Wednesday, October 05, 2011
I don't know why I'm letting my performance at the Georgia Jewel depress me so, but it is.
I didn't even TRY to run the race, so I don't/can't know what I might have done if I had. I made the CHOICE to walk it with Terri; I don't regret that (and the experience), but now I'm doubting myself as an ultra runner.
Feeling more like a poseur, prentender, wanna be old, slow sloth.
I am not genetically or physically gifted as a (fast) runner.
I'm short and short legged. I tend more toward fat than lean (and have had a yo-yo weight cycle ever since adolescence. For instance, I've gained/lost over 100 pounds twice).
Extremely poor eyesight is also a factor in why technical trails are tricky and bothersome to me.
I am "not getting any younger", my peak years for progress and easy recovery are behind me.
I do not have the time in my life to run mega training miles (50/wk is about my max and not even my average these days)
I don't have much inclination to do much speed work (prefer to run for fun) or a coach to nudge me along.
Add to all that, the 100 mile race I had my eye on, Bartram Forest, has been cancelled for this year. As an alternative event (haven't heard back from Ancient Oaks), I am tentatively planning on doing a 24 hour run that same weekend in December, Camp Croft Epic Run in Spartansbirg SC; so, I will be attempting a major distance then, but will be somewhat shy of a 100.
The GA Jewel did show me, I'd be better off NOT doing a tough technical trail race for my first 100. I would enjoy something easier much more and be more sure of sucess. NO reason for me to push and try to prove myself the toughest old nanny goat on the mountain; I just want to be part of the flock of ultra folk. NOTHING wrong with saying I actually prefer doing little loop-de-loop courses rather than longer point to point or out and backs.
But none of those things are excuses for quitting (something I love doing).
How to make the most out of what I am? How can I get to a 100 mile attempt and finish on what/who I am?
Also...two days into a "new diet" and blech...I binged last night.
--the eggplant I had wanted to fix for dinner had gone bad. :(
--jar of peanut butter was sitting out in plain sight on the table (trigger food)
--am depressed about my running performance
--in particular, my ankle is feeling creaky
--also need to make another dentist's appt; tooth and gums are hurting again
--lonely, was at my apartment alone
I know. One eating binge does not define me. One slow race does not define me. But how to find the determination to move past them?
T 3.5 miles