CORTNEY-LEE   53,054
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Thursday, July 11, 2013

I hung out with my friend Paul yesterday, and I did not feel the connection that I used to.

I couldn't put my finger on it until I was talking with a friend about it and she said "maybe it is because you don't do drugs together anymore"

She hit the nail on the head. Our friendship was based on our mutual desire to get wasted. A typical Cortney and Paul night was to take a few vicodin, xanax and somas that were washed down with jack daniels and coke. On the way to wherever we were going (bar or bonfire at someone's house) we would smoke a joint. Once we were at the destination we would smoke more pot and drink more.

I am not proud of this. I am lucky I am not dead. It was stupid, reckless, and asinine behavior, but I didn't think about that. I only cared about getting wasted on whatever I could to fill the void in my life that was missing.

When I met my boyfriend, that void was filled, and I stopped doing all of it, except maybe a drink or two on occasion. Paul didn't stop and he still leads the same life that we did 5 years ago.

Before we could even go anywhere, he had to go to his brother's house to get high. They offered me, and I declined. I don't have any interest in it anymore. It isn't my thing. I would rather get my high at the gym.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Paul and he is still very dear to me, but I just don't feel that connection that I used to. We used to sit in my old Jeep in the middle of the woods, smoke pot and listen to music until the sun came up. *sigh*

Anyway, Coach Tony killed me at PC Fit tonight! I don't even know what to say! It was awesome! I did the best that I could. THAT girl was in my class tonight - you know which one I am talking about... the pretty blonde, tan one with big boobs and a perfect everything? The girl who goes through the workout flawlessly and doesn't break a sweat? Yup... she was in my class tonight... Next to her I feel like an out of shape cow... but pretty soon, next to me, she is going to feel like one! Ok, maybe not, but I can hope? She is actually really nice.

I have a perfect summer day planned for tomorrow.
PC Fit
Spend the day at the lake
Steaks for dinner
go out for an ice cream cone

I hope everyone has a good night!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNITTY_JESS 7/13/2013 9:55PM

    Making that change in your life is amazing. I'm proud for you.

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KO1215 7/12/2013 3:02PM

    Great story!

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LOVINGAFRICA 7/12/2013 2:37AM

    You are a true champion, in every way. Very few people get to just walk away from all that while keeping the people who remain on that road in their lives.
You are living your life beautifully, my Friend. I am proud to know you.

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COCK-ROBIN 7/12/2013 1:01AM


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NYARAMULA 7/12/2013 12:29AM

    Congratulations on turning your life around. You are a true inspiration.

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BRADMILL2922 7/11/2013 11:59PM

    Sounds like you have a great day planned tomorrow! Enjoy it! That is really great that you gave up all that old behavior as well. I know that is hard to do but it sounds like you have done it. Good for you. Maybe if your friend fills his void in the future, you guys can have a different connection in future meetings. Have fun tomorrow!

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MARYANNB25 7/11/2013 10:01PM

    Sounds like a great day.

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DSCROW 7/11/2013 9:58PM

    It sounds like a great plan for a great day! I am processing my yesterdays recently myself. I think its part of the way we make even better tomorrows.

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I am too old for that...

Monday, July 08, 2013

Seriously, I am too old to pull an all nighter. I had planned on getting off work at 7 am, then going to PC Fit at 10 and my Doc appt at 11:30 - It didn't work out that way.

I ended up canceling the appointment and going to the 5:30 PC Fit class. I slept until about 3 pm, but when you don't go to bed until almost 10, it isn't very long... I am really tired tonight.

I have the week off of work, and I don't really have any plans. I really want to go biking at Raystown, but I don't have anyone to go with me, and it isn't a place you want to go alone. Well, maybe if you were experienced, or male... but I am neither of those. My friend Paul said he would go to the lake at least with me. It sucks because we will be right where the bike trails are!

