really badly, in which case he gives me a purely border collie look and delivers the frisbee to dad instead who always throws it perfectly), but this blog has to be one of the best i've ever read here on SP. apart from the fact that it had me laughing, so many people can take home a lesson that is soooo needed. so all i can say is emoticon

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STRIVER57 2/11/2013 3:04AM

    totally true!
i don't do gyms.

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SPARK_JO 2/11/2013 1:01AM

    When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to do much: my mother was too afraid I was going to hurt myself and that she would have to take time off work to take care of me. So I had to stay still.

It sticked for a long time and when I got in my 20s, I started doing more things. I felt a bit silly learning how to rollerblade as an adult and knowing everyone was watching. Now that I am in my 30s, I know people are still watching when you are obviously a learner of something that maybe you're too old to learn now (they say...). But now, I just think that I'm badass learning to longboard at my age, even though I suck at it :)

It's learning new things that keep us alert.

Comment edited on: 2/11/2013 1:01:54 AM

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SEPTEMBERBLUES 2/9/2013 3:35PM

    I'm really happy to read your comments. You are so honest and also, brave about being up front about the complexities of human emotions by confronting all that is negative and painful out there.

I also agree that when exercising, do what you enjoy best. I hate the gym and find it boring. I like the energy of group classes. I do not look at what other people do in these classes, especially since I tend to go to spin and yoga classes where I am mainly concerned with my own performance rather than others. When someone extremely overweight attends a spin or yoga class, I admire them rather than judge them and also realize that learning is a process. But, I agree that there are lots of people out there who are extremely competitive and insecure, and will judge others in their personal fitness routine to make themselves better. And, that to face this ugliness of human nature, and continue regardless, makes us more resilient than if we pretend otherwise.

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FLAMENM 2/8/2013 10:43PM

    Rolling my eyes at the people who totally don't know how to row.

But it's okay. They see me flounder on the treadmill. So we're even.

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MISSAPRIL2 2/8/2013 8:01PM

    This is a fantastic blog. FANTASTIC. I get totally paranoid when I'm on the eliptical. Once I noticed the super jacked guy next to me peeking over to look at my progress. I cringed, but then I turned my head and looked him right in the eye with an air of a challenge. He nodded his head in approval and went back to his workout. I was totally being judged, but I think I came out of it on top :)



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GLC2009 2/8/2013 5:51PM

    good writing. totally funny and true. emoticon

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SADWHITEWOLF 2/8/2013 3:21PM

    I never really cared too much except when it came to weight equipment. I knew I didn't know how to use it and was too embarrassed to ask! LOL
I always wondered about women who worked out at the Y in jewelry and makeup, thought it was stupid, but maybe it was their armor, I never really thought of it that way!
I do need to confess that on of my main methods was to try to find someone in worse shape than I in the room (just with my eyes), this of course worked, because letís face it. Humanís are rotten pieceís o crap sometimes, me included. Seeing someone that looked worse than I, or who was breathing more heavily, sweating worse did make me feel more self confident.


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JULESJET 2/8/2013 3:12PM

    HAHAHA! This is so funny and so true!
And *ahem* it's confession time...
I have been that person that cranks the ergometer up to ten and doesn't know what she's doing!
The next time I go to a gym (don't know when that will be) and they have one, I am going to ask one of those trainer-roaches how to use it properly. I promise!
emoticon

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JAHINTZY 2/8/2013 3:04PM

    woooo! ::internet high fives:: (I have a deep appreciation for snark)

my vanity thing at the gym is often my socks, I have a large collection of stripey knee high socks, and I love to wear my converse shoes with knee length sweat pants and striped socks. Hey, gotta have fun somehow or it's not worth my time :-p and yes - I agree that exercise should not be punishment.

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CONNIEWILDE 2/8/2013 3:00PM

    Haha, I love this! And totally agree with everything except your desire to look cute. In my personal opinion, if I look cute while I'm working out, I'm not working hard enough. And dangly earrings bounce when I run and make my ears hurt,
My "necessary" workout gear includes three things: My Cascada Pandora station, good shoes, and a good sports bra (or two) to minimize the sometimes painful bounce that inevitably comes with a good run. When I first started using the weight machines, I totally looked like a moron, and I knew it. Sometimes I still do. But the gym is not a high school cafeteria, and I don't honestly care what 99% of the people there think anyway. Judge away! And yes, of course I do it, too. But I'm not running around the gym criticizing anyone. I'm more likely to flash a friendly smile and offer advice and a "Haha, I totally didn't know that machine was supposed to work that way at first, either" story than anything.
Today, I will take my roommate to the gym for the first time. I have never ever ever seen Henry run, and the thought of him next to me in Zumba while he stares longingly at our gorgeous instructors and trips over his own feet or plows into me will keep me amused for weeks to come. And the best part? He knows that these things will happen, and that people will judge him, and that I'll come home and tell his boyfriend all about how silly and awesome he was, and he's gonna come anyway, and laugh at himself along the way. And there is no better attitude to have. (=

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STRONG_SARAH 2/8/2013 2:58PM

    LOL......no, seriously,........I laughed out loud. Great post!

