Monday, April 22, 2013
Lately, I've been experiencing my first REAL struggle out of this entire journey... It's coinciding with the news of my recent announcement of needing a right hip replacement. Currently, I am going to physical therapy to prep for the surgery. This is new to me. I am in my second week and I'm going every Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.
I thought I was in shape... and last week when I announced the surgery, I was in a great place mentally. I felt as though this would be a breeze and I was going to recover quickly and become a new woman! But I've had 4 therapy sessions under my belt and I'm worn out. Basically, after just two appointments, I was experiencing pain and twinges of back pain that I haven't felt in over a year. I went in to my appt on Friday and told the therapists that my back was starting to really feel the stress of the therapy and that I was starting to experience the spasms of yesteryear... but they just asked if I wanted another heating pad or pillow... and I just went along with the exercises yet again... Well, on that afternoon, I almost couldn't move... I was in such pain.
With this pain, I went back to an old habit of wanting to eat to feel better... so I went to McDonald's drive-thru for dinner... and then, obviously felt just horrible afterwards!
Saturday, I was participating in a Craft Show and my back was super sore, but I had made a commitment, so I went anyway... and once I set up (super slowly, mind you)... I took 3 ibuprofin... and sat down, near tears... I tried to be cheerful and friendly, but the pain was just near the surface... a couple of hours later, I took 3 more ibuprofin, but nothing was touching the pain and then the back spasms started... and at times, I just couldn't move at all... it was horrible... When the show was over, I somehow managed to pack up and a nice man helped load up my car and I drove home in tears... I took 2 Aleve, had hubby rub some Bengay on my back and crawled into bed and fell asleep.
Sunday, I rested alot and it eased some, and I was able to get out and watch my son perform in his opening show of Guys and Dolls... but still not feeling well, I drove back through McD's again for dinner... Uggh! Then it was just watch tv all night and eat.
Such a struggle when you are feeling miserable and in pain and then let your diet and healthy food choices go downhill completely, when you just KNOW that it's the wrong thing and not even the best "bad" food... just junk!
I couldn't even exercise like usual, due to the pain in my back...
I woke up to a new day and even though I'm still feeling not quite myself and as peppy and happy as my usual self (which is USUALLY very happy)... I still woke up with the effort of staying 100% compliant on my plan... and it's bedtime now and I can thankfully say that I was successful! Thank God! But, it was a struggle... and I know that tomorrow will be as well.
I went to therapy today in tears, and today they listened (tears totally helped!)... We nixed a few exercises, replacing them with standing exercises and a few sitting exercises. I probably won't truly know til tomorrow if it helped... but tonight, I don't feel that bad... so, fingers crossed that it worked. Hopefully, getting rid of the serious pain will get rid of the horrible mood which will get rid of the bad feelings that I'll want to "eat away"... and then I can start focusing on my healthy life again!
I sure hope so!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
This has been a crazy week. A bit stressful and alot going on.
First, I gave a speech this week. I joined Toastmasters, which is an international organization where members improve their speaking and leadership skills by attending learn-by-doing meetings. My husband saw a recent article in a local newspaper about this organization. I hadn't heard of it before. The reason he suggested I join this organization is that with my recent weightloss, I've been really thinking alot of what I want to do with my life. I have become a source of inspiration with alot of people in the past year and it seems that daily, I get asked questions on how I lost my weight, or just that I have been motivating people to get in touch with their own personal weightloss and fitness goals. It really makes me happy and it gives me a huge sense of pride to help people if I can... so I am not sure where public speaking fits in to that, but it's something I've struggled with all my life.
This is very odd to me, as I'm one of the most outgoing people you'd ever meet. I am that person who talks to strangers in the street... yep, that's me. I am very friendly and never seem to have a problem making friends or just opening up to anyone and talking about anything... yet, to have to get up in front of a room of people is a whole other ballgame. So, without knowing what path my life might be on, we thought it might be a good idea to join up with Toastmasters and brush up on this skill that I have an issue with. If anything, I thought I could at least make new friends.
The first time you make a speech in Toastmasters, it's called the "Ice Breaker" speech. The speech can be about anything you want and should be 4-6 minutes long. I decided to tape myself, mainly so that I can watch it and learn from it... and hopefully better myself before I jump into speech #2. So, I posted it on YouTube and here it is www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBKEc3aOacU&
Overall, I was happy with it. I did, however, feel my voice shake throughout the entire thing. However, watching it, I see that it didn't... that's odd to me, but good to know. I was happy that I glanced at my speech, yet didn't read the entire thing and was able to make eye contact... yet, that did leave me open to alot of "and so..." (grammarian counted 11 of them... oops!). I was times at 5 min 44 sec, which I was very happy with, as it was within the time limit. I did stumble several times and leave thoughts open, but, for my first speech, I think I did fairly well.
I almost feel that I'd do better in a storyteller type of speaker setting... unless I just memorized something and delivered it. I think that I think too much and that might leave me open for the grammarian-critqued pauses that come in.
The other bit of this week that was stressful for me was that I found out the following day that I was going to be needing hip replacement surgery. It's good news, but huge news, none-the-less. Since all of this, I've been emotionally drained and just exhausted. I have been keeping up with my health, walking in the afternoons and keeping up with my diet. I have lost a couple of pounds, which is great. I'd love to lose more weight before I actually go in for the surgery. I just have been so very tired as well.
