Friday, July 22, 2011
Gaining weight from marathon training has been getting harder for me lately. I don't really think it's muscle either. I feel more like I just need excess food and I have no self control for days after long runs and it sucks! I made a deal with my husband that we are going back to actual dinners together again. He said he was cool with that. Even for marathon training u should eat clean. My friend keeps saying, Wow I bet you could eat anything when your running that much and that long. Um no not really. It takes "joy eating" to another level. Instead of eating until I am sick. With the long runs you feel sick and can't eat enough, or I do. No one seems to have the same issue as me lol I am just keeping the house stocked with a 4 cheese pizza I can share with Scott after the runs and I feel better from that. This man in my group group weighs about 250 and runs for his step son that passed away that always wanted him to run a marathon with him. So ever since he has run 4 in his memory. He is going out early tomorrow at 5 am, 1.5 hrs before the group because he is slower. Maybe I should go with him. It's a 12 mile run and I might need to go slower. He's the only person in the group that I enjoy talking to. Only problem is I gotta work at 11:30 am. Can I run 12 miles and then work 6 hrs on my feet, hmmmm. Maybe I can take a nap between. My life is a bit on the NUTS side these days.
Oh anyway that's what I started writing about with the marathon weight gain. I tell my friends about feeling fat and they just go PSH. Gaining 10-15 lbs after losing 130 is not as small and sad as it sounds. I am not telling them "oh poor me" I am actually telling them I am depressed and no one takes me serious they think I am just being cocky and half ignore me. I have gained all my weight back before and it's not so hard to do. It is exhausting to always worry about this and never just lay back and relax. I guess some ppl have alcohal issues and can't have alcohol in the house. They would probably envy my 1 beer or less a week. I envy their ability to stay away from trail mix.
I still haven't talked to my parents. I am not even pissed anymore, but I don't wanna be the first to call. I have a feeling my parents can go for yrs without calling me either. That is just how they are. It's easier to not confront an issue than work it out. I got really upset about this yesterday and started crying to my friend and Scott. It's been affecting my eating too. I just don't like the person I am around my parents anymore. I turn into this cocky self absorbed b!tch that's always on a time schedule. Probably because their lifestyle make me crazy now. They do everything so slowly, on no type of schedule whatsoever. If we are leaving at one time plan on them being 35-50 minutes late. So doing things with them is teeth grinding frustrating. Plus they are so fragile now and I just worry the whole time I am with them. Like that old house walk I did with my mom. I looked forward to it for weeks and I asked my dad on the 4th of july what my mom thought it and all she had to say was "There was a lot of walking". Some people are old at 60 and I understand that. But why did they let themselves get so old at 60. Maybe this is just a good time to stay away from them and work on being a nicer more patient person. Running and exercise and being with ppl who run and exercise just slowly turns u into a type A personality. My old life does not jive well with that it seems. I also feel like time is running out tho and my dad goes to dialysis 3 days a week to stay in our lives and I am just squandering that time.............
Funny thing is I got a call from "Parents House" while I was writing this blog and they hung up really fast before I could answer. Probably my dad half sleeping.