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Home Alone...

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Today is the first day that I have been left "home alone" since I have came home from the hospital. My boyfriend stayed the 1st week with me, and when he went back to work, my mom spent the night until he got home again (he is a truck driver)

My grandparents are coming to visit me today. I don't know how long they are going to be here. Don't get me wrong, I do love my grandmother, but... well...

I have 2 grandmothers. My mother's mother smothers me. She is a wonderful lady who still thinks I am 5. I love her very much. She is the one that cries every time she sees an Olive Garden commercial because she knows that is my favorite place to eat, and now I won't be able to. She is also the one that every time I was sad she would stuff me full of junk food.

My father's mother on the other hand has always made my weight #1 on her list. I can not have a conversation with her without her asking me if I am "still watching and losing". She honestly encourages me to have an eating disorder, and constantly tells me how great I looked when I starved myself and purged all of the time. As a kid she would offer me treats, then let me know how fat I was when I accepted them and made me ashamed to eat. She was excited I was getting this surgery. When she asked my goal weight, I jokingly told her, that I didn't really have a number in mind, but I wanted to be able to count my rib bones, she said "ohh, you will look so good!" and she was serious.

So, I have one grandmother that stuffed my face full of junk for comfort and rewards, and another grandmother who made me ashamed to eat. *sigh*

I think I am going to spend most of the day watching TV. I am going to get my gear on and go for a short walk later on today. I walk back and forth in front of the house until I get tired. If I am released by my surgeon tomorrow to return to regular activity, I may go to the gym after shopping with my mom and walk on the treadmill.

I think that is all for now

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VIANA1 4/30/2012 5:10AM

    Maybe it is a good thing that my grandparents left this earth when I was very young.

The grandma that stuffed your face reminds me of my MIL. She goes to great lengths to stuff my kids (and us) every possible second. She is a constant source of chocolate, chips, fries, etc. Yesterday I took the chips off the table because the kids kept taking them and she came up with another bag even though they hadn't eaten anything else. Then there is the constant "do you want cake, do you want a cookie, eat a banana, I can make you a sandwich, ..." as soon as you finish your meal. Uggg! My husband and I are overweight and I go through great lengths to make sure my son is faced with healthy meal options then move the food away when he shouldn't be eating because he was born an overeater.

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REBECCA24333 4/27/2012 3:48PM

    Oh, I had to laugh about the gramma who cries when she sees an Olive Garden commercial! How cute is that?

Hang in there!

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KMIRANDA2000 4/24/2012 5:16PM

    My relatives were the same weight always was (and still is) topic of conversation. I can choose to ignore it now.

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SHY_BUNNY 4/24/2012 12:21PM

    We all have people in our lives that enable us. It's a great start to recognise these patterns. Knowing is half the battle!

Just for your own sanity, it helps to remember that they are both coming from a loving place. However, what they say and do can be damaging to us. The best advice I can offer is to take back control over your own actions. If one grandma is trying to soothe you with food tell her you are making better food choices. See how she responds to it. She might get defensive & feel like you are rejecting her. Tell her you love her, but that you are transforming you mind, body & soul.

As for grandma 2, take what she has to say with a grain o salt! You know she's coming from some twisted idea of health. Change the subject if she starts talking about your weight. Change the crocus from you back onto her or talk about the family or the weather!

It's probably best that you don't divulge or confide I. Them too often about your weight loss. Believe me, I love telling people in my world about what I'm up to, but it comes with a price. It invites everyone I tell to comment and all I want is to just remind myself what I'm doing ...

Good luck!

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 4/24/2012 12:17PM

    Yikes that is tough, well I hope they don't stay long and get out of your hair lol. Grandmothers can be so fussy for some reason. I remember my grandma kind of poking at my weight too, I would get so mad. It's so hard when people in your life don't incourage good healthy weight loss.

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getting anxious about "real" food

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I have a Doctor's appointment on the 25th. I am very anxious. If all is well (and I am pretty sure it is) the Doctor will be advancing me to stage 3 "soft foods".