I have also decided to keep a record of when I eat and what I am feeling at the time. So far today I have eaten once out of true hunger and twice because I needed to. Not sure how this is going to work...

I hope my Spark friends have a wonderful night~

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCONIUS 7/12/2013 9:22AM

    I was right near there Monday, but I didn't have my bike along.

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KNH771 7/9/2013 3:57PM

    I don't know that I could do an all nighter either! Enjoy your week off. Hopefully, there is still time to find a biking partner... If not, have fun at the lake.

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BILL60 7/9/2013 7:51AM

    Too bad you don't have a place to bike by yourself.

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SNOOPYMOMMA72 7/9/2013 3:50AM

    Hope you have a great week off and can find some fun stuff to do!


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LOVINGAFRICA 7/9/2013 1:44AM

    I hope you are having a wonderful night, tucked up and dreaming about bike trails.
What you really need is a friend who also works shifts and loves cycling! Perhaps you should join a club or organise a ride or something?
Here, the cycle shops sometimes do things like that.
Hope you have a great day too.
If I don't get enough sleep I totally lose my sense of humour, my patience and I change into the worst person I know.

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COCK-ROBIN 7/8/2013 11:17PM

    You have a wonderful night as well.

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PJ2222 7/8/2013 10:03PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Quitting Exercise

Monday, July 08, 2013

I am not exercising anymore... I don't like to "exercise" - It makes me feel like I should be wearing leg warmers, a sweat band and a neon pink leotard. I am now going to refer to it as training. When I refer to it as training, it makes me feel more tough. It makes me feel bad ass. So... no more exercise, training only.

Besides, you don't exercise to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse, you train!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BILL60 7/9/2013 8:04AM

    Sounds like a plan. Hang tough and be "Bad-Ass".

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RUNNINGAL425 7/9/2013 7:23AM

    Leg warmers........haven't thought about them in ages...hope I forget them again....yikes!

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NAYPOOIE 7/8/2013 6:47PM

    I like it! I think I'll start training.

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KNITTY_JESS 7/8/2013 5:36PM

    Love the mindset.

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OOLALA53 7/8/2013 4:33PM

    When I was little, my parents would sometimes give other names to foods I professed to dislike, and then I would eat them! Mindset can make a big difference.

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KNH771 7/8/2013 12:38PM

    You made me laugh out loud! emoticon Train well...

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PATTYR81 7/8/2013 10:36AM

    Hmmmmm. I LOVE neon pink! Neon colors MOTIVATE me!

You've helped me envision myself as a bad-ass trainer in a neon pink (or neon green) racer back work out top and black shorts. With the coordinating sneakers of course! emoticon


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BARCONIUS 7/8/2013 8:42AM

    There used to be a store on my way home called Zombie PX. Lots of survivalist gear and a sense of humor. Keep getting ready!

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LOVINGAFRICA 7/8/2013 7:50AM

    You know something about an upcoming Zombi invasion I don't?
I do agree, athletes like you don't work out or exercise or get their constitutional. They train, hard!
Good for you, you worked for every bit of success you are enjoying!
Bless you!

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CBLENS 7/8/2013 7:16AM

    training does sound better than exercising.

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THROOPER62 7/8/2013 6:42AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NYARAMULA 7/8/2013 3:16AM

    Enjoy your training!

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CHRISTASP 7/8/2013 3:07AM

    Good point.

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FITFRIT 7/8/2013 2:11AM

    I like this, and I'm going to train to be more bad ass too!

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ANDYLIN90 7/8/2013 1:35AM

    I liked this blog, especially about training for the zombies!

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ALICIA214 7/8/2013 12:25AM


Sounds like a plan. emoticon emoticon


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Insert Title Here*

Saturday, July 06, 2013

I hate trying to come up with Blog titles. I just don't have one for today.

