CORTNEY-LEE   48,324
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Taking the first step

Thursday, August 04, 2011

** Warning **
This is another anti-baby blog
If you are pro-baby, pro-life or otherwise, I suggest you move along
****

I called my doctor today and made an appointment for 11/3/2011. This is only the second time I have been to him, so I am hoping that he gives me what I am asking for.

Last year when I went to see him and asked him to tie my tubes, he said no. Once again giving me the lame ass excuse "You might change your mind someday" - I am hoping that once he sees that another year has passed and I am still anti-baby, that he might reconsider.

Since I am not married, I often encounter "what if you meet a guy who wants kids?" - my response to that is "Too bad, guess he won't be the guy for me then" Lucky for me, my current boyfriend (3 years next month) has no desire to have children. We want a new Harley Davidson, a Ford F250 power stroke diesel, and to remodel our house and the house he owns next to us. Those plans don't include buying diapers. Those plans do not include being held back by offspring. No, quite the contrary actually. I would rather have a new Harley than a kid. If I decide I don't like it, I can trade it on another one, or sell it out right and buy something else. Not so with a kid... well actually, I could, but I think that is pretty illegal, at least in this country.

I am going to try to explain as calm and as intelligent as I can why this is what needs to be done. First, I am on the birth control pill (Seasonique to be exact) and it does what it is supposed to do. I take it every day and i don't get knocked up. But, what happens if, for what ever reason, I get pregnant anyway? The pill is not 100% effective. True, in all of my years of being sexually active, I have yet to get pregnant, however, there is always that small chance that it might not work. What happens if I take another medication (like antibiotics) and think I am in the clear and I am not? Then what? Should I be forced to have a child that I don't want? Should I be forced to have an abortion and have that haunting my conscious for the rest of my life? No, I don't think I should.

I don't think I was born with any type of motherly instinct either. Like, when I hear a baby cry, I don't have the urge to pick it up and comfort it... noooo.. I would rather put a pillow over its face so I don't have to hear it.

I am not saying that kids can't be cool SOMETIMES and be fun SOMETIMES. I love my co-worker's kids. She has a boy (age 9) and a girl (age 7) and they are awesome kids. I love when they come to her at work. They are energetic, happy, full of life and so, so , so smart! I enjoy the times I get to see them, and I might even enjoy spending a day with them. That is about it though. Then the day is done, and I get to go home to my quiet house and be left alone. It was a good and fun day, but when it is over, I am ok with that. I don't go home and lament over my empty womb. Quite the contrary actually,

I don't like needy things. That is why I have a cat. Kitty is great. you give him some food and water, scoop his box, give him some love and snuggles and take him to the vet once in a while and that is about it. Cats love you when they want to love you and I am ok with that. Like right now I am sitting on the couch and the cat is snoozing behind me and wants left alone. He isn't always at me for something like a kid would be. Kids are needy and I don't like needy.

It also comes back to the idea if knowing that you wouldn't be good at something. I mean, I realize you should "try" something before you give up, but having a kid isn't really something you can "try" at. I mean, it isn't like trying out a gym, you can't get a week free coupon and see how you like it. Once you have it, you pretty much have it, and if you suck at it - WATCH OUT! It will pretty much haunt you until the day you die. The rest of the kids life you will have to hear about how bad you screwed up and how much their life sucks because of you. No thanks - I think I would just rather sit that one out and know that I am not going to be good at it.

Then you look at the expense. Kids are expensive and honestly, I would rather spend that money on clothes for myself than some little brat who isn't going to appreciate it anyway. Like I said before, I would just rather have a new Harley.

I think that is all for now

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARAHNICOLE__17 8/6/2011 3:17PM

    Well said Britt!!! Its good to know that your doctor was honest with you and gave you the facts instead of trying to cover up the truth.

