CORTNEY-LEE   51,449
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CORTNEY-LEE's Recent Blog Entries

I want to ride my bicycle... I want to ride my bike

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

I want a bike in the worst kind of way. Last night at Walmart my boyfriend and i were looking at them. He said he might just buy me one. I don't want to spend a lot of money. I am not sure how often I will get to ride it, so I want to keep it cheap.

Anyway, I was trying different ones and am having trouble finding one. I tried the 24 inch and it seemed a little small, so I tried a 26 inch and it seems a little big. Granted, I was wearing flip-flops and a skirt, and was struggling not to show the store my business, but I was having a hard time with the 26 inch bike.

I was looking at a mountain bike and also a "crusier". My boyfriend thinks I should get a mountain bike. He said I should have one with gears. I am more of a fan of the Crusier model, however, if we go anywhere that has hills, I will be effed. It is great for riding on flat ground, but that is about it.

So the Boyfriend and I had an awesome Tuesday. We spent all afternoon in the pool soaking up the sun and talking about future plans. We talked about different things we wanted to do to the house, and different possibilites of adding on, remodling and revamping. Then we went out to my parents house to pick up my mini TV, Richard Simmons Videos and my new Ian Flemming book that came in the mail. We talked with them for a bit before we headed to Olive Garden for dinner.

Olive Garden was sooo awesome. I got the lunch portion of the meal instead of the full dinner portion. I limited myself to 2 breadsticks and I will admit I had 2 servings of salad. All told I am sure the meal was still over 1,000 calories, but I hadn't really ate a lot that day, so it was ok. Plus, it isn't like we do it all of the time. It used to be a once a month treat, but we haven't been there in several months, opting to eat at home most of the time.

I think that is all for now

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

80SMUSICGEEK 8/3/2011 9:08PM

    OK what attracted me to your blog post was your Queen quote. The funny thing is, I'm also looking for a bike and my husband is trying to convince me to get one with gears as well. I just was a cruiser. That's what I had when I was in high school (granted, I'm 32 now) and I loved it.

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MRS420 8/3/2011 8:53PM

    I want a bike so badly! Like you though I don't know how much I'd use it so I can't justify spending a lot. I want to say I'd use it 3/4 seasons. Especially since I don't drive. It'd save me from taking the bus.

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Food shopping on an empty stomach

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

everyone always says not to go to the grocery store when you are hungry. I made this mistake today.

I had just gotten done at the gym, and figured I would buzz by TJ Maxx to see if they had anything interesting. I found myself in the housewares section where they have odds and ends. They also have a small food section of mostly sauces, coffee, tea and a few odds and ends. While I was looking I found two sauces (Mango/Coconut and Cranberry Merlot) that I thought sounded awesome. I started thinking of all the yummy ways I could prepare chicken, shrimp and fish with these sauces. I bought them for a grand total of... $9.95.

I then had to stop at Martin's (giant) Grocery store because I am almost out of Strawberry Balsamic dressing. I do use that dressing a lot, so I needed to get some. My chicken salads just aren't the same without it. While I am getting that, I look over and see they have Blueberry Pomegranate flavored vinegar! Well, doesn't that sound divine? I have been making a lot of my own salad dressing lately for home salads and figured I would give that a shot! Then I noticed they had Ken's Fat Free Sun Dried Tomato something or other... ohh and I thought about how awesome that would be on a nice crisp salad with those real bacon crumbles, so I had to get that. I also bought reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese, but I needed to buy that anyway, and it was on sale. Grand Total there... $13.86

I then went to walmart. I had my list out and bought everything on it... plus a watermelon, 4 oranges, an extra can of green beans, and a box of Earl Gray decaf tea. Grand Total there... $39.10

When I go to the store hungry, I don't buy junk. I go nuts usually on the fresh fruits because they all look so yummy and awesome and refreshing.

I tend to steer away from the junk food when I go to the store hungry, especially if it is after a workout. I mostly navigate to the junk food if I am tired or feeling a little down in the dumps.

I am going to be making an awesome Tuna Noodle Casserole for my work lunch Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. It is going to be awesome. And yes, I will be eating it all three days. I am actually tracking food into Friday already.... OCD Much?

