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CONFUSEDBIRD's Recent Blog Entries

Taking a leap

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It has been a stressful time for sure. My friend and I are getting ready for our senior show. It's gonna be so expensive and so much work for like 2 days of showing. But we gotta do it, it will look good on a resume for sure. Plus its part of the class I am in. We are looking at this one space that has been around since the 1890's. It was a black segregation school named The Fredrick Douglas School. I had no idea we were this deep in the south to have something like that. I know the people around here think it's the south but i donno odd to me. I am suprised the building is standing. We have had so many tornados come thru in the past 100 yrs and taken down so much crap. It's crazy this building survived. Not too many old structures in this town. So ya we are gonna look at that space like next week. We have to figure out our own lights too which is gonna be a huge bitch. I donno my friend doesnt seem 100% keen on the location so we will see. There are a lot of wine trails around here that will let u have a show for free. But they expect your guests to buy their wine by the glass and eat their food. I don't think my friends have any money to do that with lol I just want a laid back show with cheap wine and beer and cheese and fruit lol

This week has been odd weight wise. I stopped eating out and my weight started to budge amazing huh! I still need to lose 3 lbs this month to stay on track. We will see I donno. It was scaring me that I was 2 weeks into the month and lost nothing. I need to get serious it's so important to me to get serious about this and buckle down. I was getting ready for work today and I wore this tank top I havent worn in years. Scott couldn't keep his eyes off of me. I love when we impress the guys with our weightloss. Makes you feel so amazing like you start turning into a new person.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAMEN19 2/19/2009 11:13AM

    I am sure that it will work out fine! Sounds like a lot of work, but keep your head up! It all pays off in the end! You know that!

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CONFUSEDBIRD 2/19/2009 9:21AM

    Thank you so much! A senior show is where we have to put on art exhibit of our work. So print a series huge like 16x20 and mat and frame it. Pay for a art gallery space. It's a huge headache I am worried.

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WHATEVERHOBB 2/19/2009 6:14AM

    What's a senior show? It sounds interesting.

I love it when my husband compliments me! I almost don't believe him when he tells me Im beautiful, but I say thanks like I do ha ha. I was just looking at your progress pictures and you have changed so much it is amazing. Great Job!!

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A break in exercise could help?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The last few days I have been feeling like crap. I just couldn't bring myself to exercise, partially frusteration and I needed to go on meds again. Feeling a bit weak lately, my legs have been hurting. Anyway I woke up this morning and my weight balanced itself back out on it's own. Maybe I have been over doing it lately and I just need some rest. I have concentrating so much on getting my 4000 calories burned a week that I have been working too hard. So I am gonna take it a bit easy this week.

Update: lost 1 lb finally! Down 64.5 total now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEIGHWOMAN 2/17/2009 11:13AM

    It is definitely possible to overwork yourself. Remember that however you lose the weight you'll have to continue to do it to keep it off. So if you're burning 4000 per week onw, you'll have to do that forever to keep it off. Exercising less per week may make you lose slower, but if its something you'll maintain, it will be easier in the long run.

You're making excellent progress. Don't burn yourself out!!

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Starting to feel a bit panicked

Monday, February 16, 2009

I have 3 months left before school is out. That is 3 months left of having a job. 3 months to figure out where we are going in life. I donno all of this is really just setting in and scaring me. This is a really bad time to be out of school. This would be a wonderful time to be in school actually. Which is good that Scott is gonna start at ISU in the fall. But I gotta get my butt out on the job market and bring in some money so we don't go broke. Everyone I talk to is having an insanely hard time finding a job. I don't mean good jobs either, as in jobs at all. I have friends with bachelors degrees dieing to work at subway, it's really scary. I don't even know what I wanna do anymore. I am burning out of photography, it's really sad but I am. I wanna go to grad school eventually but not right now. I need a break, I need a break so bad. I am just really scared, life was finally making sense. We have been down here at school for 3 yrs and the last yr has been wonderful. We both have stable jobs, school is going well we arent living in constant fear of huge bills. Now it all has to end and we have to move. I can't work my campus job after May 8th, I am just so scared. I have been really not trying to think about it. But it's there lingering over me. Scott still has his full time job at walmart so after I lose my job at least he can keep working and I will clean up the house to move. There is a lot of cleaning to do so I am sure we will stay a few months after graduation to pull up lose ends.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAMEN19 2/17/2009 9:20AM

    Its a scary time, but take a step back and look at where you are now. Cherish it, take a breath and then start doing what needs done. I remember how scary it was when I was about to graduate with my associates degree. But now I miss those days, the days where you didn't know what was next for you. Everything will work out! You are a really driven girl, the sky is the limit!