I am working a 13 hour overnight shift. It is my day off and I am working extra because I want the overtime. I am getting a new tattoo next month, and I need the extra cash to pay for it. It isn't going to be little either. It is a coverup of one I already have and it will most likely turn out to be a half sleeve. I figure it isn't going to be cheap, so I need all the extra cash I can get.

My co-worker decided he didn't want tomorrow's extra shift, so, I picked it up too. The wonderful thing is I will get off work on Monday morning at 7:00 am. I have PC Fit at 10:00 and a Dr's appt at 11:30. Lucky for me, my doctor takes forever, so I will be able to catch a nap while I wait. Most likely a few hour one. I am ok with that. I thought about canceling my appointment, and taking PC Fit at 5:30 that evening, but I am not sure what the cancellation policy is. I think it is 24 hours, but I am sure they would make an exception if I told them I was called into work. Then again, I would have to stay up anyway and wait for the office to open, so I might as well just go.

Anyway, not much else to report - hope all of my Spark Friends are having an excellent weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DSCROW 7/7/2013 9:36AM

    Praying you energy and a hedge of protection through out this busy exhausting weekend. Get yourself some make up sleep after that doctor's visit.

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LOVINGAFRICA 7/7/2013 9:32AM

    Wow, I hate staying up when I am tired!
What is the tattoo of, that you have fallen out of love with?
Hope it comes out great for you!
I like my skin plain old boring inkless.
I do know that a new tat makes a tat person very happy. I do like that black and grey star you posted about a while ago, don't know where it is.

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CBLENS 7/7/2013 8:39AM

    yes, hope you can post a picture of the new tattoo.

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KNITTY_JESS 7/6/2013 11:47PM

    You'll have to post tattoo pics wen it's done. Coverups can be amazing.

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COCK-ROBIN 7/6/2013 11:17PM


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KIMBERLY19732 7/6/2013 11:01PM

    It is hard to come up with blog titles. Most of mine are something like "Thursday"

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Seriously McDonalds? What the????

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Yesterday the library director bought me a Frape from McDonalds - it was yummy! You know, I should have looked at the calories before I consumed it... Holy crow it was almost 600 calories!! 600! That is more than half of my food allotment! Holy wow! Lesson learned! and then some! The good news is it didn't make me sick. Yay?

I went to PC Fit again this morning - I had an AWESOME time! I love it! There are a few different options I can do as far as paying for it and they are...

1. $100/month w/ a 1 year commitment
2. $135/month w/ no commitment
3. $100 "punch card" good for 6 classes

I think I am going to do option 3 for right now because... I have an appointment scheduled on August 13th to get some work done to my tattoo. Basically, I am getting a half sleeve done. I won't be able to do the class for at least 2 weeks. After my tattoo is healed I am going to go with option #1. I just don't see paying the $100 for august when I am not going to get a full month in. The card will work better until I am healed.

I went to support group tonight. We were supposed to discuss how to set up a good walking program, but we got a new Coordinator, so we just had an open forum. I think I like this new girl. She is really nice, knowledgeable and straight forward. I don't think she agrees with how I do some things, but we all have to do what works for us. Plus, i don't think she is used to dealing with someone who so balls to the walls about fitness.

I went to the library today, I tanned... cooked. All in all life is good.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DSCROW 7/5/2013 9:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PATTYR81 7/4/2013 9:47AM

    emoticon emoticon

I like how you reason things out!!!

AND your courage to stick to your guns! (arm guns included :)

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BILL60 7/4/2013 9:18AM

    Attitude is 50% for me and you seem to already be there. Hang tough!!

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COCK-ROBIN 7/4/2013 1:01AM

    Hope it goes good for you!

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KNITTY_JESS 7/4/2013 12:22AM

    Love tattoos!

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LOVINGAFRICA 7/3/2013 11:58PM

    That sounds like happiness. I am so impressed with your new obsession! Seriously cool!

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MICKEYMAX 7/3/2013 11:30PM

    Good for you - working out your options and what is best!

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