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In my head....

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

It must be all in my head...or so I've lead myself to believe for quite sometime now.

I laugh at myself when I stumble over my own feet and start falling towards the closest stationary object. I joke that I must be drunk when I slur my speech or mix my words (even though I haven't had a drop of alcohol). I think 'how stupid' that I sit or stand too long in one position that it causes tingles and numbness throughout my body. I think 'how lazy I must be' because I often times don't have the strength to do everyday activities but would fall asleep within minutes of sitting down...just plain exhausted. The severe vertigo that could put me down for weeks at a time, must be inner ear related. All these things I could find a reason as to why they were happening.

"Mommy, your scaring me!" Those are words that made me stop in my tracks. Maybe it's not all in my head and maybe it's not as simple as "I'm just a funny klutz".

A month and a half. That's how long I waited to see the Dr who was recommended to me by the scheduling nurse. Doctor entered room and was rushing, as most doctors do. "Hello! Whats the purpose of the visit?" I get my paper with my "must be in my head" symptoms and right away she says "I don't have time to look at that just give me the top 3 things." I found myself getting upset but strong. I tell her how long I've waited to see her. I tell her that she was recommended. I tell her that many of these symptoms have started many years ago (07/08) and its impossible to just say 3. I tell her that I deserve her time. I tell her it ISN'T just in my head because my son was scared...and too.

That got her attention. She heard the symptoms (there were more) and she immediately put in for an referral to a specialist. In the mean time I did a series of blood tests. During my followup appointment to go over blood test, my levels on everything was great except for B12. I'm deficient. I eat meat, so I ask myself, how is this possible? I go in for B12 shots every week (they kick my butt for days afterwards) but am hoping to bring my levels back up, assuming it 'takes'.

I've heard of B12 before but never really gave it a second thought. The damage it can cause when levels are low, especially for a great length of time, can and are extreme. The specialist I mentioned earlier....a neurologist. Currently, I am in the process of making an appointment to meet them and go through further testing.

ADVICE: If you have any of the above symptoms, talk with your doctor. If your family brings up a concern, then it's NOT in your head, talk with your doctor. Eat meat. Make sure your doctor listens. Learn about's important.

It's so easy to write it off as 'its all in my head'. Maybe it is but most of the time it's not. Or in my case, it may be...we'll see what the neurologist says. :) In the mean time, I will continue to laugh, act drunk (without alcohol) and love life...


(sorry so long)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KING_SLAYER 12/12/2012 4:19PM

    These doctors book so many appointments throughout the day that they never spend enough time with their patients. Good for you for stopping her in her tracks and demanding to be heard! While reading you symptoms I first thought it was going to be diabetes, which would have been bad. At least with the B12 you can get regular injections to keep levels up. My grand mother used to get a B12 shot every 4-6 weeks for years. Best of luck to you and I hope the injections get your levels up and proper diet and supplementation can take care of it from here on.

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DIBANANA 12/11/2012 9:12PM

  Good for you being strong with your doctor. We pay them and have a right to get a correct diagnosis!

I hope you get your answers soon.

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When you lose...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

This time of year is hard...

Being on SP and reading the blog title, it would be easy to assume that this is about weight loss. I write this not to provide 'words of wisdom' but more for my own therapeutic processing. This time of year, I have not forgotten all of the things that I have in life to be thankful for but it doesn't change the fact that it's still hard.

Last year, I lost my beautiful and healthy 14 year old cousin to sudden cardiac arrest. She died within minutes. SCA was triggered by a genetic heart ailment, LQTS (Long QT Syndrome) that we didn't know she had. Celebrating the holidays is difficult to say the least, but we do the best we can. There are good days, there are bad days. One way of knowing there's progression in the mourning process is realizing there are more good moments in a day then bad. In finding the good...we have chosen to celebrate her life and started a foundation to raise awareness of genetic heart ailments in children and raise money for college scholarships. She was amazing in everything she did, accomplished, set her mind to and she touched so many lives around the world....celebrate we must!!!

(Below) Sabrina, 14 years old

As our family has stumbled through the first year of her passing and as we talk about her, it's a toss up if we are able to get through it with smiles and laughter or hysterical sobs...but we muster through.

I have learned that crying doesn't make me weak and laughter and smiles doesn't mean I've forgotten. I feel so truly honored to have known her, even of only for 14 years. She has made me a better person.

I love and miss you Sabrina

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PKBOO3 11/27/2012 12:18PM

    So sorry for your loss and so much more the harder when, as King_Slayer said, the one lost was so young.

