We have a family friend who helps my husband frequently on automotive type problems. He will bring his two boys with him, one thirteen and the other 15. My husband expresses frustration at how lazy the boys are and I have also witnessed this. If they are to asked for help in minor ways you would think they were asked to give blood or lay their lives on a train track. Then, it takes forever to get your request fulfilled. But when it comes time for getting hamburgers for lunch out of gratitude for dad's help they are right there. My husband has also had several cokes to replace in his fridge after they leave every time. Yes, I know that the parents have a lot to do with this, but not entirely. I have seen this kind of attitude time and again, not just in these two boys.
People also treat God this way. I myself have been known to be this way. We only come to him when we want something out of him. Or we will only pray when we have some kind of crisis to face. Our prayers are gimme, gimme, gimme. There is nothing wrong with praying for others and desiring to have more patience or peace or what have you. But is that what characterizes our entire prayer life? Do we ever just come to sit in His presence or tell Him how grateful we are for all He has done? Do we ever come just to praise Him? Do we ever come just to say nothing and sit in His presence? When we have our life shaken up by an encounter with God it is amazing how the first change we see is in our prayer life. Maybe we just need to have Him shake us up a little more often. But to get His attention do we not need to change our focus to begin with?
Just the thought of food makes me sick this morning. I have overeaten this week, not once but twice. Of course, my weight reveals that as well. I just am so full that I feel awful physically. Makes me wonder why I do this :). I am hoping that I am about to get serious about my weight loss again. I have made a lot of good changes and have kept most of my weight loss off, but it is time I get serious about getting the rest of it off. It's been almost a year since I thought I was serious and disgusted once again, but obviously I was not. I do not know what it will take to get me back on the right track. My body hits 174 and I start eating again. It is a mental thing for sure. I hit the top of the healthy range over a year ago and have never seen it again. I am doing so many things right, but have fallen off of tracking and that, I know is where my success lies. Today is anew day and perhaps, just perhaps this will be the day of my new success.
Some people believe that all the miracles died with Jesus at the cross. I have often wondered if this was solely because they never experienced one so they could only explain this lack by saying that it just doesn't happen any more. I began to wonder if God really was who he said he was if I couldn't find a way to get his attention enough to get saved. The Bible says that people will have a form of godliness, but deny the power of it. I have wondered again if this might be the type of people being referred to. Moses told God, "How will they know that you go with us unless the miracles go with us?" Jesus also said that we were not to believe Him unless the miracles accompanied him. Then I read the Bible and it says that these signs will follow those who believe, they will cast out demons, they will heal the sick... I desire these things. I want His seal of approval on what I do and say. I wonder if some of our churches hold no appeal because the deep needs of the people go unmet because of unbelief. I do not want to distrust God and His word. It was not my desire to offend any with this post, but merely to get us all to thinking.
My husband has worked on our plumbing out our back door for almost a month now trying to get it to quit leaking. We left to go to the cabin with a bucket under one of the leaks. Day before yesterday I went to lunch with a former co-worker and came home to it spraying massive amounts of water under the porch and the house. He figured that one joint would not hold and we were relieved it did not burst while we were gone. As he got the parts and put it back together he noticed that it was leaking in previously fixed joints as well, where it shouldn't be. So he replaced those joints and then it was leaking again where it shouldn't be. He had tightened one place and then others were coming up loose where the glue had not held. Needless to say he was getting more than frustrated and I was without a bath as I headed off to work. I got a text from him around 9pm saying it had finally held. A big part actually worked when put in upside down. The old part looked good, but refused to quit leaking.
Life is like our plumbing. Sometimes no matter what we do it seems to leak and fall apart where it shouldn't. Things we thought we had dealt with reveal other problems we didn't know had previously existed until the pressure is applied. Sometimes though things look good on the outside there are major problems on the inside where it is easily hidden. Sometimes the problems just aren't visible to the naked eye and the solutions may not be the way it worked for everyone else. But the solutions are no less effective. Through persistence and hard work we can achieve success, but only if we do not give up. Then, finally, we can sit back and be pleased with what we see as it all comes together, piece by piece and works and holds. Sometimes all we need is a new kind of glue.
I feel so many emotions as I come before God in prayer. Sometimes I feel so unworthy. I have lived a life of rejection so unworthiness I come by naturally. At times my life with God has been such a struggle. I want to prove myself to Him when none of that is needed. God gave us grace when we did not deserve it out of His infinite love for us. He is all about love. Undeserved love wrapped in grace. But still at times we doubt that love for us because we know how short we come of what He expects. He said that we can come boldly into His presence, but still at times I find myself hiding behind the door afraid to come in. I know His love for me. It has been displayed a thousand ways. But I seek more than anything else to be found worthy in his sight, to have His favor displayed in my life. I wonder at times if it is because of pride so I can see, "Look at me. I'm am so great for God." It's so easy to let our focus shift in such subtle ways. I want to be found in the center of His presence worshiping only Him. I want my face to shine as Moses' did. I want to be known as God's friend. I want intimacy with God not just today, but tomorrow as well. I want to seek to love Him and be loved by Him. I want to sing His praises alone and not my own. I want to be found in the holy of holies at His feet.