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CONFUSEDBIRD's Recent Blog Entries

Times up!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Ok I had my 6 weeks of no exercise and semi food logging. Times up, now we are down to business! I weighed this morning and I was at 199.8. Hanging out under 200 lbs by the skin of my teeth. My highest pregnancy weight was 220. Yesterday I really wanted a new fitness hoodie to motivate me to feel pretty. I tried on all these hoodies and instead of feeling pretty I felt horrible about myself. Walked away with nothing but a negative self image.

This was fall of last yr

I lost this weight before, I can do it again. Stop feeling so defeated! You will buy that cute hoodie. Just not today or tomorrow but you will.

I am dieing to go back and dance. I bet theres all new songs out now that I will not know. I am excited to learn them. I start my mall walking today with my dance teacher Kate. I'm happy I have surrounded my life with so many ppl motivated by fitness. Makes a big difference when u do that. I gotta figure out how to juggle breastfeeding and eating and losing together. I'm sure some weight will come off from just exercising regularly again. But other weight I gotta figure out a new happy place in my calories without hurting my milk supply cutting back too much. I can talk to Kate about that she's been nursing her daughter over a yr and lost weight while doing it. So I will figure this out.

I am dieing for the new fitbit when it comes out. It's $150 and I am jobless but I am pulling everything together I can since I need the motivation. I wish I knew when it was getting released. Dieing to have it already!

One pic of Max, getting bundled up for a run with Daddy yesterday. Must have liked it he came home and didn't wake up again for another hour.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 12/16/2014 6:48PM

    Happy Chanuka! You'll get there!

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PHEBESS 12/16/2014 10:50AM

    Happy Chanukah! And I suspect baby weight takes a while to take off, it goes to all those key areas to protect that baby, right? So keep working at it, and by summer you should be back to your pre-baby size! (I know that seems like a long time, but it's just another 7 months - less time than growing a baby!)

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LIZSPRINGSTEEN 12/16/2014 10:10AM

    Baby is so cute!!!!!

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GORIANA 12/16/2014 1:52AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARYONAMISSION 12/16/2014 12:58AM

    We all have those moments. But you are actually working towards your goals and losing weight and you're an expert at this & you know exactly what you need to do. I have the utmost faith that you can do this. And I am here for you if you ever need me

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MORTICIAADDAMS 12/15/2014 10:12PM

    You have done an excellent job so far of getting your weight back down. You have a great plan on getting back in the shape - the walking and dance will really help you.

I am interested in the new fitbits coming out too.

Max is so cute! He looks ready to go!

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JPONCIN 12/15/2014 9:52PM

    Awww what a little sweetheart. :)

You can do it! I did a good job of not gaining while breastfeeding, but you are way more motivated than I was. No matter what, you look great and you just brought a new life into the world so you get extra beauty points for that. :)

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I'm Back!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

To my healthier self anyway. This week marks my fifth week PP so I am ready to get my butt back in gear. It's been a rough recovery. I take two steps forward in healing and then 3 steps back, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. I am so ready to feel as good psychically as my mind feels to get exercising. I so miss it. I turned my gympact back on this week and it's been haunting me. I have it set to walk 3 days 10k steps...has not happened yet. Log 4 days of food, I am on that! Take 4 days of fruit photos, doing so so. Baby screaming blood murder when I am about to eat makes it hard to take photos of food. I posted on fb yesterday if anyone wanted to mall walk. My dance teacher responded and she said she could walk monday-thursday. Haha I was looking for 1 day but hey I need my ass kicked why not! Plus she has a little one so Max can see another baby. OMG so when Scott gets home from work he takes Max off my hands and lets me breath. I went grocery shopping the other night and came back to him running on the treadmill. Not sure if you have had a treadmill in your house on the ground floor but it makes the whole house bounce when running on it. So Max was sitting infront of the treadmill watching Scott run with his eyes all wide enjoying the bounce lol He took a video if he stopped running, Max started crying. Then started running and the faster he gets Max gets more bright eyed and watches. So funny. I'll post some pics for the ppl not on facebook with me. If you are on fb with me your probably tired of seeing my baby. Sorry about that I do it mostly for my family that doesn't live close which is all my family.

Scott Ran 4 miles with me a few weeks ago in the jogging stroller, he loved it

jeeez paparazzi leave us be!

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 12/14/2014 9:56PM

    I guess keeping him quiet is a good reason to hop on for a run!