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BRITT831 8/5/2011 8:48AM

    I say ur a woman who knows what u want! Id look around for other doctors til you find the one who will give u what u want. I totally agree that an 'oops' preg/abortion would be detrimental . . . esp if u KNOW u dont want kids. FYI - I got my tubes tied (Im 29 and have 2 kids, married and KNOW I dont want any more)but the dr told me there is still a small chance of concieving. He flat out told me that hes had women come in after 5, 10yrs of having a tubal and they were preg. He says 'if ur late, test anyways. dont deny it cuz ur tubes are tied til u test and kno for sure' Not tryin to change ur mind - just sayin its not 100% . . . 99.9% yes :o) But nothing is ever 100% other than abstinence and what kinda life is that!? LOL Good luck hun!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 8/5/2011 3:12AM

    PS... I'm on the patch (ortho evra) and I'm 27 years old. I want to have kids one day but if I'm not able to do so I would adopt. It doesn't matter to me if I physically have children. Some people are weird about that... to me, a child needs to be loved. Once I'm done having children I'm going to beg my bf for him to get fixed. It's only fair!!!!!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 8/5/2011 3:11AM

    Children can never be thought of as a burden. If you think of them as so, you aren't meant to be a mother. That doesn't make you a bad person! You shouldn't feel like you have to justify what you want in life to anyone else. Everyone has a different path in life and I'm proud of you for knowing what you want. If I can make a suggestion; tell your doctor that it is your body and it doesn't make a difference what he says. Whether it be now, 5 years, or 10 years for now... you won't have kids. Age shouldn't play a factor in your because it could possibly be taken as discrimination. Also, it is absolutely impossible to sue a medical company or a medical practice if your birth control or tube tying goes wrong. If you happen to get pregnant after the surgery, which is still freakishly possible, it is deemed that children can never be thought of as a burden. I learned way too much from my lawyer bf. ;) Message me on my page if you want to chat. I never see the responses to blogs.

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MRS420 8/5/2011 2:38AM

    The pill always messed with me. Bad side effects. I didn't like it.


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I want to ride my bicycle... I want to ride my bike

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

I want a bike in the worst kind of way. Last night at Walmart my boyfriend and i were looking at them. He said he might just buy me one. I don't want to spend a lot of money. I am not sure how often I will get to ride it, so I want to keep it cheap.

Anyway, I was trying different ones and am having trouble finding one. I tried the 24 inch and it seemed a little small, so I tried a 26 inch and it seems a little big. Granted, I was wearing flip-flops and a skirt, and was struggling not to show the store my business, but I was having a hard time with the 26 inch bike.

I was looking at a mountain bike and also a "crusier". My boyfriend thinks I should get a mountain bike. He said I should have one with gears. I am more of a fan of the Crusier model, however, if we go anywhere that has hills, I will be effed. It is great for riding on flat ground, but that is about it.

So the Boyfriend and I had an awesome Tuesday. We spent all afternoon in the pool soaking up the sun and talking about future plans. We talked about different things we wanted to do to the house, and different possibilites of adding on, remodling and revamping. Then we went out to my parents house to pick up my mini TV, Richard Simmons Videos and my new Ian Flemming book that came in the mail. We talked with them for a bit before we headed to Olive Garden for dinner.

Olive Garden was sooo awesome. I got the lunch portion of the meal instead of the full dinner portion. I limited myself to 2 breadsticks and I will admit I had 2 servings of salad. All told I am sure the meal was still over 1,000 calories, but I hadn't really ate a lot that day, so it was ok. Plus, it isn't like we do it all of the time. It used to be a once a month treat, but we haven't been there in several months, opting to eat at home most of the time.

I think that is all for now

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

80SMUSICGEEK 8/3/2011 9:08PM

    OK what attracted me to your blog post was your Queen quote. The funny thing is, I'm also looking for a bike and my husband is trying to convince me to get one with gears as well. I just was a cruiser. That's what I had when I was in high school (granted, I'm 32 now) and I loved it.

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MRS420 8/3/2011 8:53PM

    I want a bike so badly! Like you though I don't know how much I'd use it so I can't justify spending a lot. I want to say I'd use it 3/4 seasons. Especially since I don't drive. It'd save me from taking the bus.

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Food shopping on an empty stomach

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

everyone always says not to go to the grocery store when you are hungry. I made this mistake today.