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KJELLYBEAN15 2/8/2013 2:32PM

    {{{Applause}}}}


Loved your blog. Also love your writing style. Awesome. I have to admit that I am one of those chubby out of shaper people at the gym. I also go to a gym on a military installation sooooo there are lots of fit, muscular and perky people of both sexes. I have embarrased myself by being on one of the center treadmills with runners on all side to only be able to job in low speed 2 minutes! You know what? I didn't care. I also sweat a lot!!! I have found that it is less noticeable if you put your towel on the seat before sitting. I haven't fallen yet. Almost off an elliptical once but I saved myself. I haven't farted yet (thank goodness) but I have almost crapped myself a few times.

But at this point in my life I really don't care if they judge me. I dont care what they think. Because what they don't know is I judge them too.



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JUMPINJULIE 2/8/2013 2:28PM

    Funny story first. My Mom and i walk together and we were walking by this house and all of sound this little dog who thinks he is the size of king kong comes running at us didn't do anything but bark but a car was coming so he waited for the car to pass and then came running at us. My Mom shooed him away and he went back towards his house which we had to pass which we did and the dog grabbed at stick to show us how ferocious he was and destroyed the stick. It is the funniest thing i have ever dealt with while walking. But my advice for working out is do something fun.

Comment edited on: 2/8/2013 2:29:01 PM

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exercises for the injured

Thursday, February 07, 2013

You may have noticed a status update the other day - I know some people gave me some great responses and some great goodies...um, so snowboarding rocks my freaking socks off. But apparently it also rocked my ribs a bit too much - I have a small fracture in a rib on the lower right side of my chest.

The first couple of days were pretty painful - couldn't sleep, traveling was difficult (thank heavens Southwest let me just check my bag for free. I wouldn't have made it lugging my carryon all over America), deep breathing wasn't fun. By yesterday though, it was down to just feeling like I have a stitch in my side most of the time. Today, it's actually even better - I only feel the stitch when I move in certain ways or stretch or take deep breaths (or sneeze or laugh or yawn). If I didn't have xray proof, I would think maybe it wasn't really a break, but the doc felt it and you can just barely see it on the films (they say - I haven't actually seen the film).

Doc said I actually SHOULD be moving though. No taping or anything. I am required to NOT participate in contact sports (including snowboarding) and am supposed to avoid my big weight lifting activities. Not so much because it will hurt my rib, but because the pain will probably make me drop the barbell and hurt myself worse. And he said pull ups and dips will be astronomically painful, so just don't worry about them. But to stay in shape and keep my lungs healthy, I DO need to workout.

So today, I'm going to try to do some recumbent bike riding to see how it goes, then strength work tomorrow. I'm trying not to let this get me down, but yesterday and today were a struggle. I NEED exercise or I go a little depressed-anxious-crazy. I'm committed to getting to the gym in an hour, after I watch some more of an online lecture in infectious diseases. There, I've written it to you, so it must be true.

ALSO - I'm still clinging to the idea that my only workout-preventing injury of 2012 was from rock climbing and my workout-preventing injury of 2013 is from snowboarding....so that makes me cool, right?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLAMENM 2/8/2013 10:41PM

    Those are definitely utterly cool injuries!

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CONNIEWILDE 2/8/2013 12:32PM

    It does make you cool! And so does the fact that you're watching a lecture on infectious diseases (I'm a nerd, I know, but damn proud if it!) was it super awesome? (=

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KIMBERLY_Y 2/7/2013 8:47PM

    Very cool! Hope you feel better and glad you had such a great time. On a selfish note, I am glad to have you back so that I can read your blogs. emoticon

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SADWHITEWOLF 2/7/2013 4:20PM

    BTW, It IS pretty cool that your injuries came from rock climbing and snowboarding! (not that you are not already awesome!) Lets face it, half my injuries are from dumb things like house chores or tripping over my own shadow! LOL

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JUMPINJULIE 2/7/2013 3:35PM

    Absoutely cool. emoticon

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STODD251 2/7/2013 3:08PM

    emoticon and if you're going to be injured, it's definitely cool that it happened rock climbing and snowboarding....

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JAHINTZY 2/7/2013 3:05PM

    indeed, it's been written down so now it must happen - I like that logic :)

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SADWHITEWOLF 2/7/2013 3:00PM

    I too get "depressed-anxious-crazy" if I skip too many workouts. I find that almost amusing since I still really do not like working out that much. However my body and mind have become accustomed to it's benefits and they both let me know they do not appreciate the lack of it!
Do be careful though! I really hope you feel better soon!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Comin' round the mountain

Wednesday, February 06, 2013


This is my first snowboarding run in about 6 weeks. And prior to this, I was on bunny slopes, with one really slow run down a green run in Taos. This is a bit of a green run at Homewood in Tahoe. This one is all from my point-of-view, with a bit of a fuzzy lens (sorry!), but it's a taste of what it feels like to slowly slip down a green slope as a novice. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUMPINJULIE 2/7/2013 3:33PM

    Awesome just a few tumbles. LOL. Much better than me. I have never tried snowboarding or skiing for that matter. I think i should though some day.

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GRANDMASHUNGRY 2/6/2013 10:37PM

    Thanks for sharing the clip.
I've never been snow boarding before. I don't think I could get back up if I fell down!
Looks like fun, cold but fun.

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STRONG_SARAH 2/6/2013 3:44PM

    Cool video! Makes me want to go skiing!

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SADWHITEWOLF 2/6/2013 2:55PM

    That looks like so much fun! Even the falling part!

Comment edited on: 2/6/2013 2:56:26 PM

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