CINNAMARIE   3,004
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CINNAMARIE's Recent Blog Entries

My recent struggle...

Monday, April 22, 2013

Lately, I've been experiencing my first REAL struggle out of this entire journey... It's coinciding with the news of my recent announcement of needing a right hip replacement. Currently, I am going to physical therapy to prep for the surgery. This is new to me. I am in my second week and I'm going every Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.

I thought I was in shape... and last week when I announced the surgery, I was in a great place mentally. I felt as though this would be a breeze and I was going to recover quickly and become a new woman! But I've had 4 therapy sessions under my belt and I'm worn out. Basically, after just two appointments, I was experiencing pain and twinges of back pain that I haven't felt in over a year. I went in to my appt on Friday and told the therapists that my back was starting to really feel the stress of the therapy and that I was starting to experience the spasms of yesteryear... but they just asked if I wanted another heating pad or pillow... and I just went along with the exercises yet again... Well, on that afternoon, I almost couldn't move... I was in such pain.

With this pain, I went back to an old habit of wanting to eat to feel better... so I went to McDonald's drive-thru for dinner... and then, obviously felt just horrible afterwards!

Saturday, I was participating in a Craft Show and my back was super sore, but I had made a commitment, so I went anyway... and once I set up (super slowly, mind you)... I took 3 ibuprofin... and sat down, near tears... I tried to be cheerful and friendly, but the pain was just near the surface... a couple of hours later, I took 3 more ibuprofin, but nothing was touching the pain and then the back spasms started... and at times, I just couldn't move at all... it was horrible... When the show was over, I somehow managed to pack up and a nice man helped load up my car and I drove home in tears... I took 2 Aleve, had hubby rub some Bengay on my back and crawled into bed and fell asleep.

Sunday, I rested alot and it eased some, and I was able to get out and watch my son perform in his opening show of Guys and Dolls... but still not feeling well, I drove back through McD's again for dinner... Uggh! Then it was just watch tv all night and eat.

Such a struggle when you are feeling miserable and in pain and then let your diet and healthy food choices go downhill completely, when you just KNOW that it's the wrong thing and not even the best "bad" food... just junk!

I couldn't even exercise like usual, due to the pain in my back...

I woke up to a new day and even though I'm still feeling not quite myself and as peppy and happy as my usual self (which is USUALLY very happy)... I still woke up with the effort of staying 100% compliant on my plan... and it's bedtime now and I can thankfully say that I was successful! Thank God! But, it was a struggle... and I know that tomorrow will be as well.

I went to therapy today in tears, and today they listened (tears totally helped!)... We nixed a few exercises, replacing them with standing exercises and a few sitting exercises. I probably won't truly know til tomorrow if it helped... but tonight, I don't feel that bad... so, fingers crossed that it worked. Hopefully, getting rid of the serious pain will get rid of the horrible mood which will get rid of the bad feelings that I'll want to "eat away"... and then I can start focusing on my healthy life again!

I sure hope so!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEBOP4ME 5/3/2013 7:12PM

    Doing particular pt exercises while you hip is bad is probably aggravating the back too! Glad they finally listened too you, but sorry it got so bad before they did. Hope it continues to feel better.

By the way, i had a knee replacement in November and have been doing a regular exercise routine, first with Pt and now on my own regularly ever since. My knee replacement seems like a miracle to me and I hope you find the same of your hip replacement!

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CLPURNELL 4/26/2013 5:16PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Sorry about your needing surgery and the pain the physical therapy has brought. Just know just like the 100 plus pounds you shed you can tackle this. The pain will not be forever and hopefully after the hip replacement you will be better than ever before long. You are an inspiration to myself and many others. You can get through this!



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NEEDBU66 4/24/2013 10:06AM

    I am sorry about the pain. All of this before surgery, too. I sure hope it works out for you. Food equals comfort is a struggle for everybody. Especially when afterwards we don't feel better but worse and do it all over again. Somehow celary never cuts it.

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ROCKMAN6797 4/24/2013 9:05AM

    Keep focus during this trying time. Ultimately these exercises will strengthen those area with pain. I hope the recent changes will come with less pain on your body.

