CORTNEY-LEE   50,677
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CORTNEY-LEE's Recent Blog Entries

is it ok to say... I suck?

Friday, August 20, 2010

I am pretty stressed out. It is mostly my job.

One of the supervisors quit, and they need to fill the position. Bottom line, I want the job, I feel that I am the most qualified for the job and I have the most seniority. One would think the job would be mine, but that isn't always the case. It is between me and another person. Basically his strong points are my weak points and my strong points are his weak points.

What I have working in my favor is I don't call off work (he does) I do not have any other commitments other than my job (he has a wife and 3 kids) and I have been here for over 7 years and have no real black marks on my record.

I am just stressed about it because I want this job! I know I can do it, and I have put my time in, and I think I deserve the chance! I guess we will see...

So, this stress lead to a total binge last night at the Mcdonalds drive-thru. I got a McDouble and a Big Mac Snack Wrap (all of the grease, fat and calories as a Big Mac without the mess!)
and I honestly felt like total crap after I ate it. The thing that is really NOT cool, is I didn't even take the time to enjoy it. I just wolfed it down, then stopped at a gas station to throw the wrappers and bag away, because in my mind I guess if I do that it means it didn't happen?

Another really crappy part about it was I was having such an awesome healthy day yesterday! I ate some really great food, and while I did eat a lot, it was all well within my calorie range. Then I totally ruined it and almost ate a days worth of fat and calories in 10 mins. WTF? The good news is... I did walk yesterday...

so yeah... that is what is going on...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYMABH 8/20/2010 9:34AM

    None of us are perfect. We all have slip ups. I think we need an occasional naughty meal. Today is a new day.

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MRSSIBRAT 8/20/2010 7:45AM

    the most important thing is how you react to the slip up.....just get right back on track...you don't suck at all!! You're human and everyone is going to have these kind of moments....just keep going strong and you can do anything!

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AIRBO1 8/20/2010 6:15AM

    Tomorrow is a new day. It will be ok. You don't suck. emoticon emoticon

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POUNDSOFFLM 8/20/2010 5:02AM

    Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have slip-ups -- and that's okay. It's been said that the real measure of success is getting back up one more time than we fall down. Just keep your eyes on the prize and don't let the occasional slip-up define your journey. emoticon

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to early to be awake?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I am working the overnight shift again. I am really digging this so far. It isn't bad. I guess we will see what happens. One of the supervisors quit, so his old job is now open. I have tried it for the past few nights, and I think I am interested in it. I am pretty sure I am going to tell them that I defiantly would like to interview for it.

I am trying to decide if I am hungry. I am pretty sure that I am.

I didn't get "home" walk in today. I didn't get home from work until 8am, and I slept until after 3pm. I just didn't have the time to do it today, and I doubt that I will tomorrow either since I will not get home until 8am and I have to be back in at 4pm. That sucks - totally sucks.

The good news is, I got both of my walks in at work. I walked a mile each time and it took me about 15 mins etch time. Plus I had to sneak over into the warehouse and pull dock doors, and that is hard work, because they stick. So I am proud of myself for all of the exercise I have done today

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JABCLUB 8/18/2010 5:04AM

    Good job sneaking in the exercise! I hope the job works out great for you! emoticon

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-POOKIE- 8/18/2010 4:55AM

    15 minute mile is great going!

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Feeling Groovy and other thoughts...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I am working the over night shift tonight - so, I have some time to think...

I have been getting a little frustrated lately. I am eating well, staying within my calories, drinking water, exercising and doing everything that I am supposed to, and the numbers on the scales won't go down. I even added more exercise to my day and the numbers on the scales don't go down. I started jogging using the "phone poll" method (so appx 1/4 mile) and the numbers on the scales aren't going down. I am getting pi$$ed.

What is the "Phone Poll" Method?
- the first 1/2 mile of my walk is a nice up hill grade. Pretty tough actually... once I reach the top and start back home I employ the "phone poll" method. I walk the distance between one phone poll, I jog the next, walk the next, jog the next, and keep repeating this until I am in my yard. Sometimes, if I am feeling frisky I will run to my front door, but don't do this often because I feel like I am going to die, and since I am home alone at that time of the day, I rather think that wouldn't be fun.

I have also employed another method of exercise. At work, I figured out how far a mile was. Twice a night, I go outside (I even bring my sexy sneakers to work) and walk 1 mile. It takes me about 15 mins, and it makes me feel pretty good. I walk a mile, come in and work, then go walk another one. I try to go at 8pm and Midnight when I am working my regular shift. Tonight I went at 10pm and 3am, and I did slack today and didn't go for my normal walk because it was too stinkin hot out. The dew points were in the 70's - which translates to "oppressive" humidity. I should have done a WATP (Walk Away the Pounds) dvd, but honestly, I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend... and we had some sexy time, so I think that burns calories right?

Hummus... I hate hummus. I have tried and tried to like this stuff, and when I bought this jalapeņo flavored, at first I liked it... then it sucked. I have bought every flavor I can think of and I still hate it. Everyone on here raves about hummus... and I think it is gross.