I find though that planning ahead is always a good thing. The more I plan the easier it is for me to stick to the plan. I have the time, so why not use it to plan these things out?

I think that is all for now

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEACEWYTCH72 8/3/2011 9:20AM

    I plan my meals for the week ahead on Saturdays, then I can use the handly dandy grocery list feature they have.

You did great though. I've not been so good in the past going grocery shopping on an empty stomach!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 8/3/2011 1:56AM

    Great post! You're one for two. Keep it up!

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MRS420 8/2/2011 2:59PM

    I like to make my own salad dressings too. I use a lot of vinegar. Where I live we have a store that is strictly vinegars & oils. It is divine. Every flavor you can imagine. I like the coconut. emoticon

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-POOKIE- 8/2/2011 6:56AM

    My food is planned a week ahead!

Means food doesnt get wasted at home, means I feel more in control.

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SLIMLILA 8/2/2011 12:39AM

    WE shop around from store to store to store too. I like to shop, what can I say? and I like to eat and I like to cook, I like to have a full kitchen... i think you did great with what you bought when you were hungry and tired...

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DJHS121655 8/2/2011 12:20AM

  i have done the same thing but i now know that the old addidege don't go food shopping on an empty stomach is for me true so i wised up and follow that as if it were the golden rule emoticon

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JESSESGIRL9 8/2/2011 12:14AM

    Sounds like you made great choices, I actually went when full and didn't feel like getting anything. I guess a small snack before grocery shopping might be a nice medium. emoticon

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Full Frontal (photo blog)

Monday, August 01, 2011

I think now is as good as time as any to post these pics. These were taken in 7/19/2011.

Current weight: 231.4
Waist: 44 inches
hips - 50

left arm - 16
right arm - 17


left thigh - 28
right thigh - 28

left calf - 18
right calf - 18

neck - 16

bust - 42






It took a lot of courage to put these photos up, but I want to change it, and I know I have Spark to support me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRIGHTEYES86 8/6/2011 11:53AM

    You look great now, and you're going to look great when you reach your goal weight too! I took some pics like that on July 15th... ALMOST posted them, but chickened out. You're very brave, and I'm inspired by your determination. I'm glad that I'm able to call you one of my closest friends because you ROCK!!! emoticon

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FREETHEGODDESS 8/2/2011 9:23PM

    Good for you...I am proud of you for posting your before photos. Your title got my attention...hehe! You look better in your before photos than I do in mine. I am waiting to post mine when I loose a little more weight. Thanks for being so brave. The first step for me was acknowledging what I had done to my body and taking responsibility for it. Looking at my before photos helped me face myself. No more ignoring the problem. You are now on your way to reaching your goals. Take it one day at a time and make small manageable goals. You CAN do it!! Won't it feel great when you look back at those photos and see a big change for the better. Best wishes to you!
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GRANDMA_SANDY48 8/2/2011 5:30PM

    That is great that you have taken those photos and posted them.

Keep on measuring yourself and weighing yourself and keeping track and you will see the difference.

I have only started a few weeks ago and I have lost 2.7 kgs - not a lot, but I am 2.7 kgs lighter.

Sandy

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-POOKIE- 8/2/2011 6:50AM

    Well done for facing up to your fear of posting this.

Yes, it will help hold you accountable!



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2BFREE2LIVE 8/2/2011 12:09AM

    Hey good job getting before shots because you will never be that size again. Just follow the plan and stay true to your dream and your goals.
I started out even heavier than you so the measurements look so familiar. Best wishes on your lifestyle journey. Sandy

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MRS420 8/1/2011 10:52PM

    I am so proud of you, and inspired beyond words for you posting your before pics. Thank you. I needed to see a woman being raw. I will post my before pics soon.

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MYBULLDOGS 8/1/2011 10:45PM

    emoticon

watch portion sizes. that is key to weight loss.

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REBELBLITZ 8/1/2011 10:37PM

    Thanks for posting your before pictures.

You are on your way to be the healthiest ever!

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go insane...throw some glitter... make it rain!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

I really wish HITS 1 would STOP playing Ke$ha every other song. It is now ingrained in my subconscious.