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READY4CHANGE81 11/25/2012 7:17PM


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KING_SLAYER 11/25/2012 6:58PM

    This time of year is difficult after you have lost loved ones. The memories of being around them during last years celebrations always come up and make you sad for the loss. I can only imagine that it is even more difficult when the one that has been lost was so young, with so much life ahead of them. I hope your family can move through these holidays living in the present but recognizing the past.

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Bucket List

Sunday, November 11, 2012

This is not all inclusive but they are some that come to mind as I type this...

Love myself unconditionally and allow myself to be loved
Learn to ride a motorcycle w/o fear of breaking the darn thing
Hot air balloon ride
Travel for a month or two to the Mediterranean and surrounding countries
Record a top 10 song that is so annoying but good that you can't help but sing it.
Sky dive. But only if the instructor is tandem...and a hottie!
Run a 5K with the grace of a gazelle (In my head)
Start and participate a city wide water gun fight for a good cause
Scuba dive with sea creatures (anyone see a mermaid?)
Design something that actually gets created/built (house of cards doesn't count)
Own and run a restaurant that's open to ALL people regardless of income
Hike to the top of Half Dome and yell "I'm the Queen of the world!"
Hang glide off of Half Dome and scream "I must be the craziest girl in the world!"
Raise my son to love life, give to and respect others, and love himself
Learn to take pictures with a 'professional' camera
Allow myself to be in the pictures of all these adventures!

We all have things we'd love to do before we kick the bucket, and this for sure doesn't include many other things on mine nor does it include the many things that I've already done. I look forward to hearing some of yours!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRAVELUTE 11/19/2012 11:35AM

    I live 10 miles from mermaids, and you can swim in the lagoon where they do.

Weeki Wachee State park in Weeki Wachee FL.


And manatees are sometimes referred to as manatees. You can snorkel with them 30 miles north of me.

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PKBOO3 11/19/2012 11:02AM

    Your bucket list is quite creative. Also, you seem to crave high adrenaline. Skydiving, hot-air balloon, mermaids!!! Very exciting!

Mine is going to Alaska. And just got back from the New England/Canada Coast. Loved it!

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BLUE42DOWN 11/11/2012 10:42PM

Sky dive is on my bucket list too, but I hadn't thought to include such great qualifiers!

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MERRYMARY42 11/11/2012 8:41PM

    sounds like you better get started, I hate to say I am content but pretty much so, but lots of things when I think about it, go through the Panama Canal, spend a month on the island Guernsey (British Isles) lose 10 pounds, (does that count?)

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NANCYPAT1 11/11/2012 5:59PM

    Cool bucket list - really inspirational

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The Next Day...

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Wednesday after Election Tuesday....

10. When we find out who the President of our nation is;
9. A day to be thankful that we have a President, chosen by the people (unlike some countries);
8. Brings out true colors people;
7. A day to delete 'friends' off of FB;
6. A time to realize that regardless of voting party, we must work together to accomplish great things;
5. A good day to re-evaluate our own personal goals;
4. A great day to laugh and to learn to lighten up about yourself;
3. Try to understand that difference in opinion is good and healthy;
2. A great day to hug those you love;
1. It's a Wednesday, who doesn't love a Wednesday...we're almost to Friday!!!

My two cents

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNWILK2 11/11/2012 8:48PM

    Love your top 10!!!!

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MIZDUBZ 11/7/2012 9:42PM

    So true! No matter which way you voted yesterday, think back to George W's re-election and remember that most of us have been happy about one re-election and despondent about the other. So we should be more understanding of one another and try not to demonize the other side. Most of us voters do not embody the worst excesses of either political party. Despite the campaign rhetoric, there is more that unites us than separates us. SP is a good example. We converse and cheer on one another with no regard to political affiliation.

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LINWINAGAIN 11/7/2012 5:38PM

    thanks for the inspiration on a very down day........

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RAPUNZEL53 11/7/2012 5:29PM


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DOLLFACEDX 11/7/2012 5:18PM


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Perfect Strangers

Monday, November 05, 2012

Never really done the blogging thing. I'm more of a "personal journal entry" kinda gal jotting personal thoughts and experiences, or on Facebook posting funny, inspirational and heartwarming stories and pictures. But in order for me to take this journey on the road to a healthier life, I will need to blend the two together and share here...with you, perfect strangers.

Family and friends, although I love them dearly, they don't necessarily understand the struggles or have the ability to over look the fact that not every step will be successful.

So...I will try the blog every now and again, sharing various experiences. Hopefully it will be something that can help someone out there....including myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNWILK2 11/11/2012 8:46PM

    great FIRST step into the world of Sparks... posting what is working and what is now, your hangups and your let down... or just what is on your mind for the day. Preparing a plan of action, or plotting out the next month. Anything can go into these boxes ... and the great thing is that you'll find it inspires or touches someone elses life as well. :)

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