Friday, August 22, 2014
I turned 42 a week ago. Yes, 42. Sometimes I can't really believe it. I think of the life I have led so far, and realize all of the missed opportunities. I wasted so much time.
A few years ago, I took control of my health and managed to lose 182 pounds with diet and exercise. It really wasn't that hard to do. I was so proud of who I had worked to become.
Then the plateau came....and never left. I tried EVERYTHING I could. But life got in the way: working full time, tending to my daughter with school work and extracurricular activities, an unexpected decrease in income, personal issues (female surgery), just to name a few.
Here I sit, less excited about my success. I have gained about 50 pounds (25 of which, I believe, is a result of the surgery). I feel like I have failed . Although I am still down 132 from my heaviest weight....I am blind to that in my daily life. I work at being healthy every day. I drink endless ounces of water and stay active . I believe I eat well 90% of the time. Still, nothing changes.
I recently had 3 people ,that I have known since childhood, tell me that I inspire them daily. I was shocked. Me? Inspiring? Have you seen me? Do you not realize that I put some weight back on? How is this situation inspiring? I just could not wrap my head around that. I am grateful for their statements and their support, but still baffled.
So, now I struggle with the feelings of defeat, I feel like I did when I was nearly 400 pounds - like an outsider, like I don't quite belong. I know there will be some of you out there that can relate. The mind is so powerful - it truly is unfair that I am feeling robbed of my achievement. :(
I know, though, that God is good and I know he will guide me where I need to be in my life. His will be done. I am strong. I will never stop doing the very best that I can. Prayers are always needed and welcomed.
Bring on 42.....
Friday, January 04, 2013
Hey guys! check out my new facebook page to promote healthy living!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
It has been 8 months since my last blog. People kept asking me why I did not blog more often. My response? I had nothing else to say. My one and only blog summed it all up. Well.....that has changed.
I have been working like a madwoman to continue my journey. Workouts are brutal sometimes. I hit a 6 month plateau that nearly ruined me!!!! Still, I powered through. I made some nutritional changes at the end of December and change up my workouts again. Finally, I saw some movement on the scale in the downward direction. Suddenly, I felt empowered again. Like I was accomplishing something.
I have been working so friggin' hard ...I expected a loss this week, again. But noooooo...all this work and perfect nutrition...no movement & an occasional gain! I have worked out every day. My scale was unkind yesterday. But, I dragged my a$$ outta bed - with a sore throat...and got on the treadmill for my running program. Half way through I stopped...was tired and aggravated and a little sad. But I pressed "GO" and finished the run schedule.
I just really NEED this to work for me. I have lost over 14 pounds since 12/26/11....but I need to get lower. It has to work. It just has to.
I have managed to sit at work on Fridays with a kitchen full of treats like donuts, croissants, kingcake, cookie cake. I have not indulged in ANY of it. Even managed to stay away from the temptation of order lunch from various places all week long. So, I have been sooo good!!! And I need this to MOVE!!!
Sorry for the rant. But it is heartbreaking to me. And hard to explain. Today was my weigh in w/ my spark team. Kinda feel like a failure ..since I could not really could not report a loss.
I know I should not care what that the scale shows. I know I have lost 176 pounds and that's great.....but it is not enough. I am not done. I told myself after my run yesterday morning that I was better for having completed the run - even if it made no difference on the scale. I KNOW it...but it sometimes doesn't matter. Y'know?
Friday, May 06, 2011
I have never blogged before....so here it goes
In May of 2009 I made a change, a choice. I had no idea it would transform my body, my mind, my outlook on life and my soul.
Prior to the "change", I was 371 pounds. I was happy, or so I thought. I existed....but I never lived. I never went to sporting events or anyplace where I worried if I would "fit" into the chairs. I worried some misbehaved kid in the next row was going to make a "fat" comment in my direction. I wondered how I would deal with that with my daughter sitting beside me.
I'd be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like to lose weight. Sure, I wanted nicer clothes and to look good in them - but I never really minded being overweight. I know now that I didn't mind, because I didn't know any better.
Once I had gave birth to my baby girl, anxiety set in. I worried that I would die suddenly, like my Dad did when I was only 3 months pregnant. The older my baby got, the more I worried. I went to countless doctors and demanded tests. I needed to know if I was "on my way out". The doctors all said I was fine...but I just didn't believe them!! I continued to worry...in silence. I never really shared my fears with anyone. Guess I was too embarrassed. Look at this face....you would worry , too!
So, Mothers Day 2009 - the day my transformation began. I started by eliminating all fast food and all fried food. I lost 11 pounds in 7 days. By the end of 30 days, I had lost 23 pounds. I cut my calories intake from Lord knows the amount to 1300 a day. I began walking 2 miles a day , 3 days a week. By the sixth month, I had lost 67 pounds. HA! I thought I was lookin' good! I was feeling good, that is for sure.
So, I began adding some at home dvd workouts to my routine, still keeping on with my calorie counting. Ten months into the journey, I had lost 100 pounds. I could not believe it!!! I even signed up & completed my first 10 k in New Orleans.
In the 12th month of my journey, I finally joined a gym. I just never had the nerve. Its kinda crazy....you should go to a gym to get in shape & lose weight.....but I had the mentality that I had to lose weight before I could join!! Again, fear of what people would say/think. When, in all actuality, none of that mattered.
My journey continued on. In month 17 I had lost a total of 156 pounds. I was feeling so pretty, so healthy. So excited.
So, I was working my tail off in the gym 5 to 6 days a week, eating within my calorie range...and my weight loss came to a screeching halt! Frustration set in so quickly! I worked harder and harder. But, still, minimal changes. I think I lost inches and not pounds.....but damn it! I wanted to be under 200 pounds - a place I had not been about 23 years!!!
Finally, in the 22nd month of my journey, I entered ONEDERLAND!! My 174th pound lost put me under 200 pounds. I weighed in at 197 pounds and I was elated.
And I completed my 2nd 10k in New Orleans - beating last years time by 30 minutes!
So, now what? I will keep on working just as hard has ever. I am bound to see results someday. I am asked all the time if I feel better or have more energy. I say, that I feel strong - like there isn't anything I can't do. I look back and this and think, "I did this....with the grace of God and my hard work... I DID THIS". How rewarding that is. I feel accomplished. I feel alive. I feel blessed. Because, I know, in the beginning of all of this, I never really believed I was worth it - worth the time or the effort. I then thought, even if I didn't believe I was worth it, my daughter was. Now, all these months later, I KNOW that I am worth it, too!
Thanks for reading....God Bless!
P.S. I also NEED to say that my journey was not tackled alone! Those of you know me, know my beautiful sister, Dawn (smartlady66). Dawn started her journey 8 months before me. She led the way. We went through this, and still do, together - day in and day out. I love you Dawn!
Get An Email Alert Each Time CLASSICALSHELLY Posts