Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I think we all have the same fear of failing. There are so many highs and lows on this journey that I think it is considered normal to have those fears. We all have days when we eat awesome, and kick butt at the gym and then we all have those days where our eating (for lack of a better term) sucks and we sit on the couch all day and watch tv.
I sometimes fear that I am going to fail. I work hard, but there is still a part of me that feels like I am not going to be able to do it. Sometimes I feel like food is going to win. I wish I didn't have this continuous struggle. I wish I didn't turn to food for every single thing in my life!
All of my co-workers know that I am watching my food intake. I mean, when they are constantly shoving Mcdonalds and other junk food at me, I have to tell them something when refuse them. What I fear the most is not accomplishing anything. They all know I am watching my food, they all know that I am going to the gym, and what happens if I don't get results? Then what? I look like I failed, and I look like I can't accomplish anything.
Then I have the co-worker who constantly says "are you eating AGAIN?" - And you know what he is thinking "No wonder she is a fat hog, alls she does it eat" maybe that is true, or maybe it isn't. Part of me wants to punch him in the face, but the other part of me doesn't even value what he thinks of me or anything for that matter. I know that even though I am "always eating" I know that my lunch bag is full of healthy food. I know that I work out hard at the gym. I also know that it is because of people like him I have destroyed my body. I know because of people constantly ridiculing my weight, I have taken every diet pill known to man, starved myself, binged and purged and purged some more until I was seeing stars from the strain of vomiting.
I have been doing awesome these past few weeks. I know that Weight Watchers is really helping me. I FINALLY lost 2.2 pounds! After months and months I finally lost weight! Now, it wasn't that big of a loss, but it was a loss, and I was really happy!
I am trying to tweak my program just a little. I have decided this week, I am going to use some of my "flex points" in order to eat a little more food each day. I won't be using these points for junk food, but rather for good, wholesome foods. I used 2 flex points today for a glass of skim milk. Then I was really hungry, so I had a 6 inch sub from subway and that cost me 8 points. Now, I may not eat all of the stuff I brought with me, so in the end we will see how it balances out.
I do honestly feel like I have been on a binge because of all of the food I have eaten today!
2 eggs over easy
3 pieces of turkey bacon
2 slices of whole wheat toast
coffee w/ fat free half and half
1/2 cup of mango
total cost = 10 points
2 oz turkey
2 slices of whole wheat toast
total cost = 5 points
6 ounces of chill lime talapia
3/4 cup of whole grain veggie rice
medium sized tossed salad
fat free balsamic dressing
total cost = 8 points
cottage cheese w/ pineapple
reduced fat triscuts w/ laughing cow cheese
weight watchers snack cake
6 inch subway club
and I think that is it. But that is a lot of food, and I am chowing down on all of that and losing weight. How awesome?
Well, I haven't ate all of that quite yet, but I am planning on it. I am still well within what I am allotted.
I think that is all for now
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Weigh in day is tomorrow. I have been excellent this week. I have gone to the gym three times and worked hard. I have watched everything I have eaten and have made smart choices. I have drank all of the water I am supposed to each day. There is no reason that I should not have lost weight.
I hate to get my hopes up and not have anything happen. Wish me luck.
Fuel is now $3.85/gallon. It is slowly creeping to $4.00/gallon. I have a weekly fuel budget of $50. My jeep gets appx 20mi/gallon. I have concluded that I may have to start limiting my trips to the gym, as it is 27 miles round trip. I can not join a closer gym because there isn't one that offers the amenities that mine does nor one that has hours that works with my schedule. The one gym that is closer is an old (and I mean OLD) YMCA. The membership there is $15 more a month, no pool, exercise classes are extra, and there is no pool. I figure if I have to limit my gym trips, I am going to start having to get the most out of each trip. I may have to spend up to 2 hours there, but I think that will be ok. If I dedicate an hour to cardio and a half hour to an hour to strength training.
Strength training... argh, I hate strength training. I don't know why I hate it so much. I need to start doing it again, even if it is a half hour 3x's a week. Of course, I don't really need to do it at the gym, I can do it at home. I can use the gym to take advantage of the cardio equipment.
Speaking of cardio, I am really making a lot of progress. When I first started the gym, I could only make it 5 mins on the elliptical. I gradually was able to make it longer on the lowest setting. I can now do 25-30 mins on a middle setting, PLUS I use the "random" feature which varies the resistance in 15 second intervals. I am proud of my progress, because I know that despite my size, I can do a lot more than the so called "skinny" people. I also know how hard I have worked to get to this point, and even if the numbers on the scale aren't changing very much, or are the inches melting off, I know that I am getting fitter and stronger and healthier. I think it is just a matter of finding the right combination.
I am still nervous to weigh in though. Like I said, I have done everything right. Currently, all of my coworkers are enjoying McDonald's breakfast, and I had some homemade oatmeal.
As far as it being Easter Sunday... I am at work. We had our dinner on Thursday since I had to work today. I ate very well, and stayed well within my ranges. I even had a small slice of homemade ice cream pie :)
I hope everyone who is reading this has a great holiday if that is your thing, and if it isn't, I hope you have an awesome day :)
Friday, April 22, 2011
Just an update. Really liking this Vlog thing
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tonight's dinner special:
Boneless skinless chicken breast grilled to perfection resting on a fresh bed of salad greens. Reduced fat blue cheese crumbles, slivered almonds and dried cranberries make this a decedent meal.
served with fat free strawberry balsamic dressing
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