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JPONCIN 12/14/2014 7:01AM

    I remember when I first had Allison, and one of my (single) friends at work said to me "You just stay home with the baby??? But...what do you DO all day???" Hahaha I'm sure you know the answer to that by now. ;)

I'm glad you are coming back! I hope to see you soon. Next day for me on the schedule there is the morning after Christmas. I hope to see you and Max very soon. :) :) :)

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WISHICOULDFLY 12/12/2014 12:50PM

    I would love to see the video of Max watching hid daddy on the treadmill. These are great pics. Especially the last one. Adorable! emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/11/2014 10:15PM

    That is so funny about Max and the treadmill!!!! (So at least that lets you do some walking or running, if it entertains him!)

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SURVIVOR61 12/11/2014 7:23PM

    I love your Max, I could handle him with no problem. My Max is a short hair kitty that literally is a demon child if she doesn't get her way. I mean she will jump on my shelves and nothing deters her. And we have tried everything the vet has recommended. She even thinks she is supposed to get a treat when the dogs do after they go out and potty. Took a little bit to figure out what she was sitting there waiting for and it finally hit me when she grabbed my hand. So I had the husband go by some kitty treats. And lo and behold now Max gets her treats as the dogs get theirs. Lol She still gets moody and shows her butt and it's back to trying to figure out what she wants. I think she thinks she is the Boss.. So watch out, it may have something to do with the name ..Max Lol beautiful Baby.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 12/11/2014 2:45PM

    I've been thinking about you a lot. My doctor told me it actually takes 4 months to get over labor and delivery. I think it would go faster but you are not just taking care of yourself. LOL.

I'm glad to hear that Max has a good set of pipes. LOL. Everyone thinks I'm sick but when babies scream, I laugh. They are so tiny and so mad and so demanding and it just kills me.

My hubby was like Scott and would take Ian when he got home. I was usually ready to pull my hair out by then and Ian was ready to pull it out for me. LOL. The minute that Daddy got home all was well with the world. Benny would tell Ian, "Mommy tells me that my little buddy has been mean. You are not mean, are you, Buddy?" And Ian would smile, flirt, and coo. LOL.

I bet Max will be a runner. Ian didn't like to lie down or sit down. He liked his Johnny Jump Up.

Max is so cute! Loved the pictures!!!

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Max Emery is here!

Monday, November 10, 2014

I finished working on Halloween and went into labor on the following Tuesday at 2:20 pm. We ended up at Labor and Delivery at 6:30 pm. I was 3 cm dilated when I was admitted. We walked laps and got in the birthing tub and got to 6 cm. The pain got to be too much at 1 am and I finally gave into the epidural after 10 hrs of pushing it off. Poor Scott I think watching was hard for him at some points. I had to make him sit down and ask a nurse for orange juice and cookies cuz he was not looking good at one point. Our nurse was amazing, we got her at 7 pm when she came on duty and we basically had her for the full 12 hour shift. She got me pushing at 5 am and coached me through it keeping eye contact and telling me to change up my pushing routine every two or three contractions. She was just as good as a Doula if not better. By the time she called my doctor at home to come, I only had two pushes left and he arrived. So surreal, pregnancy is so surreal and hard to believe. But when they hand u the baby it just gets more surreal and all the pain and suffering just falls to the wayside.

No wonder I didn't get very big, he was only 6 lbs and now trying to climb back to his birth weight. 20 inches long though. Funny Scott's coworker's wife was 3 weeks ahead of us with their son. She ended up getting induced Tuesday morning at 41.5 weeks, I was 38 weeks 6 days. She had her baby 2 hours before us, so they have the same birthday.

Probably 20 minutes after he was born

Same day

Our hospital pics Tiffany did, same friend that does all my photos.

The night we got him home. Bella the one that put her head on my tummy thru the pregnancy has been super protective like he's her puppy. She runs the cats and other dogs off. Patsy could care less and Ralph hates when he makes eye contact with him lol He runs away if Max looks at him. Seems kinda depressed about the whole thing. We have been trying to hug and kiss him as much as always. Poor guy I feel bad.
Bella with him

My mom is enjoying the hell out of him. She stayed with us until yesterday.

Random pics from yesterday

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEIGHWOMAN 12/1/2014 3:38PM

    I meant to comment on this forever ago but it's hard with only a tablet. SO MANY CONGRATS!! Love the name too!! So happy for you guys!

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RELIVE 11/24/2014 12:42PM

    So adorable!! Super congrats. Time really flies. Feels like just the other day where I read your post that you got pregnant. Max is so stinkin' cute!!!

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ASHESS85 11/18/2014 12:11PM

    emoticon Awwwwww! Congrats! He is adorable.

