Sunday, March 18, 2012
I am suffering from what I have learned is called "Last Supper Syndrome" So here is how I have decided to handle it.
I am going to eat the foods that i really enjoy, but I am going to limit them to stay with in my calorie ranges. If I want pizza, I will have it, but I will only have one slice with a large salad. If i want ice cream, I will have a skinny cow portion controlled treat. I figure I will be staring the liver shrink diet in a week, so, while I am not going to go over board on anything I will have a little bit of something. Honestly, I am really craving seafood of all things. I want good, grilled fish, or tuna. I am not craving junk so much. I just want good seafood.
I have decided that for my birthday, I will make that the one meal that won't really count for anything.
I have also decided now is the time to "pig out' and put my beloved hot peppers, hot spices and hot sauce on every food that it can reasonably be paired with. Jalapeno Talpia anyone? Perhaps Jalapeno egg white omelet? Diced peppers in tuna salad... hot sauce on eggs... buffalo chicken breast on salad greens... Pepperoncinis out of the jar and on salads with buffalo chicken breast... mmmmm hot peppers... I figure that those will be out of the question for a while.... and it isn't like they are "bad" for me, so I think having an abundance of them will be ok.
that is all for now
ohhh, i didn't get to get my bike out this weekend... but, my boyfriend and I managed to get all of the stones and other "winter" debris raked out of our yard
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I talked to my grandmother today. Her exact words... "When I see, or think about all of the foods you love that you won't be able to eat anymore, it makes me want to cry"
Excuse me? What?
The fact that I won't be able to eat a bunch of junk food that is slowly killing me makes you want to cry? Say what?!?!
I get that my grandmother isn't really supportive of my surgery. She thinks it is a bad idea. She thinks that all of a sudden, I am going to end up anorexic and wither away to nothing. Well, that and I won't be able to have a proper bowel movement. (Trust me, that is NOT the conversation you want to have with your grandparents) She doesn't understand why I am not happy with being fat, because her and Pap "love me just the way I am" I tried explaining to her that it is not about looks. It is about my health. It is about doing every single thing I can not to end up like her father and sister (had limbs amputated due to diabetes) or to end up like my dad's grandfather (lost his sight die to diabetes) or like her husband who has had several heart surgeries (though to his credit, he is not overweight) - I know that there is not guarantee that I won't get those diseases but knocking fat out of the equation should help a little.
As the days tick away, and my surgery gets closer, I start to get more stressed. I am not stressed about the procedure, I am not really stressed about the diet... I am stressed about my family and the hospital. I want my Mother and my boyfriend there with me on surgery day and that is it. However, try telling my grandmother this. It isn't like I can hide it from her or tell her no. She will hold it over my head and just make me feel horrible about myself, so it isn't really worth the fight. She will take it personally and it will be a disaster. Then, if I piss her off, then my mother will be on my case, and in the end I just hope they shoot me full of drugs. M grandmother actually said to me "I know you don't want anyone there, but we (meaning her and my grandfather) are going to come anyway"
Don't get my wrong. I love my grandmother very, very much. She is a very kind and generous person. However, she has the tendency like no other person I know, to get on my last nerve.
Like I said... I can hope for lots of drugs.
Monday, March 12, 2012
I have been obsessed with eating fish lately. I made salmon last night, and made it again for lunch today. I have been eating tuna almost every day... I don't know what it is, but I just want to eat fish. I even made my healthy version of tuna noodle casserole for my work lunch this week.
The weather is supposed to be warm tomorrow, but there is a chance of thunderstorms. I hope they hold off. I want to get my bike out and go for a ride tomorrow. I think that would be a good thing for my boyfriend and I to do. Then we are going out to dinner. We are going to Zach's which is a local sports bar. I already have it planned... a grilled salmon salad. They are sooooooo yummy!
I made an appointment at a salon today. I am going to go get some body areas waxed before my surgery. I figured it would be a good thing to do. That way I don't have to worry about it for a while. It is going to be a little expensive, but that is ok. Sometimes it is worth it if it causes less aggravation in the long run.
I have my history and physical appointment on the 26th. I am not sure what all will go on at this appointment. I have already had my blood work done. I have an appointment on the 5th of April (5 days before surgery) with the dietitian. There is a lot of things what she is going to go over with me. I am sure it is going to be a little overwhelming.
I think that is all for now
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
I am so excited about my surgery I can barley contain it. This is going to be such a wonderful tool to help me with my weight loss at fitness goals.
I have made so many attempts at weight loss and have failed. I admit that some of them have been half hearted, but in the last 2 years, I have made nothing but honest attempts and failed. It seems like after I quit smoking, something quit working in my body. I am really hoping that by having this surgery, it will allow my body to shed weight like a normal person. I realize that I may have a little more work involved than some, but that doesn't matter. I am willing to put it in.
I can't wait to start losing some of this weight so I can start running.
I went to the lab today and got my pre-op blood work. They didn't tell me if I had to be fasting or not, so I just didn't eat for like 14 hours or so. I actually have to stop at the BK Drive thru for a small soda because i needed some sugar or something. I know that might not have been the best choice, but it really helped me. I sat in the parking lot and sipped the drink until I didn't feel like I was going to pass out anymore. I dumped a good deal of it out, but I figure that is ok. It is supposed to rain, so that will wash it out of the parking lot.
I think that is all for now
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Now that my surgery is approved, I feel like a celebration is in order. I really want to splurge and buy myself a Laptop Lunch Kit. I think that will be something really nice to have. It will allow me to pack a variety of foods in small portions once I go back to work. I have been wanting one for a long time, but never bought one because they are expensive.
I really do want to treat myself to something. Obviously, it would be foolish to buy new clothes, new shoes or anything of that nature. I don't want to get a new tattoo yet either. I want to wait on that.
I think a new lunch box would be a good idea... not 100% on that yet.
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