I keep feeling anxious. It is the weirdest thing. It is like I am having a constant panic attack since yesterday. I don't know why I feel this way, but I don't like feeling this way. It makes working that much more difficult. I don't suffer from any anxiety/panic disorders that I know of. I have had problems in the past, but have managed to overcome them since it was never really an option for me to succumb to them. Anyway though, it is a horrible feeling and is beginning to annoy me and distract me.

I am going to be over my calorie limit by about 200 today if I eat everything as planned. I may or may not. One never knows. I do know that right now, I am CRAVING Poptarts... I haven't had one in soooooooo long and I don't know why, but I want one now damnit! Just giving in to my craving will help me in the long run I am sure. It will avoid me eating an entire box of them, and throwing them back up. If it is one thing I have learned, it is to not deprive myself of something when I want it, because when I do it just leads to a lot more damaging behaviour.

I am going to go to the gym tomorrow and try something new. I am going to do my usual strength training, because... well, I have to... and I want to get in my cardio. I need a really good cardio workout. I miss my cardio. When I do strength training, I just don't feel like doing cardio. Which sucks because I LOVE cardio. If there is one thing I like when it comes to working out, it is cardio. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something where strength training doesn't really make me feel like I am accomplishing anything. Plus I think it is boring. You sit there, you life weights... blah... I have more fun with cardio because I put on some tunes and bee-bop around while I am on the elliptical/treadmill/bike. Plus while I am doing cardio, I don't have to focus on anything and I can let my mind wander and I don't have to worry about counting anything, or worry about proper form or anything like that.

I suppose I should go back to work and be productive...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRS420 7/31/2011 11:58PM

    I love this blog post!

That is one of the many reasons I don't listen to the radio. (One of many) Don't get me wrong, I LOVE music. My husband is a musician, indie jazz fusion. Think Mars Volta meets Weather Report. This last album he did vocals and it really gave it a Bob Dylan sort of feel. (Early Dylan)

I have anxiety attacks all the time so I feel you. I hate them.

I hate cardio. I am a total klutz and can never get into the groove. One of my goals is to be able to dance.



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TWINKIEQUEEN 7/31/2011 10:19AM

    i am the opposite...hate cardio, love the weights...lol...hope you have a wonderful day

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But what about my choice?

Saturday, July 30, 2011

WARNING **********************
if you are pro-baby, pro-life, and pro-kid you will just want to skip this blog

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I read an article on CNN yesterday about the world population crisis. It is set to reach 7 billion soon. The earth can not handle it. The ride is full. People need to stop breeding. It just isn't the developing countries either. Even though we are one of the richest countries in the world, we will feel the effects of over population. The demand for goods and services goes up, so does the price and we all suffer.

I am ok with this. In fact, I have chosen to live a child-free life. I started taking birth control at age 15 due to endometriosis. It was shortly thereafter, I decided I didn't want children. I was 16 when I first asked my doctor to tie my tubes. Of course he refused. Then again at 17, 18... and on up the line until my appointment last year.

Every time I am told the same thing... "I will change my mind. Every woman wants to be a mother" - one doctor even told me "You are not a woman if you don't have a child"

NO - that is NOT the case. I don't want to be a mother. In fact there is nothing in the world I want LESS than to be a mother. I despise children. I don't even think despise is the right word for it. I dislike them beyond words. I know that I would be a crappy one, and I am ok with that. I realize that and that is why I do not now, nor do I ever wish to reproduce. The thought of children makes my blood pressure go up. When I hear their whiny little voices, I want to stab my ear drums out so I don't have to hear them.

I can freely admit that I would be one of "those" mothers. You know, the ones that beat their children? The ones that drown their kids in the bathtub... yup that would be me. Everyone always tells me it is different when it "is your own" kids... no, I don't think that is the case at all. I realize this however, and thus why I want my tubes tied.

You would think after expressing this to the doctor (that and telling him if I ever got knocked up, it would meet the sharp end of a coat hanger) that they would be all for it... NOPE. Because once again... "every woman wants to be a mommy"

So all of these people (mostly men) think they can tell me what to do with my body. They want to take away my right to have an abortion, but yet, they won't do anything to prevent it except shove pills down my throat.