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MOMMA-MOOSE 4/23/2013 5:26PM

    Sorry you're having to go through that. Hope you feel better soon.

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FP4HLOSER 4/23/2013 10:43AM

    Praying for you Marie! I am glad they finally listened to what you were saying. I was ready to say you needed to find a new therapist! Some pain is expected but not like you were talking about!. emoticon

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TERRRI 4/23/2013 10:00AM

    I hope these newer exercises make a big difference for you. Isn't strange how tough we can be on ourselves yet we would never be that tough on someone else? Could you get your son or husband to take care of dinner for a couple of nights, especially when you are in such pain.

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SUSANNA37 4/23/2013 9:28AM

    I'm so sorry you couldn't get yourself heard in time to avoid that pain! Even the best-trained physical therapist or doctor isn't going to know your body like you do. I hope today is going better for you.

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KELLY19770 4/23/2013 7:05AM

    I'm so sorry! Back pain is the worst. You are obviously a strong woman mentally and physically to have done what you've done with weight loss, and this (McDs) is just a small bump in the road. emoticon

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PRETTYPITHY 4/22/2013 11:31PM

    I'm sorry. This sounds like a tough few weeks. Good luck with your surgery. If you decide you have to eat something not diet friendly, at least choose something with SOME nutritional value. Then even if you feel bad for eating off track, your health won't pay as big a price.

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CATHWREN 4/22/2013 9:43PM

    I'm sorry you are having such a hard time of it. It is a shame it took tears for them to actually listen to you but I'm glad they finally did.

Stay strong and don't beat yourself up if you slip a little. You'll get back on track.
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My first speech...

Sunday, April 14, 2013

This has been a crazy week. A bit stressful and alot going on.

First, I gave a speech this week. I joined Toastmasters, which is an international organization where members improve their speaking and leadership skills by attending learn-by-doing meetings. My husband saw a recent article in a local newspaper about this organization. I hadn't heard of it before. The reason he suggested I join this organization is that with my recent weightloss, I've been really thinking alot of what I want to do with my life. I have become a source of inspiration with alot of people in the past year and it seems that daily, I get asked questions on how I lost my weight, or just that I have been motivating people to get in touch with their own personal weightloss and fitness goals. It really makes me happy and it gives me a huge sense of pride to help people if I can... so I am not sure where public speaking fits in to that, but it's something I've struggled with all my life.

This is very odd to me, as I'm one of the most outgoing people you'd ever meet. I am that person who talks to strangers in the street... yep, that's me. I am very friendly and never seem to have a problem making friends or just opening up to anyone and talking about anything... yet, to have to get up in front of a room of people is a whole other ballgame. So, without knowing what path my life might be on, we thought it might be a good idea to join up with Toastmasters and brush up on this skill that I have an issue with. If anything, I thought I could at least make new friends.

The first time you make a speech in Toastmasters, it's called the "Ice Breaker" speech. The speech can be about anything you want and should be 4-6 minutes long. I decided to tape myself, mainly so that I can watch it and learn from it... and hopefully better myself before I jump into speech #2. So, I posted it on YouTube and here it is www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBKEc3aOacU&
feature=share


Overall, I was happy with it. I did, however, feel my voice shake throughout the entire thing. However, watching it, I see that it didn't... that's odd to me, but good to know. I was happy that I glanced at my speech, yet didn't read the entire thing and was able to make eye contact... yet, that did leave me open to alot of "and so..." (grammarian counted 11 of them... oops!). I was times at 5 min 44 sec, which I was very happy with, as it was within the time limit. I did stumble several times and leave thoughts open, but, for my first speech, I think I did fairly well.

I almost feel that I'd do better in a storyteller type of speaker setting... unless I just memorized something and delivered it. I think that I think too much and that might leave me open for the grammarian-critqued pauses that come in.

The other bit of this week that was stressful for me was that I found out the following day that I was going to be needing hip replacement surgery. It's good news, but huge news, none-the-less. Since all of this, I've been emotionally drained and just exhausted. I have been keeping up with my health, walking in the afternoons and keeping up with my diet. I have lost a couple of pounds, which is great. I'd love to lose more weight before I actually go in for the surgery. I just have been so very tired as well.