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FITBECKSRN24 11/13/2014 3:00PM

    oh my goodness what a little peanut!!! and i love his hair!!!!! congrats mommy!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/12/2014 11:38AM

    Congratulations, Mommy! He is perfect and he looks just like you and Scott!!!!! Such a cutie!! If I had been in a nursery with a 100 babies I would have known he was yours. I guess by now he is in already in charge. LOL. Bella has her baby!! And you gave your mom a wonderful gift - according to my parents being a grandparent was the highlight of their life. emoticon

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GETHEALTHY83 11/11/2014 10:12AM

  Congrat, he is beautiful! I have a son who will be 2 in Jan. Enjoy every minute!

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PHEBESS 11/10/2014 11:36PM

    Congratulations! Must have been a bit of a surprise! And is he a little redhead already?

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JEREMY723 11/10/2014 9:31PM


Our son was 5 pounds 7 ounces and spent nearly a week in the hospital. It was a slow weight gain and he's still thin for his age (5 yrs). Enjoy and try to get some rest, it's a time you'll never forget nor ever be as tired as!

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FITWITHIN 11/10/2014 6:11PM

    emoticon emoticon

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On Maternity Mode

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Yesterday was my last day working!!! We made arrangements for it to be my last day back in September. Then last week my boss found out my delivery day was 1 week later than she thought. So she just assumed I wanted to stay til I gave birth there. No thank you! I have seen studies in other countries that say woman who take time off to rest before giving birth actually have much easier labors. I was crampy all day yesterday and ended up taking my lunch 2 hours late. So when I was done at 3 pm, I was DONE at 3 pm! She kept telling me "Your gonna be bored at home..." oh well.... I would rather be bored at home than on my feet 6 hours a day with miserable people. I was there 7 months and in that time made 1 friend who was 25 years older than me also questioning why she is at the job. I am very fortunate to have a husband who can let me stay home with our kid. Might have to budget quite a bit and start working his off hours come spring. But for now sending a baby to daycare is not important.

I got cut off from water aerobics this week by my doctor, ugh. So what I got left is walking, lifting and dancing. I haven't danced in 2 weeks and going back today. Last weekend we had our birthing class for 8 hours so I couldn't go. Then every early morning this week the class happened I had something pregnancy related going wrong. So today I am finally back! We got a lot done this week. We got car seats installed, hospital bag packed, glider half finished, cleaned house. Now I have my first weekend in 7 months to just be home and spend time with Scott. Get bulbs in the ground, move the bonsai's back to the garage, move outdoor furniture back to the garage. Rest. Thursday night I was moving plants inside for the freeze and threw a houseplant in the yard I didn't want. I also chucked my fitbit into the yard and lost it. I was whimpering all night upset about it. Scott thought I was having contractions lol I found it after work yesterday, YAYYY!!! Fitbit is coming out with 3 new models in 2015. So I need to keep this one a little longer.

I got my Maternity shoot back from my friend this week. She did such a good job! We did some bare stomach ones and I opted not to see them. Maybe after I lose weight I can look at them. Right now, nahhhh. I must say though, I have not gained any weight at the doctors office in 3 weeks! Only Mr. Max is gaining! Yay!!!! My mom asked the other day if I would tell her his name....nope lol Soon she will find out but right now I would rather tell a stranger.

Here is the shoot

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RELIVE 11/24/2014 12:39PM

    They look absolutely beautiful. You look absolutely beautiful. You should be proud.

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JPONCIN 11/10/2014 7:35PM

    I've been waiting for this post! You did a great job. I'm so proud of you!!! Sounds like everything happened the way it was supposed to. :)

He is beautiful and you will be great parents!!! I showed the pics over the weekend to Dan and he was all like "WOW look at him!!! He looks just like his DAD!!!"

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WINTERWINGS 11/6/2014 7:33AM

    I'm so excited for you! You look lovely. Such great pictures!

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PAPER_WINGS18 11/3/2014 10:56AM

    love your photos. adorable.

you are so lucky to be able to stay home with little Max! Are you planning for a natural birth or what type of birth are you planning on? exciting!! emoticon

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PHEBESS 11/2/2014 4:16AM

    Your photos are adorable! And yes, you need to rest up - once baby is born, you likely won't sleep all night for months and months!

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    Your boss is insane and is only thinking of her own staffing issues. I worked up until the time I delivered. Bad idea. I wanted to take off but my doctor, who hadn't seen me my entire pregnancy except for a couple of times due to his falling off the wagon, succumbed to pressure from my bosses as I was in charge on days of the busiest floor in the hospital. I'm lucky I didn't lose my baby. Bring on the boredom!! I don't believe in sending a baby to daycare. Good for Scott and you. You belong with your baby.

The pictures were wonderful. I loved them. The colors were amazing. She did a really good job of capturing you and Scott at this special time in your life.