I thought maybe I would go swimming and that would help, however, the only places to swim are the public pools, and I can't stand to be around all of those screaming kids and mommy moos... I could join the one gym that has a pool, but it seems a little steep in price just to use the pool a few times a week, and once again, not only will there be screaming kids and mommy moos, but there will also be old people and meatheads. Not to mention I think about all the funky things one can contract in public areas like that and start getting creeped out and paranoid... I don't think they would let me work out in a Hazmat suit... they may... my Aunt has a pool, but her liner ripped and she ordered a new one, and it has yet to come... plus once again, I may have to contend with my cousin's girlfriend and her children. If you haven't guessed, I am not really a fan of children - they are ok in small doses, when they don't really talk to me... or talk at all...

I might also add that it is long nights like this one that I miss smoking. Like... I could really smoke right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABSOLUTZER0 8/17/2010 11:00PM

    Do not get frustrated. You are doing great! Consistency is key. You are STRONGER than you give yourself credit for. Check out my latest blog entry titled 'Stronger' and you will see what I am talking about.

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STINKYBICHEZ 8/17/2010 5:47PM

    I like the phone poll method. If I wasn't in such a public area I would eventually try it.

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Progress

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

sigh*

Sometimes, I get angry with myself. I get frustrated when I get on the scales and don't see it drop as much as I thought it should. I am trying really hard not to give into cravings, but sometimes it is hard. I know that it is wrong to deprive myself, so I try not to do that, but there are times when I am CRAVING Mcdonalds. I don't know why. Sometimes I feel like every time I drive past and don't stop is an accomplishment. I know that having Mcdonalds once in a while won't kill me, but I have associated those types of foods as "bad" and "off limits" for so long, that it is hard not to feel guilty.

Don't get me wrong, I am still losing weight, but not as quickly as I think I should be. Maybe I am eating to much peanut butter?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABSOLUTZER0 7/29/2010 6:49PM

    Congrats on your progress! Winning small battles will lead to being victorious! Stay positive, stay motivated, and stay focused!!! You can do this!!!

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STINKYBICHEZ 7/29/2010 10:33AM

    Peanut butter isn't bad for you... and I know you don't eat entire jars of it. You are making progress and that is awesome. You are so determined to get where you want to be, I know you'll do it! emoticon

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MAMADWARF 7/28/2010 12:51AM

    you crave mcdonalds because it is like crack! once you have had it, it still calls you! How much peanut butter are you eating? Like a jar????Lol, stay within the parameters and you will do fine.. my motto is progress, not perfection. (and by the way, every time you drive by MCD's it is an accomplishment!!) I am sure you have dozens of successes every day.. try to count those! Stay strong! Jan

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Re-Thinking the idea of "full"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I have a lot of things that I want to talk about.

1. Re-Thinking the idea of "full"
-- I was wondering why every time I eat, I think I have to stuff myself to the point I feel sick?What does "full" really mean? Today I had a ham sandwich and some fruit for lunch. After I ate it, I wasn't hungry anymore, but it didn't seem like I was "full" either. I felt like i needed to eat more in order to achieve that stuffed feeling. I drank some more water, and left for work, and I felt fine for a while then I started to feel hungry again. So I ate a banana, and that seemed to take the edge off of my hunger for a while.

I am wondering if this all isn't in my head, and that I am not really hungry at all, but think that I am. Like right now, I know I am not hungry, but I know that I have calories left for today so I am thinking that I need to eat them, and I don't. Why eat when I am not hungry just because I haven't met my calories goals for the day? My goal is between 1500-1700 and right now, I am at about 1300, maybe a little more.

2. VACATION!!
-- Vacation was awesome. I didn't really do that much, but it was sooo relaxing and enjoying! Sunday was the most awesome day. I woke up around 6:30 am and took a walk. It was awesome to be out walking at that time of the morning. I wish that was something I could do all of the time. It was still nice and cool out, and I was enjoying the sounds of nature. My boyfriend and I took the scooter out and about and went for a very long ride. We were gone almost six hours! We started out at home and went to Bedford, PA - then to Somerset, PA then Grantsville, MD to Oakland, MD to Luke, MD, to Cumberland, MD then back up to Bedford and home!

After we got home, we got cleaned up and went out to dinner. It was Olive Garden Sunday! I had the Linguine Marinara. It was totally yummy! I also had 2 servings of salad, and 2 1/2 breadsticks. I saved calories tho, and actually had about 1300 that I was able to blow. I know that isn't the healthiest thing to do, but I only do it once a month. Every other time I spread my calories out for the day, but this meal was totally worth saving for!

3. my new work out video
www.amazon.com/Leslie-Sansone-Walk-H
ome-Burning/dp/B001F12ISU/ref=sr_1_2?i
e=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1279681736&sr=8-2


it totally kicked my butt! I made it through the first 2 miles today and WOW - it was awesome! I love Richard Simmons, but have not been doing my Disco Sweat because I found the Leslie Sansone stuff. I actually had one of VHS from forever ago (I don't even think you can buy it now) and started doing it, then I bought this one, and today was my first day. I got a much better workout because unlike with my Richard videos, I wasn't always worrying about which way I was going or falling and hurting myself. These are defiantly the best ones for those of us who have a total lack of coordination!

4. July 16, 2010 was my 365th day without a cigarette.

-- I don't know what else to say about that. I am just damn proud of myself!

  


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