I am very anxious about this. First, I can't wait to chew real food. I am tired of eating stuff that reminds me of baby food. I am afraid that I am going to make the wrong choices. I have a menu planned out for my boyfriend and I for three days, and I am nervous that it is the wrong choice

Day one
Spaghetti and turkey meatballs
- my boyfriend will be having both, I will just be having the turkey meatballs with a bit of reduced fat cheese-

Day two
- my boyfriend will be having tacos, and I will be having the taco meat w/ a bit of salsa and reduced fat cheese-

Day three
Ham steaks, scalloped potatoes and green beans/peas
- I will eat a small portion of the ham steak and some green beans. I am not sure if I will have potatoes or not-

I know I should be talking to my RD about all of this, but in all honesty, she sucks. She treats me like I know nothing. She has suggested things like meatballs, meatloaf, chili, fish... I am also allowed soft cooked veggies, soft cheese, eggs, low fat lunch meat, cottage cheese and canned fruit (in its own juice)

I am working on designing a menu for this, but I live in fear that I am going to mess something up and not lose any weight. I will feel a lot better when I am cleared to exercise. That will really help me.

I think that is all for now


My reward (photo)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I bought this for myself as a reward for getting my surgery.

A new Vera Bradley purse and eBook cover

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTBIRDY 4/22/2012 10:15AM


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2BFREE2LIVE 4/22/2012 2:51AM


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Feeling Groovy

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I am feeling really good. It has been 10 days since my surgery, and I feel like I am getting back to myself. There is still some pain (feels like I am being stung by a bee) on my right side, but upon research, my mom found that is the spot where the majority of the surgery took place. It would stand to reason that spot is still sore. I underwent major surgery. While I don't have the large incisions that a major surgery carries, that doesn't mean my procedure wasn't a big thing. When you think about it, I was essentially gutted.

I only take my pain meds at night. I don't really need them for pain, but they do help me sleep. Since I am still restricted to sleeping on my back, it helps.

I finally went out of the house today. It has been the first time I have been in a car since I came home from the hospital. We went to Walmart. I know, that is lame, but I was really excited to go.

I have finally had it with the Carnation Instant Breakfast... I just can't drink it anymore. I know that is what my RD wants, but I just can't. I am going to the Sports Nutrition store tomorrow and buying a new protein powder. I gave it an honest effort, and I just can't do it. They say once I reach stage III of my diet, they don't want me taking any supplements, but I still think I am going to need to.

When I go back to meet with my RD she wants me to bring a three day food log so she can calculate how much protein I am eating. I really wish she wouldn't treat me like I am stupid. I have a pretty good knowledge of nutrition. I am also very proficient at tracking food... calories, carbs and protein. I understand that a lot of people go into this without the knowledge that I have, but, once she knows I posses it, why treat me like I am stupid?

I think that is all for now

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTBIRDY 4/22/2012 10:17AM

    Oh, I hate that, too. Recently I told my doc that if he didn't take things seriously and quit talking down to him, I was going to have to fire him. Glad you are doing so well.

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/21/2012 1:34AM

    I am happy your feeling better and that your getting out of the house, that helps to change up your surroundings even if it is Walmart, you know I am a manager at our local store and I love my customers they are all so special to me and I care about them as I care about you.
Keep getting better and keep blogging so I know how your doing. Sandy

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KMIRANDA2000 4/20/2012 2:25PM

    Sounds like all is good...yay!

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XENA47 4/20/2012 2:08PM

    I know what you mean about nurses and dietitians talking down to you--I hate that too! When I was in WIC they treated all the women like we were idiots. Seriously annoying!

Glad to hear your surgery went well and you're on the mend. Hang in there.

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1st blog post opp

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I have been home since Thursday. I am feeling pretty ok. There is still some pain, and I keep clutching my blanket to my stomach when I walk. I am afraid to let go of it.

I keep having to remind myself to eat. I just don't feel like eating right now. I ground up turkey burger in the blender with some cream of mushroom soup and that is what I have been munching at for meals. For breakfast I made (well my boyfriend made) cream of wheat with milk. I have been trying to choke down those supplement shakes, and have managed to get down 2 a day, but not 3 yet. I think I am doing pretty well. I know it is going to take some time for my body to adjust.

The surgery itself went very well. The hospital stay was horrible. I have never been so miserable, dirty and smelly in my life. I was so glad to get home. By the third day of my stay, I had developed a migraine that was crippling. All of the muscles in my neck had knotted up into balls and I was so miserable! When I got home and showered, all of my tension went away.

I think that is all for now

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KMIRANDA2000 4/17/2012 4:30PM

    Aren't you happy that all of that is behind you now? I hated not being able tom shower...hated feeling smelly and gross. But on to better things little moment at a time.

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SETAGOAL1 4/15/2012 9:55PM

    You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey

Writing is progress!!!

Janet- emoticon

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/15/2012 12:06PM

    So happy to see your blogging your experience. Sounds like your feeling better and yes a good shower takes care of all that tension.
Try to take it a day at a time while your body heals and gets use to your new eating program. Best wishes. Sandy

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