Friday, June 18, 2010
A mother knows things about her children that she does not need to be told. They call it woman's intuition I think. A mother knows when her child is falling in love. She knows when the whole truth is not being told. A mother knows when her child's heart is broken and needing to be comforted. The days when they were little are cherished because sometimes life gets in the way of relationships.
We allow hurts and bitterness to take root and come between us. We don't see it coming as it is so subtle. Before we realize it, there are walls too big to climb or go around. Yet love will tear them down. It is always too soon to withhold love. The times when they are least lovable is when they need it the most. That is when we must put aside our pride and humble ourselves in their sight and give them grace.
I am really struggling right now with knowing how best to love my daughter. I know she is not telling me the truth about events in her life. Though I may not really want to know the truth, it hurts nonetheless. We've been through a lot in the last ten years. Unforgiveness lurks right beside the desire for restoration. There are hurdles we can never seem to get over for long. My heart aches for the little girl with a heart full of promise and excitement and joy. She's done so many things right in life. I do not know how we arrived at the place we find ourselves. Mistakes have been made, forgiveness asked. My goal has always been for her best.
So with all of this in my heart, I prepare for my youngest to come home today. I haven't seen him since Christmas. At one point he said he was leaving home and never coming back, yet here he comes, for Father's Day no less. Though we are not close, he is honest about his feelings and I can live with that. I know where I stand with him even if it isn't where I would like to be. The lasagne will be made, his favorite, and we will enjoy our time, however fleeting together for a day or two.