I start physical therapy tomorrow, three times a week. I have the thought of getting the house clean and prepped so that when I'm recovering and it's only the "men" here taking care of things (scary thought)... that everything will be just fine, ya know? I need to prep a room downstairs that I can recover in, as I won't be able to make the flight upstairs to our bedroom... so just alot to think about and get ready for.

This will also be the first time in my life I've ever gone on disability... and I hear that it's such a huge delay getting a check from co-workers who've done this in the past... so that's another level of stress... I know I just need to relax... not sweat the small stuff I have no control over and just let go and let God. Sometimes that's so much easier said than done. Breathe in and breathe out... I'll be fine.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRRI 4/15/2013 10:17PM

    Great job on your first speech! Very brave of you. I have heard of toastmasters and thought of trying it out but I am not brave like that.

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MAMAOFTHEBRIDE 4/15/2013 11:06AM

   
I LOVED your speech, it made me smile and feel proud of you!

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ROCKMAN6797 4/15/2013 1:08AM

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WACFIT 4/15/2013 1:05AM

    You did a great job on the speech. You have certainly inspired me and I'm sure many others. I hope your surgery goes well. I am sure you will tackle recovery with the same enthusiasm as you have the weight loss. Good things are ahead for you!

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KOFFEENUT 4/14/2013 10:04PM

    First speech - how cool is THAT?!? Good for you for stepping out and trying something new. It WILL give you a lot of confidence, and prepare you for whatever your next adventure is!



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BOTTLEDIGGER 4/14/2013 6:59PM

    I watched your video on YouTube and I think you did an awesome job....You have definitely been a great inspiration to me and continue to surprise me every day with your positiveness! Get your rest and remember you do not have to get everything done in one week..you have time to get your home and yourself ready...physical therapy will be good...like a personal trainer! I think of your successes almost daily and they inspire me to get healthy, too. We have made so many changes as a family...getting better each day...as I have said many times before "You've got this!!!" and with your surgery ..."God's got this!" Your positive attitude always shines through your words...more than you will ever know!!!! emoticon

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Results are in... Surgery is looming...

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I just got back from the Orthopedic surgeon... and well, I'm rejoicing... even though it's HUGE news...

I am going to have a total hip replacement. And probably within 2 months.. or near there.

A few years back, I noticed that there was a pain in my leg... and really, no range of motion... noticeable when I try to put on my right sock. I just can't do it very easily really... it's one of my biggest struggles... My leg just doesn't move that way... giving me access to my foot...

About 6-7 wks ago, I told my doctor that through all this weight loss, the limp I have has gotten more and more noticeable. It was always there, but EVERYONE notices it now. So, he ordered an MRI. It came back and he saw the degenerative arthritis I had... so had just about every doctor... but he thought he saw a tear... so he sent me to the surgeon.

Well, today was that visit... and he told me that the tear was the least of my worries... it was the arthritis that was really my issue. And it was HORRIFIC... it was all over the place. It was inevitable that I was going to have a hip replacement in my future... So, the only real question was "when?". Well, I do NOT want to limp forever and truly, I'm at the peak of health now... as I've lost so much weight and I've been exercising so much since last April... and I'm young. So, why wait?

So, I start a month of physical therapy to prepare for the surgery on Monday... I see him again on May 22nd and all I know is that I've book a walking tour in NYC on June 8th... so since I've paid for that, I'm probably going to want to book the surgery for just after that.

What I want to do is walk as much as I can til then. See what more weight I can lose before I'm in recovery mode and lying down... I'm going to read up on exercises I can do from bed! LOL I know they are out there. I will also work on my book and ask my job if I can work from home to save me having to go on disability. We'll see what can be done to get through this...

Alot going on, but that's the news I have... I'm actually rejoicing... I kind of never thought I'd get a "fix" and now I'm thrilled that I will! I may be able to dance again! How exciting is that???

