Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I talked to my grandmother today. Her exact words... "When I see, or think about all of the foods you love that you won't be able to eat anymore, it makes me want to cry"
Excuse me? What?
The fact that I won't be able to eat a bunch of junk food that is slowly killing me makes you want to cry? Say what?!?!
I get that my grandmother isn't really supportive of my surgery. She thinks it is a bad idea. She thinks that all of a sudden, I am going to end up anorexic and wither away to nothing. Well, that and I won't be able to have a proper bowel movement. (Trust me, that is NOT the conversation you want to have with your grandparents) She doesn't understand why I am not happy with being fat, because her and Pap "love me just the way I am" I tried explaining to her that it is not about looks. It is about my health. It is about doing every single thing I can not to end up like her father and sister (had limbs amputated due to diabetes) or to end up like my dad's grandfather (lost his sight die to diabetes) or like her husband who has had several heart surgeries (though to his credit, he is not overweight) - I know that there is not guarantee that I won't get those diseases but knocking fat out of the equation should help a little.
As the days tick away, and my surgery gets closer, I start to get more stressed. I am not stressed about the procedure, I am not really stressed about the diet... I am stressed about my family and the hospital. I want my Mother and my boyfriend there with me on surgery day and that is it. However, try telling my grandmother this. It isn't like I can hide it from her or tell her no. She will hold it over my head and just make me feel horrible about myself, so it isn't really worth the fight. She will take it personally and it will be a disaster. Then, if I piss her off, then my mother will be on my case, and in the end I just hope they shoot me full of drugs. M grandmother actually said to me "I know you don't want anyone there, but we (meaning her and my grandfather) are going to come anyway"
Don't get my wrong. I love my grandmother very, very much. She is a very kind and generous person. However, she has the tendency like no other person I know, to get on my last nerve.
Like I said... I can hope for lots of drugs.