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LOBRENNAN 2/16/2009 5:35PM

    That is scary. Every time I've upped and moved, I've had really good luck with using a placement agency to get into a job. Not necessarily a great job, and sometimes just a temp job, but at least something to help make ends meet. You're smart and capable and I'm sure you will find a spot somewhere. Your English skills are excellent and you seem to be able to type well, so already you've got an edge! And sooner or later you'll find a job that pays enough and where you can be happy.

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DNJEN471 2/16/2009 5:05PM

    Try not to stress too much, I am sure everything will work out for you. Just start putting in applications to places here and there and then you can do your photography on the side. Life can be so overwhelming when you are first starting out. I remember when we signed on our house and started the building process I really started to panic... but it did no good. You can do this hon, just try not to allow yourself to stress too much.

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Today is a brand new day!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I went a bit crazy yesterday I'll admit it. I was crazing everything under the sun. Frustration for me seems to lead to cravings. I think the whole trick to losing weight tho is not getting hungry. If you always keep something with u to munch on then u wont get outrageously starving where u end up at a buffet or McDonald. I think I need a break from the intense exercising. It's kinda burning me out lately. I feel like theres always something i need to do. On Friday night I asked my friend to go to this art show with me then we found out there was a cover so neither of us were really into it. I was all excited tho for that art show. You were supposed to dress up sexy. I never go out, none of my friends seem to think I like going out. So no one ever invites me. Anyway after I found out we werent going i was like "Oh ya I gotta get on the bike tonight for 35 minutes" It's kinda like I let exercising rule my life right now. Which I don't wanna do that. I need exercising it's a huge part of this process. But when your life starts getting controled by it that is when it's gone further. That is how I burned out last time i would eat, sleep, work, exercise. I vowed to myself when I started that exercising would be just something i do in my day. Like feeding my dogs or getting dressed it wont affect my life in a bad way.

The reason I ate out twice last week was it was our anniversary and Valentines day. I don't usually eat out that much. I know why I stayed put last week. I guess it's just annoying when u work so hard at the gym and hold yourself back. This week is going to be better I can feel it. No more anniversary dinners and no more chocolate receiving holidays.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KSPILLS713 2/15/2009 7:25PM

    Hey, Sweetie, don't be so hard on yourself. Two special meals aren't a disaster if you get back on track. What really helps is if you can do some advance planning on what you will be eating and then adjust calories elsewhere on those days. I know...that's often easier said than done! I'm off-track a bit myself right now, so can relate to several of the issues you listed.

Watch your thinking so you don't inadvertantly put up roadblocks for yourself, for example, that people let you down so you quit trying. You may also be drawing conclusions that aren't you're holding your boyfriend back during workouts.

Sounds like you've had a couple of recent disappointments and the frustration brought you down. Don't give up as there's always something happening on campus, particularly in the artisan community. Make a special date night with your boyfriend and dress up for each other! Cook a special meal together or invite someone from class who would love to have a homecooked meal. I don't know if you're like me, but when I'm tired or feel frustrated, I tend to start shutting out people around me. Could it be possible that you're missing out on opportunities?

You've done such a good job so far, don't sabotage your efforts by telling yourself you've done otherwise! When things are looking down, try to focus on the good things in your life and the things you're doing right. Spring is just around the corner and I've found that I'm not the only one who goes dormant over the winter. More people start to get out and it seems like it's easier to make friendships. Just take one day at a time and focus on trying to make it the best day you possibly can. Before you know it, everything does start looking up!

Hang in there sweetie. Lots of us are cheering you on!

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CONFUSEDBIRD 2/15/2009 1:38PM

    I don't really have anyone to workout with. I try to make plans with people and they seem to always fall thru. So I just stopped asking since it seems like a waste. My boyfriend and I workout sometimes. But his energy level is way beyond mine so I feel like I hold him back. My boyfriend and I arent that outgoing of people. We never seem to have very many friends. A dinner party seems fun but I donno who I would invite. I sound like a really introverted person right now lol Which I am not but I guess that's what my social life has always been like.