I had just gotten done at the gym, and figured I would buzz by TJ Maxx to see if they had anything interesting. I found myself in the housewares section where they have odds and ends. They also have a small food section of mostly sauces, coffee, tea and a few odds and ends. While I was looking I found two sauces (Mango/Coconut and Cranberry Merlot) that I thought sounded awesome. I started thinking of all the yummy ways I could prepare chicken, shrimp and fish with these sauces. I bought them for a grand total of... $9.95.

I then had to stop at Martin's (giant) Grocery store because I am almost out of Strawberry Balsamic dressing. I do use that dressing a lot, so I needed to get some. My chicken salads just aren't the same without it. While I am getting that, I look over and see they have Blueberry Pomegranate flavored vinegar! Well, doesn't that sound divine? I have been making a lot of my own salad dressing lately for home salads and figured I would give that a shot! Then I noticed they had Ken's Fat Free Sun Dried Tomato something or other... ohh and I thought about how awesome that would be on a nice crisp salad with those real bacon crumbles, so I had to get that. I also bought reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese, but I needed to buy that anyway, and it was on sale. Grand Total there... $13.86

I then went to walmart. I had my list out and bought everything on it... plus a watermelon, 4 oranges, an extra can of green beans, and a box of Earl Gray decaf tea. Grand Total there... $39.10

When I go to the store hungry, I don't buy junk. I go nuts usually on the fresh fruits because they all look so yummy and awesome and refreshing.

I tend to steer away from the junk food when I go to the store hungry, especially if it is after a workout. I mostly navigate to the junk food if I am tired or feeling a little down in the dumps.

I am going to be making an awesome Tuna Noodle Casserole for my work lunch Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. It is going to be awesome. And yes, I will be eating it all three days. I am actually tracking food into Friday already.... OCD Much?

I find though that planning ahead is always a good thing. The more I plan the easier it is for me to stick to the plan. I have the time, so why not use it to plan these things out?

I think that is all for now

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEACEWYTCH72 8/3/2011 9:20AM

    I plan my meals for the week ahead on Saturdays, then I can use the handly dandy grocery list feature they have.

You did great though. I've not been so good in the past going grocery shopping on an empty stomach!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 8/3/2011 1:56AM

    Great post! You're one for two. Keep it up!

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MRS420 8/2/2011 2:59PM

    I like to make my own salad dressings too. I use a lot of vinegar. Where I live we have a store that is strictly vinegars & oils. It is divine. Every flavor you can imagine. I like the coconut. emoticon

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-POOKIE- 8/2/2011 6:56AM

    My food is planned a week ahead!

Means food doesnt get wasted at home, means I feel more in control.

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SLIMLILA 8/2/2011 12:39AM

    WE shop around from store to store to store too. I like to shop, what can I say? and I like to eat and I like to cook, I like to have a full kitchen... i think you did great with what you bought when you were hungry and tired...

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DJHS121655 8/2/2011 12:20AM

  i have done the same thing but i now know that the old addidege don't go food shopping on an empty stomach is for me true so i wised up and follow that as if it were the golden rule emoticon

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JESSESGIRL9 8/2/2011 12:14AM

    Sounds like you made great choices, I actually went when full and didn't feel like getting anything. I guess a small snack before grocery shopping might be a nice medium. emoticon

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Full Frontal (photo blog)

Monday, August 01, 2011

I think now is as good as time as any to post these pics. These were taken in 7/19/2011.

Current weight: 231.4
Waist: 44 inches
hips - 50

left arm - 16
right arm - 17


left thigh - 28
right thigh - 28

left calf - 18
right calf - 18

neck - 16

bust - 42






It took a lot of courage to put these photos up, but I want to change it, and I know I have Spark to support me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRIGHTEYES86 8/6/2011 11:53AM

    You look great now, and you're going to look great when you reach your goal weight too! I took some pics like that on July 15th... ALMOST posted them, but chickened out. You're very brave, and I'm inspired by your determination. I'm glad that I'm able to call you one of my closest friends because you ROCK!!! emoticon

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FREETHEGODDESS 8/2/2011 9:23PM