I start physical therapy tomorrow, three times a week. I have the thought of getting the house clean and prepped so that when I'm recovering and it's only the "men" here taking care of things (scary thought)... that everything will be just fine, ya know? I need to prep a room downstairs that I can recover in, as I won't be able to make the flight upstairs to our bedroom... so just alot to think about and get ready for.
This will also be the first time in my life I've ever gone on disability... and I hear that it's such a huge delay getting a check from co-workers who've done this in the past... so that's another level of stress... I know I just need to relax... not sweat the small stuff I have no control over and just let go and let God. Sometimes that's so much easier said than done. Breathe in and breathe out... I'll be fine.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I just got back from the Orthopedic surgeon... and well, I'm rejoicing... even though it's HUGE news...
I am going to have a total hip replacement. And probably within 2 months.. or near there.
A few years back, I noticed that there was a pain in my leg... and really, no range of motion... noticeable when I try to put on my right sock. I just can't do it very easily really... it's one of my biggest struggles... My leg just doesn't move that way... giving me access to my foot...
About 6-7 wks ago, I told my doctor that through all this weight loss, the limp I have has gotten more and more noticeable. It was always there, but EVERYONE notices it now. So, he ordered an MRI. It came back and he saw the degenerative arthritis I had... so had just about every doctor... but he thought he saw a tear... so he sent me to the surgeon.
Well, today was that visit... and he told me that the tear was the least of my worries... it was the arthritis that was really my issue. And it was HORRIFIC... it was all over the place. It was inevitable that I was going to have a hip replacement in my future... So, the only real question was "when?". Well, I do NOT want to limp forever and truly, I'm at the peak of health now... as I've lost so much weight and I've been exercising so much since last April... and I'm young. So, why wait?
So, I start a month of physical therapy to prepare for the surgery on Monday... I see him again on May 22nd and all I know is that I've book a walking tour in NYC on June 8th... so since I've paid for that, I'm probably going to want to book the surgery for just after that.
What I want to do is walk as much as I can til then. See what more weight I can lose before I'm in recovery mode and lying down... I'm going to read up on exercises I can do from bed! LOL I know they are out there. I will also work on my book and ask my job if I can work from home to save me having to go on disability. We'll see what can be done to get through this...
Alot going on, but that's the news I have... I'm actually rejoicing... I kind of never thought I'd get a "fix" and now I'm thrilled that I will! I may be able to dance again! How exciting is that???
Monday, April 01, 2013
Well... wow! Talk about derailment.
I think I have had more carbs than I have had all year long! Probably more bread just in the past weekend than I've had all year long, as well! We went into NYC for the weekend... visited a few bakeries... had some cupcakes (well, 1 HUGE one and a half of one that I split with my husband).
Basically, we started our day at Crumbs bakery and each (hubby, myself and my son) had a Canoli Cupcake... where you not only get that HUGE cupcake, but a canoli sits right on top of it! That was in Times Square. We did start our day there... so that was basically breakfast! We walked from there to Macy's, about 10 blocks? Saw the flower show going on at Macy's Herald Square... BEAUTIFUL! Then, took subway to Chelsea Market... then walking from that point on.
Walked to Bleecker Street and that was another bakery, for a roll and a sourdough twist for my son and I and two hot cross buns for my husband... then another bakery for that 1/2 a cupcake and a mini cupcake for my son. Lunch for my son was a slice of pizza and Ivan had a potato roll at an Indian restaurant and I had a veggie plate at the same restaurant (chickpea saag w/lentils and naan, didn't eat much of the rice that came with it and left alot of the lentils... but ate ALL the saag, loved that!). Then we walked all the way to Ground Zero and saw the Freedom Tower.
Walked back up to Greenwich Village later for dinner... where hubby and I split a hamburger and fries and I had water. All and all, maybe we didn't do that bad... We did alot of walking.
I just think that the types of food we ate, when we aren't used to eating breads and sweets, is what I'm feeling more than the quantity of what we ate, ya know? We are so used to eating alot of food, but it's more fruits and vegetables, nothing quite so heavy.
We even got a walk in yesterday... less than 2 miles, but it was something. Had such a great weekend, though. Sun was out and so many New Yorkers were, as well... It was the first real feeling of Spring in the air. This was Saturday. Yesterday... not so much, the Sun was hidden by the clouds again and then it rained in the afternoon again. But, Spring is trying to break through! I, for one, can't wait! (I know I'm not the only one!)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
This is the first dress I've worn in over 20 years! Lots of reasons... Main one is shoes, I guess. My right foot still swells and I have large feet, so wearing shoes is still a huge problem for me. If you are wearing clunky mens shoes, dresses just don't quite look pretty... so, don't wear them. Another reason is the "chafing" that goes on... I KNOW you know what I mean (many of you are reading this with weight loss struggles of your own, so I KNOW you understand)... and well, that certainly is the least fun thing for anyone to experience... so, pretty much... 'nuff said.
This maxi dress is definitely within my comfort zone... I love the colors and I love the length. Before you ask... yes, I'm wearing some tight capri's underneath to make me feel better and confident... I may never get over that chafing worry. Question for those who have gotten over that... How did you? LOL
As for the shoes... I'm still working on that... I have a pair of slides and my foot was still visibly swollen, so that's still a concern of mine. I may not be wearing dresses ALOT, but hopefully, as I lose the rest of the weight, maybe some of that swelling will dissipate as well? I pray that it will.
So, needless to say, I feel pretty today. Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! And I pity any girl who isn't me today. (just kidding!) ;-)
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