Comment edited on: 2/15/2009 1:39:44 PM

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INDYBUTTERFLY 2/15/2009 1:33PM

    Hop right back on the wagon and you'll be just fine!

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DIAMONDROSE53 2/15/2009 1:14PM

    honey, you can't be down on your self as anniversary's and Valentines Day are special. So you watch things real close for the next couple of weeks and try to do something with at least one friend. Try going on a walk through a park, or through a mall where you can window shop.
There is no excuse for not dressing up for things at home even. Dress up and invite a friend for an aftenoon tea, or a wonderful balanced meal you have created. You can create the time and place to dress up but you have to be willing. Dressing up for a romantic evening with your husband can be fun, and or dressing down in something extra special for the occasion. you need to get the creativity going to start thinking out of the box and not defeat yourself by saying my friends don't invite me to things where i need to dress up. Start a new day with planning a small dinner party at your home and invite someone who will understand and work with you llike a best fiend. Have fun along the way.
It works i know, I do this at least two or three times a month at my house. Good luck hope the suggestions help.

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Annoyed and frusterated

Saturday, February 14, 2009

For the 2nd week in a row I have lost no weight. I did all my exercise. I have been staying in my calories for 3 weeks straight. This week I ate out twice but I made sure to log everything I ate and didn't go over. Last night I saved up calories so Scott could bring home a pizza. So I think the fact of the matter is eating out is not good. Pizza even if u plan for it is not good cuz its loaded with sodium. I did everything I could this week to be good and it still wasnt good enough. I guess every week is a learning lesson and sometimes u learn things you don't care to know.

I went to the gym today and I just wasn't feeling it. I forgot my mp3 player at home so I had to watch friends and Sex in the city. Which wasn't terrible but I need my music. By the last 20 minutes on the bike i was so tired and watching the minutes crawl by so slowly. I came home and weighed myself and nothing no loss, nothing just like last week.

I was angry and stupid and made myself chocolate milk and a can of ravioli which wasn't mine lol I am gonna go over my calories today and I just don't care I am so pissed. Pissed at who what I donno probably pissed at myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLE72023 2/15/2009 11:34AM

    I think you figured it out - - - most of the time, eating out is NOT the best thing for weight loss (unless it's at Subway or someplace super health conscious).

The biggest problem with eating out & why I just can't do it anymore is the big "S" word = SODIUM. It can easily put on 5 pounds of water weight and when you eat out more than once a week ... and ordering pizza counts as eating out too ... then you're fighting an uphill battle with yourself.

The compact cheese alone on the Pizza can submarine your weight loss plans! It's DENSE protein + lots of Sodium so that alone gives you a double whammy.

Oh well. It's good to get those things out of our system. After all, you're young and just can't become a Hermit because of your diet. Just pace yourself with the eating out part. Once a week max..... and Pizza should become mostly a thing of the PAST.

You'll get back on track. Just don't give up on yourself. Keep logging into SparkPeople & you'll see progress. I PROMISE!

When you read some of the blogs of people on SparkPeople who've lost 100, 200 or more pounds . . . the one thing they have in common is that it didn't happen overnight; they had their ups & downs..... and yet they LEARNED from those experiences and PERSISTED with their goals.
YOU TOO WILL BECOME A SPARKPEOPLE WINNER!!!! Don't give up. It sounds like you have ALL the makings of a weight loss champion with the exercising and watching the foods. These past 2 weeks are only a minor bump in your road to successful weight loss.

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BETHLONG 2/14/2009 6:33PM

    Hey...Don't you give up!! Have you switched up your exercise? Or your food?

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MRSFOOCH2B 2/14/2009 6:12PM

    It took me a few weeks before I lost anything. I was so depressed but hung in there! Thank GOD I did.....I lost 4 pounds ans 3 inches! Hang in there , you will see it soon! sherri emoticon

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PIPPAUK87 2/14/2009 5:36PM

    You may have done yourself a favour there. Sometimes confusing our kcal intake jogs the body into weight loss. If that doesn't work, maybe you could switch up your exercises? I heard that you have to keep changing what sort of exercise you choose to do, because your body adapts?
Whatever the reason, I'm sure this irritating plateau will be over soon, just grit your teeth and plough on!

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