Friday, October 26, 2012
I don't know what is wrong with me. I keep going back and forth between SP and Weight Watchers. I know that if I just stick with one, it will work. SP keeps me more full - I get to eat what I like as long as I stay in my calorie range. I feel much more full on SP than WW because WW penalizes carbs now and I have to say carbs really make me feel full and satiated. But! The thing that makes me go back to WW is that weekly cushion in the budget. On SP if I go over my calories for the day I will feel like I've blown it for that day and easily go off course. I also weigh myself too much on SP.
Maybe the solution is to just weigh in once a week on SP and, if I do go over my calories, try to minimize how many I go over by. I do feel so much more full on SP.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
I know you're not supposed to have regrets, but lately I've been having a lot of them... and they've been making me eat because I'm so down on myself. Let me paint a picture for you. When I was 22, I was living in Manhattan, working as an entry level investment banker, and living with my husband, who was a trader. We worked a ton, and I complained about my hours, but I had my whole life in front of me and felt pretty proud of what I had accomplished. Then, after two years of 100+ hour weeks, I quit and went to grad school to become a teacher. I reacted too strongly to banking and did a 180. My first regret. Then, I worked at a top tier school in Manhattan and enjoyed it. I was around lots of smart, interesting women, and the kids were smart and well-behaved. Then, I got engaged and had a beautiful wedding. I was skinny, my husband was handsome, and I felt proud of my accomplishments. A month after the wedding, we moved to North Carolina where my husband went to business school. It was a very hard adjustment for me - I gained weight and felt very disconnected from the world in which I grew up. I never realized what a bubble the New York metropolitan area was until I left. Then, after he graduated, he got a job in NE Florida - a very southern, conservative part of the state. Here I am a teacher but with none of the shiny prestige. I am now 29 - no longer thin, no longer with a job that other people admire. And I feel like it's too late for me to reinvent myself because I don't know how without the connections I would need to help me. At least at home, I knew people in different industries who would at least talk to me about a career change.
Anyway, I look back on the last 7 years and it's hard not to see them as a downward spiral. I feel like I had such a promising life ahead of me and now it's just mediocre. I try to be grateful for what I have - a wonderful husband, a charming house and garden, and a cute puppy - but selfishly, I mourn for what I lost. I feel like I had so much and threw it all away. Perhaps it's not rational, and perhaps I place too much importance on what others think, but I just have to be honest. In NY, whether I was a banker or a grad student or a teacher, I felt appreciated and admired, to a certain degree. This gave me confidence and I felt disciplined and in control of food. Feeling good about myself made me feel like I was worthy of being skinny and well-dressed.
Now, I don't have that same self-confidence, so it's harder trying to convince myself that I am special and deserve to be beautiful. These are the things that occupy a lot of my thoughts...but I am nervous to share them because I know they don't portray me in the most positive light. Thanks for listening!
Saturday, October 06, 2012
I have been under a lot of stress lately, and taking the SP stress quiz made me realize why!! I moved a plane ride away from where I grew up and where my friends and family still live for my husband's job. The job is great for his career but he works at least 100 hours a week so I'm often alone in a city I don't know very well. I have lived here a year now but haven't found a lot of friends. I am a NYC girl and it's hard to relate in the south. People I've met are so nice but I can't deny the cultural differences. I'm going to keep trying to reach out...start a book club, invite people over. I don't have a baby yet but lots of people my age here have kids already.... In NY I think I would feel more "normal" for my age but here I just don't fit in.
Anyway, after saying all this, I think it makes sense why I've gained weight. I spend lots of time alone and sad, trying hard to be happy. Food is always there and I've gotten back into emotional eating. I've just let a lot out here, but the Stress Challenge suggested I use it as a journal, so there it is!
It's Saturday so the husband shouldn't have to work today...at least not too much. We can hang out and do something fun. Just reading through SP is making me feel motivated to change what I can, which is my weight! Thanks for listening. :)
Friday, April 15, 2011
I tried going back to WW Points Plus. I thought that the plan wasn't failing me; I was just failing the plan. But, 4 weeks in a row, and I still haven't lost weight. I've actually gained 1/2 pound. I spoke to the meetings leader, but she just suggested cutting the points I'm supposedly "allowed." I feel like what's the point of tweaking something that's supposed to work on its own?
So now I'm back here to count calories!! I love the idea that if I eat a certain amount of calories, I can trust I will lose. Just 5 lbs would give me such a boost! I plan to be on the website a lot in the next few weeks getting my momentum back.
Get An Email Alert Each Time CLESCOP Posts