Of course, there are other methods of birth control, but I don't trust them. The pill is the most effective form and the one I trust the most. Condoms can break, foam can fail, I have never had a child, so getting an IUD is painful and has the same hormones as the pill, which is what I want to get off of. So why not tie my tubes?

I have been on birth control for over 15 years. Maybe it is just me, but that can't be good for me? That could possibly be where a lot of my inability to lose weight is coming from? I don't know... They say that birth control does effect weight, but I have read thousands (and yes, I do mean thousands) of post from women on message boards that claim otherwise.

So once, again, when I go for my yearly appointment, I am going to ask the doctor to tie my tubes... and I am sure that once again, I will be told... "every woman wants to be a mother"

That is all

ps: I am sorry if anyone take offense to this, however... I warned you in the beginning of the blog not to read it and second, it is how I feel, and it is related to my health.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRS420 7/30/2011 3:15PM

    My doctor tied my tubes at 21.

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CINNAMONJOY 7/30/2011 2:42PM

    Yep. All I can say is that it gets easier as you get older. People gradually stop haranguing you about your choice to remain without children as you enter your late forties and by the time you reach fifty it ceases to matter. I DO remember the pressure I felt in my twenties and thirties, however. It never stops. In fact, it drives some women into making the wrong decision about parenthood and I find that very sad.

I felt the same way that you did, btw. When I was young I knew that I would be a horrible, abusive parent. I don't understand why SO many people question our judgement on it. It's like they think we should have our own just to find out or something. Uh, that probably wouldn't be a good idea. I think that if more people were encouraged to look at themselves honestly instead of being pressured to have children, they might come to the decision that parenthood isn't right for them. Maybe domestic violence would be a bit less of a problem.

It's great being fifty and CF, btw. My hubby and I have had a few "Kodak Moments" (wishing we'd had kids) here and there, but for the most part it's more "Squall-Mart Moments" (OMG, what a set of lungs on that kid...MAKE... IT... STOP!) than the other kind. We have nieces and nephews for the former and can return them when we are finished.

If you are interested, there's a great book called "Pride and Joy: The Lives And Passions Of Women Without Children" by Terri Casey that absolutely rocked my world when I was feeling heavily pressured to become pregnant "before it's too late!".

You might want to Google "Childfree Friendly Doctors" - There are a lot of CF groups on the Internet that will be more than happy to point you in the right direction.

Cheers from a fellow CF woman! emoticon

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ROCHELLE62 7/30/2011 2:37PM

    I have issues with doctors who believe that they know more than you about what you would want. I wouldn't have gone back to that doctor. I have heard stories from clients of doctors that refuse due to the youth of the patient. One was begging. she had a kid at 13, 15, 17 and 19 and even after 4 kids was told the doctor would never due that to a woman under 21.

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1LBDOWN 7/30/2011 1:42PM

  Have you tried another doctor?

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EVELYN5877 7/30/2011 1:27PM

    I have three children, all three of which were accidents! My husband wanted children, so we brought them up in the usual manner and I got used to them. I actually became a fair mother as it was not their fault, they didn't want to be born. Now they are all adults and I have two grandsons I am not close too. I honestly prefer cats! Neither of my daughters have children, the eldest was sterilised at 41 so she can't, the youngest is a career woman and refuses to have them. If you are born without that maternal streak you can't do anything about it. Marie stopes in London would probably do it for you, I dont know about u.s.a.

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OOLALA53 7/30/2011 10:38AM

    Are you the youngest in the family?

I never had the kind of relationship with a man in which we chose to have children, but I would have, if the opportunity had been there. . Yet, now 57 and childless, it doesn't haunt me. I think I would have had a challenging time raising children, though joy as well.

I hope you get what you want for your birthday. We certainly have plenty of people on Earth. If someone chooses to be childless, it seems that it should be honored. emoticon

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KJMAZ2011 7/30/2011 10:03AM

    I enjoyed your blog.(and I have a child.. lol) I think everyone should be able to make their own choices regarding their bodies! I believe you should be able to get your tubes tied! Or atleast a better reason for why you "can't" It really bothers me when people have such control over your life!


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