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMAOFTHEBRIDE 4/15/2013 11:07AM

   
I'm happy for you. It seems ironic to WANT to have surgery, but I totally get it.
Hope that when you get it done you are absolutely amazed at what you can do, pain free.

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MATCHA 4/11/2013 6:38AM

    Best of luck with your surgery, and I hope you are back on your feet and dancing in no time! emoticon

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ROCKMAN6797 4/11/2013 12:45AM

    That is terrific news!

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TERRRI 4/10/2013 7:15PM

    That is great Marie. It would suck to lose all the weight but still have the hip problem stop you from doing what you want.

I saw a show about a lady who lost a lot of weight. Her issue was that she kept walking the way she did when she was heavy and that was causing her problems. I never thought a persons way of walking would become a habit even though the weight that caused the funny gait was gone.

It is especially great that they are going to give you physio to help you out before you even get the surgery.

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MRSBETH99 4/10/2013 2:50PM

    Wow. What news!! And what a great attitude you have. I'm sure after all the investment you've made in your health that you're going to just fine through surgery, recovery and beyond. Who knows what you'll be capable of once you have this new hip!!

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You'll be in my thoughts and prayers! Keep us updated.

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Easter weekend... blow out!

Monday, April 01, 2013

Well... wow! Talk about derailment.

I think I have had more carbs than I have had all year long! Probably more bread just in the past weekend than I've had all year long, as well! We went into NYC for the weekend... visited a few bakeries... had some cupcakes (well, 1 HUGE one and a half of one that I split with my husband).

Basically, we started our day at Crumbs bakery and each (hubby, myself and my son) had a Canoli Cupcake... where you not only get that HUGE cupcake, but a canoli sits right on top of it! That was in Times Square. We did start our day there... so that was basically breakfast! We walked from there to Macy's, about 10 blocks? Saw the flower show going on at Macy's Herald Square... BEAUTIFUL! Then, took subway to Chelsea Market... then walking from that point on.

Walked to Bleecker Street and that was another bakery, for a roll and a sourdough twist for my son and I and two hot cross buns for my husband... then another bakery for that 1/2 a cupcake and a mini cupcake for my son. Lunch for my son was a slice of pizza and Ivan had a potato roll at an Indian restaurant and I had a veggie plate at the same restaurant (chickpea saag w/lentils and naan, didn't eat much of the rice that came with it and left alot of the lentils... but ate ALL the saag, loved that!). Then we walked all the way to Ground Zero and saw the Freedom Tower.

Walked back up to Greenwich Village later for dinner... where hubby and I split a hamburger and fries and I had water. All and all, maybe we didn't do that bad... We did alot of walking.

I just think that the types of food we ate, when we aren't used to eating breads and sweets, is what I'm feeling more than the quantity of what we ate, ya know? We are so used to eating alot of food, but it's more fruits and vegetables, nothing quite so heavy.

We even got a walk in yesterday... less than 2 miles, but it was something. Had such a great weekend, though. Sun was out and so many New Yorkers were, as well... It was the first real feeling of Spring in the air. This was Saturday. Yesterday... not so much, the Sun was hidden by the clouds again and then it rained in the afternoon again. But, Spring is trying to break through! I, for one, can't wait! (I know I'm not the only one!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAREYBEARY77 4/2/2013 9:43AM

    And I went ice fishing this weekend. Hah! I had to heave an axe to get through 8" of ice before we could even use the auger to get to the water....the auger is 3' long. The ice is about 4' thick. The axe heaving was an awesome workout! And then Easter dinner at the in-laws sorta derailed me too. Ah well. On to the next victory!!

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CLPURNELL 4/2/2013 3:12AM

    Sounds like an awesome weekend!!! Hopefully all the walking canceled the carbs!!

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LANEYTHEGIRL 4/1/2013 7:30PM

    It happens. Important thing is to keep moving forward.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/1/2013 6:02PM

    I've had weekends like that. It's not "terrible" exactly, but it's just not a good feeling. When you're used to eating one way and things drastically change, it's kinda gross... Glad you had such a great time!