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KATRINAKAT23 11/1/2014 2:26PM

  The pictures are absolutely priceless. Memories that will last forever. Love them.

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WETPTARMIGAN 11/1/2014 12:14PM

    Your pictures are gorgeous!

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Fat girl melt down

Saturday, October 25, 2014

I feel like so many old negative wounds have been stirred up thru this pregnancy. I wrote in my last blog about the manager saying to the customer that I had gained weight everywhere instead of just growing a belly. Friday she walked by and said "Hi fatty, how you doing?" I didn't look at her, I looked at my coworker who I have brought up this woman's comments with. She noticed I looked at the coworker and said "your gonna be a great mama". I know her and the other ppl in her department poke fun at eachother and make fat comments. But I am not one of them. They see me as a low POS to step on and I do not find this funny, I find this very hurtful. Why would you call someone pregnant "fatty"? It's ok she can say this as a 62 yr old "funny" woman. But if a man said that, no fly, harassment. I have had several friends tell me to report it. I was really banking on going back to this job in the spring, already made arrangements to do so. I just feel like I am back to being the heavy girl that I was I before. People never held doors for the heavy girl even if it wont have been any trouble for them. Heavy ppl are just treated worse, I donno if ppl don't mean to do it or what. I have been there and I don't do it to ppl. Everyone has a struggle and there is no reason to make anyones life any harder. What really freaking kills me is how hard I have worked thru this pregnancy to keep weight off and log my calories and go for that extra walk to keep up on my 10k steps. It hasn't made a lick of difference. People still see what they see and say what they wanna say. It's sickening.

Despite all of this and hating how I have gained my weight and hating how I have taken extra time every morning to make my stomach look round at 37 weeks. I still have a waist just a more protruding one. I am still getting my maternity photos done. My friend keeps insisting that I do them. Even tho this has been rotten a self hating weekend. I also ordered myself a 50 dollar sweater from the WerQ store. I danced my tail off all thru this pregnancy and I deserve something to look forward to when the baby comes.

Also celebrated 5 yrs married yesterday to my best friend, I spent it upset about this stupid crap. Should have taken the day off and spent the day with him, instead of crying on his shoulder the moment I saw him.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAPER_WINGS18 10/31/2014 4:04PM

    What a stupid B. I cannot believe the audacity of her, and I also cannot believe you didn't flip your sh!t on her! I know how it is in the heat of the moment though; I probably woulda been speechless, and then after the fact thought of some nasty things to say back.

I am so sorry that pregnancy has brought up these old feelings for you though. Just know that you have done an ahhhhmazing job and keeping your little guy happy and healthy in there, and he will be so lucky and fortunate to meet you in a couple weeks :)

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/26/2014 9:47PM

    OMG!! What a crazy "B"!! Is she mentally ill? I can't imagine how anyone would feel it was okay to talk to someone else like this. I feel so bad for you. I hope you can put this out of your mind.

Happy anniversary to you and Scott. I hope you can do something nice together this week.


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WETPTARMIGAN 10/26/2014 3:49PM

    There seems to be no limit to what jerks people can be when they put their minds to it, or rather open their mouths while their minds are out to lunch. You will triumph. You know how to eat healthy, how to live healthy, and in a few weeks you will be holding a completely new human being created with your healthy lifestyle! Get a new job later and forget these bozos.

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CONFUSEDBIRD 10/26/2014 8:28AM

    Thank you guys and thanks Jen for talking me down. I am done with this job after this season. It did it's purpose kept me close to home and kept my working. But now it's almost over and it's time to walk away. It's funny you go to businesses and love them and then you work for them and it's such a different story. You almost wish you didn't know. This was probably my most active job and I took it on while pregnant to stay active. No regrets, I tried.

Comment edited on: 10/26/2014 8:44:38 AM

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PHEBESS 10/26/2014 12:51AM

    Oh sweetie, she's a b*tch and there's no two ways around that. I'm so sorry you're feeling down during what should be a joyous time.

But you know, living well is the best revenge, right? When baby is born, you'll lose the first 10 or something lbs, and I know you, you'll work like crazy to lose the rest and be your usual adorable self.

So keep smiling in her face, bring in photos of what I'm sure will be a cutie baby, and mentally gloat knowing that she's missing all of that in her life.

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JPONCIN 10/25/2014 11:29PM

    This post breaks my heart. You have worked too long and too hard to let ONE person do this to you. :(

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GARDENCHRIS 10/25/2014 10:47PM

    you CAN NOT let people define you..... next time just look at her and say Yea I want this fat belly to be a very health baby thank you. good luck and God bless you and your baby.

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