Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I have a couple of friends close to my age, my age, older even (I am 46) that are marathon runners. Seriously, they run for 26 miles straight. The one guy is doing a 100 mile weekend. 100 miles. Running. Same guy that twisted his ankle 2 miles into his most recent marathon and still finished! It is so AWESOME. Me, I can run about 26 seconds straight. I also know a lot of people training to run 5Ks. Which I also think is awesome. So to you runners out there: I admire your coolness! I admire your mental strength to run for hours. I admire your sense of self that says, "I will take this time every day to run." Run! I applaud you all!
Monday, May 30, 2011
I'm back on Spark, and happy to be here! Life got a little overwhelming in April and May, but I am not giving up. I've been a regular at the gym again, and I'm going to regain my momentum with the weight loss. It's 4 months until my birthday, so I'm thinking that's a good time frame to accomplish something. Wouldn't it be nice to be in 1derland for my birthday?
Recommitting myself to tracking my eating, and keeping it up at the gym. I'm sick of failing. I want to WIN.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Here's one thing fun about the journey to a normal weight: smiling at yourself in the mirror. Right? Isn't it nice to get dressed and do your hair and think, "hey, I look ok!"
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Tomorrow will be four weeks of the Biggest Loser and my new experimental protocol (niaspan + low carb) designed to increase my abysmal HDL, and I am happy to report close to 10 more lbs are gone forever, and I notice it --my face is thinner, a couple pairs of pants are in the Goodwill box because they are uncomfortably loose, and I'm starting to notice some muscle definition through the padding. I am looking forward to getting my blood drawn on Wednesday to see if the experiment has worked on the cholesterol end of things.
These 10 lbs seem to be an exciting but critical juncture for me...and that's why I am a little scared. I'm scared of complacency and going backward. I'm scared of getting compliments --feeling too good about myself--after all, pride comes before a fall, doesn't it. People are starting to ask, "what are you doing to lose weight?" I'm sure all of the big losers out there have learned to deal with these new social situations.
I have also identified some irrational programs in the brain-computer that need to be deleted---a delightful array of negative things that play in my head such as:
-if you lose weight, you're just going to gain it back.
-you'll make the fat people feel bad if you lose weight
-you're going to become obsessed with food and weight, and lose your personality and intelligence, too.
-you're going to become a skinny b**** if you lose weight.
-you're going to become a slut if you lose weight.
-you should eat what's put in front of you.
I don't know where this stuff comes from precisely, and I don't have any idea why I would even believe this garbage, but I counter these ideas:
-I am not going to gain any weight back.
-Other people's feelings about their own weight have nothing to do with me.
-I have a healthy consciousness about eating and fitness. My personality and intelligence are just fine. In fact, I think I'm smarter.
-I think I'm happier, not bitchier. (Is bitchier a word?)
-Being a healthy person does not affect one's moral code.
- I will only eat what's put in front of me if I consciously decide to. I wouldn't want a friend to eat something I made that they didn't want "to save my feelings. " That's dumb. My friend/family person knows I love them whether or not I eat what they have prepared.
So, on we go!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
This is a little hard to write, because I'm not one to show a chink in the armor. I don't cry easily, I tend to keep a stiff upper lip and keep going.
But, here I am, and I'll admit to you, sparkfriend, that I'm having a hard time maintaining my mood, and it's Valentine-related. The backstory is that my divorce (still hate the word) was final end of October, but that was 3-1/2 years after I discovered the extramarital relationship my husband of nearly 25 years was involved in. So, this non-valentine's day is not exactly new.
In some ways, I feel authentically grateful--there are a lot of ways my life is better than when I was in the marriage. My creativity and brain-power has soared with all the energy freed from trying to keep him on an even keel (long story). While I don't want him back, ever, I do miss the couple-hood, the companionship, the burden-sharing. And, well, celibacy was really not what I signed up for.
And I don't think I'm ready to pursue another relationship either. I signed up on match.com for a while, that was interesting, but also a little depressing. And, with 99% of the parenting being done by me (not complaining, much easier, actually) when does one have the time? My attention is rightly focused on the kids; only a year or two and they'll be in college like my oldest.
So, anyway, I guess I'm still adjusting to being single in the couple-based world, and I do feel a little sad about it: lonely. Not that I don't have a lot of friends, I do, and I love them! But, alas, not the same thing, is it.
However, this is how I'm fighting back:
--I bought some valentines with a biology theme --very cute, with tattoos, even-- I'm giving them out to all of my work friends tomorrow, which will be fun.
--I'm going to drink plenty of water which seems to help the mood.
--I did Pilates this morning and I'm going to definitely rock the gym tomorrow.
--I'm going to listen to some great tunes.
Thanks for listening to my little story. Say a prayer or send some good vibes my direction. I've got to shake this, and get back to the fun!
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