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PRETTYPITHY 4/1/2013 6:02PM

    Sounds like it was indulgent but not too over the top. You were out and about enjoying the city and you had a few treats. You also got in some walking and did a good job by splitting several items with your husband. Now, back to business! emoticon

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It's alarming how charming I feel! (first dress in 20 yrs!)

Saturday, March 23, 2013



This is the first dress I've worn in over 20 years! Lots of reasons... Main one is shoes, I guess. My right foot still swells and I have large feet, so wearing shoes is still a huge problem for me. If you are wearing clunky mens shoes, dresses just don't quite look pretty... so, don't wear them. Another reason is the "chafing" that goes on... I KNOW you know what I mean (many of you are reading this with weight loss struggles of your own, so I KNOW you understand)... and well, that certainly is the least fun thing for anyone to experience... so, pretty much... 'nuff said.

This maxi dress is definitely within my comfort zone... I love the colors and I love the length. Before you ask... yes, I'm wearing some tight capri's underneath to make me feel better and confident... I may never get over that chafing worry. Question for those who have gotten over that... How did you? LOL

As for the shoes... I'm still working on that... I have a pair of slides and my foot was still visibly swollen, so that's still a concern of mine. I may not be wearing dresses ALOT, but hopefully, as I lose the rest of the weight, maybe some of that swelling will dissipate as well? I pray that it will.

So, needless to say, I feel pretty today. Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! And I pity any girl who isn't me today. (just kidding!) ;-)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREBEARCARES 4/1/2013 8:25PM

    you look absolutely lovely! :-D

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HLTHYLIVN_BAM 3/29/2013 12:24PM

    Capris! Ok - I have worn my share of tunny shapers and control top nylons even when I don't want to wear nylons. Simple capris is GENIUS. I don't know why I have not done that before. It sounds comfy and supportive. LOVE IT.

You look great and cheers to you for feeling great!
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BOTTLEDIGGER 3/29/2013 7:15AM

    Oh, so pretty! Love it!!!!!! emoticon

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CLPURNELL 3/25/2013 10:16PM

    You look AMAZING!!!!

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CAREYBEARY77 3/25/2013 2:05PM

    I love it! I've lurked on your SparkPage a couple of times and I like it a lot. Thanks for posting. It's an inspiration.

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MISSYGEEN 3/25/2013 12:53PM

    I love the print on that dress. The hair style rocks too. It's amazing how the style of a hair cut shapes our face and completes the look. You look great. Good Luck reaching your goal.
Missygeen

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ROCKMAN6797 3/24/2013 12:32AM

    Looking good!

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WACFIT 3/23/2013 10:11PM

    Lookin' good!

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MAKETIMEFORME 3/23/2013 7:09PM

    You look really great!! emoticon


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/23/2013 6:13PM

    You look wonderful!

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FP4HLOSER 3/23/2013 5:44PM

    emoticon I have a pair of Natural Soul Mary Jane's by Naturalizer that I just love! Almost more comfy then my tennies and they look better with dresses!

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JESSICA_0029 3/23/2013 4:04PM

    Congrats you look amazing!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NYMORNINGGLORY 3/23/2013 2:22PM

    Thanks for posting the pic - you look absolutely amazing - i hope this is the first of many dresses you'll start wearing! I'm always so envious of people who can just throw on a dress during the heat of summer! Enjoy!

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PURPLE180 3/23/2013 2:21PM

    Look at those toned arms. Wow, you look FABULOUS. Well done, emoticon

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MRSBETH99 3/23/2013 1:44PM

    You look wonderful!!! emoticon

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NIKKICOLE83 3/23/2013 1:38PM

    Congratulations on this huge NSV! You look great! I tackle chafing by squirting some Gold Bond's medicated power (the one in the yellow bottle with the red cap) in between my legs after getting out of the shower and drying off. It will do you good most of the day.

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MISSBOOBOOKITTY 3/23/2013 1:15PM

    emoticon

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PRETTYPITHY 3/23/2013 1:14PM

    LOVE IT!!! Good for you. I love dresses and skirts and all things girly. I wore them at my highest weight, too, but it's even more fun now! emoticon

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