    Good for you...I am proud of you for posting your before photos. Your title got my attention...hehe! You look better in your before photos than I do in mine. I am waiting to post mine when I loose a little more weight. Thanks for being so brave. The first step for me was acknowledging what I had done to my body and taking responsibility for it. Looking at my before photos helped me face myself. No more ignoring the problem. You are now on your way to reaching your goals. Take it one day at a time and make small manageable goals. You CAN do it!! Won't it feel great when you look back at those photos and see a big change for the better. Best wishes to you!
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GRANDMA_SANDY48 8/2/2011 5:30PM

    That is great that you have taken those photos and posted them.

Keep on measuring yourself and weighing yourself and keeping track and you will see the difference.

I have only started a few weeks ago and I have lost 2.7 kgs - not a lot, but I am 2.7 kgs lighter.

Sandy

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-POOKIE- 8/2/2011 6:50AM

    Well done for facing up to your fear of posting this.

Yes, it will help hold you accountable!



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2BFREE2LIVE 8/2/2011 12:09AM

    Hey good job getting before shots because you will never be that size again. Just follow the plan and stay true to your dream and your goals.
I started out even heavier than you so the measurements look so familiar. Best wishes on your lifestyle journey. Sandy

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MRS420 8/1/2011 10:52PM

    I am so proud of you, and inspired beyond words for you posting your before pics. Thank you. I needed to see a woman being raw. I will post my before pics soon.

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MYBULLDOGS 8/1/2011 10:45PM

    emoticon

watch portion sizes. that is key to weight loss.

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REBELBLITZ 8/1/2011 10:37PM

    Thanks for posting your before pictures.

You are on your way to be the healthiest ever!

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go insane...throw some glitter... make it rain!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

I really wish HITS 1 would STOP playing Ke$ha every other song. It is now ingrained in my subconscious.

I keep feeling anxious. It is the weirdest thing. It is like I am having a constant panic attack since yesterday. I don't know why I feel this way, but I don't like feeling this way. It makes working that much more difficult. I don't suffer from any anxiety/panic disorders that I know of. I have had problems in the past, but have managed to overcome them since it was never really an option for me to succumb to them. Anyway though, it is a horrible feeling and is beginning to annoy me and distract me.

I am going to be over my calorie limit by about 200 today if I eat everything as planned. I may or may not. One never knows. I do know that right now, I am CRAVING Poptarts... I haven't had one in soooooooo long and I don't know why, but I want one now damnit! Just giving in to my craving will help me in the long run I am sure. It will avoid me eating an entire box of them, and throwing them back up. If it is one thing I have learned, it is to not deprive myself of something when I want it, because when I do it just leads to a lot more damaging behaviour.

I am going to go to the gym tomorrow and try something new. I am going to do my usual strength training, because... well, I have to... and I want to get in my cardio. I need a really good cardio workout. I miss my cardio. When I do strength training, I just don't feel like doing cardio. Which sucks because I LOVE cardio. If there is one thing I like when it comes to working out, it is cardio. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something where strength training doesn't really make me feel like I am accomplishing anything. Plus I think it is boring. You sit there, you life weights... blah... I have more fun with cardio because I put on some tunes and bee-bop around while I am on the elliptical/treadmill/bike. Plus while I am doing cardio, I don't have to focus on anything and I can let my mind wander and I don't have to worry about counting anything, or worry about proper form or anything like that.

I suppose I should go back to work and be productive...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRS420 7/31/2011 11:58PM

    I love this blog post!

That is one of the many reasons I don't listen to the radio. (One of many) Don't get me wrong, I LOVE music. My husband is a musician, indie jazz fusion. Think Mars Volta meets Weather Report. This last album he did vocals and it really gave it a Bob Dylan sort of feel. (Early Dylan)

I have anxiety attacks all the time so I feel you. I hate them.

I hate cardio. I am a total klutz and can never get into the groove. One of my goals is to be able to dance.



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TWINKIEQUEEN 7/31/2011 10:19AM

    i am the opposite...hate cardio, love the weights...lol...hope